fic: Work Wedding
Dec. 19th, 2015 05:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: A Wedding to Remember
Series: TF2
Character/pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, Ensemble
Rating:PG-13
Word count: 3363
Summary: When robots attack on their wedding day, she and Scout have to make do. After all, Soldier is a priest as well as a lawyer.
Author's note: VampirePaladin linked me to this after I showed her this. They're at Coal Town.
Betaed by Ginger. A treat for Hazmad.
Scout tugged at his collar. Already his once-pristine tuxedo was marred by dust. Over the screens, pictures of the wrecked reception area, and trampled white flowers showed from three different angles. He'd picked out that arbor personally, with the thought of a whole scrapbook of pictures taken in front of these twisting white flowers. He'd even had some picked out for her hair, just because he thought it'd make her smell even better. Even if he couldn't get her anything but a dusty badlands broken down town, he could bring her something beautiful in all this desert wasteland.
Now the arbor was nothing but smoking rubble, and the photographer was dead. So was the priest, though that one wasn't their fault, or the robots, for that matter.
Even the flower pinned to his black suit was wilted in this heat.
"Looks like we won't get the deposit back," Scout said. He tried to smile, a forced attempt at levity that didn't quite meet his gray eyes. Supposedly, it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but Scout figured their luck couldn't get any worse than this. She wore a white cocktail dress with lacy skirts which came to about her knees. She never did like floor length skirts; Miss Pauling always went for dresses she could make an escape from, should it come to that.
The dress was backless, and showed just enough skin to keep him distracted and forgetting his lines, until everything bubbled back to her. He put his hand over his heart, like a salute. She was supposed to be by his side, saying some I dos, a wedding dance, and eventually ending up with him in the fanciest hotel Teufort had to offer. Her lacy veil slightly crushed the white flowers braided into her dark hair. Just a few hours ago, Scout had been psyching himself up for walking down aisle and waiting for the most incredible girl he'd ever met to join him and say I do in front of a priest.
"Technically, if the entire city gets destroyed, we could just loot the building for our money back," Sophia said.
"Always findin' a way to look on the bright side," Scout said. He pulled at his collar again. "Isn't it seven years of bad luck to have a priest die on your weddin' day?"
"I think that's breaking mirrors," Miss Pauling said.
Scout let his hand fall back to his side, and entwine with hers. Her thumb brushed against his palm reassuringly.
"I wanted better for us, Soph," Scout said. Outside of their spawn, there was the whir and scream of minigun fire. The best men's suits had been completely ruined. Heavy had gone and ribbed the back and sleeves out of his, while the rest of the mercenaries had suits that were covered in dust, oil and blood.
He squeezed her hand, like an apology.
Soldier burst through the door, and made a line straight towards the bar full of upgrades.
"This isn't a kitten petting contest, son! We need to fight!" Soldier let out a war cry, and beat his chest, as if this would drive back the robots.
"Bein' invaded by a bunch of kittens would've been a whole lot better than this! Even if they tried to bite me when I rubbed their soft bellies! I bet we could probably even put flower crowns on them and make them into flower cats!" Scout said.
"They probably would just pull off the flowers and play with them," Miss Pauling said.
"And that would be friggin' adorable! We could've gotten gatecrashed by kittens, but instead we got frickin' robots!"
Miss Pauling looked to him. He loved it when she had great plans, because she always had these light bulb moments where she'd be wide-eyed, her lips so kissable and just parted as just the way to save the day came to mind.
"Wait--This wedding isn't over yet. Soldier is a priest!"
"And a lawyer," Demoman said. He'd come in more quietly, with an air of smoke and sulfur about him. He drank up the upgrades, literally, considering most of them were Mann's Mysterious Protein Shake: now with 3000% more radiation!
"The worst one ever," Liam muttered.
"Soldier could marry us!" Miss Pauling cut in before Soldier could reach out and choke him.
"Here?" Liam said incredulously. "In the spawn? With robots outside just waitin' to shoot us down?"
"Most of our dates were next to dead bodies. Is this any different?" Miss Pauling said.
"I want the best for you. I wanted more than a bunch of dates that smelled like rottin' corpses, and the biggest, prettiest weddin' that money could buy--one that we'd remember forever and look back fondly on all the time," Scout said.
