fic: Today, I'm Dating You!
Jul. 11th, 2023 06:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: Today, I'm Dating You!
Series: Today, I'm Harvesting You!
Character/pairing: Collector/protagonist
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She finally convinces the Collector to go out on a date with her.
Word count: 2,064
Author's note:
The game is a horror/humor/dating sim called Today, I'm Harvesting You! The only organ harvesting dating sim.
(Manlybadasshero did a great LP right here.)
Mildly divergent canon date wise. Only in that Gideon got shanked on the second time she saw him because he ghosted her, and Jun never showed up because he's the one I feel bad about getting shanked.
She kept twisting her hair in her fingers as he counted out the money. It'd been a few weeks since the kiss that changed everything. Where all the flirting finally paid off. She deposited her cooler in the unmarked white van. Another "date" that went well.
"You had a good harvest?"
"A great one. I got everything you need. Speaking of need.--We should go on a date," she said.
"I'm not the type," he said.
"For dates?"
"For public society," he said.
"We could go on a picnic," she said playfully.
"Bears live in this area," he said.
"Hmmm...You think bear organs would go for a good price? Or maybe their pelts and meat? Fried bear might be good..."
He let out a sigh.
"...Right, you're the more dangerous one here. Also, don't go fighting bears, kiddo."
She laughed softly.
"I keep bear spray around. Among other things~"
"Fine. I'll pick the place. Free next weekend?"
"Really? This is finally happening?"
"Yes."
She let out a cheer--enough to make him blush. Which was cute and also still a surprise, that the man she only knew as The Collector, someone who dealt with harvested organs on the black market, could blush like a schoolgirl and kind of have a soft side. That he worried about her, and called her kiddo.
He was always full of surprises. That was part of the reason she liked him so. Well, that and his sexy, mysterious, deadly ways. A bit of both.
*
The next weekend, they ended up at that old building which changed businesses constantly, but they never seemed to go anywhere. She hadn't even known it was a restaurant. Nobody ever seemed to be there. She should've known something was up.
"This is totally a mafia front, isn't it?"
"Better not to ask questions," he said.
He chose a seat in the very back corner and kept his back to the wall. Even as he opened the menu, he kept an eye out to the window, as if gunfire might break the window down.
"You watched my dates, didn't you? Were you jealous?"
"I didn't want my best seller getting hurt."
She laughed. "We're dating. You can stop the whole 'I don't love you' act. That fell apart when you kissed me."
"Maybe a little," he admitted.
"Aww, you don't have to be jealous. You know you're the only one for me. The rest all end up in the cooler before the night is over."
"Not sure that's a comfort," he said, and looked away.
"I'd never shank you in a dark alley and sell your organs. After all, who would I sell them to? You have the best prices in town."
"Ha."
He had on like his usual attire. Dark pants and shirt. No blood, which had to count for something. He even still had his balaclava on. Good thing she found the mask hot, because trying to get him to take it off was going to take a lot more effort.
He might even keep it on in bed. Which might be sexy now that she thought about it.
He probably owned a wardrobe of nothing but the same clothes. All which got routinely burned as opposed to wash with all the blood that got on him.
He looked away "It's the only kind of clothes I own anymore."
A confirmation, she supposed.
"Am I ever going to see you out of that balaclava? Or are you going to show up to our wedding like this?"
"Pretty early to be talking about getting married, kiddo."
"Half a joke, but still."
"Only half?"
"If we got married, we couldn't be forced to testify against each other. I also happen to think you're husband material."
He looked away. "You have a strange taste in men."
"We're well matched. I couldn't exactly tell all those other guys what I do for a living."
"The ones that ended up in the cooler," he said.
"Yup!" she said, far too cheerfully. "You know what they say: Dead men tell no tales."
"Ha."
His gaze fixated on her for a long moment. The lights of the restaurant reflected on his large, round glasses.
"You haven't been around as much."
She actually got his number. Okay, she got a burner phone under an assumed name, but he'd answer it. Though he didn't respond to the 50 cat memes she sent over the week, she'd like to think he enjoyed them anyways.
"I got a new job. Did you miss me? Were you worried about me?"
"I knew you didn't die. I know where you live," he said.
Anyone else probably would've been threatened that the local seller of harvested organs knew where they lived, but she found it kind of flattering. He checked up on her. Maybe he'd even make sure she got home safe and her latest target didn't end up shanking her.
Maybe he'd even help her in the butchering one day.
"Someone down the road needed to butcher their hogs. I did it, and they were impressed with my work. Said I have a 'knack with a knife.'"
"Hmmm... It would make a good cover. Especially to explain away the blood," he said.
"That's what I thought. And I was raising all these pigs anyways with all the bodies I needed to get rid of. It really helps on the burying time. Around this time of the year, the ground is just like cement! It really hurts to have to dig and dig and I'm tempted to just make shallow graves, so I just let the pigs do the work instead.
