fic: The Fallen Knight

[bonnefois]

Title: The Fallen Knight
Series: FE4/5
Character/pairing: Reinhardt/Ishtar
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 9,792
Summary: The Gelben Ritter falls, and its leader remains caught in a state of frenzied rage from the power of a Beserk staff.

Ishtar takes the field and faces him, risking death to free him from the grip of the Beserking power.
Author's note:

So, as mentioned on my twitter: I faced my first A!Ishtar in Arena a ways back. My thumb slipped when I tried to defeat her with my base Reinhardt, and he accidentally took out B!Hector instead. I joked that Reinhardt refused to destroy his liege even when ordered to. I even manage to screencap it.

This mixed with Perhaps the most common way to get past Reinhardt's stage in Thracia, outside of sleep staffing or warp staffing turned into this.

I may have joked/shitposted about Fallen!Reinhardt because of this. (I unironically think it would be great if he got into FEH as a fallen character.)

Yes, I have done this trope before. I'll do it with every ship I have idc. This trope slaps.

For the sake of the fic, we're going to pretend that: 1) berserk staffs are pretty rare and the enemy didn't actually have them. 2) that Saias was able to reach Ishtar, and let her know that her knight had been beserked.
3) Sara has some special PRF which makes her staff stuff REALLY effective and 4) Reinhardt's high magical power makes staffs more potent towards him.



Ishtar looked to the horizon. An untold sense of unease filled her.

"I shouldn't be worried," she murmured to herself. "Things will be fine, surely..."

And she shouldn't. It was Reinhardt. He was the glory of Friege, the most powerful knight seen since the era of the Crusaders, the second coming of Thrud.

But, she had said the same of Ishtore and Liza, and they had been defeated at Melgen.

Most of The Liberation Army were practically children. And yet, they must have the might of the gods themselves upon their side. For in their quest for vengeance, they had defeated so much of Friege and the Granvalle Empire.

The sought revenge upon the deaths of their parents, and they fought against the child hunts. But, they also killed so much of her family. Because of this, they could never be allies.

A shame...for she too wished for the child hunts to end. She couldn't fault them for seeking vengeance upon their makers.

As terrible as the things Julius did were, she couldn't ally with the people who slaughtered poor Ishtore and Liza, and she couldn't bring herself betray the man she loved.

Even if the things he did were increasingly vile.

She hoped that soon she and Reinhardt would be reunited. The war would be over and then....

Then what? Julius would not simply stop the hunts. He would not suddenly begin to appreciate Reinhardt and set aside his jealousy, no matter how many times Ishtar swore that there was nothing between her and her guard.

From the distance, a traveler arrived. Saias came into view. His clothes were dirty, and in disarray. Was that blood stained upon his pure white vestments? His coppery red hair was a tangle of leaves and sticks.

She'd never seen him in such a state.

She left her retainers behind, and rushed to meet him.

"Saias?! Are you all right?"

"This is not my blood, my lady," Saias said gravely.

"I see...What is the news of the Gelben Ritter? I heard that you were stationed with them. Have they turned the tide of the battle yet?"

"I bring sad tidings, my lady. The Gelben Ritter has been decimated."

It was if the earth itself shifted. She had a sensation like falling. She was sure her lips parted, and were suddenly dry. Even forming words was difficult through the sudden haziness in her head.

"What? How?"

How could they all be gone? The very strongest of Friege, all wiped out in a single battle?

"Staffs, Lady Ishtar. The Loptyrian granddaughter of Manfroy, Sara wielded them with a terrible power. Some were overtaken by sleep. Others were not so lucky."

"...And Reinhardt?"

Saias took a deep breath before he spoke further.

"He killed half of his own men, or more. The ones that Prince Leif's army didn't destroy themselves."

"What? What are you saying? Reinhardt would never do such a thing. Some of the soldiers in the Gelben Ritter were friends of Reinhardt since his days as a squire."

And Reinhardt had become a squire at a very young age, and ascended the ranks to knight and general quickly. Some of them were childhood friends of Reinhardt, raised up with him in the Zwei region. They'd played with sticks and pretended they were swords together.

Saias closed his eyes, and shuddered as he recalled and recounted the sight.

"A red light suddenly came about him. His eyes turned a strange color, like he was wreathed in flames, and powered by some dark god himself. I've seen the power of a Beserk staff before, but I've ever seen it react like this. Perhaps...it reacted to the strength of his magic and entrapped him further than most ever could."

Sorrow filled her expression. "A Berserk staff...I've heard of such things. It causes the person to become so full of bloodlust and rage that they lose control."

No one would be spared. Under the influence of a berserk staff, Reinhardt had mercilessly slaughtered everyone he could reach.

"Reinhardt still lives, but I could even go near him. I could restore his mind with a staff of my own, but only if I got close enough for the magic to work," Saias said.

"But, those wear off eventually, yes?" Ishtar said.

"Not on him. The power Sara wields is beyond compare. His very blood was poisoned by this. I stayed for days. He was still captured during all that time. It usually lasts for mere hours at the very most."

He must be in so much agony at this moment. Despite his prowess on battle, Reinhardt was gentle at heart. To know he had committed such atrocities would be a scar that never fully healed.

"I will go. I can reason with him," Ishtar said.

"My lady, what are you saying? He'll murder you! He slaughtered his own men. Many of them had been with him for years. He would've slaughtered me too if I didn't have a head start on him. I was able to lose him in the forests. I told you so you could ready a funeral pyre for him, not so you could join him upon it," Saias said.

She closed her eyes. The pain he must be in now would be unimaginable. Her folly had caused this. She must right things, whatever the cost.

"I cannot leave Reinhardt to suffer. I've already done him a horrible slight. I must rectify this."