"We can have that at our second wedding. We'll have your family, and hopefully no burials around, though no promises there--Besides, robots wrecking the wedding is pretty memorable," she said.
She had him there. Miss Pauling taking to the robots like some super heroine of vengeance in a wedding dress was right up there with Miss Pauling saving them from the bread monster.
"Yeah...I guess all that matters is you and me are there," Scout said.
"And the priest, probably," she said. "Where did he run off to?"
"Back outside to kill more robots, I think," Scout said.
Soldier's bellowing was so loud that he could easily be heard over the incoming robots and explosions. "Bolthead, I am going to show you the full force of patriotism With my boot!" Scout heard a clatter of crashing and raining metal.
He rushed out past Miss Pauling to see the remains of the smoking wreckage that had once been a giant robot.
"Whoa, he took down that huge robot with one kick?" Scout said incredulously.
"That was me, lad," Demoman said. He reloaded his sticky bombs, chuckling to himself at the pile of rubble. "A work of feckin' art, that's what it is."
Demoman took a victory drink on the broken husk of the robot. Scout gave him the thumbs up.
"Found him! Solidier, you have to come back over here!" she said. She cupped her hands to make her voice carry farther.
"Giant robot!" came a shriek from farther down the dusty city.
"Oh damn, we gotta take this to the plate! I gotta get this. See you in a bit―I'll have a dozen piles of dead robots. Like roses, but better!"
"Are you kidding? I'll miss out on all the fun. You wanted an outdoors wedding, anyways," Miss Pauling said.
"I didn't think it'd be a battlefield weddin'!"
"This will be much more interesting," Miss Pauling said.
Miss Pauling lifted up her lacy white skirts and pulled out a pistol from a thigh holster.
Scout raised his eyebrows. "You savin' that for the honeymoon?" Scout said.
"You know me. I always come prepared," she said.
Scout took out his own pistol and began picking off the smaller robots at a distance. The giant Heavy robot was just on the horizon.
"Soldier, start the ceremony! Marry us!" Miss Pauling had to shout above the rush of the battlefield.
"Do it, Soldier! We're countin' on your priest powers bein' for more than pissin' off wizards!
Do it for America! There's nothing more patriotic than getting married while killing robots!"
Just under the sliver of his helmet, Scout saw him smile.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, under America, to kill robots," Soldier began.
"Wrong one," Scout said. "I knew he would be a horrible choice."
Soldier moved fast, straight towards Scout's neck. This time, he didn't make it, due to the tiny steel-willed girl standing right in the way.
"Not on my own weddin' day! You are the worst priest!" Scout let out a cry of surprise, and took several steps back as Soldier tried to reach over Miss Pauling's head to strangle him.
Miss Pauling reached on tiptoe to stay Soldier's hand. "Soldier, no! No choking on wedding days!"
"Not even a little, for good luck?" Soldier said.
"No. You'll be too busy marrying us, Soldier," she said.
"Yeah, we might have to put that on hold. Those fire alarms weren't goin' off for shits and giggles," Scout said.
Scout reloaded his scattergun and started firing away at the dozens of metallic Pyros headed their way. As they moved, a wall of flames spread out before them. Underneath the storm of gunfire, they began to fall.
"Leave this to me, lad," Demoman said. He poured his drink across the dusty earth.
"Now come at me, ye dogs of hell. I've already sent ye back to the depths before, and I'll do it again!" Demoman let out a laugh as he poured out chemicals, and lit a match. He had a wild, fierce look in his eyes at the first burst. His top hat was scorched through, perfectly matching his burnt and bullet hole ridden suit.
"You'd sacrifice your beer for me? Seriously? You love that beer like a kid!"
"Aye, but I'll go to hell and back for my friends. Even if it means pourin' every drop of me Scrumpy down for these robots to take."
"Awww, thanks, man! I'll pay you back---probably with more beer," Scout said.
Demoman grinned wide. "Exactly as planned, lad," Demoman said.
The sheer amount of robots pushing through made him think the big guy and doc had fallen. And they were the last big defense at the spawn ship.
"We're goin' to have a whole bunch of of them rushin' through in a minute," Scout said, his voice growing panicked. He pointed erratically towards the glint of reflected light off the incoming metal contraptions.
