fic: A Fish Out Of Water

[bonnefois]

Title: A Fish Out Of Water.
Series: TF2
Character/Pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, Spy/Scout's mother, other ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 11011
Summary: AU. After months away from the sea, Scout acclimates to the life above, with help from Sophie.
Author's note: This came from a dream I had, and is actually not entirely a Little Mermaid AU, though, I added a ton of parallels because it amused me. It's modern AU with a shade of accidental marriage and accidental soulmate, because why not?

A sequel to Deep Underneath

Lobsters Have The Craziest Sex You've Never Heard Of was my intro into the bizarre world of lobsters.

Eskimo kisses are actually a term for an Inuit greeting called a Kunik, and there's similar greetings in Hawaiian and Maori culture.

Nathan Vetterlein, Scout's voice actor, uses the Glass scene from the Die Hard movies to get into character. an example

The Salt and Pepper diner sketch.

Minor canon-typical gore and references.





Sophie tapped her pen on the table. One last bit of red tape, and she'd be done. As she took a long sip of bitter coffee, she remembered sweet kisses, and a smile just for her when she came home.

Everything reminded her of him these days. The pen she inked with reminded her of the day he'd drawn a mustache on ink, and how he'd sketched a little flower across her wrist over lunch. In fact, it happened so often that she couldn't help but categorize her life into BS and AS. Before Scout, and After Scout.

And it was his fault entirely that she snickered at how easily it would be to add an extra S, or that an entire section of her life would be the shorthand for bullshit.

And with that to look forward to, her messy desk, stacks of unfinished paperwork she had to do, and evidence to bury didn't seem that much at all.

*

Shitshitshit She checked her watch, only to find that it was still not magically two hours ago. The time she was supposed to be there. The ice was making her usual body disposal so much harder. She might have had a lot less sand in her shoes up here, but trying to navigate an icy wasteland that reeked of Siberia wasn't much better.

Scout leaned out His face lit up as he caught sight of her.

"There you are!" he said.

"Sorry--work got hectic. Plus the weather is awful lately. I had some things I had to do---Anyways, how was your work day?"

"Great! The chicks love me. I swam up a storm. Everyone says I'm super realistic, the most realistic merman they ever seen." Scout couldn't help but snicker at this.

"Uh-huh. Don't love them back," Sophie said.

"You're the only girl for me in this entire world," Scout said.

She climbed up the and kissed him. Light enveloped them both, and she felt that same light lodged deep inside her.

"All right, fishboy. Let's go," Sophie said.

As they walked out, she started to quiz Scout.

"What's your backstory?"

"I'm the handsomest, and most charmin' boy from the deep--"

"For your resume, Scout," she said.

"I'm Liam Dempsey, tough guy from Boston, down near the watery side. Champion swimmer and runner."

"And your education and work history?"

"Didn't go to college, finished school with that....GEDDY thing, worked in some jobs which folded, so they don't have references. Worked a lot for a place called Mann co. and then there's a list of these bunch of other companies--"

"Which are all shells of Mann. co. Don't repeat that, by the way. Shells are supposed to be secret," she said.

"People keep their companies in shells? How do they fit? I guess there's those big clam ones," Scout said.

"Not that kind of shell," he said.

"Then, like macaroni shells? Those are even tinier!"

"Not macaroni shells either," she said.

She'd thought about adding him as from some island that seemed far enough away that no one would ask questions, but his accent was pure Boston. Merfolk sounded like they'd be at home at a Red Sox game. Go figure.

"By the way--Before we go, we've got some bodies to take care of," Sophie said.

Scout broke into a loopy grin. "We is such a great word--especially when you say it."

He bounced to the radio all along the way. Her life turned into The Salt and Pepper Diner comedy sketch the minute he learned of Tom Jones' existence. He nearly slipped on the ice as he rushed through the dock.

"Careful!"

But that word wasn't in his vocabulary. He pulled himself up those icy rungs, until he was hopping up on the boat, waving his arms to get her attention.

"How many we got today?" Scout said. "Fifty? A hundred?"

"No, just a dozen. A mafia group decided to go up against my boss. Now it's they who will be 'sleeping with the fishes,'" Sophie said.

"Ooh, good one," Scout said.

She hoisted herself up, and rubbed her hands together as the boat rumbled to life. The cold spell had come so early, she wondered if there'd be much of any autumn at all.

She waited until they were well and out of the dock, and away from any vehicles to start. First, she threw in the disgusting-smelling chum, to ensure her clean-up crew would be there. As she stared down, the water began to thrash with movement. She swallowed her throat as her stomach clenched.

I can do this, she told herself, as she towards the side of the boat. Memories of the fall would come up at the most inopportune times. Her fingers curled to claws as she tried to push just one step forward.

"Hey, hey, I can help," Scout said.

His hand on her shoulder broke her from the memory of swirling gray bodies, and blood filling the water. She stared at him for a brief moment, then nodded.

Scout helped her toss the first body over the side of the boat. He let out a laugh as the huge splash sent a spray of seawater across the side of the boat.

"Sayonara, suckers! Hasta La Vista! Yippie Ki-yi-aaaaww yeah!"

The channel situation had changed enough that now she could marathon all the Die Hard movies, and Terminator movies, among other 90's and 80's action movies. She wasn't sure what this channel was called, though she guessed it something like The Nostalgic Mancave Central.

Scout had almost immediately become a television addict. She was afraid to introduce him to Netflix. He already thought he was the star of an action hero. The last thing she needed was for Tavish to convince him that anime was real and giant robots fought monsters, but only in Japan.

"Did you see that? Did you see that? Right in that water. Boom!"

"It was a good throw," she said. "You really took to this--like a fish to water."

"Well, I am halfsies. Was. Still sorta am, it's complicated."

"Don't mind my occasional awful foray into puns. I don't even have the excuse of being drunk this time," she said.

Things had gotten much easier since he started being around. He was a bit too loud and obvious to be a very good killer, but he was strong enough to help with the disposal quite well.

And, she supposed, even his loudmouth ways provided an excellent distraction. She didn't even need to utilize most of her disguises and plans, because Scout could distract anyone, and he could do it just long enough for her to put a bullet in whatever unlucky target it was today.

"Now, we've got grocery shopping. Someone ate through all the fridge again," she said.

"You helped," Scout protested.

"I wasn't the one who ate an entire can of sprayable whipped cream in one sitting."

Scout smirked. "Nah, that was all me. All off of your naked body. Boom, baby!" Scout high-fived himself. Scout high-fived anyone who would as much as hold up their hands. Stunned people working grocery check out line, bus boys, people on the street, and her, of course. If no one would give him a high-five, then he'd gladly do the honor himself.

The next ones went more easily. She lifted from the legs, and Scout took to lobbing them over the side. Sophie let out a sigh as she folded the last of the bloody tarp. At least she'd started to buy her tarps and various murderkit accessories wholesale, to prevent more strange looks at the Home Depot.

