fic: Skeptics and True Believers
Feb. 18th, 2020 01:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: Skeptics and True Believers
Series: Ace Attorney
Character/pairing: Nahyuta/Ema
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3,700
Summary: Ema returns as Nahyuta is burning incense. It leads to a heartfelt talk on religion, or the lack thereof.
Author's note:
Part of Holidaze series
The previous chapters are:
I'll Be Home For Christmas
I'll Be Cleaning Up Bottles With You On New Years Day
14th
Moving In
Surprise, Surprise.
Yes, I know I used the title 'Skeptics and True Believers" for that fanmix, but it seemed far too fitting to not, you know?
Happy birthday, Seta_Suzume.
--
Ema returned with hands full of a bag of fruit, only to catch the unmistakable scent of incense. Nahyuta knelt at the altar and placed each burnt, and smoking stick in burner. The altar had a faceless portrait surrounded by flowers. Beneath it was a well used gold incense burner shaped like a lotus.
His long silvery braid fell down his back, surrounded by the gold brocade of his coat. His mala was twisted about his hands, and each bead was another prayer to be recited.
She set her bag of groceries--though she'd already eaten half the lot on the walk home. She didn't call out a greeting as she usually would, given his reverent pose, but Nahyuta turned, and gave her a smile. "Welcome back."
"Thanks, I wasn't trying to interrupt your prayer thing, though," Ema said.
"It is no matter. I have not begun yet. I was just preparing."
Gathered at his feet was fruit and water. He placed them upon the altar, on a metal plate filled with butterflies. The portraits on the altar were pristine, free of all dust or smudge marks.
"Um, do you mind if I watch you, or would you find that weird?"
"Do as you wish," he said.
Which wasn't the most reassuring thing, but he didn't seem mad. If anything, he was just being his usual unreadable self.
So, Ema took it as a yes and sat down on on the ground a bit behind him. Now that she was getting accustomed to Khura'in, she'd actually gotten used to sitting on cushions on the floor.
He bowed his head silently, and took the mala in his hands and touched to each bead as he moved his mouth in silent reverence. She supposed there wasn't much to see in someone else's prayers. It wasn't like some eureka moment of an apple falling, or a philosopher stumbling out of the bath tub to announce his new discovery. No sudden appearance of angels or bright lights, just a belief she couldn't quite relate to.
This had perhaps, been one of the biggest divides between them. Not just the myriad ways their culture differed, or that his aunt had been a brutal tyrant bent on destroying her own family in the cruelest way possible. Nahyuta was devout to his core, while Ema wasn't.
The stick burned down low, and ashes gathered in around it. He placed the plate before the picture of Dhurke. He murmured a prayer, and she recognized forgiveness among the words.
Even though he'd talked to Dhurke, Nahyuta still atoned for his sins--or at least, what he perceived as sins. Ema was certain he would carry that guilt with him for the rest of his life, no matter how many times Dhurke came back from the afterlife to try and convince him otherwise.
He spoke on, but she couldn't understand this part. She knew on some level that she was improving at the language, with all the instruction that Nahyuta gladly helped her with. Still, she was impatient at her progress. The mere fact that she didn't understand every bit of that prayer meant she needed to work harder.
Finally, the words ceased and he was silent, head bowed as the incense burned down to ashes. Nahyuta lifted the carafe of water beside it the plate of food at the altar. He poured out to a cup and lift it there before the portrait of his father and the Holy Mother.
He touched to the carafe one last time, with his eyes closed. Then he pulled back.
He lifted his head and glanced back at her.
"Are you interested in my religion, Ema? You always seemed disdainful of others beliefs. We have certainly sparred plenty very enjoyable times on this matter."
"Hhh, I--actually, I was pretty bad. Sorry about that. I guess I was a little condescending. Living here with you, in Khura'in--it's made me be a little more understanding, maybe even more tolerant, believe it or not, considering I definitely have seen the dark side of your religion. Even if I'm not religious myself, it means a lot to people. I guess the fact that some people go too far with their religious beliefs shouldn't be an excuse to be an ass to everyone who believes in some religion. Because there's always that one person who's just living their life and doesn't deserve to be treated like that."
Nahyuta's devotion had changed her, in more than one way. A few years ago, such a thought would've been unthinkable. But here she was, engaged to a monk. Life was funny like that.