"We need a bigger fire to hold it off...and we'll have to make sure it's contained... If only we had some gasoline...oh! We do!" She turned so quick that her bun came slightly undone, little white flowers coming free to fall on the ground around her.
"Soldier, you have a shovel! Dig out a trench for the other side! We're keeping them in line! Scout, you're with me," she said.
"Yes," Scout said. He high-fived the air, and followed her towards the mass of sheds covered with heavy padlocks. She pulled out a large key ring so full of keys that he could probably get a good work out just lifting the thing.
Scout didn't know how she did it. He could barely keep his locker key and his base keys straight, let alone that huge one that had to have hundreds of them. The locks fell to the floor, and he stepped in to pull open the heavy door for her. Scout never turned down a chance to show off his skills and muscles, especially if Miss Pauling was watching.
The door caught on something, maybe a bone from a corpse buried too shallow in the ground. He could just see the blinding glint of a whole wave of metal Pyros coming straight towards them, like something straight out of his personal nightmares. Except in his dreams, there were more rainbows.
"Aw, hell no!" Scout gave it one swift kick, and the door opened all the way.
"All right! Told you I had mad kung-fu skills," Scout said. He smirked as Miss Pauling pushed a brick near the doorway in front of the door to keep it open.
"And I apparently have great lock opening skills," she said.
"I'll say!"
"Help me with this tarp," she said.
She pulled the dull, dusty brown tarp away, revealing a mess of dusty tools and unused cans. She gripped the nearest one, smearing oil down her hands, and dripping down her skirts.
"I'm going to need you to pour this across the other entrance, okay? Soldier should have the sand bags up by now," Miss Pauling said.
"You can count on me, Miss Pauling," Scout said.
"And don't get yourself killed! We're still getting married, even if we have to do it on a pile of destroyed tanks, and Gray Mann's corpse!"
Actually, that sounded pretty cool. Scout took off on a run, and tipped the can of gasoline. He made a line across the other path. If he'd just a little more time, he'd have written out her name in the sand in flames. Scout filed that one for later.
Even through his mask, Pyro could catch a whiff of the strong scent of gasoline from halfway across the city. Pyro came running, an eruption of flames bursting up, mumbling that strange Pyro language all the while. Scout leapt back from the wall of flames.
At least Pyro wasn't setting all the gas stations in Teufort on fire this time.
The ill-fitted suit had been pulled over the hazmat suit. So many patches had been burnt through that it looked like Pyro wore a red polka dot pattern.
"Mmph?" Pyro said.
"Yeah, uh, keep that blowin' over there, pally," Scout said. He stood back from the blast radius.
Behind them, Miss Pauling lugged two more cans of gasoline. She set them down, and Pyro looked down at the cans, completely enthralled. Scout could only imagine what one of those looked like to someone like Pyro.
"Pyro, I need you to do a big favor for Miss Pauling, okay? Keep those fires from spreading inwards. Don't let them set the buildings on fire. Blow them back if they get any closer!"
"Hudda!"
The battle cries, and shrieks of slightly disturbing laughter showed that Doc and the big guy hadn't kicked it yet, despite sticking that close to the robot spawn ship for most of the day. They were a sturdy pair, Scout had to give them that.
Scout pulled back from the heat. Nothing had gotten through the flames intact.
"Miss Pauling bought us some time, so let's get this goin'!"
He could only hold one of her hands, considering the other held a pistol. Oil spots and gasoline had spilled onto her wedding dress. Spots of grease and dirt had brushed across her face. She looked like she'd moonlighted as a grease monkey for at least a month.
And oh, oh was she gorgeous. He'd take her dirty, blood-spattered and smelling of corpses. He couldn't stop smiling as he looked to her, the crackling of flames and crashing of dying robots so close.
"Soldier! Marry us!" Miss Pauling said again, her voice almost lost by the sounds of battle.
"Dearly beloved, we're gathered for the wedding of one Miss Pauling, and one Scout, possibly more, I can never keep them straight."
"Excuse me, I'm the only Scout she's marryin'. I haven't even seen BLU lately. Is he even still alive?"
"He, uh, went on a long vacation," Miss Pauling said. She laughed, just with an edge of nervousness, and pushed her hair behind her ears.
"He ever comin' back from that vacation, or are you talkin' a shallow grave type vacation?" Scout said.
