fic: Welcome Home

[bonnefois]

Title: Welcome Home
Series: TF2
Character/Pairing: Spy/Scoutma, Scoutpauling
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 4,190
Author's note: The end of Loving Ghosts.

For Sarah.



She smoothed out her dress over and over. She kept looking for little imperfections like spots of blood that she missed. Even though she'd looked dozens of times, she was still filled with this gnawing anxiety that there would be blood under her nails or somewhere else and she'd have to awkwardly explain it away to his mother as some massive love of ketchup, or paint, or whatever other lie came to mind.

Except, someone like Colleen Dempsey knew what a bloodstain looked like.

"Are you sure about this? Are you sure she'll like me?" She said softly.

"Of course, how could she not?"

"Liam, you're really the only one who likes me," Miss Pauling said.

He gave her an incredulous look. "You're silly. All the guys like you. Not like that, they know I called dibs. Very first day, in fact. Great guys," Scout said.

"Um, I think several of them emphatically aren't into me like that. I'm old enough to be their daughter...among other reasons."

Like the fact that Heavy and Medic were involved in a passionate love affair, Sniper didn't seem to have any interest in romance or sex at all, and Engineer only cared about his robots.

Liam opened the door. "Hey, ma! We're here!"

She wore a peacock blue dress. Her hair was teased up in a fashionable way. Miss Pauling knew the term, but it escaped her in that moment. Wasp's nest? No, some other insect name.

Liam didn't resemble her exactly, but there was a certain energy they both shared.

Scout's mother removed his cap and ruffled his hair. "There's my littlest man."

"Ma, not in front of my girl!"

"C'mon now, it's been too long since I saw my youngest. I think she can take it."

"I can't, I'll die of shame."

"You'd be awful weak to go like that," she said.

"I mean, I'd be back before you know it," Scout said.

"You makin' deals with the grim reaper, now?"

"Nah, God just likes me," Scout said.

"Sweet Mary Mother of God, one day you're gonna have to answer to the Holy Mother herself for language like that."

"But, it's true! If God didn't like me, you think I wouldn't have this sweet job, and be datin' this incredible gal? Speakin' of which--"

He smiled big as he held out his hand to show her off.

"This is Miss Pauling."

Scout was ever the showman. He made a Dananana! noise as he introduced her with flourish. Like she was a comic book hero making her grand entrance, and not just his girlfriend.

Colleen smiled. "I've heard so much about you."

Miss Pauling laughed nervously. "Hopefully nothing classified."

"Oh, no. Even if it were, I probably wouldn't know. I get to doin' dishes as he talks, because I know I'll be there, and sometimes the noise is too loud for me to hear. He wasn't exageratin' about you, though."

"He likes to tell tall tales."

"Maa, it's not like that. They're not lies! They're just things that ain't happened yet," Scout said.

Colleen gestured back to Liam with her thumb. "This one's got an imagination on him," Colleen said.

"Oh, trust me, I know. He's...quite the dreamer."

"It's good to have dreams, as long as they don't get so big, you go and float away," Colleen said.

"It ain't floatin', it's flyin', ma," Liam cut in.

"Whatever you say, sweetheart," Colleen said.

"Well, aren't you a tiny thing? You've been the one keepin' my boy safe?"

"As much as I could, I suppose. He's pretty good at getting himself into trouble."

Colleen laughed. "Oh, that he is. He takes after Finny like that."

"Her brother, I never met him," Liam explained. "Speakin' of brothers, I got a ton of brothers, you know. You'll have to meet them sometime. I didn't bring 'em with me, because I figured they'd frighten you away."

"With all due respect, I've seen much scarier things than your older brothers," Miss Pauling said.

He grinned. "You say that now, but you ain't seen 'em in action. Nobody in the entire city of Boston is safe from 'em."

Colleen chuckled. "Liam's right; you ain't seen them all at once. Chaos, that's what it is. Every single dinner time, I'm breakin' up a brawl."

