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bonnefoisTitle: Sex Is The Question, The Answer Is Yes, And Also 42
Series: Big Bang Theory
Character/Pairing: Howard/Raj
Rating: R
Word count: 1456
A/N: November 3rd - Big Bang Theory, Howard/Raj; handjobs - It's not like we'll get laid any other way (claimed)
It was all going so great. They’d gotten two cute drunk girls back to the hotel room, and then crash. Bang. All over. Howard still had a bit of lipstick from the girl smeared on his lips. (was her name Shannon, or was it Karen? He couldn’t quite remember.) He wiped it off on the back of his shirt and sighed. Raj was pulling back on his pants, a little sobered and a little dumbstruck at the girl’s leaving – Really, what girl wouldn’t be charmed by hearing that she was beautiful in Klingon, Mandarin and Arabic? These, apparently. Halfway through he was explaining what Klingon was, and he’d gotten into the glassy-eyed Star Trek mode, the girls were gone.
They both sat back, reeling from it all for a moment before Howard finally broke the silence.
“Think on the bright side. There’s bound to be Cinemax here.”
Raj smiled slightly.
It wasn’t even weird to masturbate together to porn. They’d been doing it for years. They had watched Jenna Jameson’s transformation from severe hottie to ‘wouldn’t hit that if you paid me’. Raj had even introduced him to the joys of Bollywood. Not that they ever got that naked, but he did have to admit the Indian girls had a lot of charm. Raj would lean in the whole time, whispering little facts about this actress or that actor. If Sheldon or Leonard, or even Penny did it, it’d be annoying. With Raj, it isn’t somehow. Raj’s comments are always funny, or at least informative.
“I hate to break it to you, but I spilled wine on the other bed,” Raj said.
“It doesn’t matter. This one is big enough. I mean, it’s not like we’ve got two hot girls to crowd the bed up, right? Climb on over.”
They both shared a sort of forlorn grin. Raj climbed up beside him, his legs dangling over the side of the bed.
Howard’s pants were uncomfortably tight. It was times like these when he got ditched by the attempt of a drunken orgy that he regretted wearing pants that tight. He eased out of them, gasping as the material rubbed against his erection.
“How about ‘Tracy Does Japan’? There’s a classic.”
Raj undid his pants, which was as good as a yes. Howard couldn’t help but feel for him. The girl he’d gone with had been really hot, and she’d been whispering to him all the things she’d do to him. But Raj never stayed down long, so it wasn’t five minutes before he was shaking off ‘the one that got away’.
Howard swallowed. In the corner of his eye he saw Raj finish undoing his pants and take his cock in his hands. Howard had this thought more than he’d care to admit, because normal Jewish boys don’t fantasy about touching their friend’s cock. Really, they don’t. But he did.
So when he touched Raj’s thigh, tapped really, and when Raj looked at him curiously, all he said was “It’s not like we’re ever going to get laid any other way.”
“Remember the old adage – it’s not gay unless balls touch,” Raj said jokingly.
Howard gripped the base of Raj’s cock. It was thick, and the same wonderful coffee colored tinge of the rest of Raj’s skin. Weird, Howard couldn’t get off on his usual favorites lately. Blonds and redheads didn’t do a thing for him. But a fully clothed picture of Deepika Padukone was enough to almost make him come in his pants.
Raj groaned as he pumped. At this point he wasn’t even looking at Tracy and her quest to suck off every Japanese man in all of Tokyo. No, he was looking at Raj. The more he pumped, the more glassy Raj’s eyes got. Of all of them, Raj was the one who had the most puppy appeal. In fact, if it wasn’t for his bouts of mutism, he’d probably be the darling of many social circles. When you looked like a puppy in the best way, people tended to forget that you played Klingon Boggle on the weekends. Then it became ‘cute’ or ‘quaint’ as opposed to ‘creepy’ or ‘disturbing.’
Hadn’t Saturday Night Live done a skit on that about sexual harassment once? Howard was glad for that mutism, though. Without it Raj wouldn’t be there whispering in his ear, or be his best friend and partner in clubbing.
Howard felt the throbbing of Raj’s cock increase. He stroked up a bit harder. Howard was himself, a master masturbator. He’d had all of high school and college to practice his technique and when he got drunk enough he may have joked about how ‘with hands like these, it’s a shame I’m not gay’, complete with eyebrow waggle. And that might have been a come on to a girl in a bar – he was drunk enough to blissfully forget the details.
As Howard came to the glans, which was slowly turning purple, he heard Raj’s breaths become ragged and desperate. He heard a name, muffled, but most undoubtably his as Raj came, messy and white all over his hands.
Howard leaned over to where the floral box of tissues had been placed. He could’ve let, or made Raj clean up himself, but he decided to finish the job. He mopped up all the come and Tracy engaged in a fivesome unnoticed.