"He probably will, though I can't say because last time I saw him, he was too busy congaing to reply," she said.
"Props, he always could do one hell of a conga-line," Scout said.
"I will do a conga-line up your ass with my boot if you don't stop babbling and get to your vows!" Soldier bellowed.
"Jeez, whose weddin' is it? Who? Pro-tip, Soldier―it's not yours! So get back to the priest-stuff already!"
Soldier's jaw twitched. For just a moment, his hands clenched into a choking stance.
"I, Sophia Pauling," she said, raising her voice to speak over them. She pulled out two small papers from secret pockets hidden in her skirts.
"Soon to be Dempsey," Scout said. Soldier's hands twitched.
She paused to reload, as she read off the second small paper. ""I, Liam Dempsey---Take Sophia Pauling as my wedded wife..."
"Wait, those are my lines, though if you're makin' suggestions for tonight, I'm probably down," Scout said.
"Er, make that Liam Dempsey as my husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, 'til death do us part."
"And I mean real death, not any of this Respawn crap," Scout said.
"Wow, there's thirty pages of custom vows on yours," she said under her breath.
"I would've gone for a hundred, but I ran out of paper," Scout said.
"You may kiss the bride!" Soldier bellowed.
"Hey, I didn't even say my part yet!" Scout protested.
"What, you don't want to kiss your wife? By the authority of my American-made boot, you're husband and wife! Get it over with, before I have to punch the joy back into you," Soldier said.
"Fine, I, Liam Dempsey, ditto what she said," Scout said.
Just as he leaned in to kiss her, he heard the ground-shaking footsteps.
"Oh, crap," Scout said. The giant Heavy robot lumbered towards them. A line of fire wasn't going to do anything to stop something like this. And Pyro sure as hell couldn't blow something that big back.
"Soph, get ready to run," Scout said.
"Not until I get that kiss," she said. She looked up at him breathlessly, and full of such wonder. He brushed back her dark hair, and defied death for a few more moments. They were enveloped in the sudden red light of an uber as they kissed. Safe from bullets for those seconds, they glowed both inside and out, wrapped in a blinding flash.
His white coat was covered in ash, burned black in places, but Medic had made it through the wall of flames.
"Am I too late for the after-party? Ja, the robot killing ran a little long!"
The Heavy robot hadn't gotten any closer. Just through the flames, he could see Heavy holding it by his massive hands. Scout looked to her.
"You ready?"
She smiled as she leveled her pistol. "Let's go."
He fired an entire clip into the giant metal beast. It twitched and groaned as the bullets hit it, unable to move past Heavy's grip, and unable to reach any of them at this level. Side by side, they fired guns into the dusty, broken down mining town.
Near them, Demoman laughed. He fired grenade after grenade into that huge robot. Sniper picked off the small Scout robots that threatened to push the wall of flames. From the other side, he could just see Spy sinking a sapper on that huge robot. Pyro kept those flames in check, rushing from side to side. In the distance, he could just hear the beeps of a sentry, and the crash of a wrench hitting metal.
"It's like a whole bridal convention over here," Scout said.
"It could be a whole new tradition," she said.
Scout had to shout to be heard above the victory cries and explosions as this wave was pushed back, almost to nothing.
"Hey, Mrs. Dempsey, you want to go kill some more robots as husband and wife? That's gotta be some kind of milestone," Scout said.
She reloaded her pistol. "I'd like nothing more, Mr. Dempsey. Though you probably should've read that contract you signed before we got married. Or I should say Mr. Pauling."
"Wait, what? I'm Mr. Pauling? now?" Scout was so startled he almost dropped his pistol.
"You didn't say that you didn't want my name, and you seem so fond of it that I gave it to you. Surprise!" Miss Pauling said.
After the momentary shock had settled, Scout couldn't help but shrug it off. He just married the most incredible girl he'd ever met, in frankly the coolest wedding that had ever happened. This would only make him that much closer to her.
"I could be okay with this. Guess it's my fault for not readin' the fine print," he said.
"You could? Because I was just teasing, and I applied for hyphenation. I could have it so they hyphenate both of our names to match," she said. She grinned mischievously.
"Pauling-Dempsey? Hey, I could be a Pauling too, for the rest of my life. Now that's a day to remember," Scout said.
