fic: No Contest ( or: The Dad War)
Sep. 7th, 2015 01:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: No Contest (or: The Dad War)
Series: Team Fortress 2
Character/Pairing: Scout, Demoman, Alice (OC) Vera (OC) (mentioned Scoutpauling and DemoYana)
Rating: PG
Word count: 1133
Summary: Scout has a habit of showing off, but it doesn't work so well when it's in DeGroot territory
Author's note: I don't own Vera, nor this universe. I'm borrowing her from the awesome Bowlersandtophats/hardhatsandbeecaves. And it's for him as well. Alice is mine, though. More on Boobries.
Thanks to Carrie for a quick beta.
If ever there was a more tourist pair, it was them. With their blue and red baseball shirts and caps, they looked out of place among the cold stones of DeGroot castle. He was half surprised that Liam hadn't put on a fanny pack and those dad sunglasses and visors, for he'd fallen that far down into fatherhood.
There was one thing worse than a tourist, and that was someone who couldn't even take in the sights of Scotland's beauty and the glory of the DeGroot castle without hoisting a photobook of their own memories to show off. Tavish had taken them down this tunnel of thousands of years of highland wars, and Liam still couldn't stop thinking about himself. Years ago it'd been him flexing and making a fool of himself all over the battlefield, strutting about like a cock of the walk. Oh, he'd thought he really was something, but then he'd gone and married Miss Pauling and had a child of his own.
And now he might as well have been memorialized in the dictionary as the most dad of a man to ever exist. He was so domesticated and starry-eyed about his family, Tavish could've slain a monster right in front of him and he wouldn't have noticed anything but his wallet full of pictures.
"And this is a picture of Alley cat takin' her first steps, and her first tee-ball game, and oh, damn look at her covered in her breakfast, and here's another of her coverin' me in breakfast! She's just the cutest kid there ever was, no contest--"
Liam would go on for hours, Tavish knew that horror all too well. And ever since he'd gotten a kid of his own, Liam had forgotten how to stop talking. Even back in the day he'd stopped occasionally, usually because he'd just been blown to bits for stepping on a grenade, or Miss Pauling passed by. Even little Alice had gotten distracted and started to poke at cobwebs. She bent down, her thick dark ponytail pulled through her baseball cap and swaying as she searched the corners for treasure, or perhaps dust and spiders.
But Liam had made a grave mistake, he'd come to Castle DeGroot, and implied that his girl was cuter than Vera. And the DeGroot family never lost on their home soil.
Tavish pointed to the wall behind him. "Aye, did I mention there's a tapestry of Vera after her first kill? She took down a Boobrie that had been stealin' cattle all over the countryside all by herself."
He pointed up at the glorious piece, splatted with blood from her last kill, a fae who'd gotten cocky and invaded their home. It took up an entire wall, with Vera in the middle looking like she had a crown of sun. Beneath her sword lay the pieces of the monster, the threads showed well the glassy eyes and tongue hanging out of the head he'd eventually had mounted on a wall down in one of the lower rooms. Highland women knew how to paint monsters; they'd lived their entire lives fighting them, until each depiction came easily, like signing a name.
He had personally picked out three more walls to commission tapestries for. Vera fights bears alongside her mother and aunts was almost finished, and one day, more would join them, until all the walls of the castle were filled with Vera's exploits.
"He said boob," Alice said. She laughed, and Vera joined in. He had to hand it to his daughter; she had the best kind of humor. The drunken, slightly absurd, like dirty limericks scrawled on a bathroom wall. It'd taken him years, and many gallons of alcohol to fine-tune that sense of humor in himself. She'd gone and picked it up far sooner than he could.
His child was already telling and laughing at dirty jokes at an advanced level. He'd have to put one over on Liam next time he tried his dad contests.
"Yes, the name is wonderful, but they aren't giant titties.They're called Boobrie's, lass. They're huge bird monsters that feast on cattle. Now Vera, she dinnae take down any dragons yet, but soon enough we'll take down Nessie together."
"Dragons? Coool!" Alice said. "You're real awesome, Vera."
Vera grinned, that same known DeGroot smile that was the last sight for many of the enemies of the Highland's Demolitions Experts. Already he'd had the pleasure of seeing her banish those dread fae back to the hellish dimension they came from. She basked in the praise, tossing her golden curls with enough pride to put Liam to shame.
"Any less, and I'd be in bits all over the countryside. The weak demomen don't live--or I should say demowoman."
Alice was rapt, and covered in cobwebs. They'd stuck deep into her thick dark hair, and even over her Red Sox baseball cap, that was only a smaller version of what her father wore. "Woww!" She clutched her fists, trembling with unconstrained excitement. "That's so cool!"
Liam scrambled for words. The lad never could take being bested, not when it came to his pathetic flexing and strutting back then, and especially not when it came to his wife and child. "Yeah, but Alice here hit a home run--" he said, scrambling for dominance.
Tavish reached out and patted him on the shoulder. "Playin' with balls is nothin' compared to fightin' monsters, lad."
"Can you teach me how to fight monsters too?" Alice said.
"It's pretty dangerous, Eyelander here, he takes heads. But he likes me." She admired the sword larger than her, glinting with a red that looked like rust, but was actually the dried blood of thousands of years.
"She could even win over that rustbucket skewer over here," Tavish said, rubbing the salt in Liam's loss just a little more.
"But, I guess you could watch," Vera said.
Alice leapt up, showing just as much flexibility and energy as her father had in the gravel years, before he'd gone and fallen into full fatherhood. "You're the coolest!"
Liam was struck speechless at that. Tavish had never been prouder of his girl. She manged to do what few in the world had ever managed: shut up Liam for more than a minute.