She smiled and twirled her shoulder length hair around her fingers flirtatiously.
"You should come see the farm. And come meet my family."
He glanced away. "I'm not the sort you bring home to your family," he said.
"I'm sure they'd like you."
"And what, would you say I do for a living?"
"You drive a delivery truck, of course," she said. "In fact, we work together with the delivery job I've been doing."
"Ha. That's one way of putting it," he said.
The waiter finally came. The place was barely staffed. He probably called in a favor to even get this amount of people hanging around.
They both had some kind of Alfredo dish. She wasn't really paying attention to the food. Though it was good enough for a mafia front that probably trafficked in harvested organs, they sure could make some food.
"We should see a movie sometime together," she said. "Are you more a Marvel fan or more one to watch the Godfather?"
"Haven't gone to one in ages."
"Why not? Working too hard? You should take a break now and then."
"If I do that, the break will be my legs."
"Aww, you know I'd kill anyone who ever came after you. Then harvest their organs and sell it. Win-win."
"Kiddo, don't make enemies you can't handle," he said.
"They shouldn't make an enemy of me," she said.
"Ha. I'm glad you're on my side, kiddo. I bet you'd charm them right out of their organs, then sell them."
"Oh, definitely," she said.
She gave him a sultry smile.
"Think I'll ever see you with that balaclava off?"
"Maybe I'll take it off in the dark one day," he said.
"Ooh, how shocking. Are you suggesting that one day I might get luck~y?"
"If this goes on," he said.
"And if it doesn't?"
"With how you go? I'll be the one in the cooler," he said dryly.
"Never," she said vehemently.
"Mmmhmm."
"You really think I'd do that to you?"
"You've got a history."
"Gideon deserves it, though. The asshole ghosted me. Jun never showed up, so I guess he got lucky. Dante was wanted in ten states for crimes you can't even imagine."
Jun had something come up the day of their date and she took it as a sign and just let him live. He'd tried to message her, but she ghosted him. She deleted and remade her profile all the time to cover her tracks anyways.
"Trust me," she said.
"Not sure that's a good idea. But, I'm here. So it counts for something," he said.
""You don' t trust anyone, do you?"
"Not in my line of work. You shouldn't either," he said.
"I trust you."
He didn't say you shouldn't this time. In fact, he didn't say anything.
"You always watched out for me. You watched over me and gave me the best prices. Do you do that with everyone, or am I just special?"
"You know the answer to that," he said.
"I still want to hear it," she said.
"You're my favorite," he said. "There? Happy."
"Very!"
They finished down their plates of Fettuccine Alfredo and the night wore down. The door closed behind them, the lights already turning off. The brickwork restaurant looked abandoned already.
And she wasn't scared here. One, because she was the scariest around and wanted in fifty states with a bounty of over three million and countless true crime podcasts speculating about her. Two, because she was with The Collector. And she was used to dirty alleys by now.
They were almost romantic, because it was where she met with him. Also, they were darkly lit and pretty good for making out. Though she hadn't had a chance to do much of that, other than the kiss he'd given her. Which was great, but not exactly desperate making out between garbage cans, either.
"Soooo. Do I have to kill anyone to get a kiss?"
"Ha."
He leaned in, and pulled her close. They were in the back alley. Two criminals in the night.
And he was a damn good kisser, too.
"I had a great time. Let me know when your schedule's open. I'd love to see you again. And not just because I've got things to sell to you."
"For you, I'll make room," he said.
He slipped his arm about her shoulders. He was a bit taller than her, and she liked the difference. It was sexy, really.
She didn't know his name, had never seen his face under the balaclava and only knew a bit of what his work did. But, she was totally down bad for this guy. Maybe more down bad than she had ever been in her life. She would kill for this guy.
And not just because she was killing anyways, but special killing.
"Maybe it's a bit early to say this, but you make me think of giving up dating other people, you know. Even for sport and profit."
"It's best not to stick to one hunting ground for too long anyways," he said.
And there he was. Stoic and collected as always. It was part of what made him so utterly hot and frustrating, all at once.
"For now on, I'll just kill people who piss me off. Politicians trying to steal my rights, the person who cut me off in line, the person who took the last ice cream I wanted, the person who made me wait ten hours at the DMV. Like that."
"It would be a more difficult pattern for law enforcement to follow," he said.
"What about you? Would you be my real boyfriend? The kind not destined for organ meat?"
"There's nobody else," he said.
"I'm your favorite?" she said hopefully.
"You already know that," he said.
"Say it again."
"You're my favorite," he said again. He looked kind of embarrassed and it was so damned cute, she couldn't handle it.
"Probably a bad idea, but I'll do it. You make me do rash things," he said.
