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31_days August 28 - TRC - Reflection
Title: Reflection
Day/Theme: Aug 28 / Gilgamish
Series: TRC
Character/Pairing: Kurogane/Fai, Syaoran/Sakura if you squint.
Rating: Hard PG-13 to light R for violence & sexual situations [which are barely touched on and very vague. ...]
For M because I offered to write her a drabble instead of requesting. ♥
It could really use more editing, but I lack time D:
August 28: Gilgamish - TRC - Reflection
–
He lost his beloved companion on his path to immorality. And when he reached the lore’d halls, they closed the doors. “Everything must die, everything.” They said.
–
They travel though lands swept by wind and lands surrounded by water, pitted by sparkling lakes and with people who’ve seen far too much of the world, their faces worn and weary
Fai has put away his magic, put away the memories associated with flights of fancy and face turned downwards over a burling cauldron filled with spices and a ambrosia for immortality.
“You cannot live forever, you cannot change the past, you cannot but move on.”
And his face is crestfallen, his cheeks look sunken in this light, his skin overly pale and too tight over a face which when not smiling seems deflated, unreal.
Kurogane doesn’t respond, doesn’t vocalize the questions in his mind and rolling on the tip of his tongue, but wonders at this difference between them, between the facets of Fai, like night and day - can they truly exist to mutually?
This world is one of water, and Fai’s reflection can’t seem to smile even when his face is curved in a wide grin, it never reaches his eyes.
“I once lost someone precious to me” - Those are the words Fai has never said, but what Kurogane knows well. He can read beyond the surface, between the lines. He notices every movement and expression of Fai’s. Is slowly figuring out the lanky man who seems cheerful, and perhaps even is.
Kurogane can’t help but wonder, if how deep Fai’s persona goes.
And the consequences of revealing more. How deep before he drowns?
–
Dusk comes in shades of pink and orange and they promise of light falling from the world of water. The people are weary in this world, the daily life has weighed them down, their faces droop downwards as if held by excess gravity.
They are weary, so Fai builds magic from words. Folds animals from paper, mimes acts and makes shadow beings from outstretched fingers and flame. He brings life to them, laughter, forgetting, and joy. He teaches the children wonder, and sends them off to sleep with dreams and calmness. They forget for a moment, and then he forgets, he is the person he once was, and he truly smiles. The reflection smiles with him.
“You can use magic for them?” Kurogane asks after the performance is finished, his face half masked by shadows.
“This isn’t magic, it’s just sleight of hand.”
–
The people of the water are weary, their lives war-torn through centuries. No one can remember why they’re fighting, it is as accepted as breathing, as aging, growing, living. That is life, their life so they take it with as much pride as the weariness will allow.
Syaoran offers help them fight with weapons of wood, stone and his unyielding honor. Kurogane offers for the taste of blood and sweat is too faint in his memory.
Fai offers to go along for he has nothing else to do.
“No. You’ll stay.” Kurogane commands.
“I’m not a woman” Fai responds.
“You’d get in the way.” Kurogane’s voice never reaches the tone of harshness for the words. “Besides,” He says, continuing on “Someone needs to protect the girl.”
Fai doesn’t argue, just nods and accepts it.
Fai wishes he could do more than watch Kurogane’s back receding into the distance.
–
So they fight, for what else is there to do? They beat back another people, fight against another tribe, others who are not monsters, just other human beings. Other humans who probably can’t recall the reason for fighting but have taken it on as a way of life, a fact, a certainty, a doctrine.
Syaoran kills a boy near his own age, with a face too much like his own. He never forgets that moment, the look in the boy’s eyes as life left him.
Kurogane is unaffected. He was raised on battlefields, bathed in blood as a infant. To him, this is just home, displaced.
–
And they return, some of their rank lost, wiser and even more weary.
Sakura worries about Syaoran’s wounds, although minor, she demands he sit and attends to them.
She blushes while applying ointment to his chest, he blushes perhaps more than her.
A young female villager attends to Kurogane, or at least attempts to, for he cannot keep still and often yells profanities when she attempts to remove his armor.
“I’ll take care of him” Fai says smiling at Kurogane’s frown.
“Ha, you’re more likely to kill me than her!”