"Now, don't be shy. Come here. Lemme get a good look at you. You know, every time he calls, Liam just talks and talks about you. He's very good at goin' on like that. He's got the gift of gab, that's for sure."

At least he wasn't telling job secrets.

Miss Pauling stood awkwardly, with a slightly tilted head. "You want me to come closer?" Miss Pauling took one confused step closer. "Like this?"

She pulled Miss Pauling in for a hug. At first Miss Pauling looked alarmed, but when Colleen patted her head, something relaxed within her.

"I'm glad to finally meet you. Thank you for keepin' him out of trouble. Liam has been singin' your praises, said you sprung him from jail and everythin', said you were like an angel. From the way he went on, it was like you hung the moon right in the sky."

"Technically, I just brought the papers," she said.

"That's still somethin', and I'm real glad for it. I'll owe you forever for savin' my baby."

Liam's cheeks were so red, he looked sunburned. He rubbed awkwardly at his neck. "Jeez, ma, don't call me a baby in front of my girl..."

"You'll always be my baby. Unless I get to have one more...oh, I hope it's a girl this time."

"Wait, what? You're--" Liam flushed, unable to even say the word.

"Not that I know of, but Miss Pauling got a day off, so obviously miracles happen. Now, you want some tea? Dinner should be ready soon, I should go check on that..."

"Ain't you orderin' in?"

"It's not every day I get to see my little boy. You haven't had any home cookin' in far too long."

"And Miss Pauling never has, which is a crime, really," Scout said.

"A crime, huh?"

She'd done far worse.

"What type do you want?"

"Lots of sugar. Actually, just skip the tea and gimme some milk," Liam said.

"That ain't tea, but maybe it's for the best. Givin' you a bunch of caffeine would just have you doin' backflips for hours and flexin' to impress that girl of yours," Colleen said.

"He already does that every single day," Miss Pauling said.

"Okay, an accelerated version, then," Colleen said.

Maybe it would be best to not mention that Scout had been drinking pure radiation and massive amounts of sugar and caffeine which could easily kill him by the carton full.

"Which one you want? The guest of honor picks," Colleen said.

"You pick the type. I don't really know about tea."

"You don't know about tea? Why, I'll have to fix that," she said.

Colleen left for the kitchen. Liam gave Miss Pauling a big smile.

"Real special lady, that one. Best ma a guy could have."

"You're lucky to have her," Miss Pauling said softly.

"She could be your ma too, if you married me. Just sayin'. Guess that'd be a ma-in-law. Technically you'd get the jackass, Spy, too. That ain't no trophy, but it's worth it for ma."

"Marry....? You'd want to marry someone like me? Seriously?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I! You're really amazin' in every single way. I mean, I already told you but I'm gonna tell you every single day, so get used to it."

She bit her lower lip, and blushed deep.

"Hey, you're blushin'! You're really cute when you blush." He leaned in to steal a little kiss and never let go of her hand for a moment. He broke apart, and gave her such a crooked, beautiful smile. "Welcome, home, Miss Pauling. For the rest of your life, and mine. How about that? I don't got a ring yet. I mean, it just came up. I just sorta talked without thinking."

"You're very good at that, Scout. Talking without thinking, rushing headlong into danger."

"Yeah, but that's why you love me, right? Anyways, I can get a ring, easy. We could go to the store later. Then you'd never have to wonder if you're loved because you can just look down on your finger and see that massive rock I'm gonna shell out the big bucks for. I'll tell 'em, 'give my gal a ring big enough she could kill a guy with it.' And if you do kill people with it, well, I'll help you bury the bodies."

"You'd be my home?" she said softly.

"Of course! I'd always keep you warm, and tell you every single day how much I love you. Hell, I'd tell you every single hour, just so you don't ever forget."

Tomorrow she would return back to her life as a killer. But for now she had a taste of home, a taste of love. And she wanted more. If only the Administrator would let her have it.

He took her hand and squeezed it. No...she wouldn't simply wait. She'd fight for him, for this light and warmth she'd craved so deeply and never known.

