![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
fic: The Kid
Title: The Kid: How Me And My Boyfriend Decided To Get Pregnant (Or: Heir Apparently)
Series: Merlin
Character/Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, Gwen & Morgana friendship.
Rating: I think it still hits PG-13. Not as porny as I wanted :/
Word count: 2324
Author's note: for Cstoplurking in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
help_haiti. The title is borrowed from a book by Dan Savage.
Merlin had been asked to do a lot of things. He'd even been used as a stepping stone literally. He had never, however, been asked something of this magnitude.
"Excuse me? You want me to what?"
"I repealed all my father's ordinances on magic for you. Asking for an heir isn't that much in comparison," Arthur said coldly.
"But, I'm male – It does not work that way! I'm sorry, but it's just not really possible," Merlin protested.
"You're magic, Merlin. Make it work," Arthur said.
"We could ask someone to surrogate for us," Merlin said, "Or we could–"
"Or I could marry some woman who I don't care a whit about. Because that is my choice. Either you provide me with an heir, or I have to get someone else to do it. If I don't have an heir, then Mordred might try and claim the throne. That is what I'm up against here."
Merlin took a sharp intake of breath. There was a point where he thought that something like this might happen, that he might be relegated to be the affair – the affair to a girl who was a very close friend. But Gwen had chosen another, and Arthur had allowed it to be at least known around the court, if not Camelot at large what Merlin was to him.
"I'll...try?"
"No, you're going to succeed because you're the best damn magician around and if anyone can get pregnant, it's you," Arthur said.
*
"You wouldn't happen to maybe know some potion for infertility?" Merlin said. He tried to be casual, but his voice took a high tone to it like it tended to when nervousness had reached a fever peak like it had now.
Gaius looked up from his book, and over his moon-shaped spectacles. "Running errands for Lady Hester again?"
Merlin flushed. "Well, no. Not really. It's for another friend who wishes to remain anonymous. If uh, say a man had to get pregnant, for certain reasons..."
"A man getting pregnant? That's preposterous, Merlin. Science has proven it entirely impossible." Gaius looked as if he were offended on Science's behalf.
"That's what I said, but he wouldn't listen...the prat never listens–"
"'He' as in Arthur?"
Merlin flushed even deeper. "N-no. Not Arthur at all. My friend....who wishes to remain anonymous because oh, what an embarrassment it'd be if everyone realized that he was trying to get pregnant. That...that would be awful if the world were to find out."
"Alright then. 'Your friend' should be happy in his manhood," Gaius said. He rested his hands on Merlin's shoulders.
"And..what about magic, would magic help?"
Gaius tilted his head thoughtfully. "There is magic for fertility, but it isn't something I'd recommend for 'your friend.'"
Merlin cleared his throat. "Right then. I'll just go to look through the books for them...for my friend."
Gaius clicked his tongue and shook his head as he went back to his work. "Children these days...Always trying to undermine science."
*
So far he'd found many recipes for fertility. They were not, however, a simple matter of waving his hands and saying magic words. There was wearing large phallic talismans, dancing naked while covered in freshly made rose oil at the light of a full moon, the powdered womb of a cow eaten at lukewarm temperature.
He opted for the second, because a giant penis necklace would get him laughed out of the court, and cow uterus was just not his idea of a good meal. He extracted the rose oil with some help by Gaius. He passed it off as a perfume for Lady Hester. When the moon rose to its apex, he stripped down and rubbed it over his body. The book didn't specify exactly which dance steps, so he just improvised.
Arthur leaned in the doorway. His arms were crossed.
"What exactly are you doing, Merlin?"
"Er. Hi."
"I'm waiting for your explanation."
"I'm attempting to get pregnant?" Merlin covered himself, though it was more a instinctual reaction to getting found out, as Arthur had already see him naked many, many times.
"Is it working?"
"I'm not sure, yet, honestly," Merlin said.
Arthur smirked. "I think it's working."
He closed the door behind him. Off came his royal velvet shirt, his royal white pants, his royal boots and his royal underthings until they embracing under the moonlight and there was nothing between them anymore. The wall was cold stone against his back, and he slid against it.
"There's rose oil. Handy," Merlin said.
Then Arthur's hands were on him, pressing him back, and over him. And Arthur's lips met with his, and Merlin couldn't say anything at all even if he had wanted to.
*
Despite the fact that after last night's session, he wanted to do little more than curl up and sleep for maybe a week (he wasn't sure if it'd make him fertile, but it apparently worked as an aphrodisiac), Merlin kept up studying. As good as the sex was, he wasn't going to knock himself just by laying back and opening his legs. Though he was pretty sure that was the final part of the process.