“Of course, Kuro~tan. But won’t it be much more fu~n?”
“For you, maybe!”
Fai smiles, and begins to peel away Kurogane’s layers of armor. Kurogane lets him, grumbling of the pain he will inflict upon Fai later.
The ointment burns against his skin, but not as much as the feeling of Fai’s fingertips, far too fleeting and light.
“A kiss to make it better?” Fai says after finishing the dressing and applying of ointment.
“THE HELL?!.”
–
Kurogane wakes to the sound of rustling. The idiot’s up again, he thinks.
Fai often woke in the middle of the night. Insomnia, was it? Something always was on his mind. Closing his eyes, Kurogane could just make out the sound of Fai’s particular gait.
“Stargazing?” Kurogane asks, a cynical tinge to his voice.
“In my world, you can read the future from certain groups of stars.” Fai replies, his voice distant in memory.
“And what do they say?”
“Aaa. I don’t recognize these stars.” Fai says with a sad smile.
They are silent for several minutes, only broken by the sounds of night and the sounds of surprise
when Kurogane presses him into the sand. Even if I drown he thinks.
Kurogane peels off the layers of clothing like an onion, rougher than intended but Fai does not complain, does not resist, despite his original surprise at the gesture.
Fai’s skin is milky white in the dappled moonlight, like the white of an eye slowly going blind, losing sight.
They do not kiss, or at least in a conventional, romantic sense. Kurogane’s mind boggles at what to do next, he’s not a virgin, but this is a completely new his hands shake ever so slightly in a way which he hopes is not seen by the man beneath him.
He wonders if Fai has done this before, not just, ‘this’ but this
if he has been straddled at moonlight on a bloodstained beach by another male who prior had only said words of anger mingled with annoyance.
His clothes fall away from him, Fai’s hands are deft, skilled and full of untold experience in this art. And when Fai moves to accommodate him, allows their naked bodies to touch, but not completely mesh.
Fai’s breathing sounds like sobbing, something deep and held back for ages, Kurogane’s hands are rough,
Fai presses his hips to Kurogane’s, wraps his legs around him, and the friction lets them be completed, forget for a while. Within this place there is only sand, the sound of waves crashing against the bloodstained shore, and the feeling of Fai’s fingernails going deeper into his back.
They do not talk as they unclasp arms, legs from their entwined positions. Kurogane only tries to gather what just happened.
“It’s called healing.” Fai says, and for just a moment presses his forehead to the hollow of Kurogane’s neck and clavicle.
“We should hurry. Morning will come soon enough and we still need to get cleaned up.” The sky is already turning pale grey intermixed with pink as the light makes it’s way back, like an unspoken promise.
Kurogane only makes a noncommital noise and grabs Fai’s hand as he makes his way to the water.
“Even if I drown” he says. And Fai understands.
Day/Theme: Aug 28 / Gilgamish
Series: TRC
Character/Pairing: Kurogane/Fai, Syaoran/Sakura if you squint.
Rating: Hard PG-13 to light R for violence & sexual situations [which are barely touched on and very vague. ...]
For M because I offered to write her a drabble instead of requesting. ♥
It could really use more editing, but I lack time D:
August 28: Gilgamish - TRC - Reflection
–
He lost his beloved companion on his path to immorality. And when he reached the lore’d halls, they closed the doors. “Everything must die, everything.” They said.
–
They travel though lands swept by wind and lands surrounded by water, pitted by sparkling lakes and with people who’ve seen far too much of the world, their faces worn and weary
Fai has put away his magic, put away the memories associated with flights of fancy and face turned downwards over a burling cauldron filled with spices and a ambrosia for immortality.
“You cannot live forever, you cannot change the past, you cannot but move on.”
And his face is crestfallen, his cheeks look sunken in this light, his skin overly pale and too tight over a face which when not smiling seems deflated, unreal.
Kurogane doesn’t respond, doesn’t vocalize the questions in his mind and rolling on the tip of his tongue, but wonders at this difference between them, between the facets of Fai, like night and day - can they truly exist to mutually?
This world is one of water, and Fai’s reflection can’t seem to smile even when his face is curved in a wide grin, it never reaches his eyes.
