fic: Time Stood Still
Aug. 1st, 2022 12:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: Time Stood Still (two)
Series: TF2
Character/pairing: Scoutpauling
Rating:
Word count: 4k
Summary: Miss Pauling get an unexpected vacation when Medic and Engineer's experiment makes it so that time is frozen. Scout comes along for the ride. Together, they finally get in a few dates as they try and fix time and save the world.
Author's note:
Still for Sarah.
One of Miss P's lines is a direct quote from the song 'You and I' by Ingrid Michaelson. You know the one.
*
The streets of Teufort were eerily silent. People were stuck in step. Some chatting away on a side corner, or in the middle of sweeping. A boy and a dog were stuck in a chase after a stick, which was now stuck in the air.
"Well, it got to Teufort," Scout said.
"I'd say so," she said.
Scout promptly solved this by starting to whistle some Tom Jones. Stillness and silence were the two things Scout couldn't abide by.
Well, that and the New York Yankees.
"It's not like we can pay. So I just guess we take whatever we want," Scout said.
"I mean, we've done worse. At least I have," she said.
"Already ahead of you. Almost went in for robbery, remember?"
"Ah, yep. Robbery. Totally ahead of my blackmailing, torturing, mass murdering, extortion, torture, also torture--"
"You makin' this into a contest? Because that's hot. I might have to go commit war crimes just to catch up to you," Scout said.
She stood on tip-toe. "I'd win every time," she said. "Don't even try me."
"H-hot."
"Being that cute is a crime y'know. You might be arrested."
"Really? for that?"
Miss Pauling started to count on her fingers.
"And not the blackmail, the torture, the arms dealing, the mass murdering, the vehicular manslaughter, arson and jaywalking?"
"Jaywalking? Damn, better lock you up," Scout said.
"I was in a hurry," she said.
"You're a bad, bad, girl. I'm not sure God can forgive something as bad as Jaywalking," Scout teased.
"Trust me, I've already got a permanent place in hell by now, if it exists," she said dryly.
"The throne?" Scout said.
She smirked. "Amusing, but I'd probably be the accountant or secretary down there."
More laughter. They walked through the quiet streets, with only their dusty footsteps as any additional noise. Scout put his arms behind his head. There was an endearing awkwardness to him as he looked to her and cleared his throat.
"So, here's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while, Miss P."
"You want to eat out with me?"
Was this a double entendre? With Scout, probably.
She'd be fine with a bucket of chicken, or him on his knees with his face between her legs. Either or. Actually, both at once would be fine, but maybe not on the bed, as the last thing she needed was crumbs all over.
"I'd love to," she said.
*
She pushed open the local chicken place. She always wondered why it was called Inquisitor Chicken. How drunk were they when they came up with that one?
Scout grabbed a couple buckets of chicken from the back.
"We can have as much fries as we want! Seriously, we could eat the whole thing out, and not pay a dime. This is pretty cool, actually. A shame we don't have a freeze ray so we could do this over and over."
"So we could just doom mankind every day?" she sad.
He shrugged. "Might as well. Soldier's been having all the fun dooming humanity over and over again. I think it's our turn."
Scout took a big bite of chicken.
"Technically, it's Engie and Medic's turn right now. If we keep it up, then it'd probably still count as their apocalypse," she said.
"Dang, I can't even have one little Armageddon?" Scout said.
"Honestly, most of them aren't as fun as they look. Especially the Zombie apocalypses. We just had one of those on base last October," she said.
"We could eat every bucket of chicken in here in a single day and they can't even stop us. Score!"
Scout pumped his arm up in triumph, like he'd won some major victory, instead of just chicken.
"Well, I wouldn't go too wild. We're not sure what will happen if we exhaust our supplies of food."
Would food frozen in time even spoil? Could bacteria even exist like this? Or would food end up in the same stasis? Right now, she didn't have the answers.
For that matter, would this time affect their digestive systems? She'd certainly felt thirsty when she came here.
Scout jumped over the booth and grabbed some buckets of chicken.
"Got a bucket of chicken," he said. "Real cheap. Call it the five finger special."
"Make it two, I'm pretty hungry after all this," she said.
"Y-You're going to just eat a whole bucket yourself? R-Really?"
She looked up from the bucket. A drumstick was still in hand. She licked her fingers and Scout watched her with awe and fascination.
"Yeah, is that a problem?"
"Only with how frickin' hot it is," he said.
Leave it to Scout to find basically everything hot.
"Ever wonder why it's called Inquisitor chicken? I do, all the time," she said.
"That's those Spanish dudes, right? Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Especially when it's chickens, apparently.
"Conquistador Chicken would make more sense than Inquisitor chicken. I mean, what are they doing? Interrogating to see if chickens are Catholic enough? I wasn't aware there was Catholicism for chickens."
She laughed.
"Except Conquistador Chicken would mean Chickens conquered the entirety of south American through force...chicken force."
"Are you drunk?"
