fic: Walking Barefoot In The Snow
Nov. 21st, 2013 02:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bonnefoisTitle: Walking Barefoot In The Snow
Series: FE9
Character/pairing: Lethe, Jill (hints of Preslashy Lethe/Jill)
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 8054
Summary: When Lethe disappears, Jill goes looking for her. After a blizzard separates them from the rest of the army, Lethe and Jill find themselves lost in the Daein wilderness, and forced to make a truce long enough to survive. Through the storm a bond begins to forge between them, one which will shake everything Jill has every known about herself and her country to the core
Author's note: Longfic_bingo: hypothermia /animal_bigbang. This story assumes the timeline that none of the Jill/Lethe supports happened at this point and time, and happens between chapter 18 and 19 of Path of Radiance.
Content note: contains graphic depictions of wounds, hunting and animal attacks and wild animal death.
Thanks to Multiversecafe for the beta. This fills Sara's request from forever ago, not posted until now because I was waiting for the big bang reveals.
My artist is the talented Nebellym! Which can be seeen here until she posts.
The skies had clouded over before morning. Jill breathed in cold air as she wiggled her fingers in her gloves to try and find more heat. She pulled her helmet down a little more to pass the snowblind white.
Soren had been watching her more lately, she was sure of it. Mist still treated her like a friend, and yet, she couldn't help but feel as if conversations stopped the minute she passed, as if everyone was watching her like she was a traitor waiting to happen.
Jill would be lying to say that it didn't sting that she'd fought beside them for months, spilled blood with them and it meant nothing, nothing at all. Of course, they had every right. She was a Daein warrior. It didn't lessen the hurt.
Talrega was coming closer. She recognized the frozen over rivers, the scraggly mess of trees and remains of summer training camps that were now little more than snowy mounds, barely discernible from the hills and mountains.
She heard Mist's voice above it all, and looked up from the reins she was untangling. Her mount let out a snort of warm air that made a quick cloud that dissipated in the cold sky.
"Oh no, Lethe is missing!"
Lethe? She'd thought to try and talk to her, though her hostility had made her take a second thought. Everything she'd been taught told her that a subhuman would slice out her organs and devour them.
She didn't know they were anything more than bloodthirsty, drooling monsters that loved nothing more than to kill whatever they could find. It had always been drilled into her that if she didn't kill the subhumans, they would drag her out of her bed and attack her unaware.
The law of Daein was to kill a subhuman on sight. Anything less would face being labeled a subhuman sympathizer, or even worse, a lover of one. Father had sent her away the few times subhuman sympathizers had been found. She had heard the crackle of flames, the cries, even from deep in the barracks she'd been sent to. She'd felt a creeping sense of horror even through the shame of being exiled away. Too young to take it, too much the captain's daughter to see the violence of war.
Mental images of Daein men and women coming in closer towards Lethe, torches and spears ready came to her. Lethe was a warrior, but she was only one against a whole country of people who would hunt her down, wounding her with spears and arrows until she was too injured to continued.
Then they would skin her, perhaps alive, if the stories were true. She'd never been allowed on a hunt, but she'd seen the skins. There were more than a few subhuman skin rugs in the castle of Nevassa.
This was nothing that should affect her, and yet, there was question niggling at the back of her mind. Lethe was nothing like the ruthless beasts she had been told about. She gripped the reins tight, her mind already made up before the question was even posed.
"—I'll go," Jill said.
A few of the group were staring at her as if she had grown another head in the last few minutes. Soren seemed to be weighing his chances; she knew very well that he wouldn't hesitate to attack her if he ever thought her a threat. It would only be Ike's command that would stay his hand.
"I know this area; I've lived in Daein my whole life. I can search the surrounding area and return if I don't find her.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Mist said. She stood on tiptoe to catch a glimpse of Jill high up on her wyvern. Her yellow scarf covered half her face.
"Like I said, I was raised here. I've done guard duty in weather far colder than this, so don't worry."
Mist smiled bright, holding out her hand to give her a salute. "I believe in you, Jill. I know you'll come back to us."
At least someone did. Behind Ike, Soren gave her a suspicious glare. Technically was his default expression, but it had intensified towards her.
"All right, you can go. Make sure you're back before dark," Ike said.
As if she needed someone else to remind her of how cold it got here. But she made no smart remark. As any good soldier, she kept all her irritations about her superiors to herself.
*
From this high, the trees blended together. She forced her mount to slow down, and he grunted in displeasure at the feel of the reins. She twitched her toes in her boots to feel them again. Her wool socks itched, but at least they kept the frostbite away.
Lethe had been too proud to accept most of the winter clothes. Or, to be precise, she had refused Daein made winter coats. Jill hadn't even thought they had been subhuman skins, but something had made her reject them.
She caught sight of something tawny, and looked down quickly, but it was only a deer bounding back into the shelter of some trees. Snow was kicked up by its hooves, and more snow fell from the trees in a splash of white dust.
She pulled up on the reins and shielded her eyes with one hand as she surveyed her surroundings. Clouds so dark they were almost black were rolling in from the mountains. Already the snow was falling faster. Soon, she wouldn't even be able to see three feet in front of her.
If she turned back now, she could make it back in time. She was a Daein soldier; she didn't retreat just because of a little snow.
She urged her wyvern on further. She had to fight for each breath as she rose higher. Could Lethe have really gone this far? True, they had bestial strength and ruthlessness, or at least, that's what she'd once thought. Now she didn't know what to think, only that she would face this head on.
The heavy snow filled up any tracks she might have followed. Yet she still flew on, even as the base grew farther and farther away, and even as the likelihood of her reaching it before sundown on her return grew ever fainter.
Jill kept twitching to save heat at this altitude. There was no choice. She would either come back with Lethe, or she'd....well, she just wouldn't think of that.
