fic: Back to MacLarens.
Jun. 19th, 2020 01:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: Back to MacLarens.
Character/Pairing: Ted/Tracy, Barney/Robin, mentions of Marshall/Lily
Series: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: PG-13
Word count:3,924
Summary: "Ted, all you need to time travel is a cool car and a lab coat. Lucky for you, I've got both." Or, Barney and Ted go back in time to fix the finale.
Author's note: A treat for Unforgotten. This caught my eye in fandom5k, but I ended up falling ill and not being able to complete it on time. I know the DNW says no Ted/Robin (and I heartily agree) but I did have to mention past Ted/Robin in places in canon where it happened due to the prompt.
Also, points if you figure out who the grandchildren are.
Ted sat alone in at the booth and bar that had once been theirs. The apartment no longer had the sound of dogs barking. The blue French horn had been packed away. Tracy was gone, Robin was gone.
All he had left was his stories and his memories. And tickets to Robots Vs. Wrestlers, unused.
The bar was quiet. An old, sad song played on the jukebox. The talk of friends, and new loves was all around him. But it blended together.
He lifted up his beer and took a small sip. He'd have to make it last. He was getting too old to drink like he used to. After all, he had to think of his liver--and his kids. They'd already lost Tracy; he didn't want to make them orphans.
He wore his old dark forest green cable-knit sweater, and dark pants. It was so comfortable, it felt like going home. Tracy had washed it so many times through the years, yet he'd never thrown it out.
It made him feel sort of like he was some old time poet. (His friends always said that made him sound like a pretentious douche. Something which always made him smile at the memory.)
Ted looked up as he saw someone familiar walk in past the frosted glass.
Barney wore a shiny metallic-looking suit, and stopped right before him. It felt almost dreamlike, the sight of his old friend. Ted couldn't help but wonder the story behind this one.
"Aren't you busy driving Ellie to college?" Ted said.
"Ted, can't you see from my awesome silver suit that I'm from the future?"
Ted smiled. "Ah, the 'I'm from the future' pick up game. I haven't seen that one in ages. I thought you'd totally given up dating."
"Past me is awesome, but I really am from the future," Barney said.
"Yeah, I'm not a semi-drunk chick at the bar. That line won't work with me," Ted said.
"Ted, all you need to time travel is a cool car and a lab coat. Lucky for you, I've got both."
Like usual, what Barney was saying was a little bit out of this world. But that's how it always was with Barney. Before he knew it, he'd be off to lick the liberty bell, or pretend to be performance artists to flirt with girls.
"Come on, Ted. Let me teach you how to live."
Being friends with Barney was always a wild ride. But this time, Ted was ready to stop being alone for once.
"All right, buddy. Let's go with your Doc cosplay. I guess that makes me Marty Mcfly," he said.
They headed out to the curb, where a truly impressive car was parked.
"Speaking of which, here's the cool car," Barney said.
The car looked like the car from Supernatural, the car and Back to the Future and a batmobile had a threeway time-traveling baby. Ted let out a low whistle.
"Right? Right? This baby is going to take us on a wild ride. Climb in."
"But, wait. You can't drive?"
"Ted, Ted, listen." he made a sign like a peace sign, pointed to his own eyes and then Ted's. "Future Barney. Future. I'm from the future. Obviously I got my driver's license at some point."
"Sure, 'future Barney' better know where the brake is," Ted said. "How did you get a 'time traveling' car anyways?"
"Details, Ted. Details."
As usual, Barney didn't elaborate and left it to mystery.
Barney floored the pedal, and Ted lurched forward. "What the hell, Barney!"
But his voice was cut off as they reached light speed. Streaks of lightning surrounded them as the skyscrapers blurred until there was nothing but color and stars. Then they were right back where they started, the curb outside of MacLarens.
"Who's the president?" Barney called out to the man outside MacLarens.
"It's Barack Obama. What, are you a frigging time traveler or something?"
"Oh, thank God, we're here," Barney said.
*
He came to the old apartment first. The scent, the smells, the feel of the old couch and friendships that had been there. Leaving this apartment had felt like leaving a part of himself behind.
And then they ended up right at that frosted-glass door they'd been to so many times.
"We went back in time to go to...MacLarens? What, are we getting some limited edition food, like the McRib or something?" Ted said.
"Trust me, Ted," Barney said.
"Last time you said that, we almost ended up in prison in Thailand," Ted said.
Past the frosted glass, Ted saw himself. And he knew, without even Barney saying anything. Because he'd been here. He'd felt this awful moment.
He was sitting alone at a booth at their well-loved bar. His past self peeled away the label from a bottle of beer and stared down. He remembered this moment exactly. The moment where he thought you're alone, Ted.