Julius wouldn't be happy, but she'd done many things as of late which wouldn't make Julius happy. Like the children she had freed from his grasp. This would simply be another secret she kept from him, and another lie to tell him.

Back then, she should've thought of a better way to keep Reinhardt safe. But, he was so powerful...she hadn't realized that anyone could fell him so easily. She thought if she sent him back to Friege, then he would be safe.

No one would defend Friege better than him, and most of all, he would be out of Julius's sight. Later on, once Julius's ire had cooled, she could quietly bring him back into her service. One day they would be able to reunite. It wouldn't be a true goodbye, simply a see you later.

But, all her plans had gone wrong.

"Allow me to come with you. I can heal him, but I cannot get near enough to reach him. Not even with a Physic staff," Saias said.

"Yes, we must work together to help Reinhardt," she said.

"I must warn you, however. Lady Ishtar, if he cannot be saved...I need you to understand what might be at stake here," Saias said.

"We've been friends for many years. As much as it pains me to say, I cannot leave him in the hell he is within," Saias said.

"You said your staff would heal him," she said.

"Yes, but only if I am close enough. He's quick, and brutal in this state. If I cannot get to him, if we cannot unwork this sorcery, then there is only one thing left."

Would she have to kill her closest knight, her Reinhardt?

In the end, the greatest mercy to Reinhardt might be death. As much as it ached for her to admit such a thing.

She could only hope that she would not have to resort to that.

*

It took days riding to reach here, and each day was filled with terse silence and tension as she wondered what she would find when she reached there.

Would Reinhardt be turned to a wight by then? Some barely living creature, only tethered to this realm by hate?

She could only hope there was still a chance.

The stench hit her first. The air was rank with death.

The battlefield was littered with bodies. None, not even the vultures, could reach them. Not to bury, not to pick apart and leave naught but bones.

All about her were pieces of what had once been the Gelben Ritter. They could scarcely be identified to be buried. A hand blackened by thunder magic, a skull cleaved by sword. They were barely recognizable as something that had once been human.

Reinhardt had done this. To his closest friends and comrades, some who he had known since childhood.

No, the rage that controlled Reinhardt did this. The berserk staff.

There, near the abandoned fort stood Reinhardt. He held his bloodied sword in hand. The very air was filled with electricity at his presence, like the coming of a storm.

She knew not where his horse had gone. Scared away by the furor, perhaps. She hoped it was safe, wherever it was.

The Liberation Army had used Reinhardt, their strongest boon, against them. A man who could fell armies on his own. Prince Leif must have a fearsome, even brutal tactician indeed if such a plan could be formed, and so effectively executed.

"Stay back, Saias....I'll go to him."

"Please be careful, Lady Ishtar," Saias said.

She stepped carefully over the bodies. She didn't wish to someone haunt herself with some vengeful ghost by desecrating corpses.

And there were many, many corpses.

She came closer. Until she was within striking distance of him.

"Reinhardt," she said softly.

He turned towards her.

As Saias had said, purple flames of magic wreathed around him. His face was hidden in shadows. When he lifted his face, she saw him deeply, even deathly pale.

His eyes were stormy and dark in this light. There was no hint of the kind man who had been her protector for so much of her life.

He had always been a quiet and stoic man. But, his eyes betrayed the emotions that lie beneath. Now, they were dull with hatred, and so dark that she could scarcely see his pupils.

Reinhardt was some of her earliest memories. How she reached for a flower, and his hand caught her before she fell. He was endlessly fascinating to her then. A knight, a general, and so close to her in age, too. Her very own knight.

He had been her friend, her compatriot and confidant for so many years, even before she became a traitor. And when she did, Reinhardt soon joined her down this Primrose Path. Risking everything together to save the children.

He'd sworn loyalty to her unto his very life. A promise like none other, and she'd cast him aside.

To save his life, of course. But did it matter now? With Reinhardt on the very edge of death itself?

"Reinhardt, I'm so sorry."

Had he even drank or ate within this state? He lived in nothing but rage. It'd been days since Saias could reach her, and days until they reached the River Thracia.

And when--if--he woke from this nightmare, he would know such sorrow at what he had done. Just the thought caused her heart to clench. He was gentle at hear

Death might be more merciful than ever letting him know what he had done. But she was too selfish to allow him that release. As long as he drew breath, she must try.

"Reinhardt, please. Come back to me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know my words are empty and meaningless, and hollow, but I wanted to protect you. Julius wanted to kill you."

Even emptier, her defense of a man who would kill her closest knight, her protector out of simple jealousy. Someone who would make dark insinuations about Reinhardt's intentions, and threaten her own vassals.

"All....will....perish....by my hand."

Reinhardt clutched his sword tight. He came forward to her. This was what was the last the poor members of the Gelben Ritter had seen before death. Reinhardt's rage, and then, the strike. Of lighting, of thunder.

He swung his bloodied sword. If she must, she would end his pain. She held her tome, the power of Mjölnir coursed through her veins, crackling with force and fury.

If she had to, she would be the one to free him from this agony. Even though the very thought left her wanting to curl up and sob. If she must, if she must, then....

Her eyes closed, she flinched. ...She couldn't. She was too weak, too cowardly to strike down her closest ally. They'd grown up together. Her hands lay still at her sides, no magic summoned. The pages of her tome closed.

Death surrounded them. She'd had thoughts, such thoughts, as how easy it would be to simply fall asleep and not wake. To join Ishtore and Liza and the rest of her family. The pain would disappear.

For just a moment, his eyes cleared.

"Princess....Ishtar...."

The blow never came. His sword struck deep into the ground near, with all his force. It was pushed so deep, all the way to the hilt. He tossed his tome far from his grip and fell to his knees.