Series: TF2
Character/pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, Ensemble
Rating:PG-13
Word count: 3363
Summary: When robots attack on their wedding day, she and Scout have to make do. After all, Soldier is a priest as well as a lawyer.
Author's note: VampirePaladin linked me to this after I showed her this. They're at Coal Town.
Betaed by Ginger. A treat for Hazmad.
Scout tugged at his collar. Already his once-pristine tuxedo was marred by dust. Over the screens, pictures of the wrecked reception area, and trampled white flowers showed from three different angles. He'd picked out that arbor personally, with the thought of a whole scrapbook of pictures taken in front of these twisting white flowers. He'd even had some picked out for her hair, just because he thought it'd make her smell even better. Even if he couldn't get her anything but a dusty badlands broken down town, he could bring her something beautiful in all this desert wasteland.
Now the arbor was nothing but smoking rubble, and the photographer was dead. So was the priest, though that one wasn't their fault, or the robots, for that matter.
Even the flower pinned to his black suit was wilted in this heat.
"Looks like we won't get the deposit back," Scout said. He tried to smile, a forced attempt at levity that didn't quite meet his gray eyes. Supposedly, it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but Scout figured their luck couldn't get any worse than this. She wore a white cocktail dress with lacy skirts which came to about her knees. She never did like floor length skirts; Miss Pauling always went for dresses she could make an escape from, should it come to that.
The dress was backless, and showed just enough skin to keep him distracted and forgetting his lines, until everything bubbled back to her. He put his hand over his heart, like a salute. She was supposed to be by his side, saying some I dos, a wedding dance, and eventually ending up with him in the fanciest hotel Teufort had to offer. Her lacy veil slightly crushed the white flowers braided into her dark hair. Just a few hours ago, Scout had been psyching himself up for walking down aisle and waiting for the most incredible girl he'd ever met to join him and say I do in front of a priest.
"Technically, if the entire city gets destroyed, we could just loot the building for our money back," Sophia said.
"Always findin' a way to look on the bright side," Scout said. He pulled at his collar again. "Isn't it seven years of bad luck to have a priest die on your weddin' day?"
"I think that's breaking mirrors," Miss Pauling said.
Scout let his hand fall back to his side, and entwine with hers. Her thumb brushed against his palm reassuringly.
"I wanted better for us, Soph," Scout said. Outside of their spawn, there was the whir and scream of minigun fire. The best men's suits had been completely ruined. Heavy had gone and ribbed the back and sleeves out of his, while the rest of the mercenaries had suits that were covered in dust, oil and blood.
He squeezed her hand, like an apology.
Soldier burst through the door, and made a line straight towards the bar full of upgrades.
"This isn't a kitten petting contest, son! We need to fight!" Soldier let out a war cry, and beat his chest, as if this would drive back the robots.
"Bein' invaded by a bunch of kittens would've been a whole lot better than this! Even if they tried to bite me when I rubbed their soft bellies! I bet we could probably even put flower crowns on them and make them into flower cats!" Scout said.
"They probably would just pull off the flowers and play with them," Miss Pauling said.
"And that would be friggin' adorable! We could've gotten gatecrashed by kittens, but instead we got frickin' robots!"
Miss Pauling looked to him. He loved it when she had great plans, because she always had these light bulb moments where she'd be wide-eyed, her lips so kissable and just parted as just the way to save the day came to mind.
"Wait--This wedding isn't over yet. Soldier is a priest!"
"And a lawyer," Demoman said. He'd come in more quietly, with an air of smoke and sulfur about him. He drank up the upgrades, literally, considering most of them were Mann's Mysterious Protein Shake: now with 3000% more radiation!
"The worst one ever," Liam muttered.
"Soldier could marry us!" Miss Pauling cut in before Soldier could reach out and choke him.
"Here?" Liam said incredulously. "In the spawn? With robots outside just waitin' to shoot us down?"
"Most of our dates were next to dead bodies. Is this any different?" Miss Pauling said.
"I want the best for you. I wanted more than a bunch of dates that smelled like rottin' corpses, and the biggest, prettiest weddin' that money could buy--one that we'd remember forever and look back fondly on all the time," Scout said.