“I once lost someone precious to me” - Those are the words Fai has never said, but what Kurogane knows well. He can read beyond the surface, between the lines. He notices every movement and expression of Fai’s. Is slowly figuring out the lanky man who seems cheerful, and perhaps even is.
Kurogane can’t help but wonder, if how deep Fai’s persona goes.
And the consequences of revealing more. How deep before he drowns?
–
Dusk comes in shades of pink and orange and they promise of light falling from the world of water. The people are weary in this world, the daily life has weighed them down, their faces droop downwards as if held by excess gravity.
They are weary, so Fai builds magic from words. Folds animals from paper, mimes acts and makes shadow beings from outstretched fingers and flame. He brings life to them, laughter, forgetting, and joy. He teaches the children wonder, and sends them off to sleep with dreams and calmness. They forget for a moment, and then he forgets, he is the person he once was, and he truly smiles. The reflection smiles with him.
“You can use magic for them?” Kurogane asks after the performance is finished, his face half masked by shadows.
“This isn’t magic, it’s just sleight of hand.”
–
The people of the water are weary, their lives war-torn through centuries. No one can remember why they’re fighting, it is as accepted as breathing, as aging, growing, living. That is life, their life so they take it with as much pride as the weariness will allow.
Syaoran offers help them fight with weapons of wood, stone and his unyielding honor. Kurogane offers for the taste of blood and sweat is too faint in his memory.
Fai offers to go along for he has nothing else to do.
“No. You’ll stay.” Kurogane commands.
“I’m not a woman” Fai responds.
“You’d get in the way.” Kurogane’s voice never reaches the tone of harshness for the words. “Besides,” He says, continuing on “Someone needs to protect the girl.”
Fai doesn’t argue, just nods and accepts it.
Fai wishes he could do more than watch Kurogane’s back receding into the distance.
–
So they fight, for what else is there to do? They beat back another people, fight against another tribe, others who are not monsters, just other human beings. Other humans who probably can’t recall the reason for fighting but have taken it on as a way of life, a fact, a certainty, a doctrine.
Syaoran kills a boy near his own age, with a face too much like his own. He never forgets that moment, the look in the boy’s eyes as life left him.
Kurogane is unaffected. He was raised on battlefields, bathed in blood as a infant. To him, this is just home, displaced.
–
And they return, some of their rank lost, wiser and even more weary.
Sakura worries about Syaoran’s wounds, although minor, she demands he sit and attends to them.
She blushes while applying ointment to his chest, he blushes perhaps more than her.
A young female villager attends to Kurogane, or at least attempts to, for he cannot keep still and often yells profanities when she attempts to remove his armor.
“I’ll take care of him” Fai says smiling at Kurogane’s frown.
“Ha, you’re more likely to kill me than her!”
“Of course, Kuro~tan. But won’t it be much more fu~n?”
“For you, maybe!”
Fai smiles, and begins to peel away Kurogane’s layers of armor. Kurogane lets him, grumbling of the pain he will inflict upon Fai later.
The ointment burns against his skin, but not as much as the feeling of Fai’s fingertips, far too fleeting and light.
“A kiss to make it better?” Fai says after finishing the dressing and applying of ointment.
“THE HELL?!.”
–
Kurogane wakes to the sound of rustling. The idiot’s up again, he thinks.
Fai often woke in the middle of the night. Insomnia, was it? Something always was on his mind. Closing his eyes, Kurogane could just make out the sound of Fai’s particular gait.
“Stargazing?” Kurogane asks, a cynical tinge to his voice.
“In my world, you can read the future from certain groups of stars.” Fai replies, his voice distant in memory.
“And what do they say?”
“Aaa. I don’t recognize these stars.” Fai says with a sad smile.
They are silent for several minutes, only broken by the sounds of night and the sounds of surprise
when Kurogane presses him into the sand. Even if I drown he thinks.
Kurogane peels off the layers of clothing like an onion, rougher than intended but Fai does not complain, does not resist, despite his original surprise at the gesture.
Fai’s skin is milky white in the dappled moonlight, like the white of an eye slowly going blind, losing sight.
They do not kiss, or at least in a conventional, romantic sense. Kurogane’s mind boggles at what to do next, he’s not a virgin, but this is a completely new his hands shake ever so slightly in a way which he hopes is not seen by the man beneath him.