"I rather enjoy your sharp tongue, even when it is sometimes blasphemous," Nahyuta said, with that soft lilt that could make her shiver to her core, be it in the middle of court or right at the family altar.
"Good, because otherwise we'd have problems, because there's two things you can always trust about me: I'll always have a snack on hand, and I'll always have some smartass remark handy."
He smiled at that, and brushed wisps of silvery hair that had fallen from his braid away from his face. Nahyuta took another glance to the altar.
"Ah, that reminds me. I must ask one request. Please don't move this plate, or eat the food there. In Khura'in--we leave offerings for those which have left us, to help guide them to the twilight realm. I cannot recall if I told you this before or if you have witnessed an offering such at this. Of course, father would probably find it funny if you ate food left for him, but it is considered a grievous slight and one of the worst things imaginable to do. At times, tourists have not understood and it has caused certain complexities."
"Yeah, like the Day of the Dead, right? I lived in L.A. so long, I definitely saw plenty of my neighbors celebrating."
"You must illuminate me further about this."
She glanced at her phone. "I'm almost out of charge, but once I have more battery life, I'll show you a documentary or something."
"I shall look forward to it."
Ema glanced back at the altar. "Wait, what if animals get into it? Should I shoo them away, or something?" Ema said.
"That is a sign that their spirit has finally crossed into another life, and they have returned to us in another form."
"Oh, okay," Ema said.
Nahyuta stared long at the portrait of the father he had lost.
"The truth is, I used to cook for father. I liked the routines of it. The sizzling of oil, the cutting of vegetables, and the pleasant aromatic scent of the food slowly coming together within the pan. Perhaps I was a cook in a past life. Of all the rebels, this was the job I embraced. I never got a chance to cook for him again in life, but in death... I finally am able to be the son I couldn't be."
It was one of those moments she couldn't fix with a treat, a kiss or band aids. But, she'd learned that sometimes, Nahyuta just wanted her to listen.
"I'm sure he loved your cooking and--I'd love to try your cooking sometime. It seems we never have time for anything but eating out."
He glanced back to her.
"I shall look forward to it, too. We could make something together."
"Oh, I'm pretty hopeless. I can only do a few real basic things like make coffee. And even then I'd rather buy out because it's sweeter there."
"I will teach you. It would be quite enjoyable to share that with you."
"As joyous as the time I taught you how to order pizza with an app?" Ema teased.
Nahyuta had declared it a miracle as she pushed the button on her phone and pizza arrived shortly after. And Ema had to agree it kind of was. Her kind of miracle, anyways.
"Surely, though not quite as easy, I am afraid."
She chuckled at that.
"Did you find what you were looking for, Ema?"
"I mean, I just came back from the market if that's what you mean. They didn't exactly have French fries, but I enjoyed the fruit I picked up. I ate a bunch of it on the way home, though."
It was much more difficult than just checking out at Walmart, but Ema was getting the hang of haggling right. Of course, the fact that she was the fiancee of the Prince Regent meant that they treated her better--more or less. Khura'in was still a country deeply suspicious of outsiders, and Ema might as well have had a giant neon sign saying I'm emphatically not from here, and also an irreligious heathen on her forehead.
"No. You wished to watch my ritual. Knowing you, it is not mere idle curiosity."
Ema glanced at the altar, which he found such comfort in. "I guess a part of me wonders what it's like to have such strong faith. I can barely even fathom how you could hold on after going through so many horrible things. Then again, religion is really prominent here, so maybe it's a cultural thing."
"Religion is not so integral within your country? It seemed so."
"I mean, it depends on where you are. Several of my neighbors were pretty devout, and there's a lot of places in the South that are. But among my friends and colleagues and classmates? Not really. At least, not when it wasn't finals week. Sort of like they say 'there's no atheists in a foxhole.'"
"I see. The world is full of many mysteries to be solved."
The last of the incense smoke slowly rose. It reminded Ema of hard pews and long boring sermons in a language she didn't know.
"I don't think I could ever believe like that, but I like listening to you talk about your culture. A lot of the sutras you quote are really beautiful and your face lights up when you speak of them. Even if I don't plan to be praying any time soon, I like talking about this with you. You know, for science."
"I am relieved to hear such. I have refrained from involving you with some things, lest you believe I am trying to forcibly convert you."