"Good," she said, and leaned in for another kiss.
Series: Today, I'm Harvesting You!
Character/pairing: Collector/protagonist
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She finally convinces the Collector to go out on a date with her.
Word count: 2,064
Author's note:
The game is a horror/humor/dating sim called Today, I'm Harvesting You! The only organ harvesting dating sim.
(Manlybadasshero did a great LP right here.)
Mildly divergent canon date wise. Only in that Gideon got shanked on the second time she saw him because he ghosted her, and Jun never showed up because he's the one I feel bad about getting shanked.
She kept twisting her hair in her fingers as he counted out the money. It'd been a few weeks since the kiss that changed everything. Where all the flirting finally paid off. She deposited her cooler in the unmarked white van. Another "date" that went well.
"You had a good harvest?"
"A great one. I got everything you need. Speaking of need.--We should go on a date," she said.
"I'm not the type," he said.
"For dates?"
"For public society," he said.
"We could go on a picnic," she said playfully.
"Bears live in this area," he said.
"Hmmm...You think bear organs would go for a good price? Or maybe their pelts and meat? Fried bear might be good..."
He let out a sigh.
"...Right, you're the more dangerous one here. Also, don't go fighting bears, kiddo."
She laughed softly.
"I keep bear spray around. Among other things~"
"Fine. I'll pick the place. Free next weekend?"
"Really? This is finally happening?"
"Yes."
She let out a cheer--enough to make him blush. Which was cute and also still a surprise, that the man she only knew as The Collector, someone who dealt with harvested organs on the black market, could blush like a schoolgirl and kind of have a soft side. That he worried about her, and called her kiddo.
He was always full of surprises. That was part of the reason she liked him so. Well, that and his sexy, mysterious, deadly ways. A bit of both.
*
The next weekend, they ended up at that old building which changed businesses constantly, but they never seemed to go anywhere. She hadn't even known it was a restaurant. Nobody ever seemed to be there. She should've known something was up.
"This is totally a mafia front, isn't it?"
"Better not to ask questions," he said.
He chose a seat in the very back corner and kept his back to the wall. Even as he opened the menu, he kept an eye out to the window, as if gunfire might break the window down.
"You watched my dates, didn't you? Were you jealous?"
"I didn't want my best seller getting hurt."
She laughed. "We're dating. You can stop the whole 'I don't love you' act. That fell apart when you kissed me."
"Maybe a little," he admitted.
"Aww, you don't have to be jealous. You know you're the only one for me. The rest all end up in the cooler before the night is over."
"Not sure that's a comfort," he said, and looked away.
"I'd never shank you in a dark alley and sell your organs. After all, who would I sell them to? You have the best prices in town."
"Ha."
He had on like his usual attire. Dark pants and shirt. No blood, which had to count for something. He even still had his balaclava on. Good thing she found the mask hot, because trying to get him to take it off was going to take a lot more effort.
He might even keep it on in bed. Which might be sexy now that she thought about it.
He probably owned a wardrobe of nothing but the same clothes. All which got routinely burned as opposed to wash with all the blood that got on him.
He looked away "It's the only kind of clothes I own anymore."
A confirmation, she supposed.
"Am I ever going to see you out of that balaclava? Or are you going to show up to our wedding like this?"
"Pretty early to be talking about getting married, kiddo."
"Half a joke, but still."
"Only half?"
"If we got married, we couldn't be forced to testify against each other. I also happen to think you're husband material."
He looked away. "You have a strange taste in men."
"We're well matched. I couldn't exactly tell all those other guys what I do for a living."
"The ones that ended up in the cooler," he said.
"Yup!" she said, far too cheerfully. "You know what they say: Dead men tell no tales."
"Ha."
His gaze fixated on her for a long moment. The lights of the restaurant reflected on his large, round glasses.
"You haven't been around as much."
She actually got his number. Okay, she got a burner phone under an assumed name, but he'd answer it. Though he didn't respond to the 50 cat memes she sent over the week, she'd like to think he enjoyed them anyways.
"I got a new job. Did you miss me? Were you worried about me?"
"I knew you didn't die. I know where you live," he said.
Anyone else probably would've been threatened that the local seller of harvested organs knew where they lived, but she found it kind of flattering. He checked up on her. Maybe he'd even make sure she got home safe and her latest target didn't end up shanking her.
Maybe he'd even help her in the butchering one day.
"Someone down the road needed to butcher their hogs. I did it, and they were impressed with my work. Said I have a 'knack with a knife.'"
"Hmmm... It would make a good cover. Especially to explain away the blood," he said.
"That's what I thought. And I was raising all these pigs anyways with all the bodies I needed to get rid of. It really helps on the burying time. Around this time of the year, the ground is just like cement! It really hurts to have to dig and dig and I'm tempted to just make shallow graves, so I just let the pigs do the work instead.
