fic: Deadly Nightshade
Oct. 12th, 2020 10:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: Deadly Nightshade
Series: How I Met Your Mother
Character/pairing: Barney/Robin, ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 5,780
Summary: After their rough break up, Barney naturally attempts to become a super villain to get Robin's attention. Robin once again dons on her suit to take down her ex-husband who has suited up every New Yorker, and made vast laser-tag related changes to the entire city.
Author's note: Am I the only one who remembers that S9 confirmed Robin used to be a spandex-clad superhero? Not referring to Colbie in the Marvel movies (which was something the fandom had fun with, btw) but the part in s9 where that happened.
I will reluctantly admit certain events happened in the finale this time. But only so I can fix them. Tracy's totally still alive, though.
And Barney played Fire Emblem Heroes, btw.
The same day Barney Stinson's divorce became final, the entire city of New York woke up in suits.
*
Marshall blinked at the mirror, still groggy as he reached for his toothbrush. As he wetted his toothbrush, he took a double take the reflection in his mirror.
"Babe, did you put me in a suit today?"
"Mmm--what? Why would I put you in a suit?"
Lily peered into the bathroom. Her red hair fell over her shoulder.
"Marshall, you are wearing a suit," she said.
"I know, babe. You're wearing a suit, too."
She glanced down. Realization dawned on her face."That son of a bitch."
They met eyes, and telepathically one word came through their minds: Barney.
*
The scent of blueberry pancakes filled the kitchen. Already, newly dirty pans filled the sink. But it would all be worth it for that perfect surprise for all of the family.
(And if it meant he got to be elbow-deep in suds while Tracy dried the plates that night, then all the better.)
Ted couldn't help but smile as he thought, not for the first time, how well she fit here. He'd bought marble counter tops, the occasional festive wreaths, pans hung from the ceiling, cast-iron skillets ready to be filled with the joys of life (like bacon) and made it look as homey as could be. But nothing had seemed to fit until she came there.
Tracy's dark hair was pulled back into a messy bun. She had flour trailed over her cheeks, and powder white spots on her apron. Not for the first time, Ted was struck with how lucky he was to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.
Even more so, she wore a suit underneath that apron. And damn, did she wear it well.
"Wearing a suit to make breakfast? That's new."
Tracy smiled big at the sight of him. And that never failed to bring a smile to his own lips. Or remind him all over again how much he loved her.
"I woke up like this, actually."
"Woke up what, beautiful? Because you're always beautiful."
Ted leaned in and cupped her cheeks. This impromptu kiss (which would've turned into an impromptu breakfast make out to see just how much they could get before the kids came down to the kitchen) was suddenly interrupted by a phone call.
Ted pulled away reluctantly, just to check and make sure it wasn't an emergency.
"It's Lily. I need to take this."
He brought the phone to his ear. "Lily, what's up?"
"Ted, cut the PDA, this is important."
"First thing, I'm in my own home so it's hardly 'public.' Second, how did you even know?"
"We don't even have to see to know you're embarrassing your kids with how huggy you're being," Lily said.
"Like you can say anything. I seem to remember a whole lot of times in college when I was witness to more than just a 'little PDA.' Like on the top bunk," Ted said.
"I really thought you were asleep, dude," Marshall said.
Lily cleared her throat. "Anyways, notice anything different, Ted?" Lily said.
Ted looked down, and with growing shock, realized that he too was wearing a suit. In his reverie of holy shit, I married an incredible woman, he hadn't even noticed.
"We all suited up?" Ted said.
"I think we all know who is behind this. Come to our house as soon as you can."
"You know the rules. Breakfast first. See you in a bit."
They said their goodbyes, and Ted ended the call.
Ted smiled at Tracy. "So, where were we?"
"About to have a pancake serenade," she said.
"My favorite," Ted said.
*
When Lily ended the call, Marshall smiled at her.
"Technically, Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Marshall said.
Lily smiled back. "You think every meal is the most important part of the day," Lily said.
To which Marshall could only give a hapless shrug.
"And that's why I love you," Lily said. She leaned in to kiss him.
"Let's turn on the news, maybe news of this prank has hit the air waves. In fact, maybe Robin is reporting it," Lily said.
As they turned on the television, they saw dozens of shots of people of New York city, all wearing suits.
*
"Today, every single broadcast was taken over by a masked man in a suit. He gave the message 'New York, I'm going to teach you how to live. Now, Suit up! The man refers to himself as Mr. Legendary. More at 11."
Lily muted the television as a too-loud commercial about boats came on. All of the group, save Robin, who was jetsetting across the world, had convened in Marshall and Lily's house. Ted couldn't get a sitter on such short notice, so Tracy had to watch them this weekend, and was even kind enough to watch Marshall and Lily's kids as well.
"Mr. Legendary? He isn't even trying," Lily said.
"I don't know, it has a certain charm," Marshall said.
"Marshall, Barney is a super villain and our enemy right now," Lily said.
"Super villain might be cutting it a bit harsh, Lily," Marshall said. "They're just suits."
"I checked in on my old school. They're all wearing suits, Marshall. He's turning the kids into mini-versions of him. If we don't stop him, they're going to be saying 'no fat chicks' next, and reciting the bro code instead of the pledge of allegiance."
"It's so obviously Barney, he might as well not even wear a mask," Marshall said.
"The mask is actually pretty handsome, like he's gone full Phantom of the Opera," Ted said.
Lily and Marshall gave each other a knowing look.
"What? A guy can't appreciate another guy's mask, and say mayhaps that he's handsome and charming and even dashing?"
"He's got a point, the mask is cool," Marshall said.
"Dammit, now Barney's seducing us all! Before we know it, we'll all just be part of Barney's harem."
"It's what he does best," Ted said.
"It was inevitable, really," Marshall said.
A Skype window suddenly opened itself on Ted's laptop. Barney sat on a literal throne, and drank a sip of scotch in a crystalline shot glass.
"Greetings."
"Barney, we all know it's you," Marshall said. "Man, I know divorce is hard, but don't people just take cooking classes or something?"
Barney nearly dropped his glass of alcohol. He gave Marshall an incredulous look.
"You know? You who was basically married to Lily at first site? Who broke up once for like, two minutes and then got happily married afterwards?"
Ted nodded knowingly. "I gotta side with Barney on this one, maybe you should've left that one to me, considering I got broken up with a million times and even got left at the altar. You barely know anything about being heartbroken."
"Okay, Benedict Ted," Lily said.
"What next, Barney? Are you going to make laser tag mandatory now?" Ted said.
"Good idea, Ted," Barney said. He ended the call without another word.
"Good going, Ted. You went and gave him ideas," Lily said.
"Hey, he was going to reach that conclusion eventually anyways," Ted said.
*
"Laser tag sites have mysteriously shown up all about the city. People are suddenly compelled to visit them, and find great joy in playing laser tag. Recent reports show that homelessness and crime have been completely obliterated overnight by this Mr. Legendary with Operation Laser Tag. He promises to continue to 'teach us how to live.' More at eleven."