She heard a sound like a wildcat echoing through the forest. She pulled up, her wyvern's wings flapping through the cold air as she listened. A wildcat? Or... she flew towards the sound, ducking down as close to the trees as she could. beyond the white capped pines were other varieties gone leafless for the season. Through the branches was tawny brown and a hint of green clothes. Red stained the snow around her. Lethe tugged at her leg again and again, a broken knife sunk into the snow beside her.
"Wait!"
She quickly looked up, her lips curling as she caught sight of Jill.
"Daein human girl," she said. She said it the way someone might say 'scum.' or to be more precise, the way most every Daein said subhuman.
As Jill neared, she saw the rusted bear trap clamped down tight over her leg. Lethe was panting, her hands trembling as she tried even harder to pull free.
Jill bent down with her spear, and Lethe hissed in response. She tugged harder at the trap, a howl of pain caught in her throat. Pulling up meant that Jill could see just how bad the wound was.
"Don't come closer! Being on the same team won't mean a thing. I'll kill you where you stand, even with this cursed human trap."
"It's not like that–I'm here to help," Jill said.
She didn't look so convinced.
"Just keep still," Jill said. She pushed the head of the spear between the jaws and tried to leverage it apart. The jaws creaked, stuck tight.
Jill worked it more, even as her fingers started to go numb. Snow was falling ever faster, obscuring her vision.
Lethe pulled at her leg, letting out a growl of pain each time at her rubbed raw leg.
"No, stop—that will just make it go harder," Jill said.
"Pah, trapping like this is so cowardly. I'm not surprised a Daein human like yourself would stoop so low," she said, her voice dripping with disdain.
"In winters like this, you have to use every trick you can, or starve to death," Jill said.
She pulled her leg up, and grimaced in pain as she tried to put weight on the leg, and collapsed into the ground. The girl was shivering, trying to keep her composure, but seemingly only managing to show Jill her warrior spirit.
She buckled under the pressure on her leg, her face contorted in pain. Jill reached out to help her walk, but Lethe drew back in revulsion.
"Don't be stupid—you can't walk like that alone—"
Lethe hissed. "I'm not stupid! Give me one reason why I should trust you?"
"Because I'm all you've got right now. Because the storm is only going to get worse, and because I'm not going to leave you here to die."
She looked Jill over warily. Weakened by hunger, pain and cold, she took Jill's hand. Lethe didn't feel much different from a beorc. They walked step for step, slowly moving together towards her wyvern.
Jill had never touched a subhuman before. This one had a name, though it seemed so strange to think a subhuman capable of having a name, of having feelings or wishes. Even hearing them talk and do anything but steal children in the night to devour was a huge difference from everything she'd thought she'd known.
"Lethe–" Jill said, testing the sound of the name on her tongue. She'd never said it aloud before. "That's your name, isn't it?"
"Some soldier you are if you can't even remember the names of your comrades," Lethe said.
A response was on the tip of her tongue, but she kept quiet. Step, drag, step. Red stained the snow beneath Lethe's leg. She must be in an unbearable amount of pain, but none of it showed, as she stubbornly clung to her warrior's pride.
Her wyvern hissed at the sight of Lethe.
"She's on our side," Jill said.
Her wyvern snorted, but didn't attempt to attack Lethe as they neared.
"I'm not riding on that thing," Lethe said.
"There's no choice, unless you want to walk it, and it's a long walk," Jill said.
Lethe grimaced, but she didn't raise any more complaints.
"Bend down," she said to her mount.
Her wyvern complied, its leather wings spread out in the snow beneath them.
Lethe clung tight around her midriff as they lifted of. The snow fell so heavily now that she could barely see in front of her. The dark clouds covered the sky so thoroughly that she could no longer tell how much daylight was left, though the growing cold made her suspect that night was near.
If she continued on in this weather, there was a high chance she'd get lost. They'd all die before morning, frozen to death in the mountains. Nothing but food for the wolves who would gladly leave nothing but bones.
"Why aren't you and this beast moving?" Lethe said.
"I'm thinking," Jill said.
"If you hope to get back in this weather, you're a bigger fool than I thought," Lethe said.
Jill tightened her grip on the reins. "I don't," she said tersely.
Thoughts racing, Jill tried to figure out the choice. Go or stay, go or stay.
"There's a cave up less than a mile up the mountain," Lethe said. Her voice had turned hoarse from pain.
Jill ducked down to almost tree level. She could smell the coldness of the pines, a muted scent that always reminded her of home. The trees grew more sparse as they made it higher, and the cold more intense. Wherever she looked there was white flurries making her snowblind. She kept flying up the mountain, even as frost covered her helmet and gathered in her lashes.
It was growing so dark that she could barely make out the landscape below her, save for the dark green of pines against a sea of white snow.
"There," Lethe said. "I'd recognize that stench anywhere."
On Lethe's guidance, Jill ducked down until she could see the faint line of black cutting through the grayish white snowy mountain. Snow rained down like a waterfall over her wyvern, and caught in Lethe's hair as they stepped in together.
The cave was surprisingly large and deep, yet the angle of the outcrop of stone made it so that the brunt of the wind and snow didn't come in.
She helped Lethe off, and began the difficult process of guiding her wyvern deeper into the cave. Even though they were natural cave dwellers, her mount pulled back and let out a panicked shriek.
"Whoa, whoa. Now come on in," she said in a soothing voice.
Her mount let out another cry and shook his head from side to side in agitation.
"What's wrong?" Jill said. She touched her mount's long neck and began to speak in a soft, gentle tone to pacify him.
"The beast can smell it," Lethe said. Her voice was flat and distant. Jill let loose the reins, and looked to her. Lethe didn't explain herself, and Jill knew that asking would be futile, especially when there was much unpacking to do.
She eventually managed to get her wyvern just inside the outcropping, but he would go in no further. She gave up trying to persuade him more. Wyverns were creatures of the mountains; he could take a little cold weather without any major harm.