"I'm sure if Spy were here he'd tell me I'm rushin' into things but I know what I know, and that's that I love you more than I ever loved anybody else. Like, nobody else even compares. I don't even wanna flirt with them. So, why wait around? I ain't gonna just hold back because some other chucklehead takes ten years to figure out he loves somebody. I'm goin' all the way."

She leaned against him.

"Liam, when it comes to you, the answer is always yes. It always has been, it always will be. Unless you're being reckless and rushing into danger--which come to think of it is exactly what you're doing right now. Then the answer is 'are you an idiot and trying to get yourself killed?' Which probably applies here, too."

Liam laughed. "If this is wrong, I don't wanna be right," he said.

He pulled her into his arms.

So this is happiness, she thought. She'd experienced this wonderful rush of warmth many times around him, but this was one of the first times that she didn't second-guess, didn't draw away.

"I love you, completely, totally, and a buncha other words that end with ly."

"You already said that," she said, on the verge of laughter.

"And I'll keep tellin' you, over and over and over, every single day for the rest of my life. Maybe a hundred times a day, maybe a thousand."

Whatever words she could've said were silenced by a kiss. But, that was fine. She'd have the rest of her life to say them.

*

During dinner, Liam took her hand under the table.

"What am I going to do with you?" she said softly.

Liam couldn't stop smiling. "Marry me, hopefully," Liam said.

She blushed at that and leaned in to his shoulder. The world faded away when Liam was there.


*

She had offered to help with the dishes, but Colleen had waved her off. Miss Pauling followed the scent of clove cigarettes out onto the stoop where Spy leaned against the wall and watched the sun set over the desert.

She waited an awkward moment. He didn't turn around.

He knew she'd come to him eventually. The reaper always came to call.

Miss Pauling cleared her throat. "Um, Spy?"

"Yes?"

"I figured out what I want as my IOU," she said.

"Go on," Spy said.

"I know you wouldn't forgive me or simply forget this. I know you don't trust me, and I don't deserve it. But....what I want is for you to overlook some of the things I've done in the past. If that's at all possible..."

"Professional courtesy. You don't trust me, either," he said.

She remained quiet at that.

"It's my job to not trust anyone," she said.

"What you ask is a hard bargain. Did you forget the rules of our little deal?"

"You don't understand. What would you do in my situation?"

"If the person who I worked for made me do something I did not wish to, I would simply kill them without a second thought," he said.

"That isn't exactly an option for me," she said.

"So you say."

They both fell silent. It was Spy that broke the quiet.

"Do you trust him?"

"He can never keep a secret, but he doesn't care a thing about all the papers, just me. He thinks all the men at the base are his friends. I've never met anyone like him. He's just so full of--warmth and energy and laughter. He makes me believe in things I didn't think existed. I can't help but trust him even as I know the potential danger in getting close to anyone. I tried to not, to not feel these things...but I do. No matter how far away I go, I just keep coming back to him."

"Miss Pauling, I must ask one thing. If the Voice made you choose between her and Liam, who would you choose?'

She gave him a pained look. "You can't ask me that."

"One day, she will. I need to know your answer now."

She fell silent, though the expression on her face told so very much of the conflict inside her. Whatever battle she fought, she did it alone and spoke nothing of it. Finally, some side won, and a sense of determination came across her face.

Everything in her life came into focus. Cold rooms full of horrors and a picture of a smiling boy hidden away.

A life she always wanted, but had only just learned how to grasp.

And that was her answer, wasn't it? The very fact that she was here, standing before Spy was the choice she'd made.

"...Liam. I would choose Liam."

"Good. And if someone threatened him and his family, what would you do?"

"I would make them long for death by the time I was done with them. They'd get it, eventually. But it wouldn't come easy."

He nodded.

"Then do you understand my conundrum then?"

"I didn't want to do it, you know," she said.

"But you did. And in the end that was what matters. Who you chose. It does not matter if you were simply following orders if the orders were to kill my family," he said.

"I guess that's my answer on whether you could forget the past," she said. She twisted her sleeve in her hand.