The next day, they'd gathered at Marshall and Lily's again. It'd only taken 24 hours for Barney to completely transform the city they loved into a laser tag paradise. There were more laser tags spots than Starbucks, and that was saying something, considering there was approximately five Starbucks on every block.
"How did Barney cure homelessness again?" Ted said.
"Gave all the homeless people suits, then had them work in all the new laser tag places he put up, and helping suit manufacturers, to keep everyone in suits. I bet the unemployment rate is like, zilch now," Marshall said.
"Dude, Barney's a genius," Ted said. "I never would've thought about curing the world with laser tag."
"If only he could hear you say that, he'd probably be pretty happy," Marshall said.
A Skype call suddenly came on, and Barney sat, with a glass of wine in hand, on a throne.
"If only."
"Dammit, Barney. We were just starting to like you again," Lily said.
"Hey, it isn't my fault you leave Skype signed in all the time. How was I supposed to know you didn't want to be called? Also, I know of no Barney. Only Mr. Legendary."
"Okay, Swarley," Marshall said.
"Guys, guys, that joke stopped being funny years ago!"
"I don't know, it's seems pretty funny to me, Swarley," Marshall said.
"Congrats on curing homelessness and crime with suits and laser tag, Barney. What's next, curing cancer?" Ted said.
"Great idea, Ted."
Barney abruptly ended the call.
"Hey, you can't complain about this one," Ted said.
And they all had to agree on that.
*
Robin hadn't looked at her super suit in a very long time. It was perfectly normal in Canada to go from teen pop superstar to teen goth superstar to part of a group of multicolored, spandex-clad heroes. Everyone did it, right after learning how to snowshoe and wrestle bears.
She'd have to make some adjustments. She wasn't a teen pop star/goth star/superhero anymore. She was a reporter--which kind of made her like Lois Lane, now that she thought about it.
(She had a twinge in that moment, because Barney had made that connection, and teased her about it. He'd say Hey, Lois Lane. Want to see something worth reporting on? And she'd feel that same old twinge that always drew her back.)
But as the broadcasts by Mr. Legendary filled every single electronic billboard in New York, she opened her closet and lifted up the old suit. The purple shone in the light.
It was time to become the identity she'd left behind. Not Robin Sparkles, but Deadly Nightshade.
*
Robin opened up her window, and stepped out into the night. The city was filled with lights and bustling people.
She scaled up, until she was on the roof.
Before Robin could head out, her phone rang.
It'd been quite some time since she'd heard from Ted. Now he spent all his time with his wife, and often on Facebook, posting endless pictures of his kids, and sharing minion memes with Marshall as each of them tried to one up each other for the dadliest of the bunch.
"Did you hear the news? Wait, you are the news," Ted said.
Robin smiled at this. "You could say that, yes."
"So, in case you missed it reporting everywhere, Barney took over the city. That's what you missed on this last episode of What Chaos Barney caused. Now we're all wearing suits, and there's laser tag sites everywhere."
"I'm not even surprised. It was bound to happen eventually," she said.
Ted chuckled. "Yeah. In retrospect, we should've guessed Barney would become a super-villain eventually."
For a moment there was a pause. Would it grow awkward? Surely they'd drifted. He had his own life. Their friendship had always been fragile at best. Robin always knew deep down that she was the expendable one of the group, that one day she'd have to cut and run when things got too messy.
Just like she always did.
And she was the divorcee of the bunch, now. The extra wheel as Marshall and Lily, and Ted and Tracy were constantly in marital bliss, and Barney apparently tired from sleeping with every girl in New York city and decided to simply take it over.
"We missed you," Ted said finally. "I've meant to call, but being a dad is surprisingly busy. I never guessed how busy it'd be."
Several murmurs of agreement followed behind him.
"I've wanted to tag you on Facebook so many times, but you never respond on there," Marshall said.
"I only use it for work," Robin said.
"The group is all together? Are you at MacLarens?"
"No, we're at this great bar called 'Marshall and Lily's.' It's really underrated, but the atmosphere is amazing."
"I've been there before. It's got the best group of people I've ever met," she said.
"Are you going to head over here? I'll make sure the beer cooler is stoked," Marshall said.
"Well, it looks like I have a little unfinished business to speak with Barney about," Robin said. She tried some levity, but there wasn't much, not at the level of divorce where she kept forgetting to add an ex to her husband, oh and he took over a city when she wasn't looking.
Typical Barney.
"Robin, being friends means never being alone. Even if there's continents between us--"
"Oh boy, it's time for a Ted talk," Robin said.
Laughter came over the line.
"Come on, guys," Ted said.
"Ted's right. We've been waiting for you all along," Lily said. Her voice was choked up. "I missed you....so much."
"There isn't really a place for the divorced friend in the group," Robin said. "I'd just bring you all down when I don't get the joke about changing baby diapers for the fiftieth time."
"That's where you're wrong. There's always room for you in this friend group, no matter what," Ted said.
"Who knows what could happen. You could get back together," Lily added.
"You're betting on me again, aren't you?" Robin said.
"Not just because of that," Lily said quickly. "It's happened before."
She clutched the phone harder. Hard enough that she was surprised it didn't crack. Even the littlest bit of hope made her ache at the thought.
"I don't know about that. But, I've got to head to somewhere first. Then, I'll come by for a drink," she said.
"The WWN building, right?"
"What?"
"That's where Mr. Legendary set up his top secret lair," Ted said.
"Well, that's news to me," she said
"You are the news, Robin," Ted said.
Not when it came to Barney.
"I have to go, I've got another call on the line. Bye."
It wasn't the first time she'd faked a call to get out of an emotional moment. Barney was one of the only ones who knew she pulled things like this. That as much as she loved her job, she used it as a shield to keep people far enough that they didn't close enough to hurt her.
And he understood, he knew her and loved her without wanting her to change even for a moment. Because they were thick as thieves, they had the same playbook. Theoretically, as his was a bro code and hers was a list of past goodbyes.
And even through it all, she'd run away. She'd let him go. The one person she thought she'd always return to, the one who'd somehow turned out to be her best friend, her boyfriend, then her husband.
And it'd all fallen apart. Not even marriage could keep them from fighting, and from wanting to run away from intimacy and security. They both craved the love as much as they feared it.
But in the end, the fear had been greater.
She'd never brought herself to delete his number. With everyone else, she'd deleted their number as soon as possible. She'd delete every picture, every memory without second thought. But with Barney, her thumb would always linger and then push the button to cancel out.
(Except Ted, but they'd remained friends, even in the difficult times.)
It was only one ring before he picked up. Barney was breaking his own rules, to never seem too needy to pick up seconds later.
"We need to talk," Robin said.
"It's been a while, Robin," Barney said.
He said it so nonchalantly, but she could hear the hurt beneath his voice. She thought back to the time he'd told her in the rain that any day without her was just no good.
"I hear you've been up to new things," she said, with forced levity.
"Oh, you know. This and that."