"But, does it bother you? I'll never see the world quite like you do. For all I know, your religion thinks I'll go to hell or whatever and we'll be separated forever."
"I would never see the world as you do regardless. We were raised in starkly different cultures, across the world from each other."
He closed his eyes, almost reverent, as he continued on.
"I did not lose my faith during difficult times because Khura'inism is the very fiber of Khura'in. The Holy Mother taught us that the world was suffering, and our path was to bring mercy and kindness to it. Through meditation and challenging our body through a series of stretches, we could conquer the avarice of our minds. One day, through many lives, we could one day be free of the cycle of rebirth and pain. We would no longer live lives full of pain and death. We would ascend, enlightened to find true peace."
"Huh, that makes sense," Ema said.
Nahyuta opened his brilliant green eyes again, and gave her something like a smile.
"Khura'inism is not a religion that demands conversion. It is a religion of gentleness, peace, and order. The sacred texts teach us mental clarity and compassion for all."
Ema gave him a skeptical look. "Really? You could've fooled me, considering I've been called a 'foreign heathen whore' to my face by a literal crowd wielding pitchforks and torches before. And I was the lucky one--they weren't even calling for my head," Ema said dryly.
His expression grew sad. "No true practitioner of Khura'inism should ever call a woman such a term. To insult a woman such is an insult to the very Holy Mother. Queen Ga'ran radicalized Khura'inism for her own gain. She took the sacred texts and made them profane, all for her own agenda. A hell that existed only for those who murdered and harmed now was expanded to include all those who opposed her. And that agenda was to destroy the rest of her family. She smeared my father's name, threw me out of the royal family, all to hide her own misdeeds. And I....was forced to participate within her destruction."
He stared then at the portrait of his father on the altar.
"The damage she has done is not merely to the courts system, and so many wrongly executed, but to the very heart of the Khura'inism. In her thirty years, she turned a religion of peace into one of vengeance. And she used my mother as a rallying cry to do so. You see, when my mother ruled, Khura'in was a rich and prosperous country. She even mended the historical rifts of the questions of disputed land between Zheng Fa. All sorts of countries would have leaders and businessmen come to have their loved ones channeled. Everyone loved her. Many said it was as if the Holy Mother herself had been reborn and again blessed us with her presence."
Sorry didn't really cut it, but Ema reached out and touched his arm. "She's gone now," was the best she could manage.
He nodded.
"To be raised in Khura'in is to be raised up in the teachings of the Holy Mother. From when I could speak mother would recite the words to me and they gave me comfort. And when we were apart, I would remember that if I could not see her in this life, perhaps we could meet in another."
"Huh, I almost wish I could've had a comfort like that. My parents weren't really the religious sort, but I had this one old aunt which would haul me out to Vacation Bible School and Sunday School. I got in so much trouble for telling them those miracles didn't seem very scientific, and for a God who purported to be so loving, he sure did smite his people a whole lot. Logically, it just didn't fit. Oh, and it was not popular when I suggested modern day scientific explanations for the miracles. Eventually, she accepted that I was a heathen who was going to go to hell, and gave up trying."
Ema took a long breath.
"And I didn't really bother with religion for a long time. Until that night. I remember sitting in the hospital as my sister cried and my parents' bodies were identified from the wreckage. Their bodies were so burnt, they had to be identified by their dental records. I tried so hard to pray and I found no comfort. It never brought them back. So many people at that funeral said things like 'oh, God just needed another angel' and 'God always has a plan.' it was nauseating. I couldn't believe in any God whose plan involved taking my parents away. They didn't deserve it, and neither did Lana and I."
"Back then, it felt so wrong that it wasn't being reported everywhere. My life was falling apart and everyone else just continued on. Right at the same time my parents died, there was this big scandal of insider trading. Tons of people lost their entire life-savings from that. I just kept thinking--why couldn't they have been the ones to go instead? I came to the conclusion that there was no guiding force, and it was just a story people told to themselves to try and keep the fear away."
Nahyuta bowed his head. "I cannot speak for that religion, as I have only learned some parts of it, however, some do not uphold the tenets of their religion and instead use them to harm people and assuage their own guilt and self-righteousness."
Ema shook her head ruefully. "Isn't that true," Ema said.
She continued on. "Another thing that always got me with religion was most of these 'sins' seem to just be punishing people for daring to have a sex drive, then there's this culture of shame and control."
