bonnefois: ghost_factory @ LJ (Default)
[personal profile] bonnefois
Title: Five Ways Okita Sougo Tried to Kill Hijikata Toshirou.
Fandom: Gintama
Character/Pairing: some humorous mentions of Hijikata/Okita
Rating: Hell, PG-13?
A/N: Five Things Meme, requested by M.


5.
Once he tried a complex contraption that would cause Hijikata to fall face-first into his doom upon waking. However, the results were less than satisfactory, no explosions, no fire, and the set-up was a far too complex. It turned out that Hijikata’s skull was far too thick to be even dented by being slammed into the wall. Okita chalks this up as one of his failures.

4.
After that “cooking” attempt, Okita officially has to test the food for the whole division before eating it. (Anyone using that many Thai peppers in a soup only could be a sadist. And rat poison does not taste like salt...or sugar for that matter.)

3. Taxi-cab. ‘Nuff said.


2. Okita claims that the okama incident was a top-secret mission gone awry. And that missile wasn’t aimed for Hijikata, but Okita certainly wouldn’t have minded the results. Unfortunately, Hijikata picked up a penny at that exact moment and Retzl’s fruit market became Retzl’s On Fire market.

1.

Okita had called something of a truce, but Hijikata knew something wasn’t right. He was being too nice, there hadn’t been one death attempt all week. More than a little edgy at the prospects, he was even checking his cigarettes now for bomb detonators. (Paranoia only applies to places where the constant danger, aka Okita isn’t present.)

When he received mysterious chocolates, he was sure they were poisoned, and he really had no clue how all those copies of BexBoy got to laying about. (He did look through one. To check for possible hidden weapons only, of course.)

And he really didn’t expect to find Okita on his desk in a sailor-fuku.

Okita smiled too wide (creepy), he jumped up from the desk and leaned up to kiss Hijikata. Okita was a better kisser than he would’ve guessed, though he definitely had a penchant for biting.

Hijikata felt something very hard against his pants as Okita pressed against him.

“Is that a rocket in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

Okita’s smile said all.


Obviously Okita is trying the femme fatale method of killing.

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