He slowly came to that well-loved booth, full of so many memories. He slowly came closer to his past self. Right there before him was a ticket for Robots vs. Wrestlers which he was considering.
His past self looked up.
"I guess I have two doppelgangers," his past self said.
"Actually, I'm you, from the future," Ted said.
His past self smiled at this. "Oh, the future? Do we have hover cars yet?"
"About that--Well, no. But there's new Star Wars movies, and they're awesome."
"Better than the prequels, I hope?" His past self said.
"Oh God, so much better," Ted said.
Ted sat down in front of his past self. There were so many things he wanted to say, or where to begin. But, knowing himself, the story would be long and winding.
"Is this like that Terminator thing? Or is Barney doing a prank again?"
"Trust me, I'm not a robot, no matter how many times Lily and Barney joke. And Barney certainly helped this along, but this is no prank," Ted said.
"You really are me," Ted said.
"One-hundred percent you," Ted said. "And, before we get too off-track--Listen--it never works out with Robin, no matter how many times you try," Ted said.
Just as his past self was about to speak up, Ted held up a finger. "It doesn't matter how many Blue French Horns you steal, how many times you try, even twenty years later, sometimes things just don't work. "But don't lose hope, because sometimes things do. You've got a beautiful woman you meet who changes your life. You marry her and You annoy your friends with how sappy you are."
"Really? Even Marshall and Lily?"
"Especially Marshall and Lily. You know how they hate having their 'sappy couple' crown contested."
"You spend every single day being so incredibly happy that you met her, and it's so easy. It's amazingly easy to fall in love with her, until you spend every single day being so damn grateful that you met her. You just have to wait on a little longer. And you'll never find her if you keep holding on to the past."
He kept quiet at that ending, about how he got the girl, then lost the girl to cancer, then fell for Robin again like a bad cold he just couldn't stop catching.
"Okay, one more thing.. There's this song. Okay, just buy the 1989 album. Get drunk, and listen to the track Clean over and over. You'll thank me later."
This, practically summoned Barney. He sat down on the booth next to Ted.
"Really, Taylor Swift songs, Ted? Just when I thought you couldn't go any sappier, you prescribe crying and listening to Taylor Swift," Barney said.
"You said you'd 'inspire a whole album for her, if you know what I mean,'" Ted did finger quotations.
"I'd make her write so many albums, they'd personally give me a Grammy as a thank you," Barney said wistfully.
Ted reached out to pat himself, his past self, on the shoulder.
"Just hold on, Ted. She's right around the corner," Ted said.
Stella had said that once to him, and it'd been a bittersweet moment, all things considered.
And he knew that his past self would think this was a fever dream, a drunken hallucination, but that was okay. Ted understood drunk wisdom in all its forms. This one just happened to involve time travel.
He stepped out past the frosted glass and onto the New York City of the past.
Barney put his arm about Ted's shoulder. "Your horrible advice aside, we've got one more stop."
"To punch Hitler?" Ted said.
Barney smiled. "That's on the list. Why do you think I started this time travel?" Barney said.
"Because you get a cool suit and can 'bang alien babes'?"
"The galactic parties are amazing. You should see the one this one guy throws." Barney wrinkled his nose. "His grandkids keep crashing it, though. I convinced one of them to play interdimensional laser tag with me once. His grandaughter is on a whole other level of laser tag, when you can get her off her phone, anyways."
Ted gave him a searching look. "What about you, Barney?"
Barney stared out at the city they both knew so well. "You know the answer. I tried relationships. If I can't make it with Robin, there's nobody it could work with."
"Now, Barney..."
Barney cut him off. "No, you don't understand. I tried. I tried every timeline and dimension with Robin, and we divorced in every single one. There's...no hope for us. I tried counseling, I brought her home flowers every day. I wrote her a whole song and everything. We don't work no matter how many times I try... But I found out that in some timelines, Tracy lives."
"She lives?" Ted said. His voice broke with emotion.
Barney nodded. "Early tests, and some clinical trial thing. Here, I got this--"
He reached into his metallic suit coat and pulled out a pamphlet, and handed it to Ted. Ted brushed his hands over the glossy finish, and held onto that little tract like it held all the secrets of the world, like it was the greatest treasure known to man.
"Barney, you can't just give up. If I can keep going and find Tracy, then there has to be a way to make it so Robin and you can work out," Ted said.
"You're a good friend, Ted," Barney said.
Ted smiled. "I try."
"One more thing. Can you drop me off at..." He listed off an address.
"Tracy's old apartment?"
"How would you even know that?" Ted said.
"Time traveler, Ted. This is Future Barney. I know a lot of things. In fact, I kill it at the local MacLarens trivia contests."
"And you say I'm the nerd," Ted said.
Barney gave him a look. "Focus, Ted."
"I have one more thing to do before I go," Ted said.
"Don't wait up, Barney. This could take a while."