"How putrid," he said.
"Actually I've been meaning to ask this for a while. You use the term 'sin' and 'sinner' a lot. But the context seems different here. At first I thought I was just imagining things, but the way you speak about Khura'inism is really different than the kind I've seen. The pitchforks and torches kind."
"To steal another's life is the greatest sin. To harm, to steal from, to abuse, to force oneself upon another...these are what would cast one into the thousand hells. The sin is the depravity of one's own tortured soul, and the punishment is too, the darkness of one's being. In those many thousands of years, the soul would have to atone and burn away their putridness, until they were reborn as a lesser creature. A sin within this lifetime would come in many to come, and prevent their soul from finding peace. Love cannot be a sin unless it is harmful," Nahyuta said.
"This was actually really enlightening. Er, no pun intended."
"Much of our religion has been translated to outsiders through the lens of other religions. Perhaps even 'sin' is not a good translation. I am working to renew the translations to be more accurate. But, there is so much left to fix. I would welcome your help to make the translations sound natural."
"I mean, I can try, but you'd probably do fine on your own. You speak like a dozen languages fluently. Just don't put memes in there, because they don't age well, and you'll be fine."
Nahyuta chuckled. From the moment Ema had taught him what a meme was, she'd always wake up to a macro and multiple cats in her texts.
"I respect your right to unbelief, though it seems foreign and strange to me. The world is so full of wonders, like the delicious Jalapeno Southwest Burger. However, I must ask how you explain away spirit channeling? You have faced the dead brought back, and seen them exorcised. You even carry a magatama within your bag now, should you come across someone who has been possessed. How does that fit within your world view of there being no order, and no divinity?"
Ema puffed up her cheeks. "Look, I'm catching up, okay. I don't have a logical explanation for that, but there's got to be something. Some logical explanation. Maybe I just need to expand what counts as 'logical'. I guess, In Khura'in, it's logical to have to help ready the Divination Seance. It's logical that my future mother-in-law and sister-in-law can bring back ghosts through spirit channeling, and it only makes sense to keep a magatama close. That's all I've come up to."
He held out his hand. "I am glad that I will be by your side on this journey of discovery. I am looking forward to whatever you find in this world of vast mysteries."
She took it, and welcomed the warmth.
"If it is all right, I would like to add a picture of your parents on there, and make offerings and prayers for them as well. Your loss is my loss. I would care for your family's well being as they are my own. Even those that have passed. I would put nahmanda flowers on the altar for your family as well."
"You know, even if I'm not religious, I'd like that. I don't know that there's any great beyond, but it'd be a comfort, I think. To be able to leave my mother's favorite flowers for every spring she missed. Maybe I could brew coffee for dad. He used to drink it so black and bitter. It was mom who had the sweet tooth, and yes, that's where I got it."
She smiled, tinged with pain. "We used to bake together on the weekends and surprise dad with the results. Lana was always busy studying so it'd be just me and mom. Dad always brought her home sweets, too. And... There's so many more memories, but not enough. I lost them when I was really young. It's just--always with me. The sadness, I mean. Even on happy days something little like it almost being Mother's Day can just make me remember that I'll never have another Mother's Day or baking time. I'll never walk into the kitchen and smell my father's coffee brewing just like that. I was so heartbroken when they discontinued his favorite blend. It was like losing him all over again."
"In Khura'in we have a saying." He spoke in Khura'inese and she had to try hard to follow.
"The dead are never far. They are with us, watching us."
"Well, I hope there's some things mom and dad didn't watch," Ema said wryly. "I know, I know. It'd been too long since I made a smartass comment. It just had to come out. Thanks for trusting me with all this, even if I am a godless heathen."
"Yes, but you are my godless heathen, and that is what matters most."
Ema laughed. "I promise to always give you a snarky, slightly irreverent comments that likely offend most of Khura'in."
He squeezed her hand tight. "And I promise to love every single one. Every fight, every moment of bickering, every moment with you."
He let go of her hand only to light another stick of incense. This time for her parents in his voiceless prayer. And there was no sudden shift, no voice in the heavens or shining light. He believed; she didn't. But through it all, there was an understanding. He would always believe for her, and pray for what she had lost.
And even if she didn't believe in his deity, the thought of leaving all the gifts she never got to share with her parents was a comfort to be sure.