"All right, that's the last of it. Good thing chain stores are starting to be open twenty-four hours a day," Sophie said.

"Why would you need chains all day? Is it for job stuff?" Scout said.

"Not that sort of chains--though I suppose you could buy it in the automotive section," Sophie said.

"Sounds fun," Scout said. He lifted his eyebrows. "We could even get some of that Pumpkin Spice lattes."

"You'll be up all night," she said.

"But they're so good--it's worth it!"

Even though she smelled like fish and blood, she leaned in to brush her hands across his cheek. Thankfully, with the whole being a half-fish predator from below he never minded her smelling like death.

"I suppose if you're going to be up all night, I'll have to keep you company. I'm sure we'll find something to keep ourselves busy with."

He jumped up in a cheer. She couldn't help but laugh at every jump. "Now, now, don't fall off! I can't save you from the sharks."

"No worries, babe. I can punch sharks all on my own," Scout said.

*

Scout jumped back as the automated doors slid open. He stepped forward, and chuckled to himself as the automated doors began to open and close.

She walked on, and in a few moments, he joined her again in the canned goods.

"I can't believe there's so much food, you don't even have to hunt it down. I could go eat that bunch of yellow dick-lookin' things, and bam! It probably won't even bite back."

She laughed. "You said that last time we went shopping, and the time before that, too."

"But, I'm serious! If I wanted somethin', I'd have to go huntin'."

Scout let out a gasp as they passed a shelf full of fresh fruits in little boxes. "They're—they're beautiful."

It was just a little plastic basket of strawberries, but Scout openly gaped at the plump red fruit. He bent down and ogled from every direction.

"I can't remember if we ever had these before," Sophie said. She put it in the cart.

"I can't get over it. We just gotta exchange green stuff, and bam, it's ours.
She lifted the bean can up, and shook it seductively in front of his face. "I'll show you the wonders of a three bean salad tonight," she said.

"Wait, is that one of those---sexy things. Euphy...Eupfish---"

"Euphemism?" Sophie suggested.

"Yeah, that's the one!"

"No, I'm talking about actual salad," she said. "Involving beans. Beans of multiple varieties, even."

"Okay, just makin' sure."

"I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that after dinner," she said.

He grinned big. He almost seemed to glow at the mere mention that he might get lucky tonight. She chuckled to herself and looked back at the can. Now, which one to get? Store brand, which was ten cents cheaper, or the Busch variety, which had a cute commercial with dogs?

She'd only turned away for a moment to look at cans of beans when she heard the commotion. Sophie about dropped the cans in surprise, as the first yells, and alarm came over. She rushed towards the sound, only to find Scout looking down at the lobster tank.

"Not such a tough guy, are you, claws?" He raised his fist. "Why don't you suck on this. What, you goin' to spray piss on me? I know what a freak you are. C'mon, I'll kick your tail!"

"Scout, what are you doing?"

"He was tryin' to pick a fight with me," Scout said. "Look at that, he's givin' me the claw."

The lobster lifted up his claws and walked straight towards the glass side. For a crustacean, he did look pretty scrappy.

"He's going to be someone dinner in a little while, so I think you'll win," she said.

"Really? That's the best news I heard all day. Hey, pissbrains, enjoy bein' a snack!"

The elderly worker at the food section looked alarmed. "Sir, if you'd please calm down--"

Before they could move on, Scout almost pressed his face to the display of fresh fish. "I just gotta punch through this force-field and---"

"No punching," Sophie said.

"But I look so good while I'm doin' it," Scout said. He struck a pose, showing off his biceps just for her.

"You won't look so great with a broken knuckles, covered in gashes from the broken glass," Sophie said.

He lifted one brow. "Bet I'd look even better all messed up."

"Maybe, but we can't get banned from another grocery store. I had a club card there and everything," Sophie said. She looked off into the distance. "I was this close to a free tank of gas."

It was a good thing she picked up that copy of 1001 Seafood Recipes a couple months back. She'd stocked so much Goldfish crackers that the pantry was overflowing. She had a new appreciation for tilapia, salmon, mahi mahi, swordfish, and oysters.

"Hey, you think we could eat that asshole?" Scout said.

"Fine, we can eat your asshole tonight."

The woman behind the corner paled. She had already looked about ready to call security.

"One lobster," she said. "The feisty one, right there."

She'd never had lobster and three-bean salad, but these days, Sophie was all about new experiences. Considering that for Scout, almost everything was a new and wondrous thing, right down to the public bus system, she was sure something good would come. It always did, even if it was to laugh at the disaster of a ruined meal together while they searched for the last open take out of the night.

*

On the walk home, Scout lifted up a golden leaf edged with frost and held it to the streetlight. "They okay? Think they need a pizza or somethin'?"

"It's completely normal. It happens every year--in certain parts of the world. I'm surprise we got any color at all, with the early storms that came," she said.

Leaves crunched under his feet. She hadn't seen him so shocked since the day he tried to go puddle jumping. He took a leap from leaf to leaf, and broke into a bigger smile with each crackle beneath his feet.

She gave him a sly look. "You think that's nice? Just wait."

The front lawn at their apartment had one big pile of leaves which hadn't been raked into the big black bag yet. She set the bags in the awning. She left her dignity aside and hurled herself in. Leaves burst out as she landed.

Just as she climbed out, Scout followed suit. He canonballed into the mountain of golden brown leaves. Rakes fell aside as he rolled. She would be genuinely surprised.

"Be careful, it isn't water," she said.

He broke out into laughter as leaves puffed out, ruining all the progress of their longsuffering custodian. They rolled in the pile together, spreading brown and gold far and wide across the lawn. She heard a window open above them. The Custodian was always armed--in fact, she had to really admire his taste in guns. She wasn't about to test his aim.

"We have to make a break for it. Keep your head down!"

They rushed to the awning. Cans spilled from the bag as she bent to pick it up. Scout quickly grabbed them, and they opened up the door.

"That was close," Sophie said.

"That was awesome! Can we do it again?"

"Sure, but not on my gun-happy custodian's lawn," she said. All the way up the stairs, she planned out the logistics of stealth leaf jumping.

*

Three Bean Salad and Lobster went surprisingly well together. The Dishwasher was filled with once-greasy plates, and and dirty forks. The light over the oven cast a dim pallor over the rest of the kitchen.

"Maybe we should go tell Infernal Lobster Hut," Scout said.

"It might be a hit," she said.

"They're totally missin' out!"

Sophie pulled the little precious box of fruit out, and laid it before him.

"Time for dessert," Sophie said.

Scout grinned wide. "Right now? On the table?"

"Isn't that usually where people eat desserts?" Sophie said.

But from his eyebrow waggle, she got that he wasn't talking about that kind of dessert.