She smiled and twirled her shoulder length hair around her fingers flirtatiously.
"You should come see the farm. And come meet my family."
He glanced away. "I'm not the sort you bring home to your family," he said.
"I'm sure they'd like you."
"And what, would you say I do for a living?"
"You drive a delivery truck, of course," she said. "In fact, we work together with the delivery job I've been doing."
"Ha. That's one way of putting it," he said.
The waiter finally came. The place was barely staffed. He probably called in a favor to even get this amount of people hanging around.
They both had some kind of Alfredo dish. She wasn't really paying attention to the food. Though it was good enough for a mafia front that probably trafficked in harvested organs, they sure could make some food.
"We should see a movie sometime together," she said. "Are you more a Marvel fan or more one to watch the Godfather?"
"Haven't gone to one in ages."
"Why not? Working too hard? You should take a break now and then."
"If I do that, the break will be my legs."
"Aww, you know I'd kill anyone who ever came after you. Then harvest their organs and sell it. Win-win."
"Kiddo, don't make enemies you can't handle," he said.
"They shouldn't make an enemy of me," she said.
"Ha. I'm glad you're on my side, kiddo. I bet you'd charm them right out of their organs, then sell them."
"Oh, definitely," she said.
She gave him a sultry smile.
"Think I'll ever see you with that balaclava off?"
"Maybe I'll take it off in the dark one day," he said.
"Ooh, how shocking. Are you suggesting that one day I might get luck~y?"
"If this goes on," he said.
"And if it doesn't?"
"With how you go? I'll be the one in the cooler," he said dryly.
"Never," she said vehemently.
"Mmmhmm."
"You really think I'd do that to you?"
"You've got a history."
"Gideon deserves it, though. The asshole ghosted me. Jun never showed up, so I guess he got lucky. Dante was wanted in ten states for crimes you can't even imagine."
Jun had something come up the day of their date and she took it as a sign and just let him live. He'd tried to message her, but she ghosted him. She deleted and remade her profile all the time to cover her tracks anyways.
"Trust me," she said.
"Not sure that's a good idea. But, I'm here. So it counts for something," he said.
""You don' t trust anyone, do you?"
"Not in my line of work. You shouldn't either," he said.
"I trust you."
He didn't say you shouldn't this time. In fact, he didn't say anything.
"You always watched out for me. You watched over me and gave me the best prices. Do you do that with everyone, or am I just special?"
"You know the answer to that," he said.
"I still want to hear it," she said.
"You're my favorite," he said. "There? Happy."
"Very!"
They finished down their plates of Fettuccine Alfredo and the night wore down. The door closed behind them, the lights already turning off. The brickwork restaurant looked abandoned already.
And she wasn't scared here. One, because she was the scariest around and wanted in fifty states with a bounty of over three million and countless true crime podcasts speculating about her. Two, because she was with The Collector. And she was used to dirty alleys by now.
They were almost romantic, because it was where she met with him. Also, they were darkly lit and pretty good for making out. Though she hadn't had a chance to do much of that, other than the kiss he'd given her. Which was great, but not exactly desperate making out between garbage cans, either.
"Soooo. Do I have to kill anyone to get a kiss?"
"Ha."
He leaned in, and pulled her close. They were in the back alley. Two criminals in the night.
And he was a damn good kisser, too.
"I had a great time. Let me know when your schedule's open. I'd love to see you again. And not just because I've got things to sell to you."
"For you, I'll make room," he said.
He slipped his arm about her shoulders. He was a bit taller than her, and she liked the difference. It was sexy, really.
She didn't know his name, had never seen his face under the balaclava and only knew a bit of what his work did. But, she was totally down bad for this guy. Maybe more down bad than she had ever been in her life. She would kill for this guy.
And not just because she was killing anyways, but special killing.
"Maybe it's a bit early to say this, but you make me think of giving up dating other people, you know. Even for sport and profit."
"It's best not to stick to one hunting ground for too long anyways," he said.
And there he was. Stoic and collected as always. It was part of what made him so utterly hot and frustrating, all at once.
"For now on, I'll just kill people who piss me off. Politicians trying to steal my rights, the person who cut me off in line, the person who took the last ice cream I wanted, the person who made me wait ten hours at the DMV. Like that."
"It would be a more difficult pattern for law enforcement to follow," he said.
"What about you? Would you be my real boyfriend? The kind not destined for organ meat?"
"There's nobody else," he said.
"I'm your favorite?" she said hopefully.
"You already know that," he said.
"Say it again."
"You're my favorite," he said again. He looked kind of embarrassed and it was so damned cute, she couldn't handle it.
"Probably a bad idea, but I'll do it. You make me do rash things," he said.
"Good," she said, and leaned in for another kiss.