She hadn't packed for a long scouting mission, or rescue mission, as it was. Her bag contained only a few pieces of flint, a small metal cup for drinking, one woolen blanket, a few vulneraries, and two sticks of jerky. If the storm didn't let up....well, she'd worry about that when it came to it. Right now, she had to focus on getting Lethe settled.
She tried to remember what to do with such a horrible wound. Was she supposed to elevate the leg or not? She was a soldier, not a cleric. About the most she knew how to do was apply vulneraries and calm an agitated wyvern.
She pulled off the saddle from her wyvern and placed it near the old campsite. Lethe reluctantly took her hand again as Jill helped move her to a sitting position.
"There is firewood on the far side of the cave," Lethe said.
Jill felt her way through the dark, kicking something that clattered down the cave with her boot. Glass? She couldn't quite tell. She felt the roughness of pine lumber all cut up in various sizes. She carried as much as she could and brought it back to the pit of ashes.
Jill struck the flint over and over to make a spark. As it shone, she blew on it, carefully trying to coax the fire spirit to life. Lethe pulled back, wary at the fire.
"Don't worry, it won't burn over, the ground wouldn't catch fire," Jill said.
"Speak for yourself," Lethe said.
Now that she could see the cave more clearly, she noticed that there were signs of an earlier inhabitant in the cave. The stack of firewood was far larger than she expected, the ashes of a dead fire, and a broken pair of reins. On the far side, something glittered. Broken glass? There were also rusty bloodstains across the back wall, near the shards.
Jill knew the reins right off as the sort only used for wyverns. She had a sinking feeling that whoever had been here had met with an ill fate.
She dug in her pack and tossed one of the pieces of jerky to Lethe, with caught it with ease. She didn't have much to make a bandage, as they needed every bit of clothing and blanket they had.
"Hold out your leg," Jill said.
Lethe said nothing. She didn't move an inch.
"Hold out—"
"I heard you the first time," Lethe said. Her chin was lifted, ever proud. Even in the face of death, she'd take pain rather than deal with Jill.
Two could play at that game. Jill got up and faced the storm, a small metal cup. She scooped out snow until the little cup was full and held it out over the fire. Soon enough, the snow had melted. She held it out to Lethe, who took it without reluctance, for once.
She repeated this several times, until she had given her mount a drink, and gotten one herself. Then she began to work on Lethe's leg. Simply putting salve on it was no good; the wound was too dirty. In too much pain to draw her leg back, Jill pulled apart what was left of the cloth and poured the warm water on it. Lethe let out a low hiss as her leg twitched.
Once the caked blood was cleared, Lethe poured out healing salve on the wound. It wasn't as good as a healing staff, but the injury had stopped bleeding, at least.
Lethe didn't offer thanks, or any less hostility. Instead she sat proud and immoveable. Even her silence was a rebuttal.
No matter. Jill took a bite of the jerky, idly pushing a stick into the fire over and over as she chewed. Oh, how she'd love to have some nice tea to warm up to, and a nice hot bath...but wishing would do nothing. She put another log on the fire and sat back at a safe distance from Lethe. She'd removed her breastplate, but left on her leather armor to try and keep what little heat she could. It left her more vulnerable to attack, but she was betting that Lethe wouldn't be attacking anyone in her condition. And that they were technically comrades, at least, both were in Ike's army.
A thousand questions had gone through her mind since she first saw Lethe, but there was one especially had been pressing at her mind ever since this all began. She watched Lethe out of the corner of her eye, unsure how to broach it.
"What?" Lethe said.
"Why were you out so far away from the camp?" Jill said.
Lethe gave her a suspicious glance. The minutes ticked by in silence. Finally, Lethe let out an agitated breath.
"If you must know, I was tracking something," Lethe said.
"But...you subhumans are good at hunting, it shouldn't have taken you nearly that long," Jill said.
Lethe hissed, and bared her sharp teeth. "You used that word–you are no ally of mine!"
In a second should could turn. Jill pulled away as if she'd been slapped.
"Like it or not, I'm all you've got," Jill said.
"Peh. I'd rather stake my chances with the cold than a human like you," Lethe said.
Jill narrowed her eyes. How ungrateful. But that was to be expected of a subhuman. It wasn't like they'd know anything about manners or other human things. Or at least that's what she thought. Everything Lethe did was a contradiction. Sitting right across from her was proof that her whole life may have been lived as a lie. As suddenly as it had flared up, her anger subsided back to confusion and sadness. She hadn't expected it to go like this. She'd wanted...what? Even now, she couldn't tell.
She tossed a pebble away down the cave. It disappeared into the dark corners where even the fire couldn't reach. She picked up another and chucked it even harder. What she really wanted was to take her spear and sink it deep into a practice dummy until her arms hurt.
No, what she wanted was to be back in Talrega in a warm place where thoughts weren't constantly clouding her mind. Where everything was simple and she could hear her father's voice again.
But she could only move forward. She tossed another pebble with all her might and it ricocheted across the cave.
"It was your kind that did this," Lethe said, her voice low. Above the crackling of the flames and the sound of the stones, Jill barely heard her.
"What?" Jill said. She turned back from the fire to face Lethe.
"I found one of my comrades turned into a Feral One. I tracked him for hours before I could catch up. His paws were bleeding from how long he had run without rest, but still he attacked me. I put him out of his misery and gave him an honorable death, instead of the endless horrors he was forced to endure," Lethe said.
A Feral one? Even the word seemed something out of a fairy tale.
"What are you talking about? Daein soldiers would never partner with a subhuman," Jill said. The mere thought was laughable.
"Don't speak about what you have no clue, you naive human girl," Lethe said, her eyes flashing in anger. "Think! Why else would I be this far from camp? If you need more proof, look to my leg."
Jill did so, catching sight of the partly healed wound.
"Not that one, the other leg," Lethe said.
She'd been distracted by the wound left by the trap, but she could see it clearly now: large claw marks which could only come from a giant cat. She'd fought with another cat recently, and they looked far too deep for just sparring.