"Not that, and not on the table. At least not until I get some disposable table cloths. Probably by the dozen, knowing you."

"Ohh, dessert," Scout said. "Also, we should get those table cloths real soon. I mean real soon."

"I'll pick them up on my way from work tomorrow," Sophie said.

Scout opened up the strawberries like he was defusing a bomb. He looked about ready to propose to that fruit. She took out one, and held it out. He nibbled, red staining his mouth. His eyes closed in almost orgasmic enjoyment of the fruit. For Scout, everything she took for granted as mundane was an adventure.

He licked the juices straight from her hands, his warm tongue across the lines of her palm like he was reading her future. Her skin tingled, and he looked up at her, his tongue flicked between his lips with the most sensual gaze.

"Delicious," he said.

Sophie's face heated, but she didn't pull back. He kissed her wrist, and returned to the berries. She was still a little dazed, as he finished them one by one.

Scout licked his lips, and she found herself distracted, and a little dazed and tingly again. "It's---what's that word?" Scout said.

"Tart?" Sophie suggested.

"Tart! I love this word, and I friggin' love strawberries!"

Sophie laughed as Scout plucked up the last of the berries. "Wait until you try watermelon. Let's just hope it doesn't turn you back."

Liam cocked his head. "You got melons made out of water up here?"

"Well, they have a high water content, at least. I'm sure you'll have a blast spitting out the seeds like a machine gun," Sophie said.

Scout flexed his arms. "These are the only guns I need."

After dinner, she opened up her laptop at the kitchen table, while Scout channel surfed between the four channels she managed to get. It was like a montage of Disney songs set against gritty classic action movies, with men and dishes of food spliced in-between. His red shirt was tight across his chest--distractingly so, even. Occasionally her gaze would leave this data, and go straight for the lines of his shoulders, the curl of a bicep, and hint of pectoral muscles through cloth. About fifteen minutes later she heard his voice pipe up.

"Soph! Soph! Sophie! They got a mermaid show comin' on!"

He pointed towards the television, where another Disney program was just starting.

"Oh, that's one of the sequels," she said.

"You still got take-home work stuff? Can we watch together?"

He got up, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled against her back. She shut the laptop down, and rested her hand over his. Work would always be there, but this moment wouldn't. Since she'd started dating Scout--or she should say, since she fell into his life, and vice versa--she'd started working a little less. Low and behold, the world hadn't ended, she hadn't gotten a write up, her pay hadn't gotten docked, and hadn't gotten fired. In fact, no change had happened, except she now managed to sleep through the night, and have moments of happiness to herself.

"I'll be right there."

She pulled the power cord, and put her laptop back in its case. Scout was still prone to being clumsy on occasion. He was always running everywhere, and more often than not, it was into walls. She'd had to make a deal with a back-alley doctor that her job had hired to treat him without any media exposure. Though, she always kept her eye whenever Scout got his new stitches; this particular practitioner was a bit fond of experimentation.

She pushed back her chair, and returned to her darkened apartment. It was so much more homey now that Scout was here. She'd never bothered to decorate, not when she'd just move, but now her space had a definite sea vibe. Well, sea, baseball, and Tom Jones merchandise.

Scout eagerly patted the couch cushions near him. As she curled up next to him, she heard a low sound that took her a few moments to realize just what it was: Purring. She was just about to settle in, as a commercial about a duck and car insurance came on (ducks didn't even need car insurance.) that the thought came again. Purring.

Wait, she didn't have a cat.

"Are you purring?" she said.

"What?"

"That noise," she said. "It's definitely purring. That was you, wasn't it?"

She listened to his chest. Between the rise and fall, the sound of his heartbeat, she could hear it clearly.
Merfolk purred when they were happy. Add another discovery to the list. Along with the fact that they--or at least Scout--would fight every Lobster they saw.

Maybe she'd start a blog. Then again, it'd have to a be a pretty private one, if she didn't want scientists to come knocking at her door. Scout would love the attention; her boss would not.

"I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner. You must've done this before..."

"Sure, all the time. Probably didn't realize because you were makin' too much noise. You sound like a seagull when we---"

"I do not," she said.

"Uh-uhhh, I was there, Soph. Multiple times, even. You do."

She swatted him with a pillow, until they were both laughing. She started to tip on the edge of the couch, but Scout caught her and pulled her close. He kissed across her entire face. Simply the lips was never enough for him.

He was purring even louder now.

"That's adorable."

"You sayin' human guys don't do this?'

"No, not at all!"

Scout smirked. "See what you were missin'?"

"You'll miss the show if you're not careful."

Scout looked up suddenly. "Aw, crap. I wanna kiss you, but I also wanna see this."

"I'll probably still be here," Sophie said dryly.

Scout looked more than a little alarmed. "Probably?"

"I mean, as long as I don't get an emergency call," she said.

"Get settled. I've got an idea."

She pulled out the one yellow large plastic bowl which hadn't been used to help transport body parts. She really needed to go shopping one of these days.

Sophie opened up two canisters of goldfish crackers, and dumped them in. She never was one for microwave popcorn; the buttery taste always had a strange plastic aftertaste.

The opening credits had already begun to play, with seagulls and a mermaid singing beneath the ocean.

"So, this is prime, premium human stuff?"

"All except the part where I'm sitting in your lap. That's couple stuff. I mean, I guess it counts as human things, but not in the grade of forks and 'sporfleblargs.'"

Scout let out a cheer loud enough to rock the art. And they already already knocked the art off the walls enough with how much the bed slammed against the wall. She'd have to get it bolted down at this rate.

"Scout, remember that conversation we had about apartment stuff and indoor voices?"

"Right, right, indoor voice. I'd totally fight anybody who came after us, though."

"And I'd bail you out from jail after that happens, but it' a lot simpler if we just watch a movie. Besides, our custodian has a damn good aim." Sophie said.

He was rapt as Ariel's daughter was called back to the sea. But Sophie watched with a rising unease. In all stories of selkies, they always were drawn back home. They would slip back into their skin and leave family and the world above beyond for an ocean which sand in their veins.

"Scout....Do you ever miss it? The sea, I mean," Sophie said.

"Sometimes, I guess. But Above is so neat! You're here, and there's so much stuff. We ain't got no stores like that, or loud cars, or TVs or Tom Jones! I'd go back for a visit sometime, though."

She cleared her throat and tried to say the words but would you come back? They didn't come. Scout got too caught up in the show to notice. She rested her head against him as another song came on. She knew it'd be stuck in her head all day, a strange dissonance from the sounds of power saws, and all the other sharp and deadly implements her job required.

*

Finding out there was a 24 hour sushi restaurant within fifteen minutes of their apartment changed things up, to say the least. Inside it was clean lines of wood, and several booths with black tables, and carpeting on the inside. She left her shoes as they climbed in, like another world. His feet soon pushed against hers, like he was tracing words or hearts on her skin. Loud, bouncy Japanese pop played over the speakers, like audible caffeine spike. Only a few other booths were filled. She wondered what kept them open at this hour? It wasn't the customers, that was for sure.