So he went back to researching. He went into the deepest archives, and claimed a deeply important matter of Camelot's affairs. Of course, he was Merlin, the court magician. He really didn't need to give explanations, but no matter how high he got, a part of him was always the awkward servant.
One stood out amongst the magic. The seed of a Phinesia plant. It was said to be very rare and very potent, ensuring conception no matter how barren a woman had been up until then. Also, it didn't involve the more feminine parts of cows, which was a definite plus.
*
Merlin rifled through Gaius' supplies. He smelled dill and cilantro, as well as garlic and onions. Some dried and ground into white powder, others fresh and waiting to be turned into medicinal potions of some sort.
"Looking for something in particular, Merlin?" Gaius said.
"You wouldn't happen to have any spare Phinesia.on hand, would you?"
"Another errand for your 'friend'?"
"Yes. That. So do you?"
"Phinesia is very rare, so unfortunately, I've not been able to have it in stock for twenty years," Gaius said.
"And might you have any clue where it can be found?" Merlin asked.
"There is a place called Longley meadow past the barrow ridge. That was the last recorded place in Camelot that it grew?"
"And it's guarded by a horrible beast which can only be killed with magic?"
"No," Gaius said.
"Then, it's surrounded by poison, and if I touch the leaves I will instantly die?"
"No," Gaius said.
"Then what?"
"It's in the territory of Morgana Le Fay," Gaius said.
"Oh, Morgana? That's something I can deal with," Merlin said.
*
It was three days ride to the Longley meadow. For one, the Barrow Ridge wasn't exactly easy to cross. He'd spent at least a day and a half trying not to fall to his death. While the verdant meadow was a welcome change from all that barren rock, walking through the grass felt like walking straight into a wall of magic. He caught sight of her waiting for him a short ways away, with her long dark hair flowing about her. The dress was the color of night, and her eyes too had become a similar color.
"I came to get some seeds of a plant. We're not here on a hunting party. Besides, old friends? Remember?"
Morgana had changed in the years she had been gone. She looked more cynical, and had lost the girlish sparkle her eyes had once had.
"Then pass, but do not stay long."
He missed the days before things had spiraled out of control this way. He wanted to voice this, too, but something in her eyes stopped him. She was guarded, as if all the times meant nothing in the end.
Merlin bowed his head. "Thank you for your kindness."
Before he left to search Longley meadows for the plant, he turned back to her one last time. "Er, please give Gwen my regards?"
She nodded slightly, but made no reply.
*
After that, it was pretty easy. At least, compared to that time he'd fought the Griffin, that water monster, and those other monsters. They sort of blended together after a while. Crossing the Barrow Ridge was a lot easier with a flyseed – which he figured Morgana wasn't really going to miss, if he only took a little.
After a long soak for his muscles, he awaited Arthur's return from some long boring meeting which he was excused from as he was busy trying to produce an heir and all. This must be how women feel, he thought to himself. Lying back in pretty things
He supposed it was a good thing that he wasn't female in this case (even if the heir producing would've been a lot easier.). He got to be right by Arthur's side, on the battlefield, through the boring meetings and ins and outs of life. His opinion was weighed, and Arthur really listened to it. Generally. How horrible it must be, to stay at home while your husband went to war. To just sit around, doing bloody embroidery when he could be dying.
Merlin shook his head to clear it. He felt strangely anxious, even virginal. He wondered if it was a side effect of the seed, or simply the whole 'bringing forth an heir' thing.
To pass the time, Merlin lit a few candles, and poured some wine for good measure. Then he looked down at the seeds. They were oval shaped, brown, and looked perfectly innocuous. Merlin popped a seed in his mouth. It had a slightly minty taste, which was surprising. Not too bad. He almost thought of eating another, just in case, but thought better of it. He did not want to be carrying Arthur's twins, or triplets, or whatever. One was more than enough, thank you very much.
There was no next rule, but Merlin assumed it was 'get partner(s) of choice drunk and rut like animals. There was always the rose oil again, but if it was like that, he'd probably not be walking for the next week.
"You came back," Arthur said.
Merlin smiled. "That was the point of it, yeah."
"Good. The bed was colder without you here. I had to add another blanket."
"Are you saying that you missed me, Arthur?" Merlin said, faintly amused.
Arthur smirked. "I said no such thing."
"But the implication was–"
"I think we have some business to attend to," Arthur cut in.
He snuffed out the candles, and downed his glass. The taste of wine was still on his lips when he kissed Merlin.
"I think a little reward is in line...." Arthur said. He nipped at Merlin's ear. "Since you're such a good magician..." He licked at the hollow of Merlin's neck. "After this...I'll even let you come inside me."