"I had a little to drink, but I'd put it more on pleasantly buzzed," she said.
"I feel drunk all the time around you, even when I haven't drank a drop," Scout said.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Scout said.
His face was slightly flushed in a blush he couldn't quite hide. And it was really...quite adorable. A word not usually applied to a trained loudmouth killer who might have as many murders under his belt, but his level was pretty high.
"So, date," Scout said.
Scout leaned back. "We're really on a date. Finally!"
"I've been thinkin' and thinkin' and thinkin' about doin' this with you for ages. I'm just, kinda amazed it's actually here," Scout said.
She balanced her folded hands on the formica table, and rested her chin.
"It only took practically the destruction of all the entire world to get here," she said.
"Oh, pshaw. It ain't destroyed. It's just on freeze right now. Like...when you put a beer in the freezer."
"Whether it can be unfrozen remains to be seen," she said.
"Because with that example, beer explodes if you leave it too long."
"Yeah, that's why Demoman always prefers to put vodka in the fridge instead. He says Heavy taught him that trick," Scout said.
Scout's brow furrowed. "So, is the world vodka or beer?"
"That remains to be seen," she said.
"So, like, dates. We talk about each other, right?"
"Something you're very talented at," she said.
"Oh, totally!"
"There's just one problem," Miss Pauling said.
"Problem? Shit, I don't like the sound of that."
"I know everything about you. If there was some theoretical contest where I was quizzed solely on your life, I would win all the awards," she said.
"Wait, seriously?"
She nodded.
"You have many brothers."
She started to count off their names.
"The Dempsey boys are some of the most fearsome boys in South Boston. They aren't really part of any mob or mafias or any of that, because your mother won't allow for it. Your father is--"
"Dead. Died overseas. Never met the guy," Scout said.
Right, he didn't know. And a date really wasn't the time to tell him.
"Er, right. Keeping secrets is not your strong point. As well as keeping quiet, or keeping still. But I suppose that's generally just fine as you're a Scout, not a Spy. Though not talking about classified stuff, that'd be a bonus."
"Who'd even listen but you?" Scout said.
"You really like baseball, good food, basically anything female, older and breathing...oh! and you really love fried chicken and running, two things you yell about constantly."
Scout snapped his fingers.
"Bzzt, wrong."
"Wrong? What did I get wrong?"
Her brow furrowed as she thought back through the facts. She could recite his papers backwards. She was sure she'd gotten it all right.
"I'm afraid your data is way outdated, Miss Pauling. There ain't no other lady out there for me but you. I ain't been around flirtin' for frickin' ages."
Her face softened.
"That's...sweet, actually."
"Wait, you don't believe me?"
"I'm just taking it all in. The new data. Here I thought I knew everything about you, and you went and got some surprise character development."
She laughed to herself.
"What?"
"I just thought, that if I was going to be stuck in this kind of situation, you were the best person to be with."
Scout grinned. "So that means if you and me were the last people on earth, you really would go for me, huh? I finally got the answer to that question."
"Come on, now. I'd go for you even if you weren't the last man on earth."
Really.
And not just because most of the other people on the base were not into women or related to her.
She reached over and patted his hand. "Really."
They finished up their chicken and Scout leaned back in the booth, his hands behind his head.
"These city streets are technically ours. So, after dinner, you want to go for a walk?"
The streets of Teufort had never been safer. She wouldn't even need to be armed, or worry about pickpockets.
Well, probably. There was always some chance of some sort of some attack. Be it an unaccounted or wizard, the literal new year's baby and father time tag teaming them, or Medic being less frozen than they thought.
All of Teufort was caught in a moment in time. His arm was about her back, as they walked down the silent streets.
And it was kind of nice, actually. Who thought that it would take some apocalyptic fuck up from Engineer and Medic to give her some time off?
"See, there's where I killed that guy, and there, and there, and there," Scout pointed to places in the distance.
"Oh, and here's where I killed that guy," she said.
"And there, and there, and there, and there. And also there and there...let's just say all of Teufort."
"We have a lot in common, actually," Scout said.
"Really?" She said skeptically.
She was a workaholic, he ran around a lot. Which counted as work, technically, she supposed. He never stopped talking, even when he slept, she had work mandated amounts of allowed and acceptable socialization. She killed people, he killed people. Oh, she started to see what he meant.
"We could get a drink. I'm afraid we ain't gonna see no shows for a while. Sucks that the ice cream machine was broken."
"It was broken before whatever Medic and Engineer did to mess up the world," Miss Pauling said. "I've literally never run into an ice cream machine at a fast food joint which wasn't broken. At this point a working ice cream machine is like a cryptid."
"Figures," he said.
"Though, I think it's rarer than a cryptid. We just fought a yeti the other day, remember?" Scout said.
"Saxton Hale used you like a bat--"
"Maybe we should stop rememberin'," Scout said.
The bar wasn't too full, with only the most dedicated of drunks at the bar. The bartender endlessly was stuck in washing down the bar.