Maybe they had a side business with one of the local mafia families.

"These eggs are pretty nice," Scout said.

"Eggs? You didn't get the eggs or the roe," she said.

Scout fumbled with his chopsticks, and dislodged a single grain of rice. "The white stuff. Looks like eggs to me."

"That's rice," she said. She furrowed her brow. "Did I really never take you out to eat any rice? We must be eating out at McDonalds too much."

"It's not eggs? I've seen fish eggs. Sort of looks like them. But they were more---bubbly." Scout made circles with his hands to illustrate just how foamy and bubbly they were.

"It's,...well, it's made of plants. Seeds, actually, if we're going to be accurate."

"Seeds? So I'm eatin' jizz?" Scout shrugged. "This jizz is tasty, then."

Words she hadn't expected to hear from her boyfriend. She tried to hold it in, but the giggles came.

"What, it is?"

She lifted up a piece of sushi, and nibbled at the corner. His struggles with chopsticks aside, he'd finished his entire rainbow roll.

"You want another roll?"

"Yeah, this j-iii--zzz is delicious! De-jizz-ious, you could even say."

"Okay, now you're just doing it on purpose," Sophie said.

"I do everythin' awesome on purpose. Except when it's an accident. An awesome accident."

Sophie supposed that she fell into the latter category.

They'd requested the waiter leave a menu, in case of extras. It lay just just under Scout's elbow.

"Okay, I could go for one more. And maybe one to go, because I know you'll be up in a few hours raiding the kitchen."

"You'll be right up there with me. If I'm the king of these midnight snacks stuff, then you're the queen," Scout said.

"You got me there," she said.

He unfolded the menu. It was so high that he disappeared behind pictures of perfect rice and fish arrangements.

"It all looks so good, I wanna get one of everythin'," Scout said.

"Everything? It'd get bad before we had a chance to eat it all," Sophie said.

"All the food in the world ever," Scout said determinedly.

She laughed. "Well, you aren't going to get it done tonight, but that's some bucket list."

Through not entirely legal means, she now had food network, a documentary channel, and her twenty-four seven Disney movies channel. He was especially fond of the food network--just yesterday she had caught him throwing bills at the television in an attempt to get some of the food shown on Diners and Drive Ins. She'd tried to explain, but Scout didn't quite get some things. That QVC and Guy Fieri were not the same thing was one thing he would probably never learn.

Scout was already such a TV addict, she didn't dare introduce him to the internet yet. He already started fights with seafood at the grocery. The last thing she needed was for him to find Reddit.

There was clapping, and several whoops across the way, at the booth table across from their own. A bunch of twentysomethings huddled around some kind of desert. She didn't even know sushi places had cake. Maybe it was a secret menu, or maybe they'd brought it with them with permission.

"They're settin' their food on fire?"

"I guess you wouldn't have birthday candles down there," she said. "It'd be pretty hard to light the candles."

"Birthday?" Scout raised one eyebrow.

"You really don't have birthdays at all?"

He shook his head.

She explained it the best he could. "Do you know yours? We could celebrate it together."

Scout scrunched his face up, deep in thought. "I think I was born at night," Scout said.

Of course. Time didn't quite matter like it did to up here.

"Then I guess you could pick any day you wanted to be your birthday."

"I want the day we met. That's when everythin' changed," Scout said.

"Huhhh, that'd be around April. Though I'd call it an anniversary," she said.

"Anniversary?"

"Right, time is different down there," she said. "It's a day that's special. Usually people use it for days they got married or met."

"Birthaversaryday," he said.

"You really want it to be both?"

"Of course. Besides, you're the best birthday present I could ever have."

He'd still say these little things which just cut through all her former cynicism, and really drove home just how much her life had changed. And each time, warmth caught under her skin, and lodged deep in her chest.

"Just imagine," he continued, "If I got to spend every Birthaversaryday with you..." His face had gone dreamy.

Even though her first instinct in relationships had always been don't ever call it permanent, don't trust anything she took his hand. And instead of I hope so too, the planned words, what came out was We'll have fun.

"We'll have so much damn fun, we won't even know what to do with it," Scout said.

She squeezed his hand. With him around, she always knew there would be smiles and happiness to come, both in the present and future.

*

The coffeemaker filled the air with a deep, earthy aroma. Sophie was barely awake at this hour, but Scout had gulped down two cups in succession, and couldn't help but fidget. He pointed to the window excitedly.

"Soph! It's all covered! There's stuff everywhere! There's tons of it!"

Sophie peered over her steaming coffee mug, to the frost-tinted window. The trees and pavement were blanketed in soft white.

"Already? I thought I still had time. I guess I'm still attuned to New Mexico weather," she said.

Winter had come more than a little early that year. The golden days of autumn were now under a blanket of at least five inches.

"Don't go out in it yet, you'll freeze."

"I gotta go to work tonight," Scout said. "Should I call 'em?"

"No, I've got this," she said.

Finding clothes that fit his lanky frame was some challenge. The only thing she'd found was a thick terrycloth bathrobe. Which looked ridiculous, but at five AM, few would be there to notice what lengths she had to go to keep him from freezing.

Thankfully, the Burlington Coat Factory nearest to her opened at five-thirty. Inside, the walls were as stark and white as the roads outside. Harsh fluorescent bulbs lit the rows and rows of coats, and other wintery apparel. Sophie went through racks of winter clothing with enough force to make the attached metal shudder. Every so often, she would toss something to him.

"Try it on. Let me know if it's too tight around your shoulders."

The first one came down to his knees. Scout staggered around, as if he were wearing weights. "It's real heavy, like the armor Tavish showed me!"

"Okay, too big," she said.

As she went through the next rack, Scout came back with a little purple hat with a pom-pom top.

"You'd look real cute in this," he said.

"Hats, of course! I can't believe I forgot!"

She grabbed the first red hat she saw, and tossed it to him. Scout lifted it up and nearly turned it inside out.

"Here, I'll get it." She pulled it down over his ears. "No more frostbite for you."

A few more tries, and he came out with a Carhartt jacket. She ran her hands up the roughness of the thick brown fabric.

"Damn, I gotta buy this one. You can't keep your hands off of me," Scout said.

She smiled, that secret smile of couples that she now knew so intimately. She'd once rolled her eyes at lovers antics, and now here she was, just as silly as them. She paid for the purchase, and they walked out to the snow-covered pavement.

"Huh, more white stuff from the sky. So it's..."

"It's snow, not 'sky jizz.'"

He broke out laughing. "I didn't say nothin'."

"But you were going to," she said.

Scout lifted his eyebrows. "You psychic now?"

"You're just easy to read," she said.