Merlin could only groan and grind back against him.
*
Some women said they knew the minute they'd become pregnant. Merlin did, though he was sure that magic had something to do about it. He listened for the tiny beginning forming inside him. It wasn't even large enough to have a heart by now, he supposed. His ears attuned to another sound. It wasn't coming from him. He felt over Arthur's hard abdomen. Arthur stirred.
"What is it, Merlin? Ready for another round already?" Arhur muttered sleepily.
"...Arthur. You wouldn't have happened to have eaten any of those seeds, would you?"
"No, of course I wouldn't have–" Arthur frowned in a thoughtful manner. "One was in my drink. I thought it was supposed to be there."
"Oh...Well, look on the bright side. We're going to have twins."
"You're going to have twins?"
"No...You're going to help."
"Wait, you're implying that I'm–"
"Congratulations. You're pregnant," Merlin said. He clapped Arthur on the shoulder.
"What the hell, Merlin? You were supposed to produce the heir. Not me."
"Well, apparently you have some innate magic or the seed wouldn't have worked. And I did. Like I said...twins."
Arthur turned away, perturbed. "I'm never sleeping with you again."
"Now that's a bit harsh–"
"–And you're moving to your own room."
"Now wait just a second—"
"I mean it, Merlin."
Merlin sighed and got out of bed. He really just couldn't win when it came to Arthur.
*
Morgana woke in a start. Her dreams had grown more vivid over the years, but never this bizarre. Gwen spoke soothingly to her and stroked her hair.
"What was it? Can you tell me this time?"
"It was very strange...I dreamt that Merlin and Arthur were pregnant with two girls. And Arthur was horrifically bitchy his whole pregnancy. He even managed to be more of a spoiled, unpleasable arse than usual. It was...terrifying. He kept asking for something called 'pickles and icecream' and when people protested that no such thing existed, he demanded they invent it for him."
"It's just a dream this time, Morgana," Gwen said. "I mean, Arthur can't get pregnant. Thank God. I'm not sure the world would survive if he did."
"You're right. This one must not mean anything," Mogana said.
"Now go back to sleep. And no more nightmares of Pregnant Arthur. That thought is so scary I might get nightmares too."
So they settled back to sleep, where no nightmares of Arthur would haunt them.
Series: Merlin
Character/Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, Gwen & Morgana friendship.
Rating: I think it still hits PG-13. Not as porny as I wanted :/
Word count: 2324
Author's note: for Cstoplurking in
help_haiti. The title is borrowed from a book by Dan Savage.Merlin had been asked to do a lot of things. He'd even been used as a stepping stone literally. He had never, however, been asked something of this magnitude.
"Excuse me? You want me to what?"
"I repealed all my father's ordinances on magic for you. Asking for an heir isn't that much in comparison," Arthur said coldly.
"But, I'm male – It does not work that way! I'm sorry, but it's just not really possible," Merlin protested.
"You're magic, Merlin. Make it work," Arthur said.
"We could ask someone to surrogate for us," Merlin said, "Or we could–"
"Or I could marry some woman who I don't care a whit about. Because that is my choice. Either you provide me with an heir, or I have to get someone else to do it. If I don't have an heir, then Mordred might try and claim the throne. That is what I'm up against here."
Merlin took a sharp intake of breath. There was a point where he thought that something like this might happen, that he might be relegated to be the affair – the affair to a girl who was a very close friend. But Gwen had chosen another, and Arthur had allowed it to be at least known around the court, if not Camelot at large what Merlin was to him.
"I'll...try?"
"No, you're going to succeed because you're the best damn magician around and if anyone can get pregnant, it's you," Arthur said.
*
"You wouldn't happen to maybe know some potion for infertility?" Merlin said. He tried to be casual, but his voice took a high tone to it like it tended to when nervousness had reached a fever peak like it had now.
Gaius looked up from his book, and over his moon-shaped spectacles. "Running errands for Lady Hester again?"
Merlin flushed. "Well, no. Not really. It's for another friend who wishes to remain anonymous. If uh, say a man had to get pregnant, for certain reasons..."
"A man getting pregnant? That's preposterous, Merlin. Science has proven it entirely impossible." Gaius looked as if he were offended on Science's behalf.
"That's what I said, but he wouldn't listen...the prat never listens–"
"'He' as in Arthur?"
Merlin flushed even deeper. "N-no. Not Arthur at all. My friend....who wishes to remain anonymous because oh, what an embarrassment it'd be if everyone realized that he was trying to get pregnant. That...that would be awful if the world were to find out."