Series: Ace Attorney
Character/pairing: Nahyuta/Ema
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3,700
Summary: Ema returns as Nahyuta is burning incense. It leads to a heartfelt talk on religion, or the lack thereof.
Author's note:
Part of Holidaze series
The previous chapters are:
I'll Be Home For Christmas
I'll Be Cleaning Up Bottles With You On New Years Day
14th
Moving In
Surprise, Surprise.
Yes, I know I used the title 'Skeptics and True Believers" for that fanmix, but it seemed far too fitting to not, you know?
Happy birthday, Seta_Suzume.
--
Ema returned with hands full of a bag of fruit, only to catch the unmistakable scent of incense. Nahyuta knelt at the altar and placed each burnt, and smoking stick in burner. The altar had a faceless portrait surrounded by flowers. Beneath it was a well used gold incense burner shaped like a lotus.
His long silvery braid fell down his back, surrounded by the gold brocade of his coat. His mala was twisted about his hands, and each bead was another prayer to be recited.
She set her bag of groceries--though she'd already eaten half the lot on the walk home. She didn't call out a greeting as she usually would, given his reverent pose, but Nahyuta turned, and gave her a smile. "Welcome back."
"Thanks, I wasn't trying to interrupt your prayer thing, though," Ema said.
"It is no matter. I have not begun yet. I was just preparing."
Gathered at his feet was fruit and water. He placed them upon the altar, on a metal plate filled with butterflies. The portraits on the altar were pristine, free of all dust or smudge marks.
"Um, do you mind if I watch you, or would you find that weird?"
"Do as you wish," he said.
Which wasn't the most reassuring thing, but he didn't seem mad. If anything, he was just being his usual unreadable self.
So, Ema took it as a yes and sat down on on the ground a bit behind him. Now that she was getting accustomed to Khura'in, she'd actually gotten used to sitting on cushions on the floor.
He bowed his head silently, and took the mala in his hands and touched to each bead as he moved his mouth in silent reverence. She supposed there wasn't much to see in someone else's prayers. It wasn't like some eureka moment of an apple falling, or a philosopher stumbling out of the bath tub to announce his new discovery. No sudden appearance of angels or bright lights, just a belief she couldn't quite relate to.
This had perhaps, been one of the biggest divides between them. Not just the myriad ways their culture differed, or that his aunt had been a brutal tyrant bent on destroying her own family in the cruelest way possible. Nahyuta was devout to his core, while Ema wasn't.
The stick burned down low, and ashes gathered in around it. He placed the plate before the picture of Dhurke. He murmured a prayer, and she recognized forgiveness among the words.
Even though he'd talked to Dhurke, Nahyuta still atoned for his sins--or at least, what he perceived as sins. Ema was certain he would carry that guilt with him for the rest of his life, no matter how many times Dhurke came back from the afterlife to try and convince him otherwise.
He spoke on, but she couldn't understand this part. She knew on some level that she was improving at the language, with all the instruction that Nahyuta gladly helped her with. Still, she was impatient at her progress. The mere fact that she didn't understand every bit of that prayer meant she needed to work harder.
Finally, the words ceased and he was silent, head bowed as the incense burned down to ashes. Nahyuta lifted the carafe of water beside it the plate of food at the altar. He poured out to a cup and lift it there before the portrait of his father and the Holy Mother.
He touched to the carafe one last time, with his eyes closed. Then he pulled back.
He lifted his head and glanced back at her.
"Are you interested in my religion, Ema? You always seemed disdainful of others beliefs. We have certainly sparred plenty very enjoyable times on this matter."
"Hhh, I--actually, I was pretty bad. Sorry about that. I guess I was a little condescending. Living here with you, in Khura'in--it's made me be a little more understanding, maybe even more tolerant, believe it or not, considering I definitely have seen the dark side of your religion. Even if I'm not religious myself, it means a lot to people. I guess the fact that some people go too far with their religious beliefs shouldn't be an excuse to be an ass to everyone who believes in some religion. Because there's always that one person who's just living their life and doesn't deserve to be treated like that."
Nahyuta's devotion had changed her, in more than one way. A few years ago, such a thought would've been unthinkable. But here she was, engaged to a monk. Life was funny like that.