Snowflakes fell around them. Scout did a twirl, and jumped up. He caught little white flakes in his mouth. "Damn, it's cold!"

Sophie was unable to keep the laughter from her voice. "You're going to love this. Oh, just one thing: don't lick poles," she said.

She led him towards the grassy space about the pavement, just in case, for the chance of a softer fall. Sophie bent down to pack a snowball together, and took aim. His snowball wasn't hard packed enough, so it was just handfuls of snow he threw. Scout broke into laughter as he escaped.

"What the hell was that?"

"A snowball! We throw them at each other, for fun," Sophie said.

"I gotta try this. This sounds like some quality premium human stuff."

He bent down and started to attempt a snowball, but only managed something even more lopsided than her own failure. Thankfully, whatever magic turned him back into a merman apparently had its limits and clauses, and snow didn't count.

She grinned, and caught him from behind. Cold fistfuls of snow shoved down his back. "Still like snow?"

"Holy shit, that's really cold!"

"I told you."

"So cold, I gotta warm up again--!" He pulled her down into the snow, kisses through the fall. Even the crash didn't make them stop. They rolled around in the thick, lush snow, as if they were making a very different kind of snow angel.

She'd never thought she'd be like this. Kissing and rolling around in public. Flirting in a clothing store. Joking about bodily fluids in a twenty-four hour sushi restaurant. But here she was.

And there was nowhere else she'd rather be.

"You ready for the true winter experience? I still have time before work," Sophie said.

"Bring it on, baby," Scout said.

It wasn't even the end of November yet, and the place was already decked out for the holidays. At this rate, they'd start putting up lights around September 5th next year. A jazzy Smissmass tune Get Your Guns, He's Coming played over the speakers. Scout had a special love of the cozy little seats, the modern art across the walls, and of course, the drinks. He'd drink downright alarming amounts of caffeine if she didn't intervene. Over a latte--Peppermint Patty, not Pumpkin Spice, much to his disappointment--she tried to explain Smissmass.

"So there's a big guy in red, and he breaks in, and you just let him?"

"No, we bring our guns in case he tries to steal our children again--but that's just the Australian one. There's stories of Santas all over the world. Though unlike the Australian one, they're fictional."

"This story is wild. I mean, big deer made of rain? Elves? You mean like Legolas?"

The Mancave hour had done a Lord of the Rings trilogy. Scout had never been the same since.

"Not quite," she said.

"You humans are so friggin' bizarre," Scout said.

"You get used to it," Sophie said.

"No, no, don't get me wrong. I love it," Scout said. "You're all so...interestin'. Like I could spend all my life just learnin' about up here stuff."

"Well, you've got plenty to keep you busy," Sophie said. She drank the last of her coffee, and rose. As they left, Scout took one last look at the illuminated storefront.

"Reminds me of home," Scout said.

"You had Smissmass lights?" Sophie said.

"Nah, the magic, you know? Can we have some of those?"

"Well, we live in an apartment without a balcony. I'm not really sure where we'd put them. I can barely fit a tree in," she said.

Scout looked dismayed out at the lights that festooned everywhere but their little corner of the world.

"But, I'm sure we can find somewhere. Maybe the bathroom window will work out," she added.

As they walked back out into the cold, she noticed something dangling high above them.

"Ah, we're under the mistletoe," Sophie said. "I can't believe they have that up already. It isn't even December."

Scout looked up curiously. "This mean somethin'?"

"Oh yeah. You're going to love this custom."

She gripped the collar of his shirt. He eagerly leaned down enough for the kiss. One cut all too short by another couple coming out from the store. With muffled apologies, they stepped out onto the sidewalk.

"So, what's this mistle crisis stuff?"

"Mistletoe. It's--just that. You kiss when you're under Mistletoe," Sophie said.

"Just a sec--"

Scout rushed back, and tried to leap up and bat it down, like a very determined cat and a string. However, it was out of reach for even someone as tall as him.

Hopped up on caffeine, he went back for a bigger running start.

"We can get our own!" Sophie cupped her hands about her mouth to make her voice carry over the din of the street.

"Where we gotta go to get more of this Mistletoe stuff?"

She laughed. "Silly, you don't need some plants to kiss me."

"All the more reason to put that stuff on every single part of the house. Then I got extra reason to kiss you."

Now there was a decoration trend she could get behind.

*

That night after work, Scout and Sophie tossed the last body over the edge.

"Another one bites the dust, dun dun dun! Oh, forgot to mention--I got a shellphone call from Ma. She's wantin' me to come down for a visit. Man, she gave me the third degree. With shifts, and helpin' you out with work, I ain't been able to call at all."

"You know me. I don't get days off," she said. "I'm supposed to have one, but I've never seen it actually happen where I didn't get called in to clean up a mess."

"Then, maybe at night?" Scout said hopefully.

She'd be very tired that day, but since she'd started fitting other people into her life, everything had opened up.

"Hmm, I don't know. How long do you think it would take?"

Scout shrugged. Clocks, the concept of time, even seasons were things that were taking a while to learn. To him, there was night and day, and even then, it was imprecise.

"Well, if we were out there on the sea, and it just happened to go long, because say we had engine trouble..." Sophie said. She trailed off meaningfully.

"You'd really go with me?"

"It'll be an adventure. Would I get a tail?" she said.

"Probably just bubble you up like last time. I'll keep you from any sharks. Don't worry," Scout said.

Risking her job--and frankly, her life, considering how brutal Mann co. could be--for just this was ridiculous, so ridiculous. And yet, here she was. Everything in her life was ridiculous, so wonderfully silly and happy. A whole sea of days and kisses that tasted like goldfish crackers, or bubblegum. He had quite a sweet-tooth. A good dent of his money from work was funneled into pastel-colored soda and candies.

"Hypothetically, if we did go--"

Scout's face lit up.

"We couldn't---couldn't---stay long," she said.

"But, I got so much to show you! The underwater caves! The way the fish look in the mornin' light, and my ma, you gotta meet ma!"

Sophie tried the details out in her mind.

Maybe, just--

She looked above his head, and started towards the controls. She drove the ship past the red mass of gray sharks and foamy water. It wasn't until the radar was clear that she started with this reckless idea that she couldn't get out of her mind.

She pulled off her dress and tossed it on the floor behind her. It'd be more realistic if they found charred remains of her in the wreckage. Scout watched with interest as she quickly changed into an emergency purple two-piece she kept handy, just in case.

"Get ready to jump. I hope you have your bubbling skills intact, because this self-destruct works fast. I always keep a nice set of bombs attached to the boat, in case the Coast Guard comes around again."

"You're wreckin' the ship? But--it's the ship!"

"We'll get another one. A better one. It'll have a sushi bar and everything," she said.

Sophie inputted the password. She felt just a taut edge of anticipation and worry curled in her stomach.

"We've got five minutes before it blows," she said.

"Hold on," Scout said.