Maybe a wildcat? But Lethe wouldn't leave that far simply for some wildcat....
"But...it makes no sense," Jill said.
"Really? It makes no sense that your kind would enslave us to use as warriors and beast of burden and slaves, then cast them aside? Because that sounds like exactly something a human would do," Lethe said.
"You don't get it—if somebody found you, they wouldn't do whatever you're claiming—they'd try and skin you. It's why I'm here. I didn't want that fate happening to you," Jill said. Her voice broke at the last part. Images filled her mind of a bloodied, lifeless Lethe being dragged through the square. She may have never taken part in the hunts, but there was no one in Daein who hadn't seen the consequences before.
"Why would it matter to you? You're from Daein. You've surely hunted my kind before," Lethe said.
"No. I've never been on any hunts," Jill said. She paused before she continued, an unsettled feeling within her as the words spilled out from her. "And, it mattered because....you were the one who made me think twice. In Daein, sub—you—are considered like monsters—"
Lethe's lip curled at this.
"—without the capability of kindness, or speech. I was always told that if I didn't kill them, they would attack me when I least expected it. That's how it is in Daein," Jill said.
"What foolishness. Few laguz live there any longer, unless they are enslaved," Lethe said.
Jill fell silent. She'd seen enough corpses to know that Lethe was mistaken, but didn't speak up. She never thought she'd be face to face with a beast like this. Lethe looked up. There was a proud, immovable fire within her which not pain or distance or persecution could quell. If anything, it only made her more fierce, more hostile, and filled with more of that strange beauty which compelled and confused her.
"The man in black robes is the one who imprisons them. I saw him, once," Lethe said. She bent her head, leaving a moment for the dead. Her face was cast in shadows, her expression indiscernible.
"I do not know his name, only that he bears the stench of death. He left before I could properly avenge my comrade."
"I couldn't tell based on that, but—" Jill broke off. But, what?
She couldn't have left well enough alone."You sub—"
"We are not subhumans, we are laguz. If you intend to try and pretend to be my ally, at least stop insulting me at every turn," Lethe said.
"Laguz," Jill said, testing the word.
If she said that in Daein, she'd be kicked off the wyvern riders. No, even worse, she'd be rejected by everyone she knew. Maybe even Haar and her father.
But far more than honor or duty was conscience. Could she lift her spear to someone who was so much like a beorc? Who had thoughts and dreams and names and a culture she'd never known about?
She knew in her gut that she couldn't. She may have been a soldier, but she had honor. It came to her, the repeated thought of you cannot go home after this. She could never simply stand aside and let the hunts continue. There was no home for her as surely as if she had set fire to it, burning the fortress to nothing.
She'd be the worst sort of coward if she just turned back to a comfortable life and stepped back into the role of a girl trying to live up to her father's command.
The fire had burned down, so she got up to get more firewood, grateful for the excuse not to talk any longer. The flames crackled through the lock, turning the wood black as it fed.
She was no mage, but she hoped this was enough of a gift for the fire spirit to stay with them. Their life would depend on it.
When she had tended the fire, Jill got up to her pack and pulled out the lone blanket.
"Like it or not, there's only one blanket. It's too cold for pride, so let's call a truce," Jill said. She looked down at Lethe with a grim expression. She half expected Lethe to try and scratch her eyes out in the process, but Lethe did not fight her. The woolen blanket was small, but huddled close enough together, it wrapped about both of them.
Jill was again astounded by how normal Lethe felt. Aside from her tail and ears, which were hardly threatening, she felt like just a normal beorc girl against her. A soldier, just like her.
Jill was full of a thousand more questions. What was training like for you? Have you been a warrior your whole life? Do you really eat children? Do you have a lover back home?
She didn't speak any of them aloud, however. It wouldn't do to have Lethe try and storm off during the night out of anger. Lethe's arm was against her own, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. The ground was hardly a comfort, but it wasn't as if she hadn't ever camped out before. She closed her eyes, the faint glow of the fire and the heat of Lethe against her warming her enough to keep the cold away.
She'd never have guessed she'd be stuck huddling for heat with who should have been her worst enemy. Through the dreamy haze of impending sleep, she let herself relax against Lethe. Soft fur, hard, lean muscles. The faint sound of breathing and fire crackling, the strange flutter inside her chest.
Outside the cave, the wind continued to howl.
*
The fire had gone out sometime during the night. Beside her, Lethe shuddered. Her eyes were unfocused, and her skin clammy. She tried to stand, but buckled under the pain, seemingly in a daze. Jill wasn't a healer, and couldn't tell what had happened during the night, or how to fix it.
She'd seen other soldiers fall like this. The story was that a woman made out of snow had kissed them in the night, sucking out their life force. It was only when warmed that their heart would begin to thaw.
The storm hadn't cleared up enough to make it an easy trip in any case.
Jill went through each possibility in her mind. One, she'd take the risk and go back, driving through the snow. Two, wait it out and hope Lethe's condition got better. There wasn't any food, but they had enough water and wood to last. Three, brave the mountain to try and look for food, then wait it out.
None of them were particularly smart or safe options, but they were all she had. Jill bit at her thumbnail as she thought. She'd always been a soldier who followed orders without thought. Her father always thought best. Even as she pushed for a higher position and craved the respect she so rightly deserved as a soldier, she still would bow out to his every order. Even ones which seemingly made no sense, like keeping her from the hunts.
You knew, didn't you, father? Then, why?
To stall for time in making her decision, Jill heated up more water. She cradled Lethe's head in her hands.
"Drink," she said.
Lethe didn't respond. Water trickled down her lips and down her neck, but some went between her cracked lips. Jill couldn't risk trying again, not with the chance of getting Lethe wetter than she already was. She built of the fire before she left and wrapped Lethe in the blanket as tightly as she could and laid her over her lap. For good measure, she smeared the rest of the bottle of vulnerary across Lethe's cracked lips. The gelatinous salve fell between her slightly parted lips. Her head lolled to the side, and Lethe tried to push herself up. The shivering hadn't stopped, even as the fire burned high, even as Jill held her tight in the blanket the best she could.