"Listen, I'm low battery," he said. "I can't stay long."
"You cured homelessness and you haven't figured out how to make an iPhone battery not suck?" Robin said.
"I don't work magic, Robin. Well, not iPhone magic, anyways. You know where I'll be," Barney said.
He hung up without saying goodbye. Or maybe his phone shut off. She couldn't tell. Robin stared at her phone for several minutes before she put away.
*
Reports are that Mr. Legendary has made an 'awesome new secret lair on the top of the WWN building, and plans to 'teach us how to live' some more. With homelessness cured and the stock market booming, what next does the Masked Mr. Legendary have for us? More news after this break.
Robin jumped from rooftop to rooftop, clad in a tight purple suit. It'd been so long since she felt the wind on her face, and saw the streetlights below.
She hadn't felt this rush for a very long time. She'd gotten the same adrenaline rush of fighting crime as being with Barney, in the orbit of his chaos. Even just drinking late into the night.
She didn't even feel fear--but she felt a twinge as she came to the very place where Barney had proposed to her.
The memories filled her senses. This was where he had proposed. Snow had fallen about them, she had been filled with such complex emotions. Anger, hurt, jealousy, and the part of her that still wanted him.
He was turned away from her when she caught sight of him.
"I should've known you would be here, Barney."
"It's Mr. Legendary, now," Barney said.
"Of course," Robin said.
He wore a pristine suit tailored in Italy, and a black feathered masquerade mask he must've gotten at some Halloween closeout store.
Robin had to keep from smiling at that. It'd been so long since she'd seen him, so long since she'd put on her suit. She was filled to the brim with nostalgia, and the sudden pain to remember that didn't spend every night with Barney and her friends anymore, drinking late into the night.
And he was just as handsome, as devilishly charming as ever. His blond hair was cut close, his blue eyes were just as captivating behind the mask. Every time Robin looked at him, she had to remind herself that they were exs now. That she wasn't supposed to still be in love with him after everything.
That they didn't work.
Barney took a sip of his drink, a scotch old enough to drink its own scotch, surely. Barney never suffered through mediocre drinks or mediocre company.
(Like he always said: Nothing is truly legendary unless your friends are there to see it.)
"We have unfinished business, Barney," Robin said.
"You could say that," Barney said.
"You took over the entire city. You made everyone wear suits."
"Oh, that? It's New York; everyone already wears suits anyways. I just got them better ones," Barney said nonchalantly.
"Wait a minute--you're underplaying what you did? Who are you and what did you do with Barney? Are you a robot cyborg clone?"
"This isn't a Marvel movie, Robin," Barney said.
"So it's DC?"
"You tell me, Lois Lane."
She took a deep intake of breath. Barney wasn't really one for nicknames, and Robin preferred it that way. (Except for Barnman and Robin--and that was mostly Marshall's fault.) But this one little thing had been the exception between them. An in-joke through it all.
And maybe it was a sign, because he was more Lex Luthor than Superman.
"I think there's only one way to settle this, Barney," she said.
"Oh, are we going to take this out hand to hand? Hot."
"You tell me," Robin said.
"I have another idea..."
He snapped his fingers. Just like the many times he had brought forth fire, or pulled out napkins or flowers from his sleeves, Barney did his magic.
"How can you fight me...when you are already wearing a suit?"
Robin glanced down. Over her purple leotard was an expensive Italian suit. Barney smiled enigmatically.
"How did you do that?"
He shook his finger at her. "A magician never reveals his secrets."
"I can still beat you in a suit. I beat you plenty of times when we were together--and you liked it."
"Challenge accepted," Barney said.
Barney opened up his arms in a grand gesture, and lifted off the ground. He was surrounded by light, in a way that reminded Robin of portraits of saints ascending to heaven she'd seen in Europe.
"Barney can fly now?" Marshall said. "Maybe he was the Mothman all along."
Her friends appeared at the door to the roof.
"It's a Jetpack, Marshall," Ted said. "Also Mothman? Wouldn't Barney be more incubus if we're going by creatures? Or maybe a vampire. He really doesn't like garlic."
"Ted's right. All suits should come equipped with jetpacks, just in case," Barney said.
"Technically he didn't deny being a vampire or incubus," Marshall said.
"He would be an incubus," Lily said.
"I'm not going to confirm or deny that," Barney said.
"Confirm this, then. So all this is just a little hobby to you? Dammit, Barney! Why didn't you just take yoga! I'm sure there's plenty of 'babes you could've banged'." Bitterness filled her voice at this. Because she knew damn well there'd be so many others. Barney was never alone for long.
"Because they weren't you, Robin," Barney said softly. "They weren't you. And that made all the difference."
Silence fell between them. "Barney, you...."
Ted suddenly interjected. "I mean, wait a minute. Didn't Barney technically end homelessness? With all laser tag places now, the crime rate of New York is zero. On the news, it said that people want to ditch DeBlasio and vote Barney in as mayor," Ted said.
"Not now, Ted!" came a chorus of voices.
He pulled a bouquet from nothing. This was so intrinsically him, charm and deflecting. He was ever the magician, and a magician always kept his secrets.
Inside the bouquet was a surprise: a single laser tag gun. He floated closer to her, and held out his hand. When he touched her, the warmth was a shock. Her hand instinctively closed about the handle of the laser tag gun.
"Tonight, we play my game. And that game is laser tag," Barney said.
In a flash of light, Barney rose up into the night sky. "Find me, Robin."
In a shower of sparks, Barney disappeared. And she couldn't help but think it was so fitting, because every kiss had been fireworks when she was with him. Nobody before and nobody since had ever made her feel like this. Like rushing headlong into danger, like taking a chance was worth it more than anything.
She caught sight of a flash in the night, and followed him, to the stars, the city far below them. Laser shots ricocheted off of clouds, lighting them up momentarily. But she kept running, kept trying to find him. Just like she had a thousand times when she felt such disappointment when every call and text wasn't him. Just like she felt when she found out some good news, and he was the first person she wanted to tell.
When he'd said any day without talking to you...is just no good, the thing that Robin had never admitted, even to herself, was that she felt the same.
So many cars passed below them as she leaped over buildings with ease. The missed laser tags lit up the night. Robin dodged every one with a feline grace.
Robin couldn't help but smile. She'd missed this, missed him. Her mind went back to that first night he'd convinced her to go out and play laser tag with him. The first thrill, and the first spark of attraction between them.
One that she wouldn't admit for a very long time.
She'd won then, and after being in love with him (and breaking up with him this many times) she knew his weaknesses.
She tossed her hair, and dodged another shot. But it was hard to hit a moving target, especially when the target had a jetpack. She looked right in his eyes, and touched to the zipper on her purple spandex. His grip on the gun froze, as he was captivated by the movement. Not even a jetpack could save Barney.
She could get him with so much less. A lick of her lips, a slight inflection, a hint of are you free tonight?
(Really, the physical side was always great. It was the urge to run that always got them.)
She fired into the night, and hit him with that sudden flash. It was all over, and she was left panting from the exertion--and the excitement of it all.