She took a deep breath, and wrapped her arms about his waist. He leapt off the side, and in seconds they were beneath the waves. A small bubble surrounded her, and even though his hands went through, it didn't burst.

The reverberation of the explosion surged through the water. Above them flames licked at the quickly descending remains. Sophie had nicked a few self-destructing tips from Tavish during his last visit, and her evidence removal was ten times more efficient now.

"Aw yeah! We're just like on TV, now! Glass, who gives a fuck about glass?"

She always knew she'd date someone fluent, but she'd thought it would be multiple languages, not movie quotes and pop culture.

The fish looked like gradients, stained windows, like moving works of art. Every fish was like a smudge of paint in one grand canvas. She'd never imagined coral would look this alive. It'd been nothing but sea things to her, with faint memories of high school biology but the branches swayed in the currents.

And the water, so gorgeous and bright blue around her. The bubble tingled with the same feel of a kiss, except continuous, and around her entire body.

"This is incredible. I've never seen anything so beautiful. How could you want to leave?"

"Because you were there. If you were out in space, I would've figured out a way to get there."

She held on to him a little tighter. She leaned in, almost to kiss, him, then thought better of it, and reluctantly pulled away.

"We probably shouldn't do any kissing until you get back up. You might transform."

"Dang, we'll have to make it quick. I don't know if I can go that many hours without kissing you."

"I'm sure we'll find some way to get creative," she said. "Actually--"

She leaned in and fluttered her eyelashes against his cheek. "Butterfly kiss. Aaand--"

She rubbed her nose against his. "Eskimo kiss."

"Eskimo?"

"I don't know why, that's just what they always called it."

"Wait, we gotta detour--get a load of this!"

Scout dove down towards a whole treasure trove of artifacts.

"Wow, there must've been some stormfront here," Sophie said. Dozens upon dozens of skeletons of ships were grouped together, until they were in an incline that looked like a dragon's horde of sea wrecks. Broken down by time, they were little but rotting wood and rusted implements.

"See, all these wrecks were the work of my ma! She'd be just out doin' her hair in a tide pool, and sailors would be cat callin' her. She'd get fed up and send 'em to the bottom of the ocean."

"Damn," Sophie said. "I like her already."

"What, you goin' to talk kill counts?"

Sophie laughed. "My kill count? Oh, just about eighty a day for the past um, five years or so. Sometimes I do ninety."

"Pretty good, but Ma's got about five hundred years on you, and she took 'em down by the hundreds."

"I guess I'll have to kill a lot of people to catch up," Sophie said.

He sped in through the window. "Watch out for that Moray eel, he's one hell of an asshole. Tries to bite me all the time."

Gold bars and coins glittered through the dark gashes of windows. Rotted wood split, with fish and eels stuck beneath. There had to be millions of dollars here, perhaps even billions.

"You want some? I've been tradin' it off to Tavish for Above stuff," Scout said.

She tried to imagine a world as an idle millionaire. They could travel around the world, and she'd never have to ruin another dress with bloodstains.

But a life without work was something she could hardly fathom. She'd spent her life being a workaholic, and coming into millions wouldn't change that. She already made plenty, enough to live comfortably. That had changed nothing.

"--We could grab some on the way up," she said.

"You got it, babe," Scout said.

Schools of silvery fish swam and darted above them, through the forest of kelp.

"Yeah, you thought you were safe, but you're wrong. The baddest predator of the deep is back!" Scout chuckled as he swam straight through the giant strips of kelp, and towards the unsuspecting fish.

"Just a sec, I really gotta grab a snack. It's a long ways down!"

He surged forward, and grabbed two fish in each hand.

"Er, you sure you want to--" before she could finish the sentence, Scout had already sunk his teeth deep into the flesh.

"No worries, I'll be off before those sharks even get a chance to smell this. Oh, you want some?"

"I'll pass," Sophie said.

He took another bite, and swam towards a glimmering light at the bottom of the kelp forest. It left fairy light reflections all across the foliage. In the faint memories she had left of when he'd taken her down here the first time, she started to piece together her dreams.

And how the shock had filled her system. She forgot everything after that, but not the sudden pain, that had accomplished what not even a whole frenzy of sharks could do.

"Wait, are you sure it's safe?"

"It'll be fine," Scout said. "They're expectin' me."

Hidden among the seagrass was a place of white stone, a secret gem hidden away. The barrier, like a dome, or a large bubble slowly dissolved. And he guided her into a whole underground city, filled with spires made from stones and coral, overlaid with mother of pearl. The whole city shone and glistened. The dome went back up after he crossed the threshold.

"This is so beautiful," she said. She gasped as mermaids and mermen alike swam past. Their scales glittered in the light, as lovely as the schools and coral reef above.

"Yeah, it's all right, but you know what's really beautiful? You and me," he said.

He was cut short as someone cleared their throat. A large...crab man stood before them. His lower half was made of spindly red legs, while the upper half was a man in a particularly fancy suit, and some kind of ski mask thing.

"Yo, Sebastien," Scout said.

"She's waiting," he said curtly.

"Yeah, I'm comin', I'm comin'. We just had to take a detour," Scout said.

She turned around, and Sophie could only see passing resemblance. She was dark, curvy, with an air of elegance that spoke of an earlier time. Though according to Scout, that time was probably sometime around the eighteen hundreds, or even more. You don't look over five-hundred came to mind, but she held her tongue.

The woman's smile held a hint of mystery as she appraised Sophie. She was covered in so much pearl jewelry, Sophie almost wondered if it was a hard to swim. It had to weigh her down. Her scales and fins were especially detailed and filmy, like a goldfish.

"Hey, Ma!"

"Queen Colleen," Sebastien said. His voice was filled with reverence.

"You're the queen?" Sophie's voice squeaked a little. She cleared her throat. Her mind raced, as she tried to figure out what to fill the silence with. Was she supposed to bow, or did they have an entirely different custom down here? She'd never been in the presence of royalty before, let alone magical half-fish ones.

"Oh, I ain't royalty, that's just what they all started callin' me. 'The queen of the sea.' Everyone went with it. Nobody but this little hellion over here even thinks of themselves as princes." She ruffled Scout's hair.

"Maaa," Scout said.

"You've been runnin' around Above, and not even callin'. You probably didn't even do a mate ceremony."

"Oh crap, I forgot! With the magic sea wizards and goin' to surface and all. I even got a job!"

He gripped Sophie's hands. "I got so much more show you. But, Ma, I gotta go catch her some food. Show off my skills. I'll bring home so much fish back, I'll be notorious. Fish will go runnin' away screamin'. They'll go 'who is that incredibly handsome and fast merguy?' and that'll be the last thing they ever blub out, because I'll already have 'em."

"Of course, Scout. You do that. Make sure to get some kelp too, for the side dishes," Colleen said.

That left Sophie alone with his family. She couldn't even pull him aside to make sure that she wasn't doing incredibly rude things in their culture by accident.