"Don't worry, buddy. We've got all the time in the world. And if we don't, we'll just cruise on back," Barney said.
*
Barney drove Ted towards her apartment. He idled at the curb.
"I can't help you here, Ted. It's all on you. But I know you'll know what to say. You never had any problem with talking."
He'd been at this apartment many times in his dreams. Running all the way, past crowds of people and up the halls to where she was. He'd begged for those days, for just a few more minutes and seconds of seeing his future wife. They'd just missed each other so many times. He could've had so many years. Hell, he could've skipped that whole Zoe and Karen subplot, and that girlfriend who burned his things.
But, then, he probably would've wrecked things back then. He'd still had lessons to learn through all the heartbreak. Like don't date girls that burn your things.
Like someone stuck in a time loop, he'd plead to the universe that he could just have a few more days with her. Maybe he could borrow the car and relieve all the days he'd had with her over and over again. He sure hoped Barney's time travel didn't have a limit, or that he wouldn't get stuck in time.
Just the sight of her at the door made him tear up.
He said the words he'd said so many times in his dreams. Hi. I'm Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet, and we're gonna fall in love, and we're gonna get married, and...we're gonna have two kids. And we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away. But I'm here now, I guess, because...I want those extra 45 days. With you. I want each one of them. Look, and if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because...I love you.I'm always gonna love you, till the end of my days and beyond. You'll see... He said them knowing well that the punch would come, and smiled when it was over. Even at the sting of pain, the black eye.
But this time, the dream was different.
"One more thing," Ted said. "I know breast cancer doesn't run in your family, but if you could keep getting mammograms, that'd be great. And take this pamphlet while you're at it."
It always ended with a punch to the face. Ted would take every hit to see that beautiful girl he married once again. He'd be caught in that loop, black eye after black eye if it meant a few more seconds with the woman he loved.
*
An orange glow filled the sky. Barney handed him a cold bottle of beer--apparently the car also had a fridge built in some compartment? Just when Ted thought it couldn't get any cooler.
"The sky looks different?" Ted said. "Should I be worried about that?"
"That, my friend, is the sign of a butterfly flapping its wings, and making a typhoon across the world. Or, more precisely, a Ted-erfly. This timeline's changed."
Ted stood outside the window of his life. His heart ached at the sight of Tracy and him, so happy. If he could've stayed in this moment, with them dancing by the fireplace, he would've. Like that song about keeping moments of time in a bottle.
"I've got a few more stops, if you've got time. This time, I'm not taking any chances," Ted said.
"We've got time, but don't get distracted. We've still got a fascist punching appointment later on," Barney said.
"Before we head out, I want to see MacLarens one more time."
"We've always got time for MacLarens," Barney said.
Ted smiled. There was one more thing he had to do. Or undo, he should say. He'd spent years fucking up his friendships, his relationships, but this time, he was going to be the Wingman Barney always wanted and needed.
*
Along the way, slipped another pamphlet under the door. A pamphlet at his old classroom--the key still fit--and a study of cancer clinical trials. It'd been such a punch to the gut to learn about the drug trials which would've potentially saved her life, if only he'd known about them.
Once that was over, it was past the frosted glass doors.
Back in MacLarens, Ted sipped at his beer.
"How long until we go back?"
Barney checked his fancy designer watch. "This timeline will become completely changed and dangerous for us at midnight, so get your shoes, Cinderella."
Right on time, he saw exactly the woman Ted was looking for come in that door.
Ted nudged Barney's arm. "See that girl?"
"Ted, don't tell me you're going blind from the trip, that's Robin."
"Barney, you and Robin are meant to be together. You can't give up on someone you love."
Even if they died, even if you had to travel through time to see them again.
"We got married. It didn't work out." Barney looked at his drink.
"People get married again. It could happen. That's why God invented Vegas."
Who even know how the bro code could be invoked here, when divorce and death met.
"You love her, Barney. She loves you. So maybe you broke up a couple of times. Okay, a lot of times. But that love, it's never changed. Love is the best thing we do. And you can't just give up on that. Sometimes when you see that girl across the bar, or standing under a yellow umbrella, you've just take that leap and go get her."
"Ted, you're a walking TED talk," Barney said.
"You've got to admit, that'd be pretty awesome. 'TED talk New York with Ted Mosby," Ted said.
Barney shook his head, but he smiled, just a little.
"Trust me, Barney. You got this. Go get her, tiger," Ted said.
"It's impossible, Ted."
"Nothing's impossible when it comes to love, not even time travel. You're the one who taught me that," Ted said.
He walked through that crowded bar, and tapped on Robin's arm.
"Haaave, you met Barney?"
Robin laughed. "Are you drunk, Ted? Oh, wait, this is the 'I'm a time traveler' schitck. I remember that one," Robin said.