No other man she'd loved and left would challenge her to laser tag on the top of skyscrapers, or challenge her to believe that someone could love her how she was, without demanding any changes.
That someone could find her beautiful for who she was.
"I got you, Barney," she said.
Barney put his hand over his heart. "You always did," Barney said.
"Fess up, Barney. You took over New York city, just to get my attention, didn't you?" she said.
"Well, I mean, "Well, I did want everyone to suit up. And DiBlasio was doing a bad job," Barney said.
"Such a bad job," Robin said.
"Why are you all here anyways? Are you going to play laser tag, too?"
"We're your friends, Barney."
"Mr. Legendary," Barney said.
"Barnegendary," Marshall said.
"Mr. Barngendary," Ted said.
"That makes me sound like a cryptid," Barney said.
Marshall grinned wide. "I know."
"I--love it. I'll get it put on a billboard. Mr. Legendary, Barngendary."
"Let me know when you put it up, I'll grab a photo and put it on Facebook," Ted said.
"That's the opposite of cool, Ted," Barney said.
"But very on brand," Marshall said.
And they all nodded at that.
"Barney, we're your friends. We're always going to be here to cheer you on," Ted said.
"And tell you when you're being a gigantic douchebag," Lily said.
"Anyways, who breaks up over wifi? You guys both had unlimited data," Marshall said.
"It's only unlimited until you get 50 gigs in, then it's 2g. You can't do anything with 2G. I couldn't even sign in to my favorite games. I was losing out on free stuff!" Pain filled Barney's voice. "I missed out on so many orbs and a free Altina. Do you know how good my army could've been with a free Altina? I could've finally beat the Infernal levels!"
"Come on, man. Nobody throws a marriage like yours away over that. Even if Altina is an amazing unit," Marshall said.
"It was more than wifi, a lot more, in fact," Barney said.
"Barney, if you broke her heart, I'll turn into a superhero right here just to whoop your ass," Lily said.
"Not that kind of more," Barney said.
"In fact, I'm surprised to see you here in New York, instead of running away. Oh yes, I said it," Barney said.
"You'd know all about running away, Barney," Robin said.
Barney let out a disgusted sigh. "That's the point, Robin! We keep doing this, running away knowing damn well that no one, not the countless people of New York or anywhere else will ever compare. I spend every day haunted by the fact that I lost you, and that I'll never feel as happy as when I'm with you. So, I start to think why not take over New York, and teach them how to live? It's not like I've got anyone to go home to. I blew it and I'm going to regret for the rest of my life that we didn't work. And no matter how many times I tell myself...I can't let go."
"Why do we keep doing this?" Robin said in a small voice.
"I don't know. I guess we're just too broken to do anything else," Barney said.
"Maybe it'll never work. Maybe we're just fooling ourselves," Robin said.
"If we're all wrong for each other, then why does it keep feeling so right?" Barney said.
"The truth is--it's scary to lose you," she said softly. "I'd be losing one of my best friend, my partner in crime, and failing over and over again. And maybe failing was easier than the constant fear and weight of losing you. Because then I wouldn't constantly be waiting for us to break up, because it'd be over."
"Getting married made everything seem so final. Especially that death due us part. It made me want to run," Robin admitted.
"Me too," Barney said.
"Face it: maybe we're not meant for something like that," Robin said.
"Listen, just because we failed at marriage doesn't mean we don't work. Even if it's scary and messy, you're worth it, Robin. I'd keep trying, no matter how man times it takes. I'd take over the entire world for you, Robin," Barney said. His voice broke with emotion. "Just name the country and I'll take it over and name it Robinlandia."
"Dude, season finale spoilers," Marshall said.
"Aww, that's sweet," Robin said. "But really, drop the Bond villain act. You don't even have a fluffy white cat to pet. You actually made the city better, and didn't even have a giant laser."
"Giant lasers are so 60's Bond Villain. The new thing is laser tag," Barney said.
"If he did, he'd probably just cure nearsightedness," Marshall said.
"Uh, cured homelessness? zero percent crime rate? I, for one, welcome our suited overlord," Ted said.
"See, Ted, you understand," Barney said. "Also, nice suit."
"Thanks, I got it for free when I woke up and my closet was filled with nothing but suits," Ted said dryly.
"Taking over New York just to get rid of Ted's cable knit sweaters?" Robin said.
"Oh, it was definitely one of the reasons," Barney said.
They shared a smile, and she laughed softly.
"We could go on a date....I guess..." Barney said. He gave her a small, tender smile. "If you wanted to."
"We don't have to get married again. But I want to be with you."
"I'd like that too."
"Oh, Barney, you idiot," she said softly.
"Come here, Robin," Barney said in a low voice.
And she was all too happy to make that leap. To run over that rooftop and leap right into his waiting arms.
They floated above the city. Wrapped up in each other like the time he proposed to her. Each time they were away, she forgot how intense a kiss was with him. Not just because he had experience, because they had chemistry like no one else she'd ever met.
She broke away only because she though that if she kissed him a moment longer, she'd never let go.
Even through the mask, she could see his intense tender gaze. The kind that she would've sworn that Barney couldn't do, unless he was doing something for his Bro Code book.
But through it all, Barney had a heart. And so did she. Even if they both made raspberries and yelled what a cliche! when Ted did his nightly talks about love and justice and friendship, like he was a magical girl.
"You know, I don't regret it, you know. I don't regret a single thing I ever did with you. Even if we got divorced, I'd do it all over again," Barney said.
His hand ran through her (now slightly tangled) long brown hair.
"All I regret was that I couldn't make it work the first time, or even third time," Robin said.
"Maybe we just need to do it again, on our own terms," Barney said.
"What, are you going to make a Bro code for us?" Robin said.
"I accept that challenge," Barney said.
"And you need a new hobby," Robin said.
"His last hobby actually saved the city, and he was a few steps away from curing cancer. I never thought I'd say this, but I am actually am okay with his hobbies," Ted said.
"Ted's right. Apparently massive amounts of laser tag and scientists is a winning combination. Not only are they making breakthroughs, they figured out how to make even tastier gummy bears."
"At least let people wear sweatpants sometimes," Robin said.
Barney sighed longsufferingly. "Oh, all right. But only on Sundays when they watch the game."
She had to laugh at that. "What about holidays?"
She leaned in and whispered in his ear. "And what if I wear nothing but sweatpants for you?"
Barney took a sharp intake of breath. "You definitely have some good ideas, Robin."
She leaned against his neck, curled up against him. She'd missed being like this.
Though jetpacks hadn't been involved in the mental images of being in his arms she just couldn't forget. But, with Barney, something like surprise jetpacks was never was a surprise.
"You know, Robin. I'd do anything for you. Take over the world, the universe, or even--wear sweatpants."
"I accept that challenge," Robin said.
Barney's face was filled with a certain glee as she'd said the thing. She'd get to see his smile way more often. And being with him was worth whatever fears she'd have to fight.