"So, he didn't ask you about this mate ceremony?" Colleen said.

"I think he mentioned this when we first met. But--it's all very soon. We've just been taking it slow."

If moving in the day she met him via necessity could be called moving slow. She always wondered why anyone would rush into such things. Unless they were trying to hide a pregnancy, or so religious that they had unhealthy views on chastity and sex. Sophie currently was zero for zero--and very thankful for it. She wouldn't even know what to do with a human baby, let alone one that was half mermaid. Would she have to install a pool right in her apartment, just in case? And what would she do for daycare? They didn't exactly offer Little Monsters Daycare: For Your Not Quite Human Child.

The woman who sank at least a dozen ships. Probably more, considering those ships looked pretty old. She hadn't even asked how long merfolk lived. For all she knew, Scout was hundreds of years old.

"Looks like you're gettin' cold feet," Colleen said.

"I'm being reasonable," Sophie said.

And for most of her life, she had been reasonable. Then she'd fallen, and nothing had been the same. It'd been the best six months of her life. Every day was filled with laughter, kisses and sunshine. But was it enough to build something so permanent on? Sophie knew all too well that there was no riding off into the sunset.

But, forever?

"This--came about very sudden. Technically, all this was sudden. I almost died, and then before I know it, I'm dating a merman who says we're married. I don't even know what this 'mate ceremony' entails."

"Oh, that's easy. It's got lots and lots of pearls, and huntin' to show off all the skills. Men love to show off," she said.

"That sounds one-sided. Don't the mermaids get to do any of that shark wrestling? What about the ceremonies with no mermen at all?" Sophie said.

"It happens the other way around as well, but it'd be pretty hard for you to go huntin' like that," Colleen said.

"I see. Your--mate--certainly bought you a lot of pearls," Sophie said.

"Oh, these? Those are from Scout. Every time he misbehaved, he'd try and make up for it," Colleen said. She laughed to herself, at the old memories.

Before Sophie could wonder what else to say, Scout returned with a whole pile of fish, lobster and other seafood. He lovingly laid it all before her, and with a triumphant smirk, he held out his arms. Everything was showmanship when it came to Scout. Long strips of sea kelp were laid over the top. "So, pretty good, huh? I ain't gotten rusty. Still the best in all of the deep."

Another merman, a bulkier one with darker hair, and many scars came in. "The best at braggin', and havin' a big head, that is." He pulled Scout into a headlock. Scout flicked his tail, and tried to undo the grip, but the merman was just too strong.

"Boys, behave. Micahel, don't make me say this twice," Colleen said.

He reluctantly let go. Scout reached out to get retribution, but Colleen held her hand out.

"So you're the one he went up lookin' for," Michael said.

"Michael, manners. You'd think you were raised out with the seahorses."

Michael shrugged. "Spent too much time punchin' sharks, Ma. It rubbed off on me."

"Now that I can believe," Colleen said.

"That's another son of mine. I got eight of 'em, though Scout here is the baby."

Michael snickered. Scout turned and stuck out his tongue.

"Michael, go find the rest of your brothers. Tell 'em they've got more family to meet."

"Gotcha, Ma," Michael said.

"I could've fought him off, he just surprised me. Besides, I was just goin' easy on him, considerin' he's my brother and all," Scout said.

"Of course you were," Colleen said.

But, Scout didn't let little things like defeats keep him down. He turned back to Sophie.

"I hope you're hungry, because I caught a damn load of stuff. I mean, look at it all!"

"A whole mate ceremony's worth of a banquet," Sebastien said, with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, I only bring the best. Hey, Soph. What's it like in Above. Your mate ceremony thing?"

"Weddings? Well, there's a lot of things around the world, though what they have in common is they're almost all really expensive. Usually women wear a big white dress, and the men wear tuxedos. Oh, there's bridesmaids, and a best man, and she has a bouquet. They say their vows, and go have a party. Oh, and before all that, they get really drunk and go see strippers. I suppose some people do it after, too, depending on the kind of marriage they had."

"Do your grooms even punch sharks?"

"Not usually," Sophie said.

"Scout's being a little dreamer again. He's never actually seen one. We ain't had any mate ceremonies since we had to move down here."

"Not a single wedding? Er, mate ceremony," Sophie said.

Colleen shrugged. "My boys ain't much for settlin' down," Colleen said.

"Things are changin', Ma," Scout said.

"Soon they will," Sebastien muttered.

She was all too soon seated next to Scout, with a heaping pile of fish in the middle of the long, stone table. A chandelier, powered by what must have been magic lit the room with unearthly light.

"Any customs I should worry about?" Sophie said under her breath.

Scout thought to himself for a moment. "If somebody steals your fish, bite 'em."

"I'll save the biting for you," she said.

"What can I say, I'm real good at it," Scout said. He leaned back and smirked at hold memories of bruises they'd left on each other.

*

She couldn't even tell the point when morning had come. All sense of time had passed now that she was underwater. All she knew was that she woke alone, which was a rarity. Usually it was her waking up early, and reluctantly leaving the warm covers to head out into the dark to work.

Her body had quickly acclimated to the temperature, and even the dreamy haze of being underwater. Or, that might've been the magic. She made her way back to the throne room--for lack of anything else to call it. Colleen was stringing another set of pearls. Either she had an admirer, or Scout had made a lot of apology runs while Sophie slept.

"Mornin'. You lookin' for Scout? He went off early this mornin'. Off to get some gold or pearls, probably. He was goin' on and on about how he was goin' to make you somethin' nice," Colleen said.

Before Sophie could reply, or grab one of the silvery fish which were heaped on the table, Sebastien burst in.

"There's trouble," Sebastien said. His expression grew dark.

The Pearls were forgotten, turned over chairs, the table left empty. "You go on ahead, I'll go get some help."

She rushed towards the edge of the city--at least, as fast as a crab man, and someone who never got that merit badge in swimming could. Gilded tridents taller than even her were stuck into the sand, like gateposts. From outside the dome, she saw a swirling mass of gray fins. She'd never seen sharks quite this deep before. Sophie took a step back as that familiar lurch in her stomach came. Through the frenzy, she saw a hint of red scales. There was no telling if the blood spilled was his, or something he was willing to fight for.

But in her bubble, what could she even do? Red clouds obscured her vision. That familiar, crushing fear gripped across her chest. He wasn't even there to pull her out this time.

She turned to Sebastien, in a state of old panic.

"Can't you do something?" Sophie said.

"Magic requires a price," Sebastien said.

"Don't even give me that shit, or I'll turn you into crab dip!"

"Then I'll take my payment later," Sebastien said. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out something small, and hidden within his hands. "Wear this."