"Not....her.....Gods above, not her..."

"Quick, Saias!"

She rushed to him, and knelt to his level. Her arms encircled him and pulled him close. His head was cradled against her chest, and his body over her lap.

He was finally back to her.

She was so damn grateful she hadn't had to use Mjölnir to strike him down. So grateful that there might through it all, be a chance.

She'd lost far too many in this war. To lose Reinhardt too would be unthinkable.

Wrapped in the light of a staff, Reinhardt returned. He was still pale and his cheeks more gaunt than she had ever seen them. It ached within her to think what had become of her handsome, powerful knight.

Oh, what had the Liberation Army done to her very own knight? Was it not enough to take Ishtore and Liza from her, but to take Reinhardt? To force him through hell and destroy his own men? And not even that was enough, for they'd lure Tine and even Olwen in. She'd heard the news, that his own sister had joined the ranks of the Liberation Army. It must have been deep cut to Reinhardt, for he and Olwen were very close.

Not even the sins of Friege was worth that. Of all of them, it would not be Reinhardt who must atone for them. He had done so much for the country, for her. He'd never sullied his hands with the child hunts. He had always been her confidant and greatest ally. When all others would turn against her, he would always be there.

"Oh, Reinhardt. I'm so sorry," she said again and again. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks.

His eyes had closed.

"Did he....?"

Saias bent to listen to Reinhardt's chest.

"He still lives. His heart beats, though faintly. We must get him away from here. I'll need your help."

"I'll do whatever I can," she said.

*

Saias and her managed to get Reinhardt back to camp. Saias managed to find Reinhardt's horse shortly after. Though somewhat spooked, they'd managed to tether and keep it near.

Saias stood outside the tent, and makeshift sickbed. Reinhardt was wrapped in dark woolen blankets, yet he was still and cold.

"He's weak without the power. He hadn't taken any nourishment for days. In that state, his only longing was for the death of all who would oppose him. All he knew was rage and suffering."

He had been trapped in that state for nearly a week. The toll the magic had taken upon his body was beyond compare.

"I see..." Ishtar said.

"May I speak to him?"

"Yes, but only for a short while. He needs to recover. If he sees you, he might try and go back to the field before he's healed."

"I know it's selfish of me, but I want to speak to him even one more time."

Saias nodded. "Go, then."

The tent was small enough that she had to duck to come within. Reinhardt was wrapped in his woolen bedroll.

Reinhardt's eyes widen at the sight of her. He pushed himself up to a seated position, with perfect posture. He coughed at the exertion.

"Reinhardt--"

He held his hand to his mouth.

"I'm in no state to be seen by you," he said softly.

"Nonsense. You look fine," she lied.

"Don't push yourself, Reinhardt."

"It is fine," he said.

Which she knew was a lie as well, for nothing was fine. It hadn't been for years. Not since Julius had began his descent.

Not even she and Reinhardt were safe from that wrath. The evidence was before her. His skin was pale, beneath his eyes were darkness. His hair was slightly mussed, in a way she had never seen. Reinhardt was always the epitome of perfection, even upon the battlefield.

She cleared her throat. "How...are you feeling?"

"I keep having dreams. Horrific dreams," Reinhardt said.

Reinhardt glanced down to his hands.

"Nightmares where I kill and slaughter my own men. I hear their screams, and begging for their lives. It's so realistic...I..."

Sometimes, to protect those she loved, she had to tell little lies. Such as when she lied to Julius, and stole the children back from him. Once again, she lied for the sake of someone else. To protect him from the horrific nature of the truth.

She couldn't bear to tell him the truth, to see his face racked with pain again. And in that moment, she lied again.

One day she'd have to tell him, but in this moment, she wasn't strong enough.

"Nightmares, Reinhardt. You were hit by a sleep staff. Those are known to cause horrible nightmares. The entire Gelben Ritter was."

"What happened to them? I asked Saias and he said every last man of my battalion died but me. He would not elaborate."

"They unleashed a horrific power upon the Gelben Ritter, like the world hasn't seen but the Crusaders. Only you were strong enough to withstand the attack," she said.

And it was part-truth. She simply never told him the monster was him.

"A sad day for Friege. I hope their bodies can be recovered for a proper burial," he said.

She'd seen the battlefield, and there was very little left to recover. Surely a place like this would become haunted. Better the land than Reinhardt.

"Rest, now. You have much healing to do."

"Yes, my lady."

"Reinhardt, I...."

Did he even remember the words said there, upon the battlefield? Likely not, or they would be excused away as another facet of the nightmare he had lived in for days.

He coughed so hard that he bent over. He shuddered a moment and took a breath.

"M-My apologies that you had to see that."

She bent down and quickly pulled free a canteen of water. She held it up to his lips. He looked up to her and his gaze softened.

"Thank you..."

"Rest, please. I beg of you. You need to heal."

"Yes, I shall try."

"Goodnight, Reinhardt," she said.

She rose and let the tent flap fall behind her.

*

"A monster, hmm? That's one way to put it," Saias said.

Saias had overheard every word in the end. She should've known that he would stay near.

She clasped her hands and looked down. She never was a good liar. Yet, these days it seemed all she did was lie. To Julius, to Reinhardt, and everyone of Friege. She was an enemy to the crown now, and Julius would know even more wrath to know that she had defied another order of his, and gone back for Reinhardt.

"I couldn't bear to tell him. Not yet. It would be such a deep wound to know that he cut down his own men while under the control of the Beserk staff. Only you know the truth. For now...I want him to believe it was nothing but a nightmare."

Perhaps it would be worse to delay, but she didn't have the strength to see that sadness in his eyes twice again. Once when she'd dismissed him on Julius's command, and another to tell him that under the influence of the staff, he'd killed his own men. Some which had been friends of his since childhood.