Because they could fight them together.
Series: How I Met Your Mother
Character/pairing: Barney/Robin, ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 5,780
Summary: After their rough break up, Barney naturally attempts to become a super villain to get Robin's attention. Robin once again dons on her suit to take down her ex-husband who has suited up every New Yorker, and made vast laser-tag related changes to the entire city.
Author's note: Am I the only one who remembers that S9 confirmed Robin used to be a spandex-clad superhero? Not referring to Colbie in the Marvel movies (which was something the fandom had fun with, btw) but the part in s9 where that happened.
I will reluctantly admit certain events happened in the finale this time. But only so I can fix them. Tracy's totally still alive, though.
And Barney played Fire Emblem Heroes, btw.
The same day Barney Stinson's divorce became final, the entire city of New York woke up in suits.
*
Marshall blinked at the mirror, still groggy as he reached for his toothbrush. As he wetted his toothbrush, he took a double take the reflection in his mirror.
"Babe, did you put me in a suit today?"
"Mmm--what? Why would I put you in a suit?"
Lily peered into the bathroom. Her red hair fell over her shoulder.
"Marshall, you are wearing a suit," she said.
"I know, babe. You're wearing a suit, too."
She glanced down. Realization dawned on her face."That son of a bitch."
They met eyes, and telepathically one word came through their minds: Barney.
*
The scent of blueberry pancakes filled the kitchen. Already, newly dirty pans filled the sink. But it would all be worth it for that perfect surprise for all of the family.
(And if it meant he got to be elbow-deep in suds while Tracy dried the plates that night, then all the better.)
Ted couldn't help but smile as he thought, not for the first time, how well she fit here. He'd bought marble counter tops, the occasional festive wreaths, pans hung from the ceiling, cast-iron skillets ready to be filled with the joys of life (like bacon) and made it look as homey as could be. But nothing had seemed to fit until she came there.
Tracy's dark hair was pulled back into a messy bun. She had flour trailed over her cheeks, and powder white spots on her apron. Not for the first time, Ted was struck with how lucky he was to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.
Even more so, she wore a suit underneath that apron. And damn, did she wear it well.
"Wearing a suit to make breakfast? That's new."
Tracy smiled big at the sight of him. And that never failed to bring a smile to his own lips. Or remind him all over again how much he loved her.
"I woke up like this, actually."
"Woke up what, beautiful? Because you're always beautiful."
Ted leaned in and cupped her cheeks. This impromptu kiss (which would've turned into an impromptu breakfast make out to see just how much they could get before the kids came down to the kitchen) was suddenly interrupted by a phone call.
Ted pulled away reluctantly, just to check and make sure it wasn't an emergency.
"It's Lily. I need to take this."
He brought the phone to his ear. "Lily, what's up?"
"Ted, cut the PDA, this is important."
"First thing, I'm in my own home so it's hardly 'public.' Second, how did you even know?"
"We don't even have to see to know you're embarrassing your kids with how huggy you're being," Lily said.
"Like you can say anything. I seem to remember a whole lot of times in college when I was witness to more than just a 'little PDA.' Like on the top bunk," Ted said.
"I really thought you were asleep, dude," Marshall said.
Lily cleared her throat. "Anyways, notice anything different, Ted?" Lily said.
Ted looked down, and with growing shock, realized that he too was wearing a suit. In his reverie of holy shit, I married an incredible woman, he hadn't even noticed.
"We all suited up?" Ted said.
"I think we all know who is behind this. Come to our house as soon as you can."
"You know the rules. Breakfast first. See you in a bit."
They said their goodbyes, and Ted ended the call.
Ted smiled at Tracy. "So, where were we?"
"About to have a pancake serenade," she said.
"My favorite," Ted said.
*
When Lily ended the call, Marshall smiled at her.
"Technically, Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Marshall said.
Lily smiled back. "You think every meal is the most important part of the day," Lily said.
To which Marshall could only give a hapless shrug.
"And that's why I love you," Lily said. She leaned in to kiss him.
"Let's turn on the news, maybe news of this prank has hit the air waves. In fact, maybe Robin is reporting it," Lily said.
As they turned on the television, they saw dozens of shots of people of New York city, all wearing suits.
*
"Today, every single broadcast was taken over by a masked man in a suit. He gave the message 'New York, I'm going to teach you how to live. Now, Suit up! The man refers to himself as Mr. Legendary. More at 11."
Lily muted the television as a too-loud commercial about boats came on. All of the group, save Robin, who was jetsetting across the world, had convened in Marshall and Lily's house. Ted couldn't get a sitter on such short notice, so Tracy had to watch them this weekend, and was even kind enough to watch Marshall and Lily's kids as well.
"Mr. Legendary? He isn't even trying," Lily said.
"I don't know, it has a certain charm," Marshall said.
"Marshall, Barney is a super villain and our enemy right now," Lily said.
"Super villain might be cutting it a bit harsh, Lily," Marshall said. "They're just suits."
"I checked in on my old school. They're all wearing suits, Marshall. He's turning the kids into mini-versions of him. If we don't stop him, they're going to be saying 'no fat chicks' next, and reciting the bro code instead of the pledge of allegiance."
"It's so obviously Barney, he might as well not even wear a mask," Marshall said.
"The mask is actually pretty handsome, like he's gone full Phantom of the Opera," Ted said.
Lily and Marshall gave each other a knowing look.
"What? A guy can't appreciate another guy's mask, and say mayhaps that he's handsome and charming and even dashing?"
"He's got a point, the mask is cool," Marshall said.
"Dammit, now Barney's seducing us all! Before we know it, we'll all just be part of Barney's harem."
"It's what he does best," Ted said.
"It was inevitable, really," Marshall said.
A Skype window suddenly opened itself on Ted's laptop. Barney sat on a literal throne, and drank a sip of scotch in a crystalline shot glass.
"Greetings."
"Barney, we all know it's you," Marshall said. "Man, I know divorce is hard, but don't people just take cooking classes or something?"
Barney nearly dropped his glass of alcohol. He gave Marshall an incredulous look.
"You know? You who was basically married to Lily at first site? Who broke up once for like, two minutes and then got happily married afterwards?"
Ted nodded knowingly. "I gotta side with Barney on this one, maybe you should've left that one to me, considering I got broken up with a million times and even got left at the altar. You barely know anything about being heartbroken."
"Okay, Benedict Ted," Lily said.
"What next, Barney? Are you going to make laser tag mandatory now?" Ted said.
"Good idea, Ted," Barney said. He ended the call without another word.
"Good going, Ted. You went and gave him ideas," Lily said.
"Hey, he was going to reach that conclusion eventually anyways," Ted said.
*
"Laser tag sites have mysteriously shown up all about the city. People are suddenly compelled to visit them, and find great joy in playing laser tag. Recent reports show that homelessness and crime have been completely obliterated overnight by this Mr. Legendary with Operation Laser Tag. He promises to continue to 'teach us how to live.' More at eleven."