Scout tried to push the jukebox, but it didn't even beep.
"No music. Guess we'll just have to hum."
If anything, she was glad that Scout was here with her. Because so much quiet would get unnerving.
"Finally I don't have to wait in line for a drink," she joked.
"C'mon. I know all bartenders would push everyone else to the back of the line, just so they can take your order first."
"Pretty sure that's just you."
"If they didn't, they suck, got no taste, and did I mention they suck?"
She laughed.
Scout leap over the bar, a move which was so on brand for him. The door was right there, but he had to make an entrance.
"Aight, one bartender comin' up."
Scout leaned in on the bar, and gave her a wink.
"Whatcha want, hot stuff?"
"Got any screaming orgasms?"
"Be happy to give you one of those. Multiple, even."
He bent down below and pulled out a beer.
"Here's a secret: I ain't gone to no bartender school, but I can give you the literal kind."
"Not a bartender? I never would've guessed," she said.
She popped open the top of the beer.
"No sex on the beach?"
"Unless you count all the desert around here beach, we'd probably have to walk a bit for that. But I am game. God, am I game."
She sipped at her beer. "Yeah, nothing sexier than getting sand down there."
"I'm gonna be real with you, Miss P. We're in the desert. I been gettin' sand down there for ages."
She raised her eyebrows at that. "Have you now?"
"You meant shoes, right?"
She broke out laughing.
"No, not really!"
"Then where? Socks? Oh wait, you mean down there down there!"
Scout shrugged.
"Eh, it'd still be worth it."
She crushed the beer can on her head, and let out a long laugh.
"Wow, you are druuunk. You get drunk easy."
"S-So do you. I know about it all, you know. You're called Two Drunk Chump. Though I think pump was used once."
"T-That was a lie, and like they'd know. They ain't been up close and personal with my dick. I put a VIP Pauling's only on my dick. But not literally," Scout said.
She leaned in and broke out laughing. She only stopped to give him a kiss which left lipstick all over his mouth. She wished the day with him would last forever.
And, it did.
*
"Mnnn...."
"Dang, you could outdrink Demo. If he weren't all freezey and stuff," Scout said.
He laid gently her down on the bed, and leaned in to kiss her forehead. He covered her up in covers.
"Aight, I am goin' to get you a friggin' mountain of water bottles before this is all over. And a blanket. Just hang tight, okay?"
"Night, Miss Pauling. I'm glad we finally got to have a date. It was great," Scout said.
"Heh, that rhymes."
She only let out a little mmmnnn shifted beneath the warm covers. The door closed softly, or as softly as Scout managed to do anything. She slipped off to sleep.
*
She was in a hotel room, with a hell of a lot of bottled water arranged nearby. Her head throbbed. Oh, she'd drank a ton last night.
"Good morning, gorgeous. I've got food, and water," Scout said.
"Oh, thank god but...could you be a little quieter?"
"Sorry, ma always said I got no indoors voice."
Scout had a bag of fried food held against his chest. He brought her water and food, and fuck! She was hungry and not hungry and kind of nauseous and her head was killing her.
She took a long drink.
"Oh, and aspirin, too," Scout said. "Bam!" He brought out the bottle with flourish.
"I know you're trying to help, but could you be just a teensy bit quieter? It feels like there's a jackhammer in my head right now.
"Oh, sorry about that. I can just...go get more supplies while the aspirin kicks in, okay?"
"That'd be good."
She curled up under the blankets. His footsteps left the room and then it was all quiet again.
*
Scout was...doing jumping jacks in the road. He shifted to doing something which looked like part of a marching band, but in place, and then started in on some push ups.
"Ey, Miss P! You sleep well?"
"I feel almost alive again. How long was I out?"
"That's the thing, clocks don't work. The sun never sets anymore. It's always day. So I have no friggin' clue. Could be an hour, could be a day, could be a week! It's great. I'm gettin' so much exercisin' done. I am going to be so ripped when everyone gets back."
"Pretty sure it wasn't that long."
Surely she would've had to get up and go pee by then, considering how much she drank.
"What happened?"
"Uh, from the top? Medic and Engie froze time, so we got got burgers and got drunk. Oh, that was after you took a really long nap. Here, drink up. Eat somethin', it'll help. Trust me, I've helped Demo and ma through so many hangovers, I should have a DR by my name at this rate."
"So last night, we...we...on the first date."
She cleared her throat. "We didn't, right?"
"You were super passed out after you drank so, I carried you back and got supplies ready for when you woke up in case you were hungover."
"Oh. Not that I'm opposed to sleeping with you, just I'd like to remember it," she said.
"Me too!"
He did another set of jumping jacks, apparently to puntuate his point. He struck a pose on his last one of the set.
"So, what now? You're cured of the hangover-itis, we had an awesome date. Let's go for date two. I'm sure we can find something else to do in Teufort."