Jill wanted to pace, to get rid of nervous energy in whatever way possible, but she didn't dare leave Lethe's side. So instead she began to talk.
"There's a lot I haven't told you, isn't there? I've begun to change, and it's all because of you. I'm confused, but I think I'm starting to find the way out, but it's almost like I'm in the dark and I can barely see the path. But you lit the way. Does that make any sense? Can you even hear me? I—"
She clenched her fist so hard it began to tremble. If she were any closer, she'd lash out at anything. Even if her knuckles were bloodied, at least she'd be doing something.
She made her choice right then. She'd catch Lethe something and make a broth. Then, if she sky had cleared, she'd take them both home. She couldn't just stand there and watch Lethe die. Sitting still was never her strong point. In fact, it was why she'd joined up with Ike in the first place.
She lifted Lethe gentle off of her, amid quiet hisses and a dazed gaze she couldn't bear to meet.
"I'll be right back. I promise," Jill said.
Her wyvern began to unfurl his wings.
"No, you have to guard her, okay? I won't be gone long."
If she kept telling herself that, it might make it true.
*
She started off with the driven need to find an animal, no matter how hard it might be. Jill hefted her javelin with her over her shoulder and left the cave behind with nothing but the need to survive stuck in her mind. She and Lethe would get out of this. She couldn't bear to get this far and have Lethe die from cold. Rocks scattered beneath her feet, falling far down the steep cliff. Jill swallowed and took a step back. A wyvern rider could never be afraid of heights, but riding from the safety of a wyvern and stepping on a slippery cliff with nothing to catch her if she should fall were two very different things.
She had never even been very good at hunting, having not been old enough to join the hunts for the laguz and usually being assigned guard duty when others came up. Yet, she pushed onwards, with nothing but choices that could lead to disaster, she hoped she had picked the one most likely to leave them both alive.
She hadn't seen a single animal, though she'd heard the cry of wolves. There had to be something around here, or they wouldn't be able to survive. It was what pushed her through the cold, even as her legs grew tired.
It was less than two hours before she realized that the snow fell hard enough to cover her tracks. She'd left by foot in hopes to not get lost, but in her panic she hadn't thought it through well enough. Looking from side to side and back again she found only a wall of white snow coming down from every angle.
Any step could lead off a cliff. Even worse, the sound of wolves howling had grown stronger. She gripped her javelin tighter. They were tracking her. Hunting her more efficiently than she ever could hunt them.
"Fine then. I'll make a fur pelt out of your coats," she said. She didn't dare yell a battle cry, not this close to the mountains where any loud noise could cause an avalanche. But inside her, she felt the battle cry rising. She would see her father again. She would take meat back to Lethe, even if she had to tear every one of the wolf pack apart with her bare hands.
There was the sound of crunching snow. Footsteps and howls, the snapping of teeth. She whirled around as they began to circle around her. Snow gathered in their massive thick gray fur. One of them, maybe the leader, growled at her, and snapped its jaws.
These were no mere wolves, but their bigger, nastier relatives, the dire wolves. She'd never seen one face to face, but the king had pelts of many of them in the Keep. So many tales of them from her childhood came to mind that they blended together.
Stole a child right from his mother's arms—
—gutted a man alive and dragged his screaming body to the mountains—
–killed all the lambs and left nothing but bloodstains and body parts in the snow—
The leader licked its lips, showing a hint of yellowed teeth. She felt the familiar rush of battle as the first one charged in. Jill thrust her spear with all her might, but the wolf jumped back. Her spear stuck fast into the ground, as the dire wolves came closer and closer. With one mighty tug, she pulled it free, only to nearly fall over with the rebound.
With a snarl, one of the wolves jumped towards her back, trying to get at her neck. Its teeth clanked against her helmet. She whirled and caught it with her spear, making a deep gash across the wolf's chest.
More and more of them came closer, and she had to spin, catching each of them with the tip of her spear. She heard cries of pain, and yelps as she kicked one back. They were more vicious and determined than any wolves she'd ever seen.
She stepped back in shock, letting out a gasp of pain as one of them sunk its teeth into her arm. The force was so great that it went through leather and skin. She began to shake her arm and try and break free as they all closed in. In desperation, she dropped her spear and it sunk into the bloodstained, dirty snow.
Two cries broke through the air. One of a cat, and the other of a wyvern. She looked up to find herself no longer alone with the pack. A huge tawny cat stood before her, fur mottled with white snow. It walked with a severe limp, yet that did not stop the laguz.
Above her, her wyvern snapped its jaws and flew towards the wolves, catching one in its mouth. The wolf flailed, attempting to escape, but already the thick jaws were tight about its neck. She heard the snapping of bones as the wolf went still.
The wolf she had injured was slowed, and far too slow to escape Lethe. Even injured, she sprung upon it with unbridled ferocity, leaving red gashes in gray fur. Jill clutched her arm as she grabbed for her spear. Even injured, Lethe moved fast. She let out a wildcat's growl and bared her teeth, before lashing out with strong claws. Jill dug out the weapon as quickly as she could, the snow numbing her fingers as she gripped the spear.
Back to back, they faced on the dire wolves. She saw her wyvern swoop down, just barely missing one of the larger wolves. The wolves began to pull back, survival instinct winning over their natural aggression until all was left was gray fur, bodies and bloodied snow.
With a long, mournful howl, they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Maybe the stories of dire wolves being the embodiment of fell spirits was true after all.
Lethe shook her head, bells rattling as she turned back to human. Jill hefted the wolf over her shoulders. She climbed up on her wyvern, and waited for Lethe to join. She climbed up without a single reserve.
"You stupid girl," Lethe said. "What were you thinking going out alone? Especially in this weather!"
"You're better," Jill said, ignoring Lethe's prickliness.