The next day, they'd gathered at Marshall and Lily's again. It'd only taken 24 hours for Barney to completely transform the city they loved into a laser tag paradise. There were more laser tags spots than Starbucks, and that was saying something, considering there was approximately five Starbucks on every block.
"How did Barney cure homelessness again?" Ted said.
"Gave all the homeless people suits, then had them work in all the new laser tag places he put up, and helping suit manufacturers, to keep everyone in suits. I bet the unemployment rate is like, zilch now," Marshall said.
"Dude, Barney's a genius," Ted said. "I never would've thought about curing the world with laser tag."
"If only he could hear you say that, he'd probably be pretty happy," Marshall said.
A Skype call suddenly came on, and Barney sat, with a glass of wine in hand, on a throne.
"If only."
"Dammit, Barney. We were just starting to like you again," Lily said.
"Hey, it isn't my fault you leave Skype signed in all the time. How was I supposed to know you didn't want to be called? Also, I know of no Barney. Only Mr. Legendary."
"Okay, Swarley," Marshall said.
"Guys, guys, that joke stopped being funny years ago!"
"I don't know, it's seems pretty funny to me, Swarley," Marshall said.
"Congrats on curing homelessness and crime with suits and laser tag, Barney. What's next, curing cancer?" Ted said.
"Great idea, Ted."
Barney abruptly ended the call.
"Hey, you can't complain about this one," Ted said.
And they all had to agree on that.
*
Robin hadn't looked at her super suit in a very long time. It was perfectly normal in Canada to go from teen pop superstar to teen goth superstar to part of a group of multicolored, spandex-clad heroes. Everyone did it, right after learning how to snowshoe and wrestle bears.
She'd have to make some adjustments. She wasn't a teen pop star/goth star/superhero anymore. She was a reporter--which kind of made her like Lois Lane, now that she thought about it.
(She had a twinge in that moment, because Barney had made that connection, and teased her about it. He'd say Hey, Lois Lane. Want to see something worth reporting on? And she'd feel that same old twinge that always drew her back.)
But as the broadcasts by Mr. Legendary filled every single electronic billboard in New York, she opened her closet and lifted up the old suit. The purple shone in the light.
It was time to become the identity she'd left behind. Not Robin Sparkles, but Deadly Nightshade.
*
Robin opened up her window, and stepped out into the night. The city was filled with lights and bustling people.
She scaled up, until she was on the roof.
Before Robin could head out, her phone rang.
It'd been quite some time since she'd heard from Ted. Now he spent all his time with his wife, and often on Facebook, posting endless pictures of his kids, and sharing minion memes with Marshall as each of them tried to one up each other for the dadliest of the bunch.
"Did you hear the news? Wait, you are the news," Ted said.
Robin smiled at this. "You could say that, yes."
"So, in case you missed it reporting everywhere, Barney took over the city. That's what you missed on this last episode of What Chaos Barney caused. Now we're all wearing suits, and there's laser tag sites everywhere."
"I'm not even surprised. It was bound to happen eventually," she said.
Ted chuckled. "Yeah. In retrospect, we should've guessed Barney would become a super-villain eventually."
For a moment there was a pause. Would it grow awkward? Surely they'd drifted. He had his own life. Their friendship had always been fragile at best. Robin always knew deep down that she was the expendable one of the group, that one day she'd have to cut and run when things got too messy.
Just like she always did.
And she was the divorcee of the bunch, now. The extra wheel as Marshall and Lily, and Ted and Tracy were constantly in marital bliss, and Barney apparently tired from sleeping with every girl in New York city and decided to simply take it over.
"We missed you," Ted said finally. "I've meant to call, but being a dad is surprisingly busy. I never guessed how busy it'd be."
Several murmurs of agreement followed behind him.
"I've wanted to tag you on Facebook so many times, but you never respond on there," Marshall said.
"I only use it for work," Robin said.
"The group is all together? Are you at MacLarens?"
"No, we're at this great bar called 'Marshall and Lily's.' It's really underrated, but the atmosphere is amazing."
"I've been there before. It's got the best group of people I've ever met," she said.
"Are you going to head over here? I'll make sure the beer cooler is stoked," Marshall said.
"Well, it looks like I have a little unfinished business to speak with Barney about," Robin said. She tried some levity, but there wasn't much, not at the level of divorce where she kept forgetting to add an ex to her husband, oh and he took over a city when she wasn't looking.
Typical Barney.
"Robin, being friends means never being alone. Even if there's continents between us--"
"Oh boy, it's time for a Ted talk," Robin said.
Laughter came over the line.
"Come on, guys," Ted said.
"Ted's right. We've been waiting for you all along," Lily said. Her voice was choked up. "I missed you....so much."
"There isn't really a place for the divorced friend in the group," Robin said. "I'd just bring you all down when I don't get the joke about changing baby diapers for the fiftieth time."
"That's where you're wrong. There's always room for you in this friend group, no matter what," Ted said.
"Who knows what could happen. You could get back together," Lily added.
"You're betting on me again, aren't you?" Robin said.
"Not just because of that," Lily said quickly. "It's happened before."
She clutched the phone harder. Hard enough that she was surprised it didn't crack. Even the littlest bit of hope made her ache at the thought.
"I don't know about that. But, I've got to head to somewhere first. Then, I'll come by for a drink," she said.
"The WWN building, right?"
"What?"
"That's where Mr. Legendary set up his top secret lair," Ted said.
"Well, that's news to me," she said
"You are the news, Robin," Ted said.
Not when it came to Barney.
"I have to go, I've got another call on the line. Bye."
It wasn't the first time she'd faked a call to get out of an emotional moment. Barney was one of the only ones who knew she pulled things like this. That as much as she loved her job, she used it as a shield to keep people far enough that they didn't close enough to hurt her.
And he understood, he knew her and loved her without wanting her to change even for a moment. Because they were thick as thieves, they had the same playbook. Theoretically, as his was a bro code and hers was a list of past goodbyes.
And even through it all, she'd run away. She'd let him go. The one person she thought she'd always return to, the one who'd somehow turned out to be her best friend, her boyfriend, then her husband.
And it'd all fallen apart. Not even marriage could keep them from fighting, and from wanting to run away from intimacy and security. They both craved the love as much as they feared it.
But in the end, the fear had been greater.
She'd never brought herself to delete his number. With everyone else, she'd deleted their number as soon as possible. She'd delete every picture, every memory without second thought. But with Barney, her thumb would always linger and then push the button to cancel out.
(Except Ted, but they'd remained friends, even in the difficult times.)
It was only one ring before he picked up. Barney was breaking his own rules, to never seem too needy to pick up seconds later.
"We need to talk," Robin said.
"It's been a while, Robin," Barney said.
He said it so nonchalantly, but she could hear the hurt beneath his voice. She thought back to the time he'd told her in the rain that any day without her was just no good.
"I hear you've been up to new things," she said, with forced levity.
"Oh, you know. This and that."
"Listen, I'm low battery," he said. "I can't stay long."