"Scout, we should really get back to work and check on how to get the world un-frozen," she said.
"I mean....everythin's still where it was. Nobody's goin' anywhere. Nothin's really happened. We could just...have fun, you know. Maybe skip the alcohol so you don't pass out midway through this time."
He put his hands in his pockets. He had this slightly sad, kicked puppy expression which was killing her.
"I dreamed of takin' you to this for a long time. Maybe it's a little different than I thought, but we're having a blast, right? Maybe it can last just a little longer?" Scout said hopefully.
Damn, not the puppy dog eyes. No way she could refuse just a few more days on the bridge of time frozen apocalypse for that.
"I guess...if the entire world hasn't fallen apart by now, it can wait a few more minutes," she said.
Nothing was disintigrating and there wasn't a black sun in the sky, so it was probably okay. Maybe.
"That's right, the fair is in town. You wanna go?"
"Sure," she said.
*
The Teufort fair was anemic, and tiny at best. Almost as tiny as Teufort itself, even when it wasn't still and static. But, Scout still looked about with sheer joy.
The carousel was frozen in place. Children held onto balloons and their parent's hands. He ran up ahead and grabbed some kind of fried thing and began to eat.
"Try one, Miss P! It's great!"
Scout was a fried food addict. Of course, he worked out so much he could erase every calorie immediately. As for her? She wanted to be killing well into her eighties, and more. So she had to eat her veggies, and not just the ones fried with donuts like they sold out here at a store called Heart-Attack Al's.
"Tons of Elephant Ears. We could eat good on this."
"We might want to gather up what street food we can, in case it takes a while to get this fixed. They'll have a lot of caloric density. Might just keep us from starving," Miss Pauling said.
"Good idea," Scout said.
"Though I eat tons of this stuff and never gain a pound. I remember back in Southie, I was thinkin' for a get rich quick scheme, I could do boxing. But, I was too skinny for the leagues. I tried to bulk up, but I couldn't ever seem to gain muscle."
"You must have a freakishly high metabolism," she said.
Or Hyperthyroidism, which was possible with the constant radiation he was exposed to.
Note to self: Check for Iodine pills for Scout, just in case.
He grabbed an empty bucket from the Inquisitor Chicken stall, and filled up with all the food stalls he could. As they walked, he took bites of the Elephant ear.
"When I was a kid, I always wanted my dad to take me to one of these. But, I didn't have one. So I imagined that Tom Jones would take me there one day. I used to sing all the songs to myself and pretend he was my dad," Scout said.
Scout rubbed shyly at his cheek.
"I never told somebody that. It's stupid, I guess. I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"It's not stupid. I think it's sweet that those songs mean so much to you," she said.
She'd never look the same at him as he sang Tom Jones songs off-key.
"Aww, thanks."
He quickly leaned in and kissed her. His lips were warm and slightly chapped against her. She could taste the fried food on his tongue. And she could've kissed him all night, and enjoyed the feeling of her lips tingling against his, but he suddenly pulled away.
Scout drew back too fast, even a bit awkwardly. Was that a hint of shyness in her hired killer sort-of-boyfriend?
Pretty damn cute.
They walked on, to where the petting zoo part was. Thankfully, Saxton Hale had been overseas. Otherwise he absolutely would've wanted to fight animals here.
A rabbit was stuck in place, its fluffy little head bent down to munch on a carrot forever.
"Aww, I love rabbits," Scout said.
"You kind of remind me of one."
"Eh?"
"Well, you're fast, you're cute, and you like to do what bunnies do, if you know what I mean," she said.
"Cute?" He said skeptically.
"You know what, I'll take it. I'd kick the ass of anyone else who called me that. But you have the rights to call me cute. Well, that and ma. But nobody else."
The Ferris wheel was caught in place.
"We could climb up to the top," he said.
"Not sure if Respawn is working."
He sighed. "I always wanted to take you here. I guess it'd be more fun if stuff actually moved," Scout said.
"I'm having fun. I mean, it's impossible not to have fun with you. It's like you'd beat fun to death if you could. Wait, that metaphor doesn't even work. What I'm trying to say is that people have fun when they're around you, whether they want to or not, even if it's at the barrel of a gun."
"Aww, shucks. That's some praise coming from you. I'd totally beat fun to death for you," Scout said.
He reached out and took her hand. The lights were caught forever in that brightness. Happy people were stuck all about them. Children, some caught in the air as they leapt up to catch a balloon, or beat their friends at some game.
A couple at the top of the Ferris wheel was stuck in a kiss forever.
She squeezed his hand, and turned to him.
"Technically, there's a lot of vacancies. I mean a lot."
"Yeah? I don't know what that means, but that's sexy," Scout said.
She laughed. God, he had about two brain cells, and both of them were busy adoring her. How was he so adorable and sexy? Apparently she she really wasn't into intelligent people, and Scout was proof of that.
"Never change, Scout," she said.