"I rather enjoy your sharp tongue, even when it is sometimes blasphemous," Nahyuta said, with that soft lilt that could make her shiver to her core, be it in the middle of court or right at the family altar.
"Good, because otherwise we'd have problems, because there's two things you can always trust about me: I'll always have a snack on hand, and I'll always have some smartass remark handy."
He smiled at that, and brushed wisps of silvery hair that had fallen from his braid away from his face. Nahyuta took another glance to the altar.
"Ah, that reminds me. I must ask one request. Please don't move this plate, or eat the food there. In Khura'in--we leave offerings for those which have left us, to help guide them to the twilight realm. I cannot recall if I told you this before or if you have witnessed an offering such at this. Of course, father would probably find it funny if you ate food left for him, but it is considered a grievous slight and one of the worst things imaginable to do. At times, tourists have not understood and it has caused certain complexities."
"Yeah, like the Day of the Dead, right? I lived in L.A. so long, I definitely saw plenty of my neighbors celebrating."
"You must illuminate me further about this."
She glanced at her phone. "I'm almost out of charge, but once I have more battery life, I'll show you a documentary or something."
"I shall look forward to it."
Ema glanced back at the altar. "Wait, what if animals get into it? Should I shoo them away, or something?" Ema said.
"That is a sign that their spirit has finally crossed into another life, and they have returned to us in another form."
"Oh, okay," Ema said.
Nahyuta stared long at the portrait of the father he had lost.
"The truth is, I used to cook for father. I liked the routines of it. The sizzling of oil, the cutting of vegetables, and the pleasant aromatic scent of the food slowly coming together within the pan. Perhaps I was a cook in a past life. Of all the rebels, this was the job I embraced. I never got a chance to cook for him again in life, but in death... I finally am able to be the son I couldn't be."
It was one of those moments she couldn't fix with a treat, a kiss or band aids. But, she'd learned that sometimes, Nahyuta just wanted her to listen.
"I'm sure he loved your cooking and--I'd love to try your cooking sometime. It seems we never have time for anything but eating out."
He glanced back to her.
"I shall look forward to it, too. We could make something together."
"Oh, I'm pretty hopeless. I can only do a few real basic things like make coffee. And even then I'd rather buy out because it's sweeter there."
"I will teach you. It would be quite enjoyable to share that with you."
"As joyous as the time I taught you how to order pizza with an app?" Ema teased.
Nahyuta had declared it a miracle as she pushed the button on her phone and pizza arrived shortly after. And Ema had to agree it kind of was. Her kind of miracle, anyways.
"Surely, though not quite as easy, I am afraid."
She chuckled at that.
"Did you find what you were looking for, Ema?"
"I mean, I just came back from the market if that's what you mean. They didn't exactly have French fries, but I enjoyed the fruit I picked up. I ate a bunch of it on the way home, though."
It was much more difficult than just checking out at Walmart, but Ema was getting the hang of haggling right. Of course, the fact that she was the fiancee of the Prince Regent meant that they treated her better--more or less. Khura'in was still a country deeply suspicious of outsiders, and Ema might as well have had a giant neon sign saying I'm emphatically not from here, and also an irreligious heathen on her forehead.
"No. You wished to watch my ritual. Knowing you, it is not mere idle curiosity."
Ema glanced at the altar, which he found such comfort in. "I guess a part of me wonders what it's like to have such strong faith. I can barely even fathom how you could hold on after going through so many horrible things. Then again, religion is really prominent here, so maybe it's a cultural thing."
"Religion is not so integral within your country? It seemed so."
"I mean, it depends on where you are. Several of my neighbors were pretty devout, and there's a lot of places in the South that are. But among my friends and colleagues and classmates? Not really. At least, not when it wasn't finals week. Sort of like they say 'there's no atheists in a foxhole.'"
"I see. The world is full of many mysteries to be solved."
The last of the incense smoke slowly rose. It reminded Ema of hard pews and long boring sermons in a language she didn't know.
"I don't think I could ever believe like that, but I like listening to you talk about your culture. A lot of the sutras you quote are really beautiful and your face lights up when you speak of them. Even if I don't plan to be praying any time soon, I like talking about this with you. You know, for science."
"I am relieved to hear such. I have refrained from involving you with some things, lest you believe I am trying to forcibly convert you."
"But, does it bother you? I'll never see the world quite like you do. For all I know, your religion thinks I'll go to hell or whatever and we'll be separated forever."