A small necklace with a small, and seemingly nondescript shell. As she put the necklace on, already her skin began to tingle. Before she could even fully process what had happened, before the thoughts could come, she acted. Running on some sense deeper than she had ever known, she grabbed a trident and pushed her body forward, past the unfamiliar senses, past the fear, and charged. Somehow--she couldn't tell if it was magic, or simply luck--the weapon found its mark, and sunk deep in as a burst of red blood exploded into the water. With strength she didn't know she possessed, she pulled out the trident and stabbed--again, and again, until . She saw a hint of a gash across skin, and reached in through the feeding frenzy. Even as her body shivered in revulsion at the sandpaper gray skin, the visceral moments of almost drowning six months ago that every second brought up so clearly. Forgetting everything in that moment, she moved--glided--through the water, one hand out. Her hand sought--and found his, and yanked him back with speed even he would've envied. She was still dealing with the vertigo as the barrier closed behind them.

"So much for you being faster than those sharks," Sebastien said.

"Look at you, you're covered in bite marks! I'm supposed to be the only one to leave bite marks on you," Sophie said.

"They just caught me off-guard, is all..." Scout broke off, and stared--gaped, even at her.

"What?" Hopefully Sebastien hadn't given her tentacles for hair as part of the deal.

"You transformed, and just....holy fuck, you're gorgeous. I mean, you--you're always good lookin', but damn."

She laughed. "You say that all the time. When I wake up, when I get out of the shower, when I get covered in blood at work. Most of the time you see me, actually."

"But I couldn't even imagine you'd have fins like that. And that tail?" Scout let out a whistle. "Most beautiful girl I ever set eyes on, by far."

She looked down, only to find that the sparking feeling, had left her changed. She'd lost all her bobby pins between the jump, and the fight with the sharks. Now, her dark hair floated free.Iridescent purple scales, with several translucent lavender fins, like those of a goldfish. She tried to move, only to flop gracelessly. It'd been so much easier when she had been sailing on pure adrenaline and instinct.

"Oh, here, here, lemme help with that."

He rushed over and took her hands to help her balance. Her senses slowly became heightened. She could smell in the water the lingering acrid stench of blood, the cold scent of shells and pearls, and the fish smelled especially delicious.

And, she could smell him. She tilted her head, aware that her heart was fluttering. Much like the magic of that first kiss--and every subsequent kiss--but different. More potent. It wasn't simply butterflies in her stomach, but a warmth that spread through her chest and covered her entirely. She rested her palm on his chest, to feel that same heartbeat and remind herself that yes, he was still alive. He was still there.

Scout broke into giddy laughter after the kiss, and she had to say, she felt the same, happiness unfurled until she could barely contain it.

"Hey Sebastien, did you see that? My girl sure showed those sharks."

"Yes, I saw, I was right there," he said

"I had to practically twist his arm and serve it with crab dip to get him to do anything," Sophie said.

"You did nothin'?" Colleen's voice was silky.

They turned back, to see the Calvary had come too late. Seven of the roughest, scarred mermen she'd ever seen. All of them dwarfed Scout in size.

"All in good time--" Sebastien said.

Scout held out the clams. "I gotta clean 'em up, but you'll have the prettiest necklace anybody ever saw. Got some coins, too."

"That's sweet, but it's not worth it if you get yourself killed," Sophie said.

"Aww, I swim with sharks all the time. I just got distracted with all I was carryin'," Scout said. He broke off as she suddenly embraced him, and buried her face against his neck.

"Don't just go and do reckless things," Sophie said. "At least not with sharks."

"Sorry, reckless is my middle name. Just ask Ma."

"Actually, it's Patrick," Colleen said.

The beating of her heart synced to the ocean's waves--and to him.

"...I can feel it. I did before, but I kept second guessing. But I can really feel it this time."

He slowly began to wrap his tail about her body. She gasped at the electric feel of his scales rubbing against hers.

"Whoa, whoa, I know you're happy he's still alive--I sure am, too--but you can't go rubbin' fins in public," Colleen said.

With a blush, they disentangled somewhat.

"What was the price for that magic you put on her?" Colleen said. "You ain't goin' to make her into some kind of monster, are you?"

"Merely visiting occasionally," Sebastien said. He couldn't help but smirk. "The rest has already fixed itself."

"You sly devil," Colleen said.

"I told you, ma chérie, it was all a matter of time."

"Cherries for Ma?" Scout said. "We'd have to go back Above for those."

"No, chérie. It's an endearment. I'm not sure why he speaks French. Is that a crab thing?" Sophie said.

Then again, she wasn't sure why possibly thousands year old merfolk had Boston accents, either.

Comprehension came slowly over his face. "Endearment? Wait a minute---"

"Honestly, you're twenty-seven. You ain't a baby anymore. I think you can handle the fact that your mother is datin'," Colleen said.

"Twenty-seven, so he's not ancient?" Sophie said.

They turned to her. "The ships--everyone talking about thousands of years--I just figured."

"He's the baby of the family," Colleen said. "He doesn't remember anythin' of our glory days, before the humans started comin' down here, and the rest of us had to go to just a few cities protected by magic."

"Aww, you thought I was old? That's hilarious..." A bit of dismay came across him. "Wait, would it have changed anythin' if I had been?"

"No, it wouldn't," Sophie said firmly.

She took his hands. No longer was there a hint of hesitancy and fear in her mind when it came to forever. In those seconds, and the possibility of losing him, everything had become so clear.

"Whatever this mate ceremony entails, let's do it. I--" She tried to form the words I don't know how I even lived without you, I certainly didn't smile. My life has changed so much, I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if you died and I love you but they didn't come out. She blushed, and merely said. "I'm ready."

"Really? Damn, I'm the happiest guy around! We're finally goin' to be real mates! Though, I guess we'll have to do a quick one, so we can get back in time for work," Scout said.

"It took faking my own death to get a vacation. We might as well milk it for all its worth. A few weeks, maybe we can find an island to strand ourselves off on to make it look more realistic."

"Maybe your boss will be so happy your back, she'll give you more time off!"

"More like she'll dock me for my pay and make sure I never have another day off. Until I fake my death again," Sophie said.

"Then we gotta make the best of it. There's so much for me to show you. Like ship wrecks, and islands, holy shit are there a ton of islands! They got tasty crabs--not like sourcakes over here--and all kinds of neat stuff. You ever wanted to pretend to be the last guy and girl on earth, stuck on some remote place, like on TV? Then we can totally do it!"

"Sounds like fun, as long as I don't have to eat any bugs," Sophie said.

"No worries, I'll catch you tons of fish. Enough to make your own sushi bar. And this time, the white stuff really will be fish jizz."

She laughed."I should've known you would've gotten one last quip in there."

"You know me, babe. I always get the last awesome word," Scout said.

She took his hand as they went back towards the courtyard. This was her one certainty, the definite moment she knew, her life would be happy. Even if her job was chaotic, and the hours long, even if the world was hectic and often harsh, she would always have a reason to smile.