"We can have that at our second wedding. We'll have your family, and hopefully no burials around, though no promises there--Besides, robots wrecking the wedding is pretty memorable," she said.
She had him there. Miss Pauling taking to the robots like some super heroine of vengeance in a wedding dress was right up there with Miss Pauling saving them from the bread monster.
"Yeah...I guess all that matters is you and me are there," Scout said.
"And the priest, probably," she said. "Where did he run off to?"
"Back outside to kill more robots, I think," Scout said.
Soldier's bellowing was so loud that he could easily be heard over the incoming robots and explosions. "Bolthead, I am going to show you the full force of patriotism With my boot!" Scout heard a clatter of crashing and raining metal.
He rushed out past Miss Pauling to see the remains of the smoking wreckage that had once been a giant robot.
"Whoa, he took down that huge robot with one kick?" Scout said incredulously.
"That was me, lad," Demoman said. He reloaded his sticky bombs, chuckling to himself at the pile of rubble. "A work of feckin' art, that's what it is."
Demoman took a victory drink on the broken husk of the robot. Scout gave him the thumbs up.
"Found him! Solidier, you have to come back over here!" she said. She cupped her hands to make her voice carry farther.
"Giant robot!" came a shriek from farther down the dusty city.
"Oh damn, we gotta take this to the plate! I gotta get this. See you in a bit―I'll have a dozen piles of dead robots. Like roses, but better!"
"Are you kidding? I'll miss out on all the fun. You wanted an outdoors wedding, anyways," Miss Pauling said.
"I didn't think it'd be a battlefield weddin'!"
"This will be much more interesting," Miss Pauling said.
Miss Pauling lifted up her lacy white skirts and pulled out a pistol from a thigh holster.
Scout raised his eyebrows. "You savin' that for the honeymoon?" Scout said.
"You know me. I always come prepared," she said.
Scout took out his own pistol and began picking off the smaller robots at a distance. The giant Heavy robot was just on the horizon.
"Soldier, start the ceremony! Marry us!" Miss Pauling had to shout above the rush of the battlefield.
"Do it, Soldier! We're countin' on your priest powers bein' for more than pissin' off wizards!
Do it for America! There's nothing more patriotic than getting married while killing robots!"
Just under the sliver of his helmet, Scout saw him smile.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, under America, to kill robots," Soldier began.
"Wrong one," Scout said. "I knew he would be a horrible choice."
Soldier moved fast, straight towards Scout's neck. This time, he didn't make it, due to the tiny steel-willed girl standing right in the way.
"Not on my own weddin' day! You are the worst priest!" Scout let out a cry of surprise, and took several steps back as Soldier tried to reach over Miss Pauling's head to strangle him.
Miss Pauling reached on tiptoe to stay Soldier's hand. "Soldier, no! No choking on wedding days!"
"Not even a little, for good luck?" Soldier said.
"No. You'll be too busy marrying us, Soldier," she said.
"Yeah, we might have to put that on hold. Those fire alarms weren't goin' off for shits and giggles," Scout said.
Scout reloaded his scattergun and started firing away at the dozens of metallic Pyros headed their way. As they moved, a wall of flames spread out before them. Underneath the storm of gunfire, they began to fall.
"Leave this to me, lad," Demoman said. He poured his drink across the dusty earth.
"Now come at me, ye dogs of hell. I've already sent ye back to the depths before, and I'll do it again!" Demoman let out a laugh as he poured out chemicals, and lit a match. He had a wild, fierce look in his eyes at the first burst. His top hat was scorched through, perfectly matching his burnt and bullet hole ridden suit.
"You'd sacrifice your beer for me? Seriously? You love that beer like a kid!"
"Aye, but I'll go to hell and back for my friends. Even if it means pourin' every drop of me Scrumpy down for these robots to take."
"Awww, thanks, man! I'll pay you back---probably with more beer," Scout said.
Demoman grinned wide. "Exactly as planned, lad," Demoman said.
The sheer amount of robots pushing through made him think the big guy and doc had fallen. And they were the last big defense at the spawn ship.
"We're goin' to have a whole bunch of of them rushin' through in a minute," Scout said, his voice growing panicked. He pointed erratically towards the glint of reflected light off the incoming metal contraptions.