"I've been to the future, and in all of them, all I see is you," Barney said. "Because when I said 'I can no more stop loving this woman than stop breathing, I meant it."
"That's funny, because all I see is a really tacky Halloween costume," Robin said.
Barney couldn't help but smile. "Good one," he said softly.
Ted gave them some privacy, and walked out of the bar. In the last glance, he saw Robin lean in to him, a soft smile on her face.
*
Barney hadn't remembered to take that little gadget from the car, but Ted had. That portal machine, which kind of looked like the next Apple product iTimeTravel or something, had plenty of settings.
Ted sat out on the stoop, filled with memories and the warmth of drink. For so long, he'd had nothing but his stories and memories.
But this time, he could watch the memories as they unfolded, over and over. He could see his wife's face again, in more than pictures and video.
Something more real, so close he felt as if he could touch her again. As if he could hear her bagel songs again. If he'd known, he would've taped every moment. He memorized what he could, but even then he worried somewhere, he was forgetting her, and losing Tracy all over again.
Ted rewound this fragment of time, and so many moments which he had immortalized over the years. He saw himself step out to watch himself take that biggest leap: to walk over to that girl in the yellow umbrella. Rain poured down the awning.
He saw himself at the lighthouse where he'd proposed for the first time, the nights he took Tracy to the hospital, filled with nervous hope.
A voice broke him out of his reverie.
"Ted, I've been looking all over for you."
"Just catching up on some old times," Ted said.
"I see you figured out how to use the thingamajig."
"Thingamajig, really?"
"Official titles are for nerds, Ted," Barney said.
"So, are you sure there aren't going to be alien robots coming out after us, are there?" Ted said.
Barney shrugged. "It hasn't happened yet," Barney said.
"That 'yet' is worrying," Ted said.
"Listen, we have to go to the futurmobile."
"Barney, how did--"
"Later, Ted," Barney said. "We've got to get out of this timeline. It's about to merge."
The orange glow had filled the sky with a nuclear glow. The car door slammed shut, and they were surrounded by lighting that cut through the sky. Ted stared out the window as the time disappeared.
All around them were thousands of stars. Ted didn't even know what galaxy they were in anymore, let alone what time.
Barney turned on the knobs on the futuristic television. Over the screen, he saw two things unfolding simultaneously: A fiftieth wedding anniversary, and a Vegas wedding. Looking at them, they were two different times. Ted's hair was streaked with silver at the anniversary, and in the Vegas wedding, Marshall still had hair.
"See that, Ted? That's what one night and a time machine can do."
"You really did it, Barney," Ted said. His voice was choked with emotion. "You saved her."
"We saved her. And Ted, you were right."
"What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you...Did it sound as if you were mayhaps saying I was right?"
Barney gave him a look. "Leave the douche Ted on the midnight train to Georgia. This is important," Barney said.
"You were right. There was one thing I never tried: giving old Barney the best wingman ever invented: Me. There was only one thing that could win Robin over. Every Barney from every timeline, for the most ultimate play the universe has ever seen. A play so big, the playbook couldn't even hold it. That's why we had to make Playbook 3: The Blu-Ray edition!
"Wait, all of you? There must be millions of Barneys out there...."
"A bang so awesome, even time had to give me a thumbs up. In fact, the Big Bang had to give up its title, because I did a bigger bang. True love, hands up!" He lifted his hand up to be bumped. Ted bumped his fist.
Ted shook his head. Only with Barney as a friend would he be hurtling through time, talking about pick up schemes.
"In fact, you changed the space-time continuum so hard, now there isn't a single universe where Tracy dies before she's 100."
"And you and Robin finally made it," Ted said.
"Yeah, we finally did," Barney said slowly. He smiled in a way Ted had never quite seen. Soft, and with a touch of tenderness.
"But...That means, our timeline doesn't exist anymore. It was nice knowing you, buddy." Ted stared out at the skyline. "What about them--our families?"
"Oh, they'll be fine. They're gonna merge into the good timeline now. But us? We're outside of time now. We'll drive this car across this rainbow bridge."
"Like Mario Kart. I never could get a decent score on Rainbow Road. Though, eventually, we'll have to take a detour to go see them all again." Ted didn't have to elaborate, because his family was always on his mind, and in his stories. The friends he found and made into family (called 'aunts' and 'uncles' to his kids) and the ones he had, at least for a little while.
"Of course we're going to follow our kids around, Ted. That's implied."
"Like, a guardian angel?" Ted said.
"More like a Guardian Awesome. Dad high five!"
Ted, for once, happily high fived Barney.
"First things first, we're going to punch Hitler and prevent spray-on tans from ever being made. If you thought I had taught you how to live before, you haven't seen anything yet."
Ted couldn't help but smile. He'd never been happier to go along for the ride.