"You cured homelessness and you haven't figured out how to make an iPhone battery not suck?" Robin said.
"I don't work magic, Robin. Well, not iPhone magic, anyways. You know where I'll be," Barney said.
He hung up without saying goodbye. Or maybe his phone shut off. She couldn't tell. Robin stared at her phone for several minutes before she put away.
*
Reports are that Mr. Legendary has made an 'awesome new secret lair on the top of the WWN building, and plans to 'teach us how to live' some more. With homelessness cured and the stock market booming, what next does the Masked Mr. Legendary have for us? More news after this break.
Robin jumped from rooftop to rooftop, clad in a tight purple suit. It'd been so long since she felt the wind on her face, and saw the streetlights below.
She hadn't felt this rush for a very long time. She'd gotten the same adrenaline rush of fighting crime as being with Barney, in the orbit of his chaos. Even just drinking late into the night.
She didn't even feel fear--but she felt a twinge as she came to the very place where Barney had proposed to her.
The memories filled her senses. This was where he had proposed. Snow had fallen about them, she had been filled with such complex emotions. Anger, hurt, jealousy, and the part of her that still wanted him.
He was turned away from her when she caught sight of him.
"I should've known you would be here, Barney."
"It's Mr. Legendary, now," Barney said.
"Of course," Robin said.
He wore a pristine suit tailored in Italy, and a black feathered masquerade mask he must've gotten at some Halloween closeout store.
Robin had to keep from smiling at that. It'd been so long since she'd seen him, so long since she'd put on her suit. She was filled to the brim with nostalgia, and the sudden pain to remember that didn't spend every night with Barney and her friends anymore, drinking late into the night.
And he was just as handsome, as devilishly charming as ever. His blond hair was cut close, his blue eyes were just as captivating behind the mask. Every time Robin looked at him, she had to remind herself that they were exs now. That she wasn't supposed to still be in love with him after everything.
That they didn't work.
Barney took a sip of his drink, a scotch old enough to drink its own scotch, surely. Barney never suffered through mediocre drinks or mediocre company.
(Like he always said: Nothing is truly legendary unless your friends are there to see it.)
"We have unfinished business, Barney," Robin said.
"You could say that," Barney said.
"You took over the entire city. You made everyone wear suits."
"Oh, that? It's New York; everyone already wears suits anyways. I just got them better ones," Barney said nonchalantly.
"Wait a minute--you're underplaying what you did? Who are you and what did you do with Barney? Are you a robot cyborg clone?"
"This isn't a Marvel movie, Robin," Barney said.
"So it's DC?"
"You tell me, Lois Lane."
She took a deep intake of breath. Barney wasn't really one for nicknames, and Robin preferred it that way. (Except for Barnman and Robin--and that was mostly Marshall's fault.) But this one little thing had been the exception between them. An in-joke through it all.
And maybe it was a sign, because he was more Lex Luthor than Superman.
"I think there's only one way to settle this, Barney," she said.
"Oh, are we going to take this out hand to hand? Hot."
"You tell me," Robin said.
"I have another idea..."
He snapped his fingers. Just like the many times he had brought forth fire, or pulled out napkins or flowers from his sleeves, Barney did his magic.
"How can you fight me...when you are already wearing a suit?"
Robin glanced down. Over her purple leotard was an expensive Italian suit. Barney smiled enigmatically.
"How did you do that?"
He shook his finger at her. "A magician never reveals his secrets."
"I can still beat you in a suit. I beat you plenty of times when we were together--and you liked it."
"Challenge accepted," Barney said.
Barney opened up his arms in a grand gesture, and lifted off the ground. He was surrounded by light, in a way that reminded Robin of portraits of saints ascending to heaven she'd seen in Europe.
"Barney can fly now?" Marshall said. "Maybe he was the Mothman all along."
Her friends appeared at the door to the roof.
"It's a Jetpack, Marshall," Ted said. "Also Mothman? Wouldn't Barney be more incubus if we're going by creatures? Or maybe a vampire. He really doesn't like garlic."
"Ted's right. All suits should come equipped with jetpacks, just in case," Barney said.
"Technically he didn't deny being a vampire or incubus," Marshall said.
"He would be an incubus," Lily said.
"I'm not going to confirm or deny that," Barney said.
"Confirm this, then. So all this is just a little hobby to you? Dammit, Barney! Why didn't you just take yoga! I'm sure there's plenty of 'babes you could've banged'." Bitterness filled her voice at this. Because she knew damn well there'd be so many others. Barney was never alone for long.
"Because they weren't you, Robin," Barney said softly. "They weren't you. And that made all the difference."
Silence fell between them. "Barney, you...."
Ted suddenly interjected. "I mean, wait a minute. Didn't Barney technically end homelessness? With all laser tag places now, the crime rate of New York is zero. On the news, it said that people want to ditch DeBlasio and vote Barney in as mayor," Ted said.
"Not now, Ted!" came a chorus of voices.
He pulled a bouquet from nothing. This was so intrinsically him, charm and deflecting. He was ever the magician, and a magician always kept his secrets.
Inside the bouquet was a surprise: a single laser tag gun. He floated closer to her, and held out his hand. When he touched her, the warmth was a shock. Her hand instinctively closed about the handle of the laser tag gun.
"Tonight, we play my game. And that game is laser tag," Barney said.
In a flash of light, Barney rose up into the night sky. "Find me, Robin."
In a shower of sparks, Barney disappeared. And she couldn't help but think it was so fitting, because every kiss had been fireworks when she was with him. Nobody before and nobody since had ever made her feel like this. Like rushing headlong into danger, like taking a chance was worth it more than anything.
She caught sight of a flash in the night, and followed him, to the stars, the city far below them. Laser shots ricocheted off of clouds, lighting them up momentarily. But she kept running, kept trying to find him. Just like she had a thousand times when she felt such disappointment when every call and text wasn't him. Just like she felt when she found out some good news, and he was the first person she wanted to tell.
When he'd said any day without talking to you...is just no good, the thing that Robin had never admitted, even to herself, was that she felt the same.
So many cars passed below them as she leaped over buildings with ease. The missed laser tags lit up the night. Robin dodged every one with a feline grace.
Robin couldn't help but smile. She'd missed this, missed him. Her mind went back to that first night he'd convinced her to go out and play laser tag with him. The first thrill, and the first spark of attraction between them.
One that she wouldn't admit for a very long time.
She'd won then, and after being in love with him (and breaking up with him this many times) she knew his weaknesses.
She tossed her hair, and dodged another shot. But it was hard to hit a moving target, especially when the target had a jetpack. She looked right in his eyes, and touched to the zipper on her purple spandex. His grip on the gun froze, as he was captivated by the movement. Not even a jetpack could save Barney.
She could get him with so much less. A lick of her lips, a slight inflection, a hint of are you free tonight?
(Really, the physical side was always great. It was the urge to run that always got them.)
She fired into the night, and hit him with that sudden flash. It was all over, and she was left panting from the exertion--and the excitement of it all.