She leaned up and kissed him. All about them, the lights of the festival were caught in brightness, and so were they.
Series: TF2
Character/pairing: Scoutpauling
Rating:
Word count: 4k
Summary: Miss Pauling get an unexpected vacation when Medic and Engineer's experiment makes it so that time is frozen. Scout comes along for the ride. Together, they finally get in a few dates as they try and fix time and save the world.
Author's note:
Still for Sarah.
One of Miss P's lines is a direct quote from the song 'You and I' by Ingrid Michaelson. You know the one.
*
The streets of Teufort were eerily silent. People were stuck in step. Some chatting away on a side corner, or in the middle of sweeping. A boy and a dog were stuck in a chase after a stick, which was now stuck in the air.
"Well, it got to Teufort," Scout said.
"I'd say so," she said.
Scout promptly solved this by starting to whistle some Tom Jones. Stillness and silence were the two things Scout couldn't abide by.
Well, that and the New York Yankees.
"It's not like we can pay. So I just guess we take whatever we want," Scout said.
"I mean, we've done worse. At least I have," she said.
"Already ahead of you. Almost went in for robbery, remember?"
"Ah, yep. Robbery. Totally ahead of my blackmailing, torturing, mass murdering, extortion, torture, also torture--"
"You makin' this into a contest? Because that's hot. I might have to go commit war crimes just to catch up to you," Scout said.
She stood on tip-toe. "I'd win every time," she said. "Don't even try me."
"H-hot."
"Being that cute is a crime y'know. You might be arrested."
"Really? for that?"
Miss Pauling started to count on her fingers.
"And not the blackmail, the torture, the arms dealing, the mass murdering, the vehicular manslaughter, arson and jaywalking?"
"Jaywalking? Damn, better lock you up," Scout said.
"I was in a hurry," she said.
"You're a bad, bad, girl. I'm not sure God can forgive something as bad as Jaywalking," Scout teased.
"Trust me, I've already got a permanent place in hell by now, if it exists," she said dryly.
"The throne?" Scout said.
She smirked. "Amusing, but I'd probably be the accountant or secretary down there."
More laughter. They walked through the quiet streets, with only their dusty footsteps as any additional noise. Scout put his arms behind his head. There was an endearing awkwardness to him as he looked to her and cleared his throat.
"So, here's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while, Miss P."
"You want to eat out with me?"
Was this a double entendre? With Scout, probably.
She'd be fine with a bucket of chicken, or him on his knees with his face between her legs. Either or. Actually, both at once would be fine, but maybe not on the bed, as the last thing she needed was crumbs all over.
"I'd love to," she said.
*
She pushed open the local chicken place. She always wondered why it was called Inquisitor Chicken. How drunk were they when they came up with that one?
Scout grabbed a couple buckets of chicken from the back.
"We can have as much fries as we want! Seriously, we could eat the whole thing out, and not pay a dime. This is pretty cool, actually. A shame we don't have a freeze ray so we could do this over and over."
"So we could just doom mankind every day?" she sad.
He shrugged. "Might as well. Soldier's been having all the fun dooming humanity over and over again. I think it's our turn."
Scout took a big bite of chicken.
"Technically, it's Engie and Medic's turn right now. If we keep it up, then it'd probably still count as their apocalypse," she said.
"Dang, I can't even have one little Armageddon?" Scout said.
"Honestly, most of them aren't as fun as they look. Especially the Zombie apocalypses. We just had one of those on base last October," she said.
"We could eat every bucket of chicken in here in a single day and they can't even stop us. Score!"
Scout pumped his arm up in triumph, like he'd won some major victory, instead of just chicken.
"Well, I wouldn't go too wild. We're not sure what will happen if we exhaust our supplies of food."
Would food frozen in time even spoil? Could bacteria even exist like this? Or would food end up in the same stasis? Right now, she didn't have the answers.
For that matter, would this time affect their digestive systems? She'd certainly felt thirsty when she came here.
Scout jumped over the booth and grabbed some buckets of chicken.
"Got a bucket of chicken," he said. "Real cheap. Call it the five finger special."
"Make it two, I'm pretty hungry after all this," she said.
"Y-You're going to just eat a whole bucket yourself? R-Really?"
She looked up from the bucket. A drumstick was still in hand. She licked her fingers and Scout watched her with awe and fascination.
"Yeah, is that a problem?"
"Only with how frickin' hot it is," he said.
Leave it to Scout to find basically everything hot.
"Ever wonder why it's called Inquisitor chicken? I do, all the time," she said.
"That's those Spanish dudes, right? Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Especially when it's chickens, apparently.
"Conquistador Chicken would make more sense than Inquisitor chicken. I mean, what are they doing? Interrogating to see if chickens are Catholic enough? I wasn't aware there was Catholicism for chickens."
She laughed.
"Except Conquistador Chicken would mean Chickens conquered the entirety of south American through force...chicken force."
"Are you drunk?"
"I had a little to drink, but I'd put it more on pleasantly buzzed," she said.