Character/Pairing: Ted/Tracy, Barney/Robin, mentions of Marshall/Lily
Series: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: PG-13
Word count:3,924
Summary: "Ted, all you need to time travel is a cool car and a lab coat. Lucky for you, I've got both." Or, Barney and Ted go back in time to fix the finale.
Author's note: A treat for Unforgotten. This caught my eye in fandom5k, but I ended up falling ill and not being able to complete it on time. I know the DNW says no Ted/Robin (and I heartily agree) but I did have to mention past Ted/Robin in places in canon where it happened due to the prompt.
Also, points if you figure out who the grandchildren are.
Ted sat alone in at the booth and bar that had once been theirs. The apartment no longer had the sound of dogs barking. The blue French horn had been packed away. Tracy was gone, Robin was gone.
All he had left was his stories and his memories. And tickets to Robots Vs. Wrestlers, unused.
The bar was quiet. An old, sad song played on the jukebox. The talk of friends, and new loves was all around him. But it blended together.
He lifted up his beer and took a small sip. He'd have to make it last. He was getting too old to drink like he used to. After all, he had to think of his liver--and his kids. They'd already lost Tracy; he didn't want to make them orphans.
He wore his old dark forest green cable-knit sweater, and dark pants. It was so comfortable, it felt like going home. Tracy had washed it so many times through the years, yet he'd never thrown it out.
It made him feel sort of like he was some old time poet. (His friends always said that made him sound like a pretentious douche. Something which always made him smile at the memory.)
Ted looked up as he saw someone familiar walk in past the frosted glass.
Barney wore a shiny metallic-looking suit, and stopped right before him. It felt almost dreamlike, the sight of his old friend. Ted couldn't help but wonder the story behind this one.
"Aren't you busy driving Ellie to college?" Ted said.
"Ted, can't you see from my awesome silver suit that I'm from the future?"
Ted smiled. "Ah, the 'I'm from the future' pick up game. I haven't seen that one in ages. I thought you'd totally given up dating."
"Past me is awesome, but I really am from the future," Barney said.
"Yeah, I'm not a semi-drunk chick at the bar. That line won't work with me," Ted said.
"Ted, all you need to time travel is a cool car and a lab coat. Lucky for you, I've got both."
Like usual, what Barney was saying was a little bit out of this world. But that's how it always was with Barney. Before he knew it, he'd be off to lick the liberty bell, or pretend to be performance artists to flirt with girls.
"Come on, Ted. Let me teach you how to live."
Being friends with Barney was always a wild ride. But this time, Ted was ready to stop being alone for once.
"All right, buddy. Let's go with your Doc cosplay. I guess that makes me Marty Mcfly," he said.
They headed out to the curb, where a truly impressive car was parked.
"Speaking of which, here's the cool car," Barney said.
The car looked like the car from Supernatural, the car and Back to the Future and a batmobile had a threeway time-traveling baby. Ted let out a low whistle.
"Right? Right? This baby is going to take us on a wild ride. Climb in."
"But, wait. You can't drive?"
"Ted, Ted, listen." he made a sign like a peace sign, pointed to his own eyes and then Ted's. "Future Barney. Future. I'm from the future. Obviously I got my driver's license at some point."
"Sure, 'future Barney' better know where the brake is," Ted said. "How did you get a 'time traveling' car anyways?"
"Details, Ted. Details."
As usual, Barney didn't elaborate and left it to mystery.
Barney floored the pedal, and Ted lurched forward. "What the hell, Barney!"
But his voice was cut off as they reached light speed. Streaks of lightning surrounded them as the skyscrapers blurred until there was nothing but color and stars. Then they were right back where they started, the curb outside of MacLarens.
"Who's the president?" Barney called out to the man outside MacLarens.
"It's Barack Obama. What, are you a frigging time traveler or something?"
"Oh, thank God, we're here," Barney said.
*
He came to the old apartment first. The scent, the smells, the feel of the old couch and friendships that had been there. Leaving this apartment had felt like leaving a part of himself behind.
And then they ended up right at that frosted-glass door they'd been to so many times.
"We went back in time to go to...MacLarens? What, are we getting some limited edition food, like the McRib or something?" Ted said.
"Trust me, Ted," Barney said.
"Last time you said that, we almost ended up in prison in Thailand," Ted said.
Past the frosted glass, Ted saw himself. And he knew, without even Barney saying anything. Because he'd been here. He'd felt this awful moment.
He was sitting alone at a booth at their well-loved bar. His past self peeled away the label from a bottle of beer and stared down. He remembered this moment exactly. The moment where he thought you're alone, Ted.
He slowly came to that well-loved booth, full of so many memories. He slowly came closer to his past self. Right there before him was a ticket for Robots vs. Wrestlers which he was considering.