"We need a bigger fire to hold it off...and we'll have to make sure it's contained... If only we had some gasoline...oh! We do!" She turned so quick that her bun came slightly undone, little white flowers coming free to fall on the ground around her.
"Soldier, you have a shovel! Dig out a trench for the other side! We're keeping them in line! Scout, you're with me," she said.
"Yes," Scout said. He high-fived the air, and followed her towards the mass of sheds covered with heavy padlocks. She pulled out a large key ring so full of keys that he could probably get a good work out just lifting the thing.
Scout didn't know how she did it. He could barely keep his locker key and his base keys straight, let alone that huge one that had to have hundreds of them. The locks fell to the floor, and he stepped in to pull open the heavy door for her. Scout never turned down a chance to show off his skills and muscles, especially if Miss Pauling was watching.
The door caught on something, maybe a bone from a corpse buried too shallow in the ground. He could just see the blinding glint of a whole wave of metal Pyros coming straight towards them, like something straight out of his personal nightmares. Except in his dreams, there were more rainbows.
"Aw, hell no!" Scout gave it one swift kick, and the door opened all the way.
"All right! Told you I had mad kung-fu skills," Scout said. He smirked as Miss Pauling pushed a brick near the doorway in front of the door to keep it open.
"And I apparently have great lock opening skills," she said.
"I'll say!"
"Help me with this tarp," she said.
She pulled the dull, dusty brown tarp away, revealing a mess of dusty tools and unused cans. She gripped the nearest one, smearing oil down her hands, and dripping down her skirts.
"I'm going to need you to pour this across the other entrance, okay? Soldier should have the sand bags up by now," Miss Pauling said.
"You can count on me, Miss Pauling," Scout said.
"And don't get yourself killed! We're still getting married, even if we have to do it on a pile of destroyed tanks, and Gray Mann's corpse!"
Actually, that sounded pretty cool. Scout took off on a run, and tipped the can of gasoline. He made a line across the other path. If he'd just a little more time, he'd have written out her name in the sand in flames. Scout filed that one for later.
Even through his mask, Pyro could catch a whiff of the strong scent of gasoline from halfway across the city. Pyro came running, an eruption of flames bursting up, mumbling that strange Pyro language all the while. Scout leapt back from the wall of flames.
At least Pyro wasn't setting all the gas stations in Teufort on fire this time.
The ill-fitted suit had been pulled over the hazmat suit. So many patches had been burnt through that it looked like Pyro wore a red polka dot pattern.
"Mmph?" Pyro said.
"Yeah, uh, keep that blowin' over there, pally," Scout said. He stood back from the blast radius.
Behind them, Miss Pauling lugged two more cans of gasoline. She set them down, and Pyro looked down at the cans, completely enthralled. Scout could only imagine what one of those looked like to someone like Pyro.
"Pyro, I need you to do a big favor for Miss Pauling, okay? Keep those fires from spreading inwards. Don't let them set the buildings on fire. Blow them back if they get any closer!"
"Hudda!"
The battle cries, and shrieks of slightly disturbing laughter showed that Doc and the big guy hadn't kicked it yet, despite sticking that close to the robot spawn ship for most of the day. They were a sturdy pair, Scout had to give them that.
Scout pulled back from the heat. Nothing had gotten through the flames intact.
"Miss Pauling bought us some time, so let's get this goin'!"
He could only hold one of her hands, considering the other held a pistol. Oil spots and gasoline had spilled onto her wedding dress. Spots of grease and dirt had brushed across her face. She looked like she'd moonlighted as a grease monkey for at least a month.
And oh, oh was she gorgeous. He'd take her dirty, blood-spattered and smelling of corpses. He couldn't stop smiling as he looked to her, the crackling of flames and crashing of dying robots so close.
"Soldier! Marry us!" Miss Pauling said again, her voice almost lost by the sounds of battle.
"Dearly beloved, we're gathered for the wedding of one Miss Pauling, and one Scout, possibly more, I can never keep them straight."
"Excuse me, I'm the only Scout she's marryin'. I haven't even seen BLU lately. Is he even still alive?"
"He, uh, went on a long vacation," Miss Pauling said. She laughed, just with an edge of nervousness, and pushed her hair behind her ears.
"He ever comin' back from that vacation, or are you talkin' a shallow grave type vacation?" Scout said.