"I feel drunk all the time around you, even when I haven't drank a drop," Scout said.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Scout said.
His face was slightly flushed in a blush he couldn't quite hide. And it was really...quite adorable. A word not usually applied to a trained loudmouth killer who might have as many murders under his belt, but his level was pretty high.
"So, date," Scout said.
Scout leaned back. "We're really on a date. Finally!"
"I've been thinkin' and thinkin' and thinkin' about doin' this with you for ages. I'm just, kinda amazed it's actually here," Scout said.
She balanced her folded hands on the formica table, and rested her chin.
"It only took practically the destruction of all the entire world to get here," she said.
"Oh, pshaw. It ain't destroyed. It's just on freeze right now. Like...when you put a beer in the freezer."
"Whether it can be unfrozen remains to be seen," she said.
"Because with that example, beer explodes if you leave it too long."
"Yeah, that's why Demoman always prefers to put vodka in the fridge instead. He says Heavy taught him that trick," Scout said.
Scout's brow furrowed. "So, is the world vodka or beer?"
"That remains to be seen," she said.
"So, like, dates. We talk about each other, right?"
"Something you're very talented at," she said.
"Oh, totally!"
"There's just one problem," Miss Pauling said.
"Problem? Shit, I don't like the sound of that."
"I know everything about you. If there was some theoretical contest where I was quizzed solely on your life, I would win all the awards," she said.
"Wait, seriously?"
She nodded.
"You have many brothers."
She started to count off their names.
"The Dempsey boys are some of the most fearsome boys in South Boston. They aren't really part of any mob or mafias or any of that, because your mother won't allow for it. Your father is--"
"Dead. Died overseas. Never met the guy," Scout said.
Right, he didn't know. And a date really wasn't the time to tell him.
"Er, right. Keeping secrets is not your strong point. As well as keeping quiet, or keeping still. But I suppose that's generally just fine as you're a Scout, not a Spy. Though not talking about classified stuff, that'd be a bonus."
"Who'd even listen but you?" Scout said.
"You really like baseball, good food, basically anything female, older and breathing...oh! and you really love fried chicken and running, two things you yell about constantly."
Scout snapped his fingers.
"Bzzt, wrong."
"Wrong? What did I get wrong?"
Her brow furrowed as she thought back through the facts. She could recite his papers backwards. She was sure she'd gotten it all right.
"I'm afraid your data is way outdated, Miss Pauling. There ain't no other lady out there for me but you. I ain't been around flirtin' for frickin' ages."
Her face softened.
"That's...sweet, actually."
"Wait, you don't believe me?"
"I'm just taking it all in. The new data. Here I thought I knew everything about you, and you went and got some surprise character development."
She laughed to herself.
"What?"
"I just thought, that if I was going to be stuck in this kind of situation, you were the best person to be with."
Scout grinned. "So that means if you and me were the last people on earth, you really would go for me, huh? I finally got the answer to that question."
"Come on, now. I'd go for you even if you weren't the last man on earth."
Really.
And not just because most of the other people on the base were not into women or related to her.
She reached over and patted his hand. "Really."
They finished up their chicken and Scout leaned back in the booth, his hands behind his head.
"These city streets are technically ours. So, after dinner, you want to go for a walk?"
The streets of Teufort had never been safer. She wouldn't even need to be armed, or worry about pickpockets.
Well, probably. There was always some chance of some sort of some attack. Be it an unaccounted or wizard, the literal new year's baby and father time tag teaming them, or Medic being less frozen than they thought.
All of Teufort was caught in a moment in time. His arm was about her back, as they walked down the silent streets.
And it was kind of nice, actually. Who thought that it would take some apocalyptic fuck up from Engineer and Medic to give her some time off?
"See, there's where I killed that guy, and there, and there, and there," Scout pointed to places in the distance.
"Oh, and here's where I killed that guy," she said.
"And there, and there, and there, and there. And also there and there...let's just say all of Teufort."
"We have a lot in common, actually," Scout said.
"Really?" She said skeptically.
She was a workaholic, he ran around a lot. Which counted as work, technically, she supposed. He never stopped talking, even when he slept, she had work mandated amounts of allowed and acceptable socialization. She killed people, he killed people. Oh, she started to see what he meant.
"We could get a drink. I'm afraid we ain't gonna see no shows for a while. Sucks that the ice cream machine was broken."
"It was broken before whatever Medic and Engineer did to mess up the world," Miss Pauling said. "I've literally never run into an ice cream machine at a fast food joint which wasn't broken. At this point a working ice cream machine is like a cryptid."
"Figures," he said.
"Though, I think it's rarer than a cryptid. We just fought a yeti the other day, remember?" Scout said.
"Saxton Hale used you like a bat--"
"Maybe we should stop rememberin'," Scout said.
The bar wasn't too full, with only the most dedicated of drunks at the bar. The bartender endlessly was stuck in washing down the bar.