Raj licked his hand. It was honestly, one of the most seductive things he’d ever seen without even meaning to, and he was pretty sure Raj wasn’t even drunk anymore. Neither of them could play the ‘drunk and horny’ card anymore.
Howard bit his lip as he felt Raj enclose his hands over the tip of his cock. Raj had kissable lips. Even the straightest guy in the world would have to concede that (a category Howard wasn’t sure he belong with anymore.)
Howard couldn’t help but imagine those lips wrapped around his cock. Licking, sucking. Sweet second law of Newton, that image alone was worth more than 80 gigs of the best porn. He was pretty sure that a part of him was ruined, and that every time he got that close to getting with a girl, he’d be thinking about Raj saying his name as he came.
And then? While Tracy was screaming yes, yes yes oh yes that image came true. Raj did take him in his mouth. It was completely unexpected and completely right. And the whole movie cliche crescendo when the couple finally does it? Howard could’ve sworn he heard that too. Or maybe that was just the porno music. Raj’s tongue was soft against his cock, and despite the fact that he was no blowjob virgin, he did have to admit that men did it better than women. Howard could feel Raj’s fingers over his cock as he sucked, and it was so, so good. Toe-curlingly good.
Even more, there was a thought that he wouldn’t have to tiptoe out while she was in the shower or get the same damn, I was drunk enough to sleep with someone like you? glance which always lessened the got-laid-last-night glow. Because with Raj in the morning they’d laugh over the same things, they’d snark together, with each other, at each other and there’d be something there beyond the alcohol.
Howard’s eyes were fluttering by the time Raj started at the underside of his cock and started working up. Raj had just taken him in rather deeper then the throbbing started, and like the snap of a broken rubber band, he came. He really did see something like stars behind his eyes (or really, blood vessels, but they looked like stars.) Howard let out a long, happy sigh and leaned back. He reached for the controller and turned it off.
Raj wiped away the come from the side of his mouth. This should have been the guilty, normal-straight-friends-don’t-give-each-other-blowjobs-and-handjobs moment, but they just shared a grin together like they’d just found out the meaning of the universe and were keeping it from Sheldon just to piss him off. (It was 42, of course, everyone knew that.)
“So..next time we strike out with a girl, or girls, we take care of each other? It’s a lot better than being bored and horny,” Howard said. He let the sentence trail off and smiled hopefully.
“Yeah,” Raj said. “Definitely.”
Just for that, Howard almost wished that he’d never kiss another girl ever again.
Series: Big Bang Theory
Character/Pairing: Howard/Raj
Rating: R
Word count: 1456
A/N: November 3rd - Big Bang Theory, Howard/Raj; handjobs - It's not like we'll get laid any other way (claimed)
It was all going so great. They’d gotten two cute drunk girls back to the hotel room, and then crash. Bang. All over. Howard still had a bit of lipstick from the girl smeared on his lips. (was her name Shannon, or was it Karen? He couldn’t quite remember.) He wiped it off on the back of his shirt and sighed. Raj was pulling back on his pants, a little sobered and a little dumbstruck at the girl’s leaving – Really, what girl wouldn’t be charmed by hearing that she was beautiful in Klingon, Mandarin and Arabic? These, apparently. Halfway through he was explaining what Klingon was, and he’d gotten into the glassy-eyed Star Trek mode, the girls were gone.
They both sat back, reeling from it all for a moment before Howard finally broke the silence.
“Think on the bright side. There’s bound to be Cinemax here.”
Raj smiled slightly.
It wasn’t even weird to masturbate together to porn. They’d been doing it for years. They had watched Jenna Jameson’s transformation from severe hottie to ‘wouldn’t hit that if you paid me’. Raj had even introduced him to the joys of Bollywood. Not that they ever got that naked, but he did have to admit the Indian girls had a lot of charm. Raj would lean in the whole time, whispering little facts about this actress or that actor. If Sheldon or Leonard, or even Penny did it, it’d be annoying. With Raj, it isn’t somehow. Raj’s comments are always funny, or at least informative.
“I hate to break it to you, but I spilled wine on the other bed,” Raj said.
“It doesn’t matter. This one is big enough. I mean, it’s not like we’ve got two hot girls to crowd the bed up, right? Climb on over.”
They both shared a sort of forlorn grin. Raj climbed up beside him, his legs dangling over the side of the bed.
Howard’s pants were uncomfortably tight. It was times like these when he got ditched by the attempt of a drunken orgy that he regretted wearing pants that tight. He eased out of them, gasping as the material rubbed against his erection.
“How about ‘Tracy Does Japan’? There’s a classic.”
Raj undid his pants, which was as good as a yes. Howard couldn’t help but feel for him. The girl he’d gone with had been really hot, and she’d been whispering to him all the things she’d do to him. But Raj never stayed down long, so it wasn’t five minutes before he was shaking off ‘the one that got away’.