He wonders if Fai has done this before, not just, ‘this’ but this
if he has been straddled at moonlight on a bloodstained beach by another male who prior had only said words of anger mingled with annoyance.
His clothes fall away from him, Fai’s hands are deft, skilled and full of untold experience in this art. And when Fai moves to accommodate him, allows their naked bodies to touch, but not completely mesh.
Fai’s breathing sounds like sobbing, something deep and held back for ages, Kurogane’s hands are rough,
Fai presses his hips to Kurogane’s, wraps his legs around him, and the friction lets them be completed, forget for a while. Within this place there is only sand, the sound of waves crashing against the bloodstained shore, and the feeling of Fai’s fingernails going deeper into his back.
They do not talk as they unclasp arms, legs from their entwined positions. Kurogane only tries to gather what just happened.
“It’s called healing.” Fai says, and for just a moment presses his forehead to the hollow of Kurogane’s neck and clavicle.
“We should hurry. Morning will come soon enough and we still need to get cleaned up.” The sky is already turning pale grey intermixed with pink as the light makes it’s way back, like an unspoken promise.
Kurogane only makes a noncommital noise and grabs Fai’s hand as he makes his way to the water.
“Even if I drown” he says. And Fai understands.
no subject
this has a nice mythic tone throught the piece that it´s very fitting.
i love your Kurogane (and he´s my favourite TRC character so), half-amazed and half-annoyed at the permanent mystery that is Fai. and of course i love how you write Kurogano/Fai, how they seek solace in each other, even though they are possibly too proud to admit how much they need it. and omg i really love this pairing.
great, great job. i´ve enjoyed it so much even if i cannot express it properly because i´ve just got up and oh, i so need more sleep.
no subject
Kurogane is probably my favorite so far as well ~ he's developed in very interesting ways and I love how he's gained an almost 'fatherly' or 'older brother' manner to Syaoran and Sakura.
does that make Fai the 'motherly' or 'older sister' in the group? XDMmmn, thank you. I would say more, but I am about to fall over.
no subject
I kinda agree with that, actually--he does seem to fuss over their welfare more, and he seems to have attached himself to Sakura, whereas Kurogane plays the gruff mentor to Syaoran. Hell, I think he kinda admits it himself with that joke he played in Outo with that big/small puppy and kitten business. ^^"
Loved this, by the way.
no subject
in the latest chapters this has been accentuated -- it started with Sakura and Syaoran accidentally getting drunk again (Mokona spiked the drink XD -- or so Fai says~)and causing a rukus, when Kurogane goes stomping off after them and basically yelling "OK OFF TO BED YOU BRATS" and Fai is now teasing Kurogane, calling him "Father Dear" and "Daddy Dearest" and even on one occasion pretending to act in a "motherly" manner. (in a "The children are out, don't you want to go get breakfast" sort of way) It's amusing as hell.
How far are you, manga-wise? I'm just getting to what's done so far, the next arc, there's not a *lot* of KuroFai, though there's two scenes that are just killer along with some little scenes.
And since the latest chapters (RAW, mind you) arc about Kurogane's past, I wonder if Fai's will come next? Or maybe CLAMP will tease and tantalize about that because it's evident-- Kurogane's past has rarely even been hinted on, so this is quite welcome to see. (He was so happy and cute as a child <333)
no subject
And yeah. I really hope they'll start giving us some clues about Fay's past soon. He looks so darned sad sometimes =P
no subject
Fai offers to go along for he has nothing else to do.
That is so Fai right there. I was just in awe of it. I mean, so Fai, you know? People never seem to have him right for long. He tends to fall apart near the end of a fic.
He didn't do so badly this time though, but it seems to be very hard to be conclusive with Fai in a fic. *has been reading too much TRC fanfiction recently*
Oh, and I must tell you now that I have read your other TRC fics and I adore them. I keep forgetting to mention that, sorry. ^^;; I want to get into PoT so that I can read those fics, too, but I know nothing of PoT, so I do not understand them completely. ^^''
But, good job! This fic is great. I love the description of the people and the world. Very nice, though I feel ill-ish at the idea of sex on bloody shores (I am so weak stomach, you see...it is a great effect, though, for people who aren't squimish as me--and I freak out when I read manga with too much blood, lol *ish sad*).