"Alright then. 'Your friend' should be happy in his manhood," Gaius said. He rested his hands on Merlin's shoulders.
"And..what about magic, would magic help?"
Gaius tilted his head thoughtfully. "There is magic for fertility, but it isn't something I'd recommend for 'your friend.'"
Merlin cleared his throat. "Right then. I'll just go to look through the books for them...for my friend."
Gaius clicked his tongue and shook his head as he went back to his work. "Children these days...Always trying to undermine science."
*
So far he'd found many recipes for fertility. They were not, however, a simple matter of waving his hands and saying magic words. There was wearing large phallic talismans, dancing naked while covered in freshly made rose oil at the light of a full moon, the powdered womb of a cow eaten at lukewarm temperature.
He opted for the second, because a giant penis necklace would get him laughed out of the court, and cow uterus was just not his idea of a good meal. He extracted the rose oil with some help by Gaius. He passed it off as a perfume for Lady Hester. When the moon rose to its apex, he stripped down and rubbed it over his body. The book didn't specify exactly which dance steps, so he just improvised.
Arthur leaned in the doorway. His arms were crossed.
"What exactly are you doing, Merlin?"
"Er. Hi."
"I'm waiting for your explanation."
"I'm attempting to get pregnant?" Merlin covered himself, though it was more a instinctual reaction to getting found out, as Arthur had already see him naked many, many times.
"Is it working?"
"I'm not sure, yet, honestly," Merlin said.
Arthur smirked. "I think it's working."
He closed the door behind him. Off came his royal velvet shirt, his royal white pants, his royal boots and his royal underthings until they embracing under the moonlight and there was nothing between them anymore. The wall was cold stone against his back, and he slid against it.
"There's rose oil. Handy," Merlin said.
Then Arthur's hands were on him, pressing him back, and over him. And Arthur's lips met with his, and Merlin couldn't say anything at all even if he had wanted to.
*
Despite the fact that after last night's session, he wanted to do little more than curl up and sleep for maybe a week (he wasn't sure if it'd make him fertile, but it apparently worked as an aphrodisiac), Merlin kept up studying. As good as the sex was, he wasn't going to knock himself just by laying back and opening his legs. Though he was pretty sure that was the final part of the process.
So he went back to researching. He went into the deepest archives, and claimed a deeply important matter of Camelot's affairs. Of course, he was Merlin, the court magician. He really didn't need to give explanations, but no matter how high he got, a part of him was always the awkward servant.
One stood out amongst the magic. The seed of a Phinesia plant. It was said to be very rare and very potent, ensuring conception no matter how barren a woman had been up until then. Also, it didn't involve the more feminine parts of cows, which was a definite plus.
*
Merlin rifled through Gaius' supplies. He smelled dill and cilantro, as well as garlic and onions. Some dried and ground into white powder, others fresh and waiting to be turned into medicinal potions of some sort.
"Looking for something in particular, Merlin?" Gaius said.
"You wouldn't happen to have any spare Phinesia.on hand, would you?"
"Another errand for your 'friend'?"
"Yes. That. So do you?"
"Phinesia is very rare, so unfortunately, I've not been able to have it in stock for twenty years," Gaius said.
"And might you have any clue where it can be found?" Merlin asked.
"There is a place called Longley meadow past the barrow ridge. That was the last recorded place in Camelot that it grew?"
"And it's guarded by a horrible beast which can only be killed with magic?"
"No," Gaius said.
"Then, it's surrounded by poison, and if I touch the leaves I will instantly die?"
"No," Gaius said.
"Then what?"
"It's in the territory of Morgana Le Fay," Gaius said.
"Oh, Morgana? That's something I can deal with," Merlin said.
*
It was three days ride to the Longley meadow. For one, the Barrow Ridge wasn't exactly easy to cross. He'd spent at least a day and a half trying not to fall to his death. While the verdant meadow was a welcome change from all that barren rock, walking through the grass felt like walking straight into a wall of magic. He caught sight of her waiting for him a short ways away, with her long dark hair flowing about her. The dress was the color of night, and her eyes too had become a similar color.
"I came to get some seeds of a plant. We're not here on a hunting party. Besides, old friends? Remember?"
Morgana had changed in the years she had been gone. She looked more cynical, and had lost the girlish sparkle her eyes had once had.
"Then pass, but do not stay long."
He missed the days before things had spiraled out of control this way. He wanted to voice this, too, but something in her eyes stopped him. She was guarded, as if all the times meant nothing in the end.
Merlin bowed his head. "Thank you for your kindness."
Before he left to search Longley meadows for the plant, he turned back to her one last time. "Er, please give Gwen my regards?"