"He probably will, though I can't say because last time I saw him, he was too busy congaing to reply," she said.
"Props, he always could do one hell of a conga-line," Scout said.
"I will do a conga-line up your ass with my boot if you don't stop babbling and get to your vows!" Soldier bellowed.
"Jeez, whose weddin' is it? Who? Pro-tip, Soldier―it's not yours! So get back to the priest-stuff already!"
Soldier's jaw twitched. For just a moment, his hands clenched into a choking stance.
"I, Sophia Pauling," she said, raising her voice to speak over them. She pulled out two small papers from secret pockets hidden in her skirts.
"Soon to be Dempsey," Scout said. Soldier's hands twitched.
She paused to reload, as she read off the second small paper. ""I, Liam Dempsey---Take Sophia Pauling as my wedded wife..."
"Wait, those are my lines, though if you're makin' suggestions for tonight, I'm probably down," Scout said.
"Er, make that Liam Dempsey as my husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, 'til death do us part."
"And I mean real death, not any of this Respawn crap," Scout said.
"Wow, there's thirty pages of custom vows on yours," she said under her breath.
"I would've gone for a hundred, but I ran out of paper," Scout said.
"You may kiss the bride!" Soldier bellowed.
"Hey, I didn't even say my part yet!" Scout protested.
"What, you don't want to kiss your wife? By the authority of my American-made boot, you're husband and wife! Get it over with, before I have to punch the joy back into you," Soldier said.
"Fine, I, Liam Dempsey, ditto what she said," Scout said.
Just as he leaned in to kiss her, he heard the ground-shaking footsteps.
"Oh, crap," Scout said. The giant Heavy robot lumbered towards them. A line of fire wasn't going to do anything to stop something like this. And Pyro sure as hell couldn't blow something that big back.
"Soph, get ready to run," Scout said.
"Not until I get that kiss," she said. She looked up at him breathlessly, and full of such wonder. He brushed back her dark hair, and defied death for a few more moments. They were enveloped in the sudden red light of an uber as they kissed. Safe from bullets for those seconds, they glowed both inside and out, wrapped in a blinding flash.
His white coat was covered in ash, burned black in places, but Medic had made it through the wall of flames.
"Am I too late for the after-party? Ja, the robot killing ran a little long!"
The Heavy robot hadn't gotten any closer. Just through the flames, he could see Heavy holding it by his massive hands. Scout looked to her.
"You ready?"
She smiled as she leveled her pistol. "Let's go."
He fired an entire clip into the giant metal beast. It twitched and groaned as the bullets hit it, unable to move past Heavy's grip, and unable to reach any of them at this level. Side by side, they fired guns into the dusty, broken down mining town.
Near them, Demoman laughed. He fired grenade after grenade into that huge robot. Sniper picked off the small Scout robots that threatened to push the wall of flames. From the other side, he could just see Spy sinking a sapper on that huge robot. Pyro kept those flames in check, rushing from side to side. In the distance, he could just hear the beeps of a sentry, and the crash of a wrench hitting metal.
"It's like a whole bridal convention over here," Scout said.
"It could be a whole new tradition," she said.
Scout had to shout to be heard above the victory cries and explosions as this wave was pushed back, almost to nothing.
"Hey, Mrs. Dempsey, you want to go kill some more robots as husband and wife? That's gotta be some kind of milestone," Scout said.
She reloaded her pistol. "I'd like nothing more, Mr. Dempsey. Though you probably should've read that contract you signed before we got married. Or I should say Mr. Pauling."
"Wait, what? I'm Mr. Pauling? now?" Scout was so startled he almost dropped his pistol.
"You didn't say that you didn't want my name, and you seem so fond of it that I gave it to you. Surprise!" Miss Pauling said.
After the momentary shock had settled, Scout couldn't help but shrug it off. He just married the most incredible girl he'd ever met, in frankly the coolest wedding that had ever happened. This would only make him that much closer to her.
"I could be okay with this. Guess it's my fault for not readin' the fine print," he said.
"You could? Because I was just teasing, and I applied for hyphenation. I could have it so they hyphenate both of our names to match," she said. She grinned mischievously.
"Pauling-Dempsey? Hey, I could be a Pauling too, for the rest of my life. Now that's a day to remember," Scout said.