His past self looked up.
"I guess I have two doppelgangers," his past self said.
"Actually, I'm you, from the future," Ted said.
His past self smiled at this. "Oh, the future? Do we have hover cars yet?"
"About that--Well, no. But there's new Star Wars movies, and they're awesome."
"Better than the prequels, I hope?" His past self said.
"Oh God, so much better," Ted said.
Ted sat down in front of his past self. There were so many things he wanted to say, or where to begin. But, knowing himself, the story would be long and winding.
"Is this like that Terminator thing? Or is Barney doing a prank again?"
"Trust me, I'm not a robot, no matter how many times Lily and Barney joke. And Barney certainly helped this along, but this is no prank," Ted said.
"You really are me," Ted said.
"One-hundred percent you," Ted said. "And, before we get too off-track--Listen--it never works out with Robin, no matter how many times you try," Ted said.
Just as his past self was about to speak up, Ted held up a finger. "It doesn't matter how many Blue French Horns you steal, how many times you try, even twenty years later, sometimes things just don't work. "But don't lose hope, because sometimes things do. You've got a beautiful woman you meet who changes your life. You marry her and You annoy your friends with how sappy you are."
"Really? Even Marshall and Lily?"
"Especially Marshall and Lily. You know how they hate having their 'sappy couple' crown contested."
"You spend every single day being so incredibly happy that you met her, and it's so easy. It's amazingly easy to fall in love with her, until you spend every single day being so damn grateful that you met her. You just have to wait on a little longer. And you'll never find her if you keep holding on to the past."
He kept quiet at that ending, about how he got the girl, then lost the girl to cancer, then fell for Robin again like a bad cold he just couldn't stop catching.
"Okay, one more thing.. There's this song. Okay, just buy the 1989 album. Get drunk, and listen to the track Clean over and over. You'll thank me later."
This, practically summoned Barney. He sat down on the booth next to Ted.
"Really, Taylor Swift songs, Ted? Just when I thought you couldn't go any sappier, you prescribe crying and listening to Taylor Swift," Barney said.
"You said you'd 'inspire a whole album for her, if you know what I mean,'" Ted did finger quotations.
"I'd make her write so many albums, they'd personally give me a Grammy as a thank you," Barney said wistfully.
Ted reached out to pat himself, his past self, on the shoulder.
"Just hold on, Ted. She's right around the corner," Ted said.
Stella had said that once to him, and it'd been a bittersweet moment, all things considered.
And he knew that his past self would think this was a fever dream, a drunken hallucination, but that was okay. Ted understood drunk wisdom in all its forms. This one just happened to involve time travel.
He stepped out past the frosted glass and onto the New York City of the past.
Barney put his arm about Ted's shoulder. "Your horrible advice aside, we've got one more stop."
"To punch Hitler?" Ted said.
Barney smiled. "That's on the list. Why do you think I started this time travel?" Barney said.
"Because you get a cool suit and can 'bang alien babes'?"
"The galactic parties are amazing. You should see the one this one guy throws." Barney wrinkled his nose. "His grandkids keep crashing it, though. I convinced one of them to play interdimensional laser tag with me once. His grandaughter is on a whole other level of laser tag, when you can get her off her phone, anyways."
Ted gave him a searching look. "What about you, Barney?"
Barney stared out at the city they both knew so well. "You know the answer. I tried relationships. If I can't make it with Robin, there's nobody it could work with."
"Now, Barney..."
Barney cut him off. "No, you don't understand. I tried. I tried every timeline and dimension with Robin, and we divorced in every single one. There's...no hope for us. I tried counseling, I brought her home flowers every day. I wrote her a whole song and everything. We don't work no matter how many times I try... But I found out that in some timelines, Tracy lives."
"She lives?" Ted said. His voice broke with emotion.
Barney nodded. "Early tests, and some clinical trial thing. Here, I got this--"
He reached into his metallic suit coat and pulled out a pamphlet, and handed it to Ted. Ted brushed his hands over the glossy finish, and held onto that little tract like it held all the secrets of the world, like it was the greatest treasure known to man.
"Barney, you can't just give up. If I can keep going and find Tracy, then there has to be a way to make it so Robin and you can work out," Ted said.
"You're a good friend, Ted," Barney said.
Ted smiled. "I try."
"One more thing. Can you drop me off at..." He listed off an address.
"Tracy's old apartment?"
"How would you even know that?" Ted said.
"Time traveler, Ted. This is Future Barney. I know a lot of things. In fact, I kill it at the local MacLarens trivia contests."
"And you say I'm the nerd," Ted said.
Barney gave him a look. "Focus, Ted."
"I have one more thing to do before I go," Ted said.
"Don't wait up, Barney. This could take a while."