You must write more and more and more KuroFai so that my lame-ass KuroFai fic never gets out. ^^''
no subject
I guess everything for
I don't think he's really always unhappy behind the mask of smiling, I think he's a carefree guy who went through something very painful and which makes him sorrowful - he CAN be truly happy, but I think just because he's acting happy doesn't mean he isn't faking it.
But I think Kurogane can't quite make out whether Fai is lying all the time. Kurogane is exceptionally perceptive because he's a ninja he can *see* all those little things that Sakura and Syaoran are too preoccupied or naive to see. He knows that Fai is running from something, that he's not using the full extent of his powers, and that there's something in his past that causes him great emotional pain.
Actually, it was metaphorical in this sense, like "bloodstained-hands" doesn't mean they actually are, ne? The battle took place elsewhere, not on the beach.
You should get into PoT! I can link you to the IRC channel and a place where you can get Http downloads, but they're in large zips and on megaupload - they die on my connection and they'll probably do so on yours too D: I can always start uploading a few chapters if you want them.
But yes, PoT is very, very, very gay at times. There's not a lot of plot to go on, the whole series is driven by it's interesting characters and qwirky sense of humor. And gay. Incredible gay. I'm sure you'll have your own OTPs once you start reading XD
You'll probably like Fuji - he's a lot like Fai, but a hell of a lot easier to write. [The smiling genius who seems nice but has a sadistic streak - and also is really damn possessive when it comes to those he cares about. Seriously, touch his brother and you DIE]
Really, the fangirling possbilities are endless with the amount of boys who act gay together XD Then there's the crack pairings which are literally endless.
I'm just honored your read them when you didn't know about the series ^-^
Thank you muchly, I actually really liked this world, I want to continue on somehow, or at least edit the damn fic properly.
>:E I'm sure your KuroFai would be WONDERFUL with sparklingly witty banter and awesome dialogue and fall-off-your-chair humor. Because you have awesome dialogue ♥
no subject
Permission to archive? (*pokepoke* If yes, can you send me a version with the italic tags and such ^^;)
no subject
:D I AM HONORED TO HAVE YOU ARCHIVE IT! I'll try and edit it a bit more once I send it - you want it in a text file with coding, right?
OH BY THE WAY I just finished Unrequited Love Maniac. KYAAAA! ♥ I feel so squishy~ Yamazaki-san was just ADORABLE in his dorkiness and just gah ~ So cuute *_*
[And I finally downloaded the HxH you put up, the HnG comes next :D]
no subject
Yes, please! AND I'm glad you liked Shitsuren! If I had a scanner I would show you the others because EEEEEEEEEE. (I did give you Capture the Prince, right?)
no subject
Mkay! I should have it to you.. sometime before the end of '05 8D;;
Yes! It's one of my all time favorites now~
[I alredy have it, I downloaded it myself 83]
no subject
-
Everytime this line appeared, I got heart palpitations. It's just so symbolic, and brought to mind so images images.
I cannot stop stressing what an awesome piece of work this is. This is truly well done. An exceptional KuroFai. Keep it up! :-)
~Saha
no subject
I also wanted to do a ficverse of sorts with a followup on it, but wasn't sure if I was going to or not ;; But yes this was defintely one of my favorite fics writing-wise.
Hmm, have you read
Evensong by Still_ciircee (http://www.livejournal.com/community/31_days/320395.html)? It's a different mood, and Kurogane and Fai have different characterizations (It's not really OOC as it's AU) but it's a very good KuroFai fic and I still love her for it XD
no subject
Oh yes, a ficverse sounds wonderful, if you're up to it. It does have that sort of feel to it; that something more could happen. :-) Good luck in writing it if you decide to, and I surely will read! :-)
no subject
The descriptions are beautiful and evocative. I can feel the weariness and the longing. I love your Kurogane and how he's thinking and thoughtful and wondering if he'd drown and at home (and probably is liking it there!) on the battlefield. I love the way he lets Fai tend to him, growling at him the whole time. I love your Fai, who's capable of being silly and fun and yet so deeply still inside, someplace. I love Fai's line 'it's called healing' and he doesn't say for whom.
This is seriously one of my favorite ficlets; I re-read it often.