Scout tried to push the jukebox, but it didn't even beep.
"No music. Guess we'll just have to hum."
If anything, she was glad that Scout was here with her. Because so much quiet would get unnerving.
"Finally I don't have to wait in line for a drink," she joked.
"C'mon. I know all bartenders would push everyone else to the back of the line, just so they can take your order first."
"Pretty sure that's just you."
"If they didn't, they suck, got no taste, and did I mention they suck?"
She laughed.
Scout leap over the bar, a move which was so on brand for him. The door was right there, but he had to make an entrance.
"Aight, one bartender comin' up."
Scout leaned in on the bar, and gave her a wink.
"Whatcha want, hot stuff?"
"Got any screaming orgasms?"
"Be happy to give you one of those. Multiple, even."
He bent down below and pulled out a beer.
"Here's a secret: I ain't gone to no bartender school, but I can give you the literal kind."
"Not a bartender? I never would've guessed," she said.
She popped open the top of the beer.
"No sex on the beach?"
"Unless you count all the desert around here beach, we'd probably have to walk a bit for that. But I am game. God, am I game."
She sipped at her beer. "Yeah, nothing sexier than getting sand down there."
"I'm gonna be real with you, Miss P. We're in the desert. I been gettin' sand down there for ages."
She raised her eyebrows at that. "Have you now?"
"You meant shoes, right?"
She broke out laughing.
"No, not really!"
"Then where? Socks? Oh wait, you mean down there down there!"
Scout shrugged.
"Eh, it'd still be worth it."
She crushed the beer can on her head, and let out a long laugh.
"Wow, you are druuunk. You get drunk easy."
"S-So do you. I know about it all, you know. You're called Two Drunk Chump. Though I think pump was used once."
"T-That was a lie, and like they'd know. They ain't been up close and personal with my dick. I put a VIP Pauling's only on my dick. But not literally," Scout said.
She leaned in and broke out laughing. She only stopped to give him a kiss which left lipstick all over his mouth. She wished the day with him would last forever.
And, it did.
*
"Mnnn...."
"Dang, you could outdrink Demo. If he weren't all freezey and stuff," Scout said.
He laid gently her down on the bed, and leaned in to kiss her forehead. He covered her up in covers.
"Aight, I am goin' to get you a friggin' mountain of water bottles before this is all over. And a blanket. Just hang tight, okay?"
"Night, Miss Pauling. I'm glad we finally got to have a date. It was great," Scout said.
"Heh, that rhymes."
She only let out a little mmmnnn shifted beneath the warm covers. The door closed softly, or as softly as Scout managed to do anything. She slipped off to sleep.
*
She was in a hotel room, with a hell of a lot of bottled water arranged nearby. Her head throbbed. Oh, she'd drank a ton last night.
"Good morning, gorgeous. I've got food, and water," Scout said.
"Oh, thank god but...could you be a little quieter?"
"Sorry, ma always said I got no indoors voice."
Scout had a bag of fried food held against his chest. He brought her water and food, and fuck! She was hungry and not hungry and kind of nauseous and her head was killing her.
She took a long drink.
"Oh, and aspirin, too," Scout said. "Bam!" He brought out the bottle with flourish.
"I know you're trying to help, but could you be just a teensy bit quieter? It feels like there's a jackhammer in my head right now.
"Oh, sorry about that. I can just...go get more supplies while the aspirin kicks in, okay?"
"That'd be good."
She curled up under the blankets. His footsteps left the room and then it was all quiet again.
*
Scout was...doing jumping jacks in the road. He shifted to doing something which looked like part of a marching band, but in place, and then started in on some push ups.
"Ey, Miss P! You sleep well?"
"I feel almost alive again. How long was I out?"
"That's the thing, clocks don't work. The sun never sets anymore. It's always day. So I have no friggin' clue. Could be an hour, could be a day, could be a week! It's great. I'm gettin' so much exercisin' done. I am going to be so ripped when everyone gets back."
"Pretty sure it wasn't that long."
Surely she would've had to get up and go pee by then, considering how much she drank.
"What happened?"
"Uh, from the top? Medic and Engie froze time, so we got got burgers and got drunk. Oh, that was after you took a really long nap. Here, drink up. Eat somethin', it'll help. Trust me, I've helped Demo and ma through so many hangovers, I should have a DR by my name at this rate."
"So last night, we...we...on the first date."
She cleared her throat. "We didn't, right?"
"You were super passed out after you drank so, I carried you back and got supplies ready for when you woke up in case you were hungover."
"Oh. Not that I'm opposed to sleeping with you, just I'd like to remember it," she said.
"Me too!"
He did another set of jumping jacks, apparently to puntuate his point. He struck a pose on his last one of the set.
"So, what now? You're cured of the hangover-itis, we had an awesome date. Let's go for date two. I'm sure we can find something else to do in Teufort."
"Scout, we should really get back to work and check on how to get the world un-frozen," she said.