"Your beast started screaming and I woke to the scent of fire," Lethe said. She wrinkled her nose at this. "The thing was all curled up around me and was breathing on me. Then I remember tasting something slimy on my lips."
Apparently, vulnerary did break the cold sickness which had taken hold of her. Or the wyvern had helped banish whatever ice spirits were afflicting her.
"He wanted to warm you up," Jill said fondly. She patted her wyvern's neck as they began to fly.
It was hard to talk at this height, where each breath felt like breathing in ice straight to her lungs. So, they fell quiet, with only the sound of her wyvern's beating wings and the wind so guide them back.
*
Lethe's limp had worsened. She winced as she got down from the wyvern, yet she refused Jill's offer of help. She was out of vulneraries to give to offer Lethe some relief.
"You really need a cleric," Jill said.
"I will survive," Lethe said evenly. She sat near the fire, and began to warm her hands.
They lacked any pans, save for her tiny cup, and cooking that would barely net a few bites.
She looked back to the far edge of the cave, where the broken reins lay discarded. It wasn't as if whoever had them last were going to need them any longer. She gathered two of the thinner pieces of firewood and rigged them up with the reins pulled taut between them.
While she worked, Lethe began to use the edge of Jill's spear to cut away the fur. The cave was too damp to be good for curing hides, but if they could get the fur to dry, there'd be less chance of either of them succumbing to the cold again.
"Do you always eat meat raw?" Jill said.
"What, do you think this makes me some kind of barbarian?" Lethe said defensively.
"No...our king eats his meat raw sometimes," she said.
"Fah, that's hardly an indication," Lethe said. "Sometimes we cook our meals. Meals would be terribly boring only eating one way forever."
The wyvern looked intently at Lethe as she worked. Lethe flipped a bone his way.
"There, now don't bother me," she said.
A rapport had formed between Lethe and her mount, although a reluctant one. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she was starting to think that Lethe was prickly even when she was showing kindness. Or her own hostile version of kindness, anyways.
"That was really amazing of you, you know? I don't think I could've come that far after having been sick and with a hurt leg."
Jill broke off before she could say the rest of what had been haunting her. You looked so fierce and beautiful. They were the words which had been stuck inside her for so long. Perhaps even the words which led her to be here, to reconsider everything she'd ever been taught.
Someone as beautiful and fascinating as you can't be a beast. You're nothing like the stories. Nothing like anyone I've ever met before.
"You beast wouldn't stop until I did," Lethe said. "Consider the debt paid. I hate owing things, especially to beorc."
Lethe pulled up another strip of meat, her expression grim
"Listen, Beorc girl—"
"Jill," she said. "My name is Jill."
"Jill, then. If the storm breaks enough, we can use my nose to guide us home. We'll have to stick as low to the ground as possible, though."
Lethe didn't look up from her work as she spoke.
"When you return, you must make a choice. Talrega is up next."
Jill closed her eyes. This wasn't how she imagined coming back to Talrega. In her plans, she would go beyond the youngest in the barracks, the one most likely to be sent to do grunt work or get stuck with guard duty.
She had thought that would be a soldier in her own right, mature and calm, enough to make her father truly proud of her. She'd become what she'd wanted, but at a terrible price. With maturity came the knowing of just how unjust the world was, and giving up her home.
"If you wish to leave now to join Daein, we part ways before going back to camp. If we meet again, we meet as enemies."
She'd never see Mist or Lethe again if she did that. If she stayed, she'd never see her father again. On each side was a choice. Family or justice? Home or honor? Neither choice would appease her conscience. No matter what path she took there would be a burden of guilt.
Lethe didn't offer up anymore conversation, and for that Jill was glad. There was far too much on her mind to talk.
*
With a full stomach, and a fully stoked fire, Jill settled in for the night. The fur had dried enough to form some barrier between the cold floor of the cave and them, but still smelled of wet dog and blood. Lethe's strong back was to hers, the strange softness of her tail twitching from time to time in her sleep. It was a small comfort, the nearness of a not quite enemy and not quite friend, someone who fell into the cracks of what she could explain and everything she had known.
Every time she closed her eyes, she'd only get to a point of almost drifting off before the cold truth would come back to her and jolt her awake. She thought she'd made the choice already, but doubts filled her. Her father before her, Lethe behind her. Hours ticked by, and with it, the numbing realization that she already knew what choice she would make, if only she had the courage to stick with it.
*
The snow had lessened to light flurries by morning. She got up and stocked the fire, full of that dizzying lack of clarity that came with little sleep. Lethe let out a big yawn and stretched, like the cats she'd seen on the barracks after a long nap. She flinched and held to her leg, but pushed herself up to limp out towards the mouth of the cave.
"Good morning," Jill said.
Lethe inclined her head, acknowledging her, but not offering up any conversation.
Jill had already put some water to boil, and begun the process of thawing out the remainder of the meat. She'd burned her fingers several times now, clumsy with lack of sleep, but at least there was cold snow close by to soothe the burn each and every time.
She didn't look up from her task as she began to speak. Hours of the night turned to dawn had led to this. She would not back down.
"The wind has calmed down. It's safe to fly again.... I hope Commander Ike hasn't moved on without us, though. Catching up in a Daein storm when they could be anywhere."
"Commander Ike does not simply leave people behind. He is admirable, for a beorc," Lethe said.
She'd never heard Lethe say that about anyone before, nor thought her capable of softening enough to have that much fondness in her voice. Maybe one day Lethe would talk about her like that, though that was probably just wishful thinking.
She cleared her throat. "The truth is, I've decided... I'm staying. I can't turn my back on this."
And the truth is, I can't turn my back on you.
Lethe leaned in, her face very close to Jill's. She sniffed the air, eying Jill with suspicion as she did. Despite the urge to back up, Jill held her ground.
"You aren't lying," Lethe said.
"What?" Jill said.
"If you were, I could've smelled it on you," she said.