"I was the only survivor of them. I only know because I came back to try and heal the survivors...and found only him. I could not get close enough to heal him. The only others who know are among the Liberation Army. The ones who inflicted such a thing upon him. I am not sure they would be quick to admit to such atrocities," Saias said.

"For now, I'll shoulder the burden of this guilt on for him. I sent him here. Had I fought Julius and kept him near, he never would've gotten to their clutches," she said.

"The Liberation Army forces are moving towards Bellhalla," Saias said.

"Already?"

Saias nodded.

She had planned to face them. She'd thought of it, the end of such pain. Every day grew worse. She'd lost her entire family.

"I'll join them...in a short while. I cannot leave Reinhardt now. What if we never meet again? What if me leaving him damns him again?"

She'd let him go, and that would be among her sins she would have to atone for.

It'd been so difficult to say goodbye. Only to save him, only to sway Julius's wrath had she managed. And even then, she'd felt dull and wrung out and so empty when she returned to Julius's side.

And the wondering thought when will this end? How much will I have to lose?

She looked into the tent where Reinhardt fitfully slept, caught in endless nightmares. His dark hair was tousled and tangled. He might deal with these for every night of his life. Her carelessness might have led to him gaining a wound he would never completely heal from.

"I don't want to leave Reinhardt. Not again," she said softly. "It was hard enough the first time."

"Does Lord Julius know about this?"

These days, Lord Julius didn't know many things about her.

"No. He will understand," she said.

Saias looked unconvinced, as he should. Anyone who had known Julius would know that Julius would be livid to know that she'd been so close to Reinhardt. She'd even had him in her arms in a tender embrace, and had taken his hand.

"May I ask you stay here, a little while longer? Until I'm sure he's healed," Ishtar said.

"Of course. He is a friend of mine for many years as well. I would not abandon him in such a state," Saias said.

"You have my thanks," Ishtar said.

"You showed remarkable bravery, Lady Ishtar. Many would not go so far to risk for their knight, not even one such as Reinhardt," Saias said.

"It was my fault he was even within this situation. It was the least I could do," she said.

What she did not say was she did not fear death. That a part of her, creeping and dark within her chest, even welcomed the release. She would join her family, she wouldn't have to choose any longer between Julius and her very core, her morals and sense of justice.

Those thoughts plagued her often now. Tempted her to the darkness.

And if Reinhardt would be her reaper, then they could fall into the darkness together. The afterlife awaited, and she would be reunited, be it hell or paradise.

"His loyalty to you must be very strong to break. Not just loyalty, his lo--no. I've said too much."

"His...?"

"Never mind it. I must check my staffs. I may need to use them later."

"Ah, yes..."

Was the word Saias been about to say 'love?'

She watched him go, a new sort of pensiveness within her.

*

She dreamt of Julius. A wraith, a shadow before her in the night.

She reached out, called out to him. But he was always just out of reach. No matter how much she tried, or she loved him, she couldn't reach him.

The fog came in, and she lost him. She awoke with his name on her lips.

He didn't appear before her, not this time.

*

She stayed near. It was simply her, Saias and Reinhardt encamped by the river Thracia.

She expected summons from Julius. None came. Perhaps he was too busy with battle. The Liberation Army had been steadily making pace towards the capital, liberating towns and saving children along the way.

She hadn't left note of where she had gone, and for good reason. Julius wouldn't be happy if he knew that she had run right back to Reinhardt--who he had claimed that had come between them.

But, that wouldn't stop Julius if he truly cared to know where she was, now would it? He had sensed that she was near death the first time she'd fought the Liberation Army and come to her side. If Julius truly cared, neither heaven nor hell could stop him.

So it was with a sinking feeling that she took in the knowledge that Julius hadn't reached out her in weeks now.

Lately, it seemed there was a distance between them.

She knew the cause: her lies, her treachery. But those he did not know about. At least, she thought that somehow she had eluded him...though she did fear he had caught Reinhardt when he lashed out so suddenly, but it seemed that was mere petty jealousy.

All he seemed to care about was the Loptous empire, and its rebuilding. And his damnable harvests of innocent children stolen from their very crying mothers.

He had no time for anything else. Even when she looked in his eyes, they looked different. Inhuman, almost.

And when he spoke to her, there was something different to him. Unnerving.

She had pushed it aside for many years, how he had changed. Now, it grew more and more difficult to forgive and forget his actions, as they became increasingly vile. As the Julius she knew was lot to...whatever he was becoming.

But, he would call her. He would say she needed to stay by him. And she would put it aside. She would kiss him and stay close and try and press the ache in her heart.

Without Julius here, the starkness of his sins were unforgivable. And she could not be coaxed away with tempting words of his. There was nothing but the darkness, and the night.

*

Saias returned alone. He had been out for several hours. Though she had scarcely noticed his absence, for she'd taken her turn at Reinhardt's side. Reading then, to try and reach him still.

"I connected with some of the troops, and sent out a battalion to gather up the bodies--or what was left of them--for burial, and bless the battlefield, lest it be cursed with the same energy which overtook Reinhardt," Saias said.

"Good. I would not wish the very River Thracia to be cursed," she said.

"Saias, are they worried terribly about me? I did not think I would be gone for such a long period of time..."

"House Friege, or what is left of it, fears you fallen in battle somewhere. Ambushed by the Liberation Army," Saias said.

Guilt overcame her. To think she'd worried what remaining family members and retainers she had.

"Did Julius...ask about me? Has he been looking for me all this time?" Ishtar said hopefully.

"No, my lady," Saias said.

Not at all? She had been missing for weeks, incommunicado. Surely what was left of the tatters of House Friege would worry perilously of her, though there were few left to even mourn her passing.