"I mean....everythin's still where it was. Nobody's goin' anywhere. Nothin's really happened. We could just...have fun, you know. Maybe skip the alcohol so you don't pass out midway through this time."
He put his hands in his pockets. He had this slightly sad, kicked puppy expression which was killing her.
"I dreamed of takin' you to this for a long time. Maybe it's a little different than I thought, but we're having a blast, right? Maybe it can last just a little longer?" Scout said hopefully.
Damn, not the puppy dog eyes. No way she could refuse just a few more days on the bridge of time frozen apocalypse for that.
"I guess...if the entire world hasn't fallen apart by now, it can wait a few more minutes," she said.
Nothing was disintigrating and there wasn't a black sun in the sky, so it was probably okay. Maybe.
"That's right, the fair is in town. You wanna go?"
"Sure," she said.
*
The Teufort fair was anemic, and tiny at best. Almost as tiny as Teufort itself, even when it wasn't still and static. But, Scout still looked about with sheer joy.
The carousel was frozen in place. Children held onto balloons and their parent's hands. He ran up ahead and grabbed some kind of fried thing and began to eat.
"Try one, Miss P! It's great!"
Scout was a fried food addict. Of course, he worked out so much he could erase every calorie immediately. As for her? She wanted to be killing well into her eighties, and more. So she had to eat her veggies, and not just the ones fried with donuts like they sold out here at a store called Heart-Attack Al's.
"Tons of Elephant Ears. We could eat good on this."
"We might want to gather up what street food we can, in case it takes a while to get this fixed. They'll have a lot of caloric density. Might just keep us from starving," Miss Pauling said.
"Good idea," Scout said.
"Though I eat tons of this stuff and never gain a pound. I remember back in Southie, I was thinkin' for a get rich quick scheme, I could do boxing. But, I was too skinny for the leagues. I tried to bulk up, but I couldn't ever seem to gain muscle."
"You must have a freakishly high metabolism," she said.
Or Hyperthyroidism, which was possible with the constant radiation he was exposed to.
Note to self: Check for Iodine pills for Scout, just in case.
He grabbed an empty bucket from the Inquisitor Chicken stall, and filled up with all the food stalls he could. As they walked, he took bites of the Elephant ear.
"When I was a kid, I always wanted my dad to take me to one of these. But, I didn't have one. So I imagined that Tom Jones would take me there one day. I used to sing all the songs to myself and pretend he was my dad," Scout said.
Scout rubbed shyly at his cheek.
"I never told somebody that. It's stupid, I guess. I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"It's not stupid. I think it's sweet that those songs mean so much to you," she said.
She'd never look the same at him as he sang Tom Jones songs off-key.
"Aww, thanks."
He quickly leaned in and kissed her. His lips were warm and slightly chapped against her. She could taste the fried food on his tongue. And she could've kissed him all night, and enjoyed the feeling of her lips tingling against his, but he suddenly pulled away.
Scout drew back too fast, even a bit awkwardly. Was that a hint of shyness in her hired killer sort-of-boyfriend?
Pretty damn cute.
They walked on, to where the petting zoo part was. Thankfully, Saxton Hale had been overseas. Otherwise he absolutely would've wanted to fight animals here.
A rabbit was stuck in place, its fluffy little head bent down to munch on a carrot forever.
"Aww, I love rabbits," Scout said.
"You kind of remind me of one."
"Eh?"
"Well, you're fast, you're cute, and you like to do what bunnies do, if you know what I mean," she said.
"Cute?" He said skeptically.
"You know what, I'll take it. I'd kick the ass of anyone else who called me that. But you have the rights to call me cute. Well, that and ma. But nobody else."
The Ferris wheel was caught in place.
"We could climb up to the top," he said.
"Not sure if Respawn is working."
He sighed. "I always wanted to take you here. I guess it'd be more fun if stuff actually moved," Scout said.
"I'm having fun. I mean, it's impossible not to have fun with you. It's like you'd beat fun to death if you could. Wait, that metaphor doesn't even work. What I'm trying to say is that people have fun when they're around you, whether they want to or not, even if it's at the barrel of a gun."
"Aww, shucks. That's some praise coming from you. I'd totally beat fun to death for you," Scout said.
He reached out and took her hand. The lights were caught forever in that brightness. Happy people were stuck all about them. Children, some caught in the air as they leapt up to catch a balloon, or beat their friends at some game.
A couple at the top of the Ferris wheel was stuck in a kiss forever.
She squeezed his hand, and turned to him.
"Technically, there's a lot of vacancies. I mean a lot."
"Yeah? I don't know what that means, but that's sexy," Scout said.
She laughed. God, he had about two brain cells, and both of them were busy adoring her. How was he so adorable and sexy? Apparently she she really wasn't into intelligent people, and Scout was proof of that.
"Never change, Scout," she said.
She leaned up and kissed him. All about them, the lights of the festival were caught in brightness, and so were they.