"One can never truly forget the past. All the talk of time healing is simply that: talk. But, perhaps I could be persuaded to overlook certain actions, as long as I knew you would never do them again," he said.

"Of course, I am not well versed in things like forgiveness."

"But you need to look out for when it comes."

"So we're just...waiting for the other shoe to fall when the Administrator eventually punishes us?" Miss Pauling said.

"Welcome to my life. Though how well I did, ah, Liam would certainly say otherwise."

He gave her a small, slow smile. "I must admit, did not like being your enemy. I have known you since you were small, after all."

She smiled, nostalgic at the memories. "You taught me how to wield a knife. I was a disaster at wielding weapons then. Looking back, I was surprised that I didn't get killed. You taught me how to shoot, and drive, too."

Like a lioness, the Administrator had trained up her child. Wounded the prey and forced her to learn how to kill. Miss Pauling had known a cold, merciless life. A killer, through and through, without a shred of mercy or humanity.

All until his fool of a son went and fell in love with her.

Then again, he would be a hypocrite, for that story certainly resembled his own.

"Then, I concede. I failed completely. I dragged him all over Teufort and tried to get him to let you go, but from the very moment he saw you, no other woman could compare. Then, it was hopeless. I half think Liam got such a foolhardy heart from me."

"Honestly? I'm glad you did. Because it means that Liam won in the end. Though, I'm no good at this, honestly. But he doesn't seem to mind, so I'm glad for that. I just hope I can improve. I can't just go to the firing range and improve my abilities as a girlfriend and uh, wife. It's much harder."

"No surprise, he always wins in the end. He believes himself the hero of every story, and somehow, he makes it true. It's quite a stunning feat that few have managed."

"The truth is...I don't like seeing him hurt. I've known nothing but death my entire life. But, seeing him hurt, seeing him d-die, it's--I can barely explain it. It just made me feel...frozen, if that makes any sense. I've never felt like that before. I've never admitted that out loud. But, it's true."

Ah, now there was a feeling he knew all too well.

"Congratulations, you have a heart. Very inconvenient for our line of work. It is a fragile balance, to be a killer, yet have a heart. There always is a fear that one day you will return to find those you love gone. So often I think, 'this would be easier if I did not love.' And yet, I could not pull myself away, even as I knew it would endanger my family. It makes you weak and strong all in one."

"I have a lot to learn, I guess," she said.

"There's plenty of time, God be willing, as Colleen would say," he said.

She gave him a sidelong glance. "Frankly, I could use all the help I could get, learning how to find that balance."

Spy chuckled. "I am afraid that there is nothing for me to teach. There is no control, no balance. Every day has been as if I were juggling knives. And I failed, many times, in fact. Just ask Liam himself. He gave me quite an earful recently."

"I think he's always admired you. Maybe at some level, he always knew, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself until I told him."

"Oh? He's routinely called me a jackass every single time we met, often multiple times," he said.

"But, there's this--undertone." She cleared her throat. "At least, that's what I gathered. I've never been great with people. Living people, at least. I specialize in the dead kind."

"Perhaps you're right," he said. "Anything is possible, after all. Even killers like us ending up on the same side. Think of us not as RED or BLU, but as on their side. Team Dempsey."

She nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

The door opened behind him.

"There you are! Wait, Spy? What are you doin' out here? You ain't showin' her embarassin' photos, are you?"

"I was telling her the trade secrets. Though now that you mention it, that would be a good idea for next time..." Spy said.

"Ugh, don't even. Wait, does this mean Miss Pauling is going to be a super secret Spy now?"

"I already have my own job. I really don't have any more time for anything else," she said.

"Ey, good point. Though you'll have plenty more time with me helpin' you and all."

"Oh, you got yourself an assistant?"

"More like a partner," Scout said.

He quickly took her hand. "C'mere, I gotta show you somethin'."

He didn't even bother to take her much farther in before he pulled her into a kiss. And he certainly didn't seem to care that their ardor was visible through the window.