"Then, he fears me dead too. Has he sent out any search parties? Made any proclamations? Oh, I hope he doesn't hurt anyone because of this..."

"None, my lady."

Nothing? The thought of her dead did not even elicit a single response from him? If she thought Julius were dead, she would mourn for years. Perhaps the rest of her life.

But you already think him dead at times, when he orders to capture children and make them be sacrificed to Loptous... When you look at what he does, it is inconceivable that the gentle Julius you loved would do such a thing.

Saias continued on, stirring her from her reverie.

"...I heard some news. The story you told Reinhardt, that is what I told the rest of the army when they demanded explanation. The enemy tactician apparently went with it. Now, they have been insinuations that the Liberation Army has some powerful god weapon or creature on their side to try and frighten away soldiers and ruin morale."

"Prince Leif is but a boy, barely fifteen. Is he truly that calculating?" Ishtar said.

"I believe it is the doing of his tactician to craft this propaganda. August is quite talented in his craft," Saias said.

"What a fearsome man," she said.

But, there was no monster. It was just Reinhardt, corrupted by the staff and turned against his closest allies.

"How man days before he is fit to leave?" Ishtar said.

"I'm afraid he's grown far worse. He's became feverish and delirious. I think he sustained some wounds during that state and they were untreated for days. Add that with how he took no food or water during that time, and was pushed into constant battle..."

He trailed off.

"If you could stay a little longer, it might help. You found him in the darkness once, and led him back when none other could reach him. Perhaps only you could save him. My staffs and magic are not reaching him, whatever I try."

The armies approached Bellhala. Soon, they would face Julius.

But, she could not leave Reinhardt to perish in the darkness. She'd already let him go once, and deeply regretted that choice. Even if she'd done it to keep him from Julius. Even if it'd been meant to save him.

Once, she'd been forced to choose between them. She'd made the wrong choice, and now the glorious Gelben Ritter was all destroyed.

And her Reinhardt was so near to death.

A few more days, at least. She owed him that much and more.

"I'll stay...for a little longer, at least. Until I'm sure that Reinhardt has come back to me."

*

Fever overtook him. She stayed close. She read aloud from a tome on history, so wherever he was lost in his nightmares and pain, he could find her. Hear her voice, heed her call and return to her side.

She held his hand when the fever overtook him.

And so she stayed, day and night. Only exhaustion took her from his side. As the days passed, even that didn't, and she'd bring her bedroll and bed down beside him, as if her presence could be a talisman to bring him back to her.

A cold cloth was left upon his forehead. He muttered words no...not them....Lady Ishtar....

She recognized some of the names he spoke as the names of the Gelben Ritter. The ones that Reinhardt had slaughtered in his fury.

Even knowing this, seeing him at his worst, nothing had changed. He was still her Reinhardt. In his right mind, not clouded by the berserk staff, he never would've hurt them. He was kind at heart, even as he was fearsome in battle.

Even if she agreed with their aim of ending the child hunts, the Liberation Army had taken so much from her. Ishtore, Liza, father and mother, and now almost all the Gelben Ritter. They'd left Reinhardt a husk, a near revenant by the time they were done. Saias and her had just barely dragged him from death and back to her.

Rage burned in her, to join the sorrow. Ishtore and Reinhardt were two of the kindest people she had ever known. To think that the Liberation Army would ransack their lands, and kill everyone she held most dear.

"Please live, Reinhardt...I have no right to ask this. But, I don't want to be parted from you again. Please fight this. Please...don't leave me again. I'm not strong enough to lose you twice. I wish I'd been stronger. Fought for you."

She had done this once before, with Julius. Saias had healed him. He'd been brought back from the grips of death. She'd sat at his side.

She noticed it, the similarities as she clung to Reinhardt's hand. All night, if need be.

And she noticed the same feeling, the deja vu in how her heart ached at the mere thought of losing him.

But, of course... Reinhardt was her knight, her confidant. The love of friendship and the romantic love were similar, yes?

Perhaps some thought their relationship too close--Julius first among them. But, Reinhardt had been hers for so many years. He ensured her safety, and always was willing to offer his advice when she felt lost.

She loved Julius. No one else challenged him for that spot within her heart. Not even a tiny corner.

She'd had to remind herself this over and over. That of course she loved Julius despite it all, and of course Reinhardt was in the end, merely her knight.

That she would love Julius until her last breath, even as she betrayed him. As she slowly worked against the very empire she claimed to serve. That her doubt was merely the war, and how Julius had changed.

That was all.

There was a crack in her heart. Years of watching Julius descend to darkness, and pulling Reinhardt from the darkness had formed it.

No, not merely a tiny crack anymore. A fissure too big to cross.

And as she held tight to Reinhardt's hand, and excused away the feelings so familiar, the distance grew further.

*

Saias waited outside the tent, his expression grim. She left Reinhardt's side only for a moment.

"Has there been dire news?"

"It's not my place to judge, or speak....especially to one with peerage far above mine," he said.

Though, Saias was the bastard child of Arvis. Had he been acknowledged, he would be far more powerful than her. But Manfroy was his enemy, and had tried to kill him once. The sheer fact that he was here with her was a risk to him, though Manfroy was her enemy as well.

She wondered if Lord Arvis, perhaps, wished he could acknowledge him. For Lord Arvis vastly preferred the company of Saias to Lord Julius, who he had formed a deep rift with in recent times.

It was a hushed secret, one she recognized without even being told. He resembled the family she loved so much.

"Still, you're a kind woman at heart. I am sure you would never do such a thing."

"I'm sorry, Saias. I don't quite understand. What is it you are trying to say?"

"What he told me, was that you had no need of him any longer. That you had cast him aside," Saias said slowly.