"Don't worry, buddy. We've got all the time in the world. And if we don't, we'll just cruise on back," Barney said.
*
Barney drove Ted towards her apartment. He idled at the curb.
"I can't help you here, Ted. It's all on you. But I know you'll know what to say. You never had any problem with talking."
He'd been at this apartment many times in his dreams. Running all the way, past crowds of people and up the halls to where she was. He'd begged for those days, for just a few more minutes and seconds of seeing his future wife. They'd just missed each other so many times. He could've had so many years. Hell, he could've skipped that whole Zoe and Karen subplot, and that girlfriend who burned his things.
But, then, he probably would've wrecked things back then. He'd still had lessons to learn through all the heartbreak. Like don't date girls that burn your things.
Like someone stuck in a time loop, he'd plead to the universe that he could just have a few more days with her. Maybe he could borrow the car and relieve all the days he'd had with her over and over again. He sure hoped Barney's time travel didn't have a limit, or that he wouldn't get stuck in time.
Just the sight of her at the door made him tear up.
He said the words he'd said so many times in his dreams. Hi. I'm Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet, and we're gonna fall in love, and we're gonna get married, and...we're gonna have two kids. And we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away. But I'm here now, I guess, because...I want those extra 45 days. With you. I want each one of them. Look, and if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because...I love you.I'm always gonna love you, till the end of my days and beyond. You'll see... He said them knowing well that the punch would come, and smiled when it was over. Even at the sting of pain, the black eye.
But this time, the dream was different.
"One more thing," Ted said. "I know breast cancer doesn't run in your family, but if you could keep getting mammograms, that'd be great. And take this pamphlet while you're at it."
It always ended with a punch to the face. Ted would take every hit to see that beautiful girl he married once again. He'd be caught in that loop, black eye after black eye if it meant a few more seconds with the woman he loved.
*
An orange glow filled the sky. Barney handed him a cold bottle of beer--apparently the car also had a fridge built in some compartment? Just when Ted thought it couldn't get any cooler.
"The sky looks different?" Ted said. "Should I be worried about that?"
"That, my friend, is the sign of a butterfly flapping its wings, and making a typhoon across the world. Or, more precisely, a Ted-erfly. This timeline's changed."
Ted stood outside the window of his life. His heart ached at the sight of Tracy and him, so happy. If he could've stayed in this moment, with them dancing by the fireplace, he would've. Like that song about keeping moments of time in a bottle.
"I've got a few more stops, if you've got time. This time, I'm not taking any chances," Ted said.
"We've got time, but don't get distracted. We've still got a fascist punching appointment later on," Barney said.
"Before we head out, I want to see MacLarens one more time."
"We've always got time for MacLarens," Barney said.
Ted smiled. There was one more thing he had to do. Or undo, he should say. He'd spent years fucking up his friendships, his relationships, but this time, he was going to be the Wingman Barney always wanted and needed.
*
Along the way, slipped another pamphlet under the door. A pamphlet at his old classroom--the key still fit--and a study of cancer clinical trials. It'd been such a punch to the gut to learn about the drug trials which would've potentially saved her life, if only he'd known about them.
Once that was over, it was past the frosted glass doors.
Back in MacLarens, Ted sipped at his beer.
"How long until we go back?"
Barney checked his fancy designer watch. "This timeline will become completely changed and dangerous for us at midnight, so get your shoes, Cinderella."
Right on time, he saw exactly the woman Ted was looking for come in that door.
Ted nudged Barney's arm. "See that girl?"
"Ted, don't tell me you're going blind from the trip, that's Robin."
"Barney, you and Robin are meant to be together. You can't give up on someone you love."
Even if they died, even if you had to travel through time to see them again.
"We got married. It didn't work out." Barney looked at his drink.
"People get married again. It could happen. That's why God invented Vegas."
Who even know how the bro code could be invoked here, when divorce and death met.
"You love her, Barney. She loves you. So maybe you broke up a couple of times. Okay, a lot of times. But that love, it's never changed. Love is the best thing we do. And you can't just give up on that. Sometimes when you see that girl across the bar, or standing under a yellow umbrella, you've just take that leap and go get her."
"Ted, you're a walking TED talk," Barney said.
"You've got to admit, that'd be pretty awesome. 'TED talk New York with Ted Mosby," Ted said.
Barney shook his head, but he smiled, just a little.
"Trust me, Barney. You got this. Go get her, tiger," Ted said.
"It's impossible, Ted."
"Nothing's impossible when it comes to love, not even time travel. You're the one who taught me that," Ted said.
He walked through that crowded bar, and tapped on Robin's arm.
"Haaave, you met Barney?"
Robin laughed. "Are you drunk, Ted? Oh, wait, this is the 'I'm a time traveler' schitck. I remember that one," Robin said.