"Really...you can smell emotions?" Jill said.
"Of course. You beorc can't?" Lethe said.
Jill shook her head. "No, we can't."
"Hardly a surprise, considering. I don't know how your kind even manages to connect to each other without being able to smell out lies," Lethe said.
"Given how many wars we've had, I don't think we've really succeeded," Jill said.
"Indeed..." Lethe said. "You haven't lied this whole time. Despite your naivety, there is a sincerity to you."
Jill had nothing to offer to that. Lethe continued on, without waiting for a reply.
"Jill...we have drawn blood together and saved each other's lives. That makes us comrades, even though we were already technically allies by both being in commander Ike's army."
Jill looked up from what she was doing. Comrades? Lethe wasn't ready to gut her any longer?
"Really?" Jill said.
Lethe nodded. "But it is a shaky truce. If you go back to your Daein ways, I'll personally avenge my honor on you. Do you understand?"
Even when forming a bond, Lethe couldn't help but be thorny. Jill smiled a bit.
"I understand," Jill said.
*
They left before noon. Furs draped around them for warmth, supplies packed away, and the rest left for any other unlucky travelers which might find their way to the cave. Lethe held tight about her waist as they flew down from the mountains, the one reminder that kept Jill strong to her resolve. Icy wind blew into her face, but she could count down the hours before she would return to base. Each second, no matter how cold and miserable it was, brought her a little closer.
She didn't have a home any longer. She'd have to build up a new one made from the ashes of her last one. Burn it down, everything she had been and was and had known. From the wreckage of that naive girl would come someone new.
Transformation was always painful, she reminded herself. When she wished for maturity and strength so hard that she left her country and team to find it, she never knew the price it would entail.
Series: FE9
Character/pairing: Lethe, Jill (hints of Preslashy Lethe/Jill)
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 8054
Summary: When Lethe disappears, Jill goes looking for her. After a blizzard separates them from the rest of the army, Lethe and Jill find themselves lost in the Daein wilderness, and forced to make a truce long enough to survive. Through the storm a bond begins to forge between them, one which will shake everything Jill has every known about herself and her country to the core
Author's note: Longfic_bingo: hypothermia /
animal_bigbang. This story assumes the timeline that none of the Jill/Lethe supports happened at this point and time, and happens between chapter 18 and 19 of Path of Radiance.Content note: contains graphic depictions of wounds, hunting and animal attacks and wild animal death.
Thanks to Multiversecafe for the beta. This fills Sara's request from forever ago, not posted until now because I was waiting for the big bang reveals.
My artist is the talented Nebellym! Which can be seeen here until she posts.
The skies had clouded over before morning. Jill breathed in cold air as she wiggled her fingers in her gloves to try and find more heat. She pulled her helmet down a little more to pass the snowblind white.
Soren had been watching her more lately, she was sure of it. Mist still treated her like a friend, and yet, she couldn't help but feel as if conversations stopped the minute she passed, as if everyone was watching her like she was a traitor waiting to happen.
Jill would be lying to say that it didn't sting that she'd fought beside them for months, spilled blood with them and it meant nothing, nothing at all. Of course, they had every right. She was a Daein warrior. It didn't lessen the hurt.
Talrega was coming closer. She recognized the frozen over rivers, the scraggly mess of trees and remains of summer training camps that were now little more than snowy mounds, barely discernible from the hills and mountains.
She heard Mist's voice above it all, and looked up from the reins she was untangling. Her mount let out a snort of warm air that made a quick cloud that dissipated in the cold sky.
"Oh no, Lethe is missing!"
Lethe? She'd thought to try and talk to her, though her hostility had made her take a second thought. Everything she'd been taught told her that a subhuman would slice out her organs and devour them.
She didn't know they were anything more than bloodthirsty, drooling monsters that loved nothing more than to kill whatever they could find. It had always been drilled into her that if she didn't kill the subhumans, they would drag her out of her bed and attack her unaware.
The law of Daein was to kill a subhuman on sight. Anything less would face being labeled a subhuman sympathizer, or even worse, a lover of one. Father had sent her away the few times subhuman sympathizers had been found. She had heard the crackle of flames, the cries, even from deep in the barracks she'd been sent to. She'd felt a creeping sense of horror even through the shame of being exiled away. Too young to take it, too much the captain's daughter to see the violence of war.
Mental images of Daein men and women coming in closer towards Lethe, torches and spears ready came to her. Lethe was a warrior, but she was only one against a whole country of people who would hunt her down, wounding her with spears and arrows until she was too injured to continued.
Then they would skin her, perhaps alive, if the stories were true. She'd never been allowed on a hunt, but she'd seen the skins. There were more than a few subhuman skin rugs in the castle of Nevassa.
This was nothing that should affect her, and yet, there was question niggling at the back of her mind. Lethe was nothing like the ruthless beasts she had been told about. She gripped the reins tight, her mind already made up before the question was even posed.
"—I'll go," Jill said.
A few of the group were staring at her as if she had grown another head in the last few minutes. Soren seemed to be weighing his chances; she knew very well that he wouldn't hesitate to attack her if he ever thought her a threat. It would only be Ike's command that would stay his hand.
"I know this area; I've lived in Daein my whole life. I can search the surrounding area and return if I don't find her.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Mist said. She stood on tiptoe to catch a glimpse of Jill high up on her wyvern. Her yellow scarf covered half her face.
"Like I said, I was raised here. I've done guard duty in weather far colder than this, so don't worry."
Mist smiled bright, holding out her hand to give her a salute. "I believe in you, Jill. I know you'll come back to us."
At least someone did. Behind Ike, Soren gave her a suspicious glare. Technically was his default expression, but it had intensified towards her.
"All right, you can go. Make sure you're back before dark," Ike said.
As if she needed someone else to remind her of how cold it got here. But she made no smart remark. As any good soldier, she kept all her irritations about her superiors to herself.