"But that wasn't what I said. I told him to return to Friege, and not to worry, for Lord Julius was strong and would protect me. I didn't want him to worry for my sake. You know how he is. I used to go with him to visit his family, because he wouldn't leave my side and his duty even if I excused him for a holiday."

"I daresay he did not see it as such. And I must wonder...When you return to Lord Julius's side, what choice will you make?"

"Choice? What do you mean?"

"He didn't say it, but he didn't have to. It was Lord Julius's doing, wasn't it?" Saias said.

"Ah...So you know..."

"I heard you there, on the battlefield. But I could've surmised regardless," Saias said.

"Will you send him back to Friege alone? When Lord Julius comes before you again, what will you do then?"

What then, indeed. She would have to collect her many lies before she faced her lover. He must not know that she went back for Reinhardt, or the many children she freed from the harvests."

"....Truth be told, I hoped it would be temporary. Lord Julius has a temper, but he would eventually grow distracted, and let Reinhardt be. He has been....aggravated by Reinhardt for a while. But it always passed. But, not now. He said wild things, strange insinuations and threatened to kill him."

Julius's eyes had been so red as he spoke, and the pupil seemed strange, even slit. But, when she looked again he looked normal and she thought it a trick of the light.

How hollow, the excuses she made for Lord Julius sounded to her ears. As if a threat of plucking out Reinhardt's eyes for ever looking at her could be so simply forgiven. Like a minor bit of temper, and not a threat of painful death that she knew Julius very well would've done had she not interceded on Reinhardt's behalf.

Even Saias might not be safe, if he saw them talking like this. That was the growing unease within her. Reinhardt might not be his only target.

She felt as if her body was being pulled apart.

Her love for Julius, her attachment to her knight. Her sense of morals, her love for Julius, even as he forced her to do the unthinkable. The Liberation Army were the ones saving the children...and the murderer of her family, and who destroyed the Gelben Ritter and left Reinhardt so broken.

Every choice was fraught with inconsistencies. No path was narrow and straight.

And now, this new betrayal. The thought of losing Reinhardt again left a pain within her heart.

"Julius has become so jealous lately. He accused Reinhardt of coming between us."

He'd said he'd pluck out Reinhardt's eyes for looking at her. If Julius was here, would he do the same to Saias for simply speaking to her?

Saias remained silent.

Where had she expected this conversation to go? It wasn't as if she came off well. She knew she'd made the wrong choice and regretted it bitterly.

But, what other path had she? Julius would've killed him.

"It was only a matter of time," he finally said.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not mine to tell," Saias said.

Again, she got the sense that she had stumbled into something.

"Please, Saias. I must know. What do you mean?"

Saias sighed, and finally spoke.

"Julius simply saw what everyone else knew."

The realization hit her like a blow.

"You're saying....that you you think Reinhardt loves me? He's never said anything. And we are so close--rarely ever apart. I have trusted him with so much. More than any other."

He was one of the only ones who knew of her attempts to stop the child hunts. The only living person she'd trusted with this knowledge, save Lord Arvis. He'd even helped her many a time sneak children away. He'd created diversions, and alerted her to guards. He'd kept her and the children safe even if it meant going against their own country. He'd risked everything for her, time and time again.

At first, she'd thought that was the reason. That Julius had realized. That was what he meant as he spoke of Reinhardt coming between them.

At least, until Julius had stopped that. She had relied on Reinhardt daily. He had been part of the support of her world. Since Julius forced her hand, and made her dismiss him, every day felt too empty and too quiet.

Reinhardt was always the first one she went to. The one she relied upon, her confidant and strength. When she first woke, his name would be first upon her lips, and always had been, long before she and Julius had even become lovers.

"You love another. What would such an admission be worth but heartbreak? And that was if he wasn't sent away in shame entirely."

All along, there'd been one little thread. Another she hadn't even known. In her many loyalties pulling her, like a marionette stretched too far, now there was another.

Oh, she must've hurt him. Broken his heart so many times. Just the thought was painful. He'd supported her so loyally and gently. She'd never suspected for a moment that he felt anything more. She'd dismissed Julius's jealousy, even as his insinuations grew more violent and wild. Until she'd had to hide Reinhardt away from him, and carefully never mention him or let him come into Julius's sight.

Like a hidden lover?

She let her gaze fall upon her hands. So much blood were upon them now. The Gelben Ritter, the children she could not save. Even now, she had to choose between breaking free the caravans and helping her knight. And whichever one she chose, there would be horrible death.

"I...don't know what I will do."

"If I may? You best figure it out, or the last of the Gelben Ritter will be gone. This is why he never wished you to know. Why he wanted to die with this secret," Saias said.

"I should check on Reinhardt again," Saias said.

"Saias...do you hate me?" Ishtar said.

"I must have broken Reinhardt's heart many times, and he is a close friend of yours. I never meant to hurt him.... It seems as if everything is going between my hands like sand."

She couldn't save them. Not enough children, not her family, no one.

"No," he said.

"You're not cruel. You'd never carelessly hurt him on purpose. You never even suspected. He kept the secret from you for good reason," Saias said.

There were so many places she couldn't make amends. So many lives she couldn't save.

But, she could right this. Though she did not know the words she would say.

"Thank you, Saias," she said.

He disappeared into the tent, to try and bring Reinhardt back from the edge. Even if it seemed hopeless, he kept using his healing abilities upon Reinhardt in hopes that this time, it would work.

*

Those words were the last puzzle piece.

She remembered back to a scene she had never fully understood until now.

Ishtore's smiling face, and his soft voice. "Of course, he wouldn't let you out of his sight."

He laughed, and so had Liza.

The most devoted in all of Friege, she'd said.