"I've been to the future, and in all of them, all I see is you," Barney said. "Because when I said 'I can no more stop loving this woman than stop breathing, I meant it."
"That's funny, because all I see is a really tacky Halloween costume," Robin said.
Barney couldn't help but smile. "Good one," he said softly.
Ted gave them some privacy, and walked out of the bar. In the last glance, he saw Robin lean in to him, a soft smile on her face.
*
Barney hadn't remembered to take that little gadget from the car, but Ted had. That portal machine, which kind of looked like the next Apple product iTimeTravel or something, had plenty of settings.
Ted sat out on the stoop, filled with memories and the warmth of drink. For so long, he'd had nothing but his stories and memories.
But this time, he could watch the memories as they unfolded, over and over. He could see his wife's face again, in more than pictures and video.
Something more real, so close he felt as if he could touch her again. As if he could hear her bagel songs again. If he'd known, he would've taped every moment. He memorized what he could, but even then he worried somewhere, he was forgetting her, and losing Tracy all over again.
Ted rewound this fragment of time, and so many moments which he had immortalized over the years. He saw himself step out to watch himself take that biggest leap: to walk over to that girl in the yellow umbrella. Rain poured down the awning.
He saw himself at the lighthouse where he'd proposed for the first time, the nights he took Tracy to the hospital, filled with nervous hope.
A voice broke him out of his reverie.
"Ted, I've been looking all over for you."
"Just catching up on some old times," Ted said.
"I see you figured out how to use the thingamajig."
"Thingamajig, really?"
"Official titles are for nerds, Ted," Barney said.
"So, are you sure there aren't going to be alien robots coming out after us, are there?" Ted said.
Barney shrugged. "It hasn't happened yet," Barney said.
"That 'yet' is worrying," Ted said.
"Listen, we have to go to the futurmobile."
"Barney, how did--"
"Later, Ted," Barney said. "We've got to get out of this timeline. It's about to merge."
The orange glow had filled the sky with a nuclear glow. The car door slammed shut, and they were surrounded by lighting that cut through the sky. Ted stared out the window as the time disappeared.
All around them were thousands of stars. Ted didn't even know what galaxy they were in anymore, let alone what time.
Barney turned on the knobs on the futuristic television. Over the screen, he saw two things unfolding simultaneously: A fiftieth wedding anniversary, and a Vegas wedding. Looking at them, they were two different times. Ted's hair was streaked with silver at the anniversary, and in the Vegas wedding, Marshall still had hair.
"See that, Ted? That's what one night and a time machine can do."
"You really did it, Barney," Ted said. His voice was choked with emotion. "You saved her."
"We saved her. And Ted, you were right."
"What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you...Did it sound as if you were mayhaps saying I was right?"
Barney gave him a look. "Leave the douche Ted on the midnight train to Georgia. This is important," Barney said.
"You were right. There was one thing I never tried: giving old Barney the best wingman ever invented: Me. There was only one thing that could win Robin over. Every Barney from every timeline, for the most ultimate play the universe has ever seen. A play so big, the playbook couldn't even hold it. That's why we had to make Playbook 3: The Blu-Ray edition!
"Wait, all of you? There must be millions of Barneys out there...."
"A bang so awesome, even time had to give me a thumbs up. In fact, the Big Bang had to give up its title, because I did a bigger bang. True love, hands up!" He lifted his hand up to be bumped. Ted bumped his fist.
Ted shook his head. Only with Barney as a friend would he be hurtling through time, talking about pick up schemes.
"In fact, you changed the space-time continuum so hard, now there isn't a single universe where Tracy dies before she's 100."
"And you and Robin finally made it," Ted said.
"Yeah, we finally did," Barney said slowly. He smiled in a way Ted had never quite seen. Soft, and with a touch of tenderness.
"But...That means, our timeline doesn't exist anymore. It was nice knowing you, buddy." Ted stared out at the skyline. "What about them--our families?"
"Oh, they'll be fine. They're gonna merge into the good timeline now. But us? We're outside of time now. We'll drive this car across this rainbow bridge."
"Like Mario Kart. I never could get a decent score on Rainbow Road. Though, eventually, we'll have to take a detour to go see them all again." Ted didn't have to elaborate, because his family was always on his mind, and in his stories. The friends he found and made into family (called 'aunts' and 'uncles' to his kids) and the ones he had, at least for a little while.
"Of course we're going to follow our kids around, Ted. That's implied."
"Like, a guardian angel?" Ted said.
"More like a Guardian Awesome. Dad high five!"
Ted, for once, happily high fived Barney.
"First things first, we're going to punch Hitler and prevent spray-on tans from ever being made. If you thought I had taught you how to live before, you haven't seen anything yet."
Ted couldn't help but smile. He'd never been happier to go along for the ride.
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Date: 2020-08-30 03:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
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