"Ah, young love," Spy said to himself.

*

Colleen came over from around back. There was a trace of flour upon her nose; it only made him love her more.

"He's all grown up," she said wistfully. "He's gonna marry that girl, I know it. They were kissin' in the hall, y'know. I had to go out the back door so I wouldn't break them apart."

Spy let out a disgruntled sigh. "Hopefully, he keeps it to just kissing while in public."

She playfully cuffed him on the arm. "You say that like we never did anythin' like that. I certainly remember kissin' on some rooftops, and maybe even a bit more..."

"Hmmmm, perhaps."

She gave him a knowing smile. "Do I need to remind you? Muscle memory and all..."

She leaned up. This kiss drew him in just as the first, rain-soaked one where she had loved a ghost who was not him.

She playfully tapped him on the chest. "Maybe you're just havin' trouble lettin' him grow up."

He stared out at the red-gold sunset, and the way it stained the rocks a blood red.

"A part of me will always know him as the boy I sang French lullabies to. Nothing will change that. Maybe that is simply how fatherhood is. Or, because I lost so many years. I could only be this close to him between lies. I only saw bits of his life from afar."

Not that he knew much of fatherhood. His was always outside the window, looking in at the life he could never quite have, except stolen away. In masks, in moments at midnight with her. He'd given what he could, but it hadn't been enough.

"You could still sing them, though. There's still time."

He cleared his throat.

"Ma amour, you never moved. I sent you money, and suggested places."

"Southie's my home, sweetheart. It's where Jack and Finny and so many others are buried. I gotta tend to their graves."

Of course, Colleen loved her ghosts more than any other.

"Then, perhaps...you could visit here more? I will enclose whatever you need. Money, tickets, or passports. Anything you ask, I would gladly provide it for you. No price is too much."

"You finally askin'? I was wonderin' when you'd come get me. Liam came and got me and flew me out, but you never brought me over to this place."

"Liam is at times, a reckless fool who runs into danger nearly every second. I spend most of my time making sure he doesn't get himself hurt too much."

She chuckled. "Oh, that he is. He's like Finny in that."

Her smile disappeared, as the memories came. "I'm just glad he don't go followin' Finny in the other ways. He looks so much like Finny, sometimes just lookin' at my boy leaves an ache."

"I would never allow it," he said.

"You always watched over him. I knew it, but Liam, he didn't."

"He knows now, though he was none-too-happy," Spy said.

"Don't let him get to you. Liam can have a bit of a temper. He'll cool down and you'll get to spend time together for real. Like a family."

"You've changed, sweetheart. You're lettin' people in after all this time. All those years, it felt like I was only lovin' parts of you."

"I am afraid you are right in that respect. There are some very monstrous sides of me, ma amour," he said.

"I'd love them, too. I'm sure. You forget how we met? You had blood on your hands and I still danced with you."

"I never forgot for a single moment."

"Good," she said.

She leaned up and brushed her hands at his cheek, over the fabric of his balaclava.

"I think...Miss Pauling would help keep you safe. Before, I was not so sure. Now, I am. And if I do not have to worry about her, then you could stay here. For a while, every so often," Spy said carefully.

"Me too. She's a little lost thing, ain't she? Like Liam went to the woods and fell in love with some girl who was raised by wolves."

"Not anymore, ma amour. Not anymore."

She sighed wistfully. "What a beautiful sight. Like nothin' I've ever seen before. All that red-gold sand that goes on for miles. Then again, there's a lot I ain't seen in the world. You think I could have one of those vacation homes? And visit you from time to time?"

"Ma amour, you can have anything you ask for. I would bring the head of any you asked to you on a platter."

"Now, I ain't got any need for any heads; they won't go well with the drapes. But, time with you, there's somethin' I'd want."

"I have nothing but time in this world," he said.

"Now, that ain't true. You got me," she said.

On the television the news told of wars, of death counts in Vietnam. He would soon return to a different endless war on the brink of life and death, all over gravel.

But, this time, he wouldn't be alone.