She nodded slightly, but made no reply.
*
After that, it was pretty easy. At least, compared to that time he'd fought the Griffin, that water monster, and those other monsters. They sort of blended together after a while. Crossing the Barrow Ridge was a lot easier with a flyseed – which he figured Morgana wasn't really going to miss, if he only took a little.
After a long soak for his muscles, he awaited Arthur's return from some long boring meeting which he was excused from as he was busy trying to produce an heir and all. This must be how women feel, he thought to himself. Lying back in pretty things
He supposed it was a good thing that he wasn't female in this case (even if the heir producing would've been a lot easier.). He got to be right by Arthur's side, on the battlefield, through the boring meetings and ins and outs of life. His opinion was weighed, and Arthur really listened to it. Generally. How horrible it must be, to stay at home while your husband went to war. To just sit around, doing bloody embroidery when he could be dying.
Merlin shook his head to clear it. He felt strangely anxious, even virginal. He wondered if it was a side effect of the seed, or simply the whole 'bringing forth an heir' thing.
To pass the time, Merlin lit a few candles, and poured some wine for good measure. Then he looked down at the seeds. They were oval shaped, brown, and looked perfectly innocuous. Merlin popped a seed in his mouth. It had a slightly minty taste, which was surprising. Not too bad. He almost thought of eating another, just in case, but thought better of it. He did not want to be carrying Arthur's twins, or triplets, or whatever. One was more than enough, thank you very much.
There was no next rule, but Merlin assumed it was 'get partner(s) of choice drunk and rut like animals. There was always the rose oil again, but if it was like that, he'd probably not be walking for the next week.
"You came back," Arthur said.
Merlin smiled. "That was the point of it, yeah."
"Good. The bed was colder without you here. I had to add another blanket."
"Are you saying that you missed me, Arthur?" Merlin said, faintly amused.
Arthur smirked. "I said no such thing."
"But the implication was–"
"I think we have some business to attend to," Arthur cut in.
He snuffed out the candles, and downed his glass. The taste of wine was still on his lips when he kissed Merlin.
"I think a little reward is in line...." Arthur said. He nipped at Merlin's ear. "Since you're such a good magician..." He licked at the hollow of Merlin's neck. "After this...I'll even let you come inside me."
Merlin could only groan and grind back against him.
*
Some women said they knew the minute they'd become pregnant. Merlin did, though he was sure that magic had something to do about it. He listened for the tiny beginning forming inside him. It wasn't even large enough to have a heart by now, he supposed. His ears attuned to another sound. It wasn't coming from him. He felt over Arthur's hard abdomen. Arthur stirred.
"What is it, Merlin? Ready for another round already?" Arhur muttered sleepily.
"...Arthur. You wouldn't have happened to have eaten any of those seeds, would you?"
"No, of course I wouldn't have–" Arthur frowned in a thoughtful manner. "One was in my drink. I thought it was supposed to be there."
"Oh...Well, look on the bright side. We're going to have twins."
"You're going to have twins?"
"No...You're going to help."
"Wait, you're implying that I'm–"
"Congratulations. You're pregnant," Merlin said. He clapped Arthur on the shoulder.
"What the hell, Merlin? You were supposed to produce the heir. Not me."
"Well, apparently you have some innate magic or the seed wouldn't have worked. And I did. Like I said...twins."
Arthur turned away, perturbed. "I'm never sleeping with you again."
"Now that's a bit harsh–"
"–And you're moving to your own room."
"Now wait just a second—"
"I mean it, Merlin."
Merlin sighed and got out of bed. He really just couldn't win when it came to Arthur.
*
Morgana woke in a start. Her dreams had grown more vivid over the years, but never this bizarre. Gwen spoke soothingly to her and stroked her hair.
"What was it? Can you tell me this time?"
"It was very strange...I dreamt that Merlin and Arthur were pregnant with two girls. And Arthur was horrifically bitchy his whole pregnancy. He even managed to be more of a spoiled, unpleasable arse than usual. It was...terrifying. He kept asking for something called 'pickles and icecream' and when people protested that no such thing existed, he demanded they invent it for him."
"It's just a dream this time, Morgana," Gwen said. "I mean, Arthur can't get pregnant. Thank God. I'm not sure the world would survive if he did."
"You're right. This one must not mean anything," Mogana said.
"Now go back to sleep. And no more nightmares of Pregnant Arthur. That thought is so scary I might get nightmares too."
So they settled back to sleep, where no nightmares of Arthur would haunt them.
no subject
no subject
Haha, they both got knocked up! Merlin just took it better than Arthur did, who was being bitchpants x 1000.