There'd been a slight suggestion of feelings. She'd thought he'd meant Julius, for they were so very close. But Julius hadn't been there that day, and she'd been confused. Looking back, of course it had been Reinhardt.

She remembered once coming upon her mother telling Reinhardt to remember his place. She was to marry Lord Julius.

Back then, she'd chided mother and kept Reinhardt closer to her, lest mother try and dismiss him while she was gone.

Even Julius's wild rages, which had seemed so out of place came to her.

Everyone knew. Everyone.

All but her.

*

The River Thracia wound through here. She stared down, sorrowful at it in the moonlight.

The river branched, and she watched it.

One path, she followed Julius. She served him, even as he committed more and more atrocities against the most innocent. Even as she lost herself to his commands. Even as he had seemingly not even cared when he thought her dead. She could hope he would return to some semblance of himself and this would pass like some fever.

One path, she cast herself into battle, and joined her family when the last balustrades fell.

Another path, she held her hand out to her knight. The one she had trusted most for as long as she could remember.

And what? There were so many children yet to be freed. Tahra had fought back to protect their little ones, but many others had willingly given them up.

They'd be traitors to all. Scorned by House Friege and the Liberation Army and the Empire. Julius would be disgusted with her.

But it would be right. And Reinhardt would be by her side again.

The moon hung bright in the dark waters. So many paths of the river, so many paths to take in her life.

*

That night, she dreamed.

Reinhardt stood before the River Thracia. Within the moonlight, he was ghostly pale and dark.

She saw the clouds darkness about him. His eyes shone with wrath. But, she felt no fear. It was Reinhardt. Her Reinhardt. She stepped forward, faster then. She pulled him into her arms. Darkness swirled about them as they fell into deep waters together.

Even as the waters swallowed them, she didn't let go.

*

She sat beside his bed roll. A cool compress was laid upon his head. She had been reading there for some time. As if her voice could be a guiding light to lead him back to her.

If only she could undo the pain she had caused. If only she had some magic wand to rewind time and see her family, just once more.

But, her magic could not do such things.

It couldn't save Julius, Ishtore, or Liza. But maybe, she could find a way to save Reinhardt.

"No.....don't..."

He tensed in his sleep. Caught in a nightmare.

"Reinhardt..." she said softly.

His dark eyes slowly opened. She brushed his cheek.

He blinked, probably believing her touch a dream, a facet of the nightmare. She reluctantly drew her hand back before she would have to explain things. Even to herself, the reasoning sounded hollow.

I wanted to touch you. I wanted to comfort you. I wanted to...

"You were just having a nightmare."

"The Sleep Staff's effects are still there, I see," he said.

"Unfortunately."

She still could not bring herself to tell him the truth. Not yet.

"You had a relapse, from your untreated wounds."

"So that was it," he said.

"I'll be glad when this is over, and I can return to the battlefield. I cannot even imagine what the battles look like if the Liberation Army has been unleashing such horrors as this," Reinhardt said.

"Yes, surely," she said sadly.

She could say goodbye again. Or she could take another path.

When she looked to him, she never even had to question if she could trust him, or if he would break her heart, or if he would be mercurial and suddenly change. Reinhardt was steady and strong, and always hers.

She bit her lower lip and laid her hand upon the bedroll near his. Not enough to touch. Not this time.

She didn't quite have the words, but she was trying.

"Reinhardt...please return with me. I know I have no right to ask for your service again, but please understand that I wanted to protect you. Julius was...displeased with you."

He remained silent.

"I know it's no excuse. I-I'll understand if you wish to return to Friege instead. If you don't wish to be my knight any longer. I...won't fault you this. But, please still come to Friege. I will at least...have the comfort of knowing you are still within the services of my land."

"Beside you is where I belong," he said.

She felt such relief at the words. No truer words had ever been said.

"I'm sorry, I...want to keep an eye upon you."

Even if it angered Julius. Even if she had to face the man she loved--once loved--herself. She must be able to find some way to keep Reinhardt alive and with her.

"My loyalty is forever yours, my lady," he said.

And his heart, too? He said not the words, but she knew now.

She had thought so many times of what it would be like to join her family. The pain was almost too much to bear. She could not save Julius, and every day he grew worse. She could not save all the children. Caught between, she felt as if her heart would rip in two. Rended from her chest.

And she had almost lost him.

But, here, she had faced death itself and lived. And with it, came a clarity.

Those thoughts were gone now. How death would be an escape, and final release. Pain would be temporary. She would see her family again.

And she wouldn't have to live with the shackles of this guilt that weighed upon her every second.

She'd been in the dark. And facing death had been a stillness. She'd survived and pulled him free. Saving him had saved her.

So many left were still suffering. She wanted to live, even through the pain. She wanted to rescue the children, whatever it took. With Reinhardt by her side.

If it had to be just them, a pair of traitors against the empire, and even House Friege, then so be it.

"I..."

She'd never been shy around him. They were seamless, and the bond of trust between them complete. When she'd betrayed the empire, and Julius, he'd been the first she'd told.

How had she never noticed it? Even as pale as death, with shadows upon his face, Reinhardt was beautiful in a way which defied words. Even more upon the battlefield. How she thought of the moment in the dark, of his hand opening the cages before hers.

"I want to keep saving the children. As we did, before... Will you join me once again?"

"As long as I draw breath," he said it.

A vow, like a marriage vow.

"I must warn you, it will be very dangerous. If we cannot stop the guards, we will be made nothing but ashes by the Welkenrosen. We will be traitors of the highest order, and nothing will save us."

"Yes, I know," Reinhardt said. "It changes nothing."

She nodded.

"Thank you, Reinhardt. As soon as we're recovered we can begin again."


*

Where will you go?