Howard swallowed. In the corner of his eye he saw Raj finish undoing his pants and take his cock in his hands. Howard had this thought more than he’d care to admit, because normal Jewish boys don’t fantasy about touching their friend’s cock. Really, they don’t. But he did.
So when he touched Raj’s thigh, tapped really, and when Raj looked at him curiously, all he said was “It’s not like we’re ever going to get laid any other way.”
“Remember the old adage – it’s not gay unless balls touch,” Raj said jokingly.
Howard gripped the base of Raj’s cock. It was thick, and the same wonderful coffee colored tinge of the rest of Raj’s skin. Weird, Howard couldn’t get off on his usual favorites lately. Blonds and redheads didn’t do a thing for him. But a fully clothed picture of Deepika Padukone was enough to almost make him come in his pants.
Raj groaned as he pumped. At this point he wasn’t even looking at Tracy and her quest to suck off every Japanese man in all of Tokyo. No, he was looking at Raj. The more he pumped, the more glassy Raj’s eyes got. Of all of them, Raj was the one who had the most puppy appeal. In fact, if it wasn’t for his bouts of mutism, he’d probably be the darling of many social circles. When you looked like a puppy in the best way, people tended to forget that you played Klingon Boggle on the weekends. Then it became ‘cute’ or ‘quaint’ as opposed to ‘creepy’ or ‘disturbing.’
Hadn’t Saturday Night Live done a skit on that about sexual harassment once? Howard was glad for that mutism, though. Without it Raj wouldn’t be there whispering in his ear, or be his best friend and partner in clubbing.
Howard felt the throbbing of Raj’s cock increase. He stroked up a bit harder. Howard was himself, a master masturbator. He’d had all of high school and college to practice his technique and when he got drunk enough he may have joked about how ‘with hands like these, it’s a shame I’m not gay’, complete with eyebrow waggle. And that might have been a come on to a girl in a bar – he was drunk enough to blissfully forget the details.
As Howard came to the glans, which was slowly turning purple, he heard Raj’s breaths become ragged and desperate. He heard a name, muffled, but most undoubtably his as Raj came, messy and white all over his hands.
Howard leaned over to where the floral box of tissues had been placed. He could’ve let, or made Raj clean up himself, but he decided to finish the job. He mopped up all the come and Tracy engaged in a fivesome unnoticed.
Raj licked his hand. It was honestly, one of the most seductive things he’d ever seen without even meaning to, and he was pretty sure Raj wasn’t even drunk anymore. Neither of them could play the ‘drunk and horny’ card anymore.
Howard bit his lip as he felt Raj enclose his hands over the tip of his cock. Raj had kissable lips. Even the straightest guy in the world would have to concede that (a category Howard wasn’t sure he belong with anymore.)
Howard couldn’t help but imagine those lips wrapped around his cock. Licking, sucking. Sweet second law of Newton, that image alone was worth more than 80 gigs of the best porn. He was pretty sure that a part of him was ruined, and that every time he got that close to getting with a girl, he’d be thinking about Raj saying his name as he came.
And then? While Tracy was screaming yes, yes yes oh yes that image came true. Raj did take him in his mouth. It was completely unexpected and completely right. And the whole movie cliche crescendo when the couple finally does it? Howard could’ve sworn he heard that too. Or maybe that was just the porno music. Raj’s tongue was soft against his cock, and despite the fact that he was no blowjob virgin, he did have to admit that men did it better than women. Howard could feel Raj’s fingers over his cock as he sucked, and it was so, so good. Toe-curlingly good.
Even more, there was a thought that he wouldn’t have to tiptoe out while she was in the shower or get the same damn, I was drunk enough to sleep with someone like you? glance which always lessened the got-laid-last-night glow. Because with Raj in the morning they’d laugh over the same things, they’d snark together, with each other, at each other and there’d be something there beyond the alcohol.
Howard’s eyes were fluttering by the time Raj started at the underside of his cock and started working up. Raj had just taken him in rather deeper then the throbbing started, and like the snap of a broken rubber band, he came. He really did see something like stars behind his eyes (or really, blood vessels, but they looked like stars.) Howard let out a long, happy sigh and leaned back. He reached for the controller and turned it off.
Raj wiped away the come from the side of his mouth. This should have been the guilty, normal-straight-friends-don’t-give-each-other-blowjobs-and-handjobs moment, but they just shared a grin together like they’d just found out the meaning of the universe and were keeping it from Sheldon just to piss him off. (It was 42, of course, everyone knew that.)
“So..next time we strike out with a girl, or girls, we take care of each other? It’s a lot better than being bored and horny,” Howard said. He let the sentence trail off and smiled hopefully.
“Yeah,” Raj said. “Definitely.”
Just for that, Howard almost wished that he’d never kiss another girl ever again.