No other man she'd loved and left would challenge her to laser tag on the top of skyscrapers, or challenge her to believe that someone could love her how she was, without demanding any changes.
That someone could find her beautiful for who she was.
"I got you, Barney," she said.
Barney put his hand over his heart. "You always did," Barney said.
"Fess up, Barney. You took over New York city, just to get my attention, didn't you?" she said.
"Well, I mean, "Well, I did want everyone to suit up. And DiBlasio was doing a bad job," Barney said.
"Such a bad job," Robin said.
"Why are you all here anyways? Are you going to play laser tag, too?"
"We're your friends, Barney."
"Mr. Legendary," Barney said.
"Barnegendary," Marshall said.
"Mr. Barngendary," Ted said.
"That makes me sound like a cryptid," Barney said.
Marshall grinned wide. "I know."
"I--love it. I'll get it put on a billboard. Mr. Legendary, Barngendary."
"Let me know when you put it up, I'll grab a photo and put it on Facebook," Ted said.
"That's the opposite of cool, Ted," Barney said.
"But very on brand," Marshall said.
And they all nodded at that.
"Barney, we're your friends. We're always going to be here to cheer you on," Ted said.
"And tell you when you're being a gigantic douchebag," Lily said.
"Anyways, who breaks up over wifi? You guys both had unlimited data," Marshall said.
"It's only unlimited until you get 50 gigs in, then it's 2g. You can't do anything with 2G. I couldn't even sign in to my favorite games. I was losing out on free stuff!" Pain filled Barney's voice. "I missed out on so many orbs and a free Altina. Do you know how good my army could've been with a free Altina? I could've finally beat the Infernal levels!"
"Come on, man. Nobody throws a marriage like yours away over that. Even if Altina is an amazing unit," Marshall said.
"It was more than wifi, a lot more, in fact," Barney said.
"Barney, if you broke her heart, I'll turn into a superhero right here just to whoop your ass," Lily said.
"Not that kind of more," Barney said.
"In fact, I'm surprised to see you here in New York, instead of running away. Oh yes, I said it," Barney said.
"You'd know all about running away, Barney," Robin said.
Barney let out a disgusted sigh. "That's the point, Robin! We keep doing this, running away knowing damn well that no one, not the countless people of New York or anywhere else will ever compare. I spend every day haunted by the fact that I lost you, and that I'll never feel as happy as when I'm with you. So, I start to think why not take over New York, and teach them how to live? It's not like I've got anyone to go home to. I blew it and I'm going to regret for the rest of my life that we didn't work. And no matter how many times I tell myself...I can't let go."
"Why do we keep doing this?" Robin said in a small voice.
"I don't know. I guess we're just too broken to do anything else," Barney said.
"Maybe it'll never work. Maybe we're just fooling ourselves," Robin said.
"If we're all wrong for each other, then why does it keep feeling so right?" Barney said.
"The truth is--it's scary to lose you," she said softly. "I'd be losing one of my best friend, my partner in crime, and failing over and over again. And maybe failing was easier than the constant fear and weight of losing you. Because then I wouldn't constantly be waiting for us to break up, because it'd be over."
"Getting married made everything seem so final. Especially that death due us part. It made me want to run," Robin admitted.
"Me too," Barney said.
"Face it: maybe we're not meant for something like that," Robin said.
"Listen, just because we failed at marriage doesn't mean we don't work. Even if it's scary and messy, you're worth it, Robin. I'd keep trying, no matter how man times it takes. I'd take over the entire world for you, Robin," Barney said. His voice broke with emotion. "Just name the country and I'll take it over and name it Robinlandia."
"Dude, season finale spoilers," Marshall said.
"Aww, that's sweet," Robin said. "But really, drop the Bond villain act. You don't even have a fluffy white cat to pet. You actually made the city better, and didn't even have a giant laser."
"Giant lasers are so 60's Bond Villain. The new thing is laser tag," Barney said.
"If he did, he'd probably just cure nearsightedness," Marshall said.
"Uh, cured homelessness? zero percent crime rate? I, for one, welcome our suited overlord," Ted said.
"See, Ted, you understand," Barney said. "Also, nice suit."
"Thanks, I got it for free when I woke up and my closet was filled with nothing but suits," Ted said dryly.
"Taking over New York just to get rid of Ted's cable knit sweaters?" Robin said.
"Oh, it was definitely one of the reasons," Barney said.
They shared a smile, and she laughed softly.
"We could go on a date....I guess..." Barney said. He gave her a small, tender smile. "If you wanted to."
"We don't have to get married again. But I want to be with you."
"I'd like that too."
"Oh, Barney, you idiot," she said softly.
"Come here, Robin," Barney said in a low voice.
And she was all too happy to make that leap. To run over that rooftop and leap right into his waiting arms.
They floated above the city. Wrapped up in each other like the time he proposed to her. Each time they were away, she forgot how intense a kiss was with him. Not just because he had experience, because they had chemistry like no one else she'd ever met.
She broke away only because she though that if she kissed him a moment longer, she'd never let go.
Even through the mask, she could see his intense tender gaze. The kind that she would've sworn that Barney couldn't do, unless he was doing something for his Bro Code book.
But through it all, Barney had a heart. And so did she. Even if they both made raspberries and yelled what a cliche! when Ted did his nightly talks about love and justice and friendship, like he was a magical girl.
"You know, I don't regret it, you know. I don't regret a single thing I ever did with you. Even if we got divorced, I'd do it all over again," Barney said.
His hand ran through her (now slightly tangled) long brown hair.
"All I regret was that I couldn't make it work the first time, or even third time," Robin said.
"Maybe we just need to do it again, on our own terms," Barney said.
"What, are you going to make a Bro code for us?" Robin said.
"I accept that challenge," Barney said.
"And you need a new hobby," Robin said.
"His last hobby actually saved the city, and he was a few steps away from curing cancer. I never thought I'd say this, but I am actually am okay with his hobbies," Ted said.
"Ted's right. Apparently massive amounts of laser tag and scientists is a winning combination. Not only are they making breakthroughs, they figured out how to make even tastier gummy bears."
"At least let people wear sweatpants sometimes," Robin said.
Barney sighed longsufferingly. "Oh, all right. But only on Sundays when they watch the game."
She had to laugh at that. "What about holidays?"
She leaned in and whispered in his ear. "And what if I wear nothing but sweatpants for you?"
Barney took a sharp intake of breath. "You definitely have some good ideas, Robin."
She leaned against his neck, curled up against him. She'd missed being like this.
Though jetpacks hadn't been involved in the mental images of being in his arms she just couldn't forget. But, with Barney, something like surprise jetpacks was never was a surprise.
"You know, Robin. I'd do anything for you. Take over the world, the universe, or even--wear sweatpants."
"I accept that challenge," Robin said.
Barney's face was filled with a certain glee as she'd said the thing. She'd get to see his smile way more often. And being with him was worth whatever fears she'd have to fight.
Because they could fight them together.
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Date: 2020-10-17 04:32 pm (UTC)