"I would never see the world as you do regardless. We were raised in starkly different cultures, across the world from each other."
He closed his eyes, almost reverent, as he continued on.
"I did not lose my faith during difficult times because Khura'inism is the very fiber of Khura'in. The Holy Mother taught us that the world was suffering, and our path was to bring mercy and kindness to it. Through meditation and challenging our body through a series of stretches, we could conquer the avarice of our minds. One day, through many lives, we could one day be free of the cycle of rebirth and pain. We would no longer live lives full of pain and death. We would ascend, enlightened to find true peace."
"Huh, that makes sense," Ema said.
Nahyuta opened his brilliant green eyes again, and gave her something like a smile.
"Khura'inism is not a religion that demands conversion. It is a religion of gentleness, peace, and order. The sacred texts teach us mental clarity and compassion for all."
Ema gave him a skeptical look. "Really? You could've fooled me, considering I've been called a 'foreign heathen whore' to my face by a literal crowd wielding pitchforks and torches before. And I was the lucky one--they weren't even calling for my head," Ema said dryly.
His expression grew sad. "No true practitioner of Khura'inism should ever call a woman such a term. To insult a woman such is an insult to the very Holy Mother. Queen Ga'ran radicalized Khura'inism for her own gain. She took the sacred texts and made them profane, all for her own agenda. A hell that existed only for those who murdered and harmed now was expanded to include all those who opposed her. And that agenda was to destroy the rest of her family. She smeared my father's name, threw me out of the royal family, all to hide her own misdeeds. And I....was forced to participate within her destruction."
He stared then at the portrait of his father on the altar.
"The damage she has done is not merely to the courts system, and so many wrongly executed, but to the very heart of the Khura'inism. In her thirty years, she turned a religion of peace into one of vengeance. And she used my mother as a rallying cry to do so. You see, when my mother ruled, Khura'in was a rich and prosperous country. She even mended the historical rifts of the questions of disputed land between Zheng Fa. All sorts of countries would have leaders and businessmen come to have their loved ones channeled. Everyone loved her. Many said it was as if the Holy Mother herself had been reborn and again blessed us with her presence."
Sorry didn't really cut it, but Ema reached out and touched his arm. "She's gone now," was the best she could manage.
He nodded.
"To be raised in Khura'in is to be raised up in the teachings of the Holy Mother. From when I could speak mother would recite the words to me and they gave me comfort. And when we were apart, I would remember that if I could not see her in this life, perhaps we could meet in another."
"Huh, I almost wish I could've had a comfort like that. My parents weren't really the religious sort, but I had this one old aunt which would haul me out to Vacation Bible School and Sunday School. I got in so much trouble for telling them those miracles didn't seem very scientific, and for a God who purported to be so loving, he sure did smite his people a whole lot. Logically, it just didn't fit. Oh, and it was not popular when I suggested modern day scientific explanations for the miracles. Eventually, she accepted that I was a heathen who was going to go to hell, and gave up trying."
Ema took a long breath.
"And I didn't really bother with religion for a long time. Until that night. I remember sitting in the hospital as my sister cried and my parents' bodies were identified from the wreckage. Their bodies were so burnt, they had to be identified by their dental records. I tried so hard to pray and I found no comfort. It never brought them back. So many people at that funeral said things like 'oh, God just needed another angel' and 'God always has a plan.' it was nauseating. I couldn't believe in any God whose plan involved taking my parents away. They didn't deserve it, and neither did Lana and I."
"Back then, it felt so wrong that it wasn't being reported everywhere. My life was falling apart and everyone else just continued on. Right at the same time my parents died, there was this big scandal of insider trading. Tons of people lost their entire life-savings from that. I just kept thinking--why couldn't they have been the ones to go instead? I came to the conclusion that there was no guiding force, and it was just a story people told to themselves to try and keep the fear away."
Nahyuta bowed his head. "I cannot speak for that religion, as I have only learned some parts of it, however, some do not uphold the tenets of their religion and instead use them to harm people and assuage their own guilt and self-righteousness."
Ema shook her head ruefully. "Isn't that true," Ema said.
She continued on. "Another thing that always got me with religion was most of these 'sins' seem to just be punishing people for daring to have a sex drive, then there's this culture of shame and control."
"How putrid," he said.
