fic: A Tragic Tale Of Much Woe
Jan. 2nd, 2009 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: A Tragic Tale Of Much Woe
Fandom: post FE9, pre FE10
Character/Pairing: ‘Ike/Elincia’ but not really/parody, Geoffrey/Elincia, Ike/Soren
Summary: She thought he was simply romantically challenged. She had no idea how challenged he was.
Rating: PG
Word count: 875
A/N:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
myaru is horrible and semi-made me do this. LOOK AT THE HORROR YOU MADE ME UNLEASH UPON THE WORLD. Archiving from a comment in an earlier post. Uh, general silliness. If you like Ike/Elincia how’d you end up here? You must be lost! you’d probably want to skip this one as this is something of a parody of it.
--
It had been a disaster from the beginning. Maybe at one time she had dreamed that they would be married and happy but the granting of that wish had brought her no happiness. He had never said he loved her and true, he had professed more love to his entree than he ever showed her but she thought he was simply romantically challenged. She had no idea how challenged he was.
To date he hadn’t even preformed the marital duties even once. After their wedding Shinon had kept demanding he drink like a man and in the end Soren had led him away to sleep off the wine. She spent her honeymoon alone, lonely and unfulfilled. The next day she had to face Soren’s hateful gaze when she came to retrieve Ike. Her love was shirtless and stunningly handsome. Also, Soren clung to his side and glared at her with the fiercest back off bitch, he’s mine! look she had ever come upon.
She had even tried stripping down and covering herself in barbecue sauce to get his attention but Ike just didn’t know what breasts were or what he should do with them. She had once found his obliviousness charming, in a rugged sort of way – but now she found that rugged wasn’t quite as alluring as she thought. At any noble gathering she had to apologize for her husband’s behavior. He routinely insulted nobles either intentionally or by some faux pas, he ate with his hands and was not beyond using his soup spoon on items that weren’t soup. In Begnion, this was a crime punishable by death, but Crimea was more lenient.
He left his socks on priceless antique coffee tables and practiced sparring indoors. She wore gowns so low-cut that her bosoms threatened to spill out but alas, he still didn’t notice she had breasts.
The only comfort she found was in Geoffrey’s arms. They had never gone beyond a simple embrace, for that would be highly immoral and she knew Geoffrey would never do such a thing – but he always was willing to listen to whatever pained her. When she looked at him he gazed back at her with the love and adoration she’d never found in Ike. Geoffrey would always choose her over a spicy meat dish. Ike... she wasn’t so sure.
But it wasn’t just Ike that caused her such emotional turmoil, events had caused the political climate to change from that sunny, balmy peace to a Daein-like winter.
Ashnard’s blood had come to the throne and the king had taken to making such vague comments such as I will destroy Crimea and take back what is mine and this time there won’t be any tactical errors!.
She didn’t realize just how few tactical errors would be made until a ring of black-armored soldiers laid siege to the capitol city.
A young messenger came through the gates, stumbling under the weight of the scrolls he carried.
He cleared his throat and read aloud the king’s demands:
“I, King Soren of Daein, son of Ashnard, your former opponent, will hearby level the entire country of Crimea without mercy unless you relinquish Ike. The marriage is to be annulled immediately on the threat of death. The king would also like to note that the food is better here, he knows how to properly scratch Ike’s back like he likes it and that Ike is free to leave his boots where they lie, however smelly they are. Also, no clothes will be enforced and nudity will be allowed, though only within the King’s chambers. Should these demands be refused, he will kill you all painfully and take Ike back by force.”
It was with great sorrow that Elincia chose between her love and her country. She held back tears as the document was drawn up. Geoffrey was at her side, comforting her, though she noticed his solemn expression was quite fake and he seemed to be trying to hold back a smile and not quite succeeding. Ike was lead out and whisked away by his closest friend on wyvern back to Soren’s lair.
Later, when her broken heart had healed, Geoffrey and Elincia married. This marriage was a far happier one as Geoffrey did notice that she had breasts. Elincia finally got laid, and the kingdom entered a period of golden prosperity. As long as Soren had Ike, their peace was assured. It was said that in Daein, anyone who didn’t use their soup-spoon in a completely wrong fashion was put to death, but no one is sure if it was merely a fable or a lie of some fanciful bard.
Fandom: post FE9, pre FE10
Character/Pairing: ‘Ike/Elincia’ but not really/parody, Geoffrey/Elincia, Ike/Soren
Summary: She thought he was simply romantically challenged. She had no idea how challenged he was.