Series: Team Fortress 2
Character/Pairing: Scout, Demoman, Alice (OC) Vera (OC) (mentioned Scoutpauling and DemoYana)
Rating: PG
Word count: 1133
Summary: Scout has a habit of showing off, but it doesn't work so well when it's in DeGroot territory
Author's note: I don't own Vera, nor this universe. I'm borrowing her from the awesome Bowlersandtophats/hardhatsandbeecaves. And it's for him as well. Alice is mine, though. More on Boobries.
Thanks to Carrie for a quick beta.
If ever there was a more tourist pair, it was them. With their blue and red baseball shirts and caps, they looked out of place among the cold stones of DeGroot castle. He was half surprised that Liam hadn't put on a fanny pack and those dad sunglasses and visors, for he'd fallen that far down into fatherhood.
There was one thing worse than a tourist, and that was someone who couldn't even take in the sights of Scotland's beauty and the glory of the DeGroot castle without hoisting a photobook of their own memories to show off. Tavish had taken them down this tunnel of thousands of years of highland wars, and Liam still couldn't stop thinking about himself. Years ago it'd been him flexing and making a fool of himself all over the battlefield, strutting about like a cock of the walk. Oh, he'd thought he really was something, but then he'd gone and married Miss Pauling and had a child of his own.
And now he might as well have been memorialized in the dictionary as the most dad of a man to ever exist. He was so domesticated and starry-eyed about his family, Tavish could've slain a monster right in front of him and he wouldn't have noticed anything but his wallet full of pictures.
"And this is a picture of Alley cat takin' her first steps, and her first tee-ball game, and oh, damn look at her covered in her breakfast, and here's another of her coverin' me in breakfast! She's just the cutest kid there ever was, no contest--"
Liam would go on for hours, Tavish knew that horror all too well. And ever since he'd gotten a kid of his own, Liam had forgotten how to stop talking. Even back in the day he'd stopped occasionally, usually because he'd just been blown to bits for stepping on a grenade, or Miss Pauling passed by. Even little Alice had gotten distracted and started to poke at cobwebs. She bent down, her thick dark ponytail pulled through her baseball cap and swaying as she searched the corners for treasure, or perhaps dust and spiders.
But Liam had made a grave mistake, he'd come to Castle DeGroot, and implied that his girl was cuter than Vera. And the DeGroot family never lost on their home soil.
Tavish pointed to the wall behind him. "Aye, did I mention there's a tapestry of Vera after her first kill? She took down a Boobrie that had been stealin' cattle all over the countryside all by herself."
He pointed up at the glorious piece, splatted with blood from her last kill, a fae who'd gotten cocky and invaded their home. It took up an entire wall, with Vera in the middle looking like she had a crown of sun. Beneath her sword lay the pieces of the monster, the threads showed well the glassy eyes and tongue hanging out of the head he'd eventually had mounted on a wall down in one of the lower rooms. Highland women knew how to paint monsters; they'd lived their entire lives fighting them, until each depiction came easily, like signing a name.
He had personally picked out three more walls to commission tapestries for. Vera fights bears alongside her mother and aunts was almost finished, and one day, more would join them, until all the walls of the castle were filled with Vera's exploits.
"He said boob," Alice said. She laughed, and Vera joined in. He had to hand it to his daughter; she had the best kind of humor. The drunken, slightly absurd, like dirty limericks scrawled on a bathroom wall. It'd taken him years, and many gallons of alcohol to fine-tune that sense of humor in himself. She'd gone and picked it up far sooner than he could.
His child was already telling and laughing at dirty jokes at an advanced level. He'd have to put one over on Liam next time he tried his dad contests.
"Yes, the name is wonderful, but they aren't giant titties.They're called Boobrie's, lass. They're huge bird monsters that feast on cattle. Now Vera, she dinnae take down any dragons yet, but soon enough we'll take down Nessie together."
"Dragons? Coool!" Alice said. "You're real awesome, Vera."
Vera grinned, that same known DeGroot smile that was the last sight for many of the enemies of the Highland's Demolitions Experts. Already he'd had the pleasure of seeing her banish those dread fae back to the hellish dimension they came from. She basked in the praise, tossing her golden curls with enough pride to put Liam to shame.
"Any less, and I'd be in bits all over the countryside. The weak demomen don't live--or I should say demowoman."
Alice was rapt, and covered in cobwebs. They'd stuck deep into her thick dark hair, and even over her Red Sox baseball cap, that was only a smaller version of what her father wore. "Woww!" She clutched her fists, trembling with unconstrained excitement. "That's so cool!"
Liam scrambled for words. The lad never could take being bested, not when it came to his pathetic flexing and strutting back then, and especially not when it came to his wife and child. "Yeah, but Alice here hit a home run--" he said, scrambling for dominance.
Tavish reached out and patted him on the shoulder. "Playin' with balls is nothin' compared to fightin' monsters, lad."
"Can you teach me how to fight monsters too?" Alice said.
"It's pretty dangerous, Eyelander here, he takes heads. But he likes me." She admired the sword larger than her, glinting with a red that looked like rust, but was actually the dried blood of thousands of years.
"She could even win over that rustbucket skewer over here," Tavish said, rubbing the salt in Liam's loss just a little more.
"But, I guess you could watch," Vera said.
Alice leapt up, showing just as much flexibility and energy as her father had in the gravel years, before he'd gone and fallen into full fatherhood. "You're the coolest!"
Liam was struck speechless at that. Tavish had never been prouder of his girl. She manged to do what few in the world had ever managed: shut up Liam for more than a minute.