"Actually I've been meaning to ask this for a while. You use the term 'sin' and 'sinner' a lot. But the context seems different here. At first I thought I was just imagining things, but the way you speak about Khura'inism is really different than the kind I've seen. The pitchforks and torches kind."
"To steal another's life is the greatest sin. To harm, to steal from, to abuse, to force oneself upon another...these are what would cast one into the thousand hells. The sin is the depravity of one's own tortured soul, and the punishment is too, the darkness of one's being. In those many thousands of years, the soul would have to atone and burn away their putridness, until they were reborn as a lesser creature. A sin within this lifetime would come in many to come, and prevent their soul from finding peace. Love cannot be a sin unless it is harmful," Nahyuta said.
"This was actually really enlightening. Er, no pun intended."
"Much of our religion has been translated to outsiders through the lens of other religions. Perhaps even 'sin' is not a good translation. I am working to renew the translations to be more accurate. But, there is so much left to fix. I would welcome your help to make the translations sound natural."
"I mean, I can try, but you'd probably do fine on your own. You speak like a dozen languages fluently. Just don't put memes in there, because they don't age well, and you'll be fine."
Nahyuta chuckled. From the moment Ema had taught him what a meme was, she'd always wake up to a macro and multiple cats in her texts.
"I respect your right to unbelief, though it seems foreign and strange to me. The world is so full of wonders, like the delicious Jalapeno Southwest Burger. However, I must ask how you explain away spirit channeling? You have faced the dead brought back, and seen them exorcised. You even carry a magatama within your bag now, should you come across someone who has been possessed. How does that fit within your world view of there being no order, and no divinity?"
Ema puffed up her cheeks. "Look, I'm catching up, okay. I don't have a logical explanation for that, but there's got to be something. Some logical explanation. Maybe I just need to expand what counts as 'logical'. I guess, In Khura'in, it's logical to have to help ready the Divination Seance. It's logical that my future mother-in-law and sister-in-law can bring back ghosts through spirit channeling, and it only makes sense to keep a magatama close. That's all I've come up to."
He held out his hand. "I am glad that I will be by your side on this journey of discovery. I am looking forward to whatever you find in this world of vast mysteries."
She took it, and welcomed the warmth.
"If it is all right, I would like to add a picture of your parents on there, and make offerings and prayers for them as well. Your loss is my loss. I would care for your family's well being as they are my own. Even those that have passed. I would put nahmanda flowers on the altar for your family as well."
"You know, even if I'm not religious, I'd like that. I don't know that there's any great beyond, but it'd be a comfort, I think. To be able to leave my mother's favorite flowers for every spring she missed. Maybe I could brew coffee for dad. He used to drink it so black and bitter. It was mom who had the sweet tooth, and yes, that's where I got it."
She smiled, tinged with pain. "We used to bake together on the weekends and surprise dad with the results. Lana was always busy studying so it'd be just me and mom. Dad always brought her home sweets, too. And... There's so many more memories, but not enough. I lost them when I was really young. It's just--always with me. The sadness, I mean. Even on happy days something little like it almost being Mother's Day can just make me remember that I'll never have another Mother's Day or baking time. I'll never walk into the kitchen and smell my father's coffee brewing just like that. I was so heartbroken when they discontinued his favorite blend. It was like losing him all over again."
"In Khura'in we have a saying." He spoke in Khura'inese and she had to try hard to follow.
"The dead are never far. They are with us, watching us."
"Well, I hope there's some things mom and dad didn't watch," Ema said wryly. "I know, I know. It'd been too long since I made a smartass comment. It just had to come out. Thanks for trusting me with all this, even if I am a godless heathen."
"Yes, but you are my godless heathen, and that is what matters most."
Ema laughed. "I promise to always give you a snarky, slightly irreverent comments that likely offend most of Khura'in."
He squeezed her hand tight. "And I promise to love every single one. Every fight, every moment of bickering, every moment with you."
He let go of her hand only to light another stick of incense. This time for her parents in his voiceless prayer. And there was no sudden shift, no voice in the heavens or shining light. He believed; she didn't. But through it all, there was an understanding. He would always believe for her, and pray for what she had lost.
And even if she didn't believe in his deity, the thought of leaving all the gifts she never got to share with her parents was a comfort to be sure.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-27 06:50 pm (UTC)