Rating: PG
Word count: 875
A/N:
myaru is horrible and semi-made me do this. LOOK AT THE HORROR YOU MADE ME UNLEASH UPON THE WORLD. Archiving from a comment in an earlier post. Uh, general silliness. If you like Ike/Elincia --
It had been a disaster from the beginning. Maybe at one time she had dreamed that they would be married and happy but the granting of that wish had brought her no happiness. He had never said he loved her and true, he had professed more love to his entree than he ever showed her but she thought he was simply romantically challenged. She had no idea how challenged he was.
To date he hadn’t even preformed the marital duties even once. After their wedding Shinon had kept demanding he drink like a man and in the end Soren had led him away to sleep off the wine. She spent her honeymoon alone, lonely and unfulfilled. The next day she had to face Soren’s hateful gaze when she came to retrieve Ike. Her love was shirtless and stunningly handsome. Also, Soren clung to his side and glared at her with the fiercest back off bitch, he’s mine! look she had ever come upon.
She had even tried stripping down and covering herself in barbecue sauce to get his attention but Ike just didn’t know what breasts were or what he should do with them. She had once found his obliviousness charming, in a rugged sort of way – but now she found that rugged wasn’t quite as alluring as she thought. At any noble gathering she had to apologize for her husband’s behavior. He routinely insulted nobles either intentionally or by some faux pas, he ate with his hands and was not beyond using his soup spoon on items that weren’t soup. In Begnion, this was a crime punishable by death, but Crimea was more lenient.
He left his socks on priceless antique coffee tables and practiced sparring indoors. She wore gowns so low-cut that her bosoms threatened to spill out but alas, he still didn’t notice she had breasts.
The only comfort she found was in Geoffrey’s arms. They had never gone beyond a simple embrace, for that would be highly immoral and she knew Geoffrey would never do such a thing – but he always was willing to listen to whatever pained her. When she looked at him he gazed back at her with the love and adoration she’d never found in Ike. Geoffrey would always choose her over a spicy meat dish. Ike... she wasn’t so sure.
But it wasn’t just Ike that caused her such emotional turmoil, events had caused the political climate to change from that sunny, balmy peace to a Daein-like winter.
Ashnard’s blood had come to the throne and the king had taken to making such vague comments such as I will destroy Crimea and take back what is mine and this time there won’t be any tactical errors!.
She didn’t realize just how few tactical errors would be made until a ring of black-armored soldiers laid siege to the capitol city.
A young messenger came through the gates, stumbling under the weight of the scrolls he carried.
He cleared his throat and read aloud the king’s demands:
“I, King Soren of Daein, son of Ashnard, your former opponent, will hearby level the entire country of Crimea without mercy unless you relinquish Ike. The marriage is to be annulled immediately on the threat of death. The king would also like to note that the food is better here, he knows how to properly scratch Ike’s back like he likes it and that Ike is free to leave his boots where they lie, however smelly they are. Also, no clothes will be enforced and nudity will be allowed, though only within the King’s chambers. Should these demands be refused, he will kill you all painfully and take Ike back by force.”
It was with great sorrow that Elincia chose between her love and her country. She held back tears as the document was drawn up. Geoffrey was at her side, comforting her, though she noticed his solemn expression was quite fake and he seemed to be trying to hold back a smile and not quite succeeding. Ike was lead out and whisked away by his closest friend on wyvern back to Soren’s lair.
Later, when her broken heart had healed, Geoffrey and Elincia married. This marriage was a far happier one as Geoffrey did notice that she had breasts. Elincia finally got laid, and the kingdom entered a period of golden prosperity. As long as Soren had Ike, their peace was assured. It was said that in Daein, anyone who didn’t use their soup-spoon in a completely wrong fashion was put to death, but no one is sure if it was merely a fable or a lie of some fanciful bard.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-02 12:28 pm (UTC)<3
This is amazing.
Date: 2009-08-01 06:40 am (UTC)And he's totally straight and nerdy. So that just proves how wonderful it is. If you made this longer and into a book, I would buy all the copies from everyone in the world, put them into a pile in a cellar somewhere, and pretend I was a dragon while I slept on them. Anyone who touched them would find that thinking you're a dragon comes with fiery breath.
HELLZ YA.
Re: This is amazing.
Date: 2009-08-01 11:56 am (UTC)Either way I'm f-flattered XD
Re: This is amazing.
Date: 2009-08-03 02:30 am (UTC)