To the battlefields, the caravans and where the harvests happened. And one day, to Friege, where it all began. Her beloved homeland, mired down in so many sins.

When--if--Julius appeared before her, the words would be difficult to say, but long coming. To give that last release, and begin anew.

She could not love someone who would send children to slaughter. Not anymore. She had reached for Julius, tried to excuse his behavior and more, but there was nothing left here. Just the emptiness and cracks where her love had once been.

The fight that she almost lost her life to, of her heart and her sense of justice finally was laid to rest.

(Reinhardt had saved her in this, and he didn't even know.)

Julius would be furious to know that all his insinuations about her and her guard, which she had always said were completely fiction, and baseless, were true.

Since that moment, when he had forced her to dismiss Reinhardt, things had...cooled between them. There had been no summons, no letters, no soldiers sent to find her. She had been gone for weeks and had Julius even noticed? She could not say.

Ishtar wondered if he knew of her treachery, and that was why. Though, if he knew, then she would face his judgment. Perhaps he was simply waiting for her to return, so she could face--what? The flames? The gallows? What punishment befit a traitor to the empire? Would she end up like Sigurd, a pile of ashes in the end?

It mattered not. She would keep fighting, whatever it took.

Not for the empire, not for the Liberation Army, but for the children. With Reinhardt by her side, as they went to battle and saved each innocent.

*

The sound of water was close by. Saias had gathered most of his things. The tents were rolled up. Reinhardt was still getting the last of his things gathered.

"This is where we part, then," Saias said.

"Yes, Reinhardt and I are returning."

"I see. Take care, both of you."

"Where will you go?" Ishtar said.

"I've some old friends to visit," Saias said.

He did not elaborate.

"I hope our paths cross one day again, in more peaceful times," she said.

"Goodbye, Princess Ishtar."

"Goodbye, Saias."

Saias and Reinhardt must've already spoken, for they would never part coldly. No wonder; Reinhardt often rose early, and the constant waking took a toll upon her, and made her sleep past noon.

Reinhardt had packed his things, not fully well, but enough to ride. They'd stayed here for far too long. Julius might find Reinhardt. And he would not be merciful.

Saias became a coppery sheen lost in the distance.

Soon, the river Thracia would be little more than a memory.

Reinhardt hoisted up the packs upon his and her horses.

She could stay silent. She could go back to the life she had. To being Julius's lover. Back to betraying Julius, and trying to find the man she had loved among the viciousness.

Just the thought made her feel exhausted. Was it normal to feel this drained at the thought of going to the man who she was supposed to love?

This space had shown many things to her. Absence made the heart grow fonder, but the fondness hadn't been for Julius. Not anymore.

She could not let this go. They'd touched the edge of death, and lived yet. It was early, but she would not risk these words left unsaid.

Reinhardt, of course, saw through her immediately. He always did.

"Is something the matter?"

She did not look at him as she spoke.

"Is it true?" She said softly.

"Is what true?"

"Do you love me?"

His breath caught.

"Did I said something within my sleep?"

"I put the pieces together," she said.

No need to bring Saias into this, especially after how much he had done for both of them.

He let out a breath. His voice was quiet as he spoke the words so dear to her.

"Yes, with all my being. Even as I have no right to."

"I see. I'm glad," she said.

She looked up. Something flickered in his dark eyes. He was handsome beyond words, and beloved to her even deeper. Reinhardt had such unfathomable kindness. He was both fearsome and gentle in turn.

"I cannot stay by the side of a man who would do such things to children any longer. I must...face him and end things."

"Will that be safe?"

She paused. Once, she wouldn't said for certain that she knew Julius would never do anything to ever harm her. Not someone as loving and gentle as him.

But, that Julius seemed long lost. She had tried to break free the control Manfroy had upon him and failed. In the end, it could join the guilt she had for all the others she couldn't save in the end.

"I'll...do it. Whatever the cost."

"I'd rather never be yours than think you could be hurt," Reinhardt said softly.

"I must. I cannot begin with you until I have ended with him."

She took his gloved hands in her own. He looked surprised, at first by her sudden touch. He was not used to such things, but he would accustom to the breaking of this last barrier of knight and lady. Because when this was all over, they would be nothing but traitors. Titles and glory stripped away to save the innocents.

"I...am still finding my feelings, and recovering from one past love. But I could not fathom the thought of losing you again, and never speaking these words. To think you could perish and they would go unspoken..."

He let her speak.

"I am also still finding my words, for to be without you is to ask which limb I would rather cut free from me, and if I can live without air. Wherever I go, I wish you to be beside me. Being parted from you, and seeing you like that...it was hellish. I should never wish to be apart from you long for again."

And even this was not enough to contain her feelings, newly revealed to her. Intense and deep as the Thracia river itself.

"I will wait, as long as it takes," Reinhardt said.

His hands enclosed in hers.

As always, Reinhardt was loving, kind, steadfast and patient. She loved him more for it.

*

They parted ways with Saias, and each would go their own way. Soon, Friege would come to sight. They rode on. It was not home she would go, but the prisons to unlock. Dawn came over the hills, pink and shining and new.

Their silence was companionable, even trusting. The sound of hoof beats would've made it difficult to speak, anyways.

Lord Arvis may have fallen in battle, but she would keep up the cause he had started.

Caravans of cages were before them. And she could not rest until every last one was freed. With Reinhardt by her side, she feared little they couldn't face.

Only Julius would even test their abilities. She still felt pensive at the words she must say to him, the goodbye she never thought she'd have to say.

Perhaps they were considered dead in battle, ghosts upon the battlefield as she came with a bolt of lightning, and gave the justice these innocents deserved. She liked the thought of that.

They'd both crossed the threshold of death and beyond and returned. Together, as it would be, for the rest of her life.