*
From this high, the trees blended together. She forced her mount to slow down, and he grunted in displeasure at the feel of the reins. She twitched her toes in her boots to feel them again. Her wool socks itched, but at least they kept the frostbite away.
Lethe had been too proud to accept most of the winter clothes. Or, to be precise, she had refused Daein made winter coats. Jill hadn't even thought they had been subhuman skins, but something had made her reject them.
She caught sight of something tawny, and looked down quickly, but it was only a deer bounding back into the shelter of some trees. Snow was kicked up by its hooves, and more snow fell from the trees in a splash of white dust.
She pulled up on the reins and shielded her eyes with one hand as she surveyed her surroundings. Clouds so dark they were almost black were rolling in from the mountains. Already the snow was falling faster. Soon, she wouldn't even be able to see three feet in front of her.
If she turned back now, she could make it back in time. She was a Daein soldier; she didn't retreat just because of a little snow.
She urged her wyvern on further. She had to fight for each breath as she rose higher. Could Lethe have really gone this far? True, they had bestial strength and ruthlessness, or at least, that's what she'd once thought. Now she didn't know what to think, only that she would face this head on.
The heavy snow filled up any tracks she might have followed. Yet she still flew on, even as the base grew farther and farther away, and even as the likelihood of her reaching it before sundown on her return grew ever fainter.
Jill kept twitching to save heat at this altitude. There was no choice. She would either come back with Lethe, or she'd....well, she just wouldn't think of that.
She heard a sound like a wildcat echoing through the forest. She pulled up, her wyvern's wings flapping through the cold air as she listened. A wildcat? Or... she flew towards the sound, ducking down as close to the trees as she could. beyond the white capped pines were other varieties gone leafless for the season. Through the branches was tawny brown and a hint of green clothes. Red stained the snow around her. Lethe tugged at her leg again and again, a broken knife sunk into the snow beside her.
"Wait!"
She quickly looked up, her lips curling as she caught sight of Jill.
"Daein human girl," she said. She said it the way someone might say 'scum.' or to be more precise, the way most every Daein said subhuman.
As Jill neared, she saw the rusted bear trap clamped down tight over her leg. Lethe was panting, her hands trembling as she tried even harder to pull free.
Jill bent down with her spear, and Lethe hissed in response. She tugged harder at the trap, a howl of pain caught in her throat. Pulling up meant that Jill could see just how bad the wound was.
"Don't come closer! Being on the same team won't mean a thing. I'll kill you where you stand, even with this cursed human trap."
"It's not like that–I'm here to help," Jill said.
She didn't look so convinced.
"Just keep still," Jill said. She pushed the head of the spear between the jaws and tried to leverage it apart. The jaws creaked, stuck tight.
Jill worked it more, even as her fingers started to go numb. Snow was falling ever faster, obscuring her vision.
Lethe pulled at her leg, letting out a growl of pain each time at her rubbed raw leg.
"No, stop—that will just make it go harder," Jill said.
"Pah, trapping like this is so cowardly. I'm not surprised a Daein human like yourself would stoop so low," she said, her voice dripping with disdain.
"In winters like this, you have to use every trick you can, or starve to death," Jill said.
She pulled her leg up, and grimaced in pain as she tried to put weight on the leg, and collapsed into the ground. The girl was shivering, trying to keep her composure, but seemingly only managing to show Jill her warrior spirit.
She buckled under the pressure on her leg, her face contorted in pain. Jill reached out to help her walk, but Lethe drew back in revulsion.
"Don't be stupid—you can't walk like that alone—"
Lethe hissed. "I'm not stupid! Give me one reason why I should trust you?"
"Because I'm all you've got right now. Because the storm is only going to get worse, and because I'm not going to leave you here to die."
She looked Jill over warily. Weakened by hunger, pain and cold, she took Jill's hand. Lethe didn't feel much different from a beorc. They walked step for step, slowly moving together towards her wyvern.
Jill had never touched a subhuman before. This one had a name, though it seemed so strange to think a subhuman capable of having a name, of having feelings or wishes. Even hearing them talk and do anything but steal children in the night to devour was a huge difference from everything she'd thought she'd known.
"Lethe–" Jill said, testing the sound of the name on her tongue. She'd never said it aloud before. "That's your name, isn't it?"
"Some soldier you are if you can't even remember the names of your comrades," Lethe said.
A response was on the tip of her tongue, but she kept quiet. Step, drag, step. Red stained the snow beneath Lethe's leg. She must be in an unbearable amount of pain, but none of it showed, as she stubbornly clung to her warrior's pride.
Her wyvern hissed at the sight of Lethe.
"She's on our side," Jill said.
Her wyvern snorted, but didn't attempt to attack Lethe as they neared.
"I'm not riding on that thing," Lethe said.
"There's no choice, unless you want to walk it, and it's a long walk," Jill said.
Lethe grimaced, but she didn't raise any more complaints.
"Bend down," she said to her mount.
Her wyvern complied, its leather wings spread out in the snow beneath them.
Lethe clung tight around her midriff as they lifted of. The snow fell so heavily now that she could barely see in front of her. The dark clouds covered the sky so thoroughly that she could no longer tell how much daylight was left, though the growing cold made her suspect that night was near.
If she continued on in this weather, there was a high chance she'd get lost. They'd all die before morning, frozen to death in the mountains. Nothing but food for the wolves who would gladly leave nothing but bones.
"Why aren't you and this beast moving?" Lethe said.
"I'm thinking," Jill said.
"If you hope to get back in this weather, you're a bigger fool than I thought," Lethe said.
Jill tightened her grip on the reins. "I don't," she said tersely.
Thoughts racing, Jill tried to figure out the choice. Go or stay, go or stay.
"There's a cave up less than a mile up the mountain," Lethe said. Her voice had turned hoarse from pain.
Jill ducked down to almost tree level. She could smell the coldness of the pines, a muted scent that always reminded her of home. The trees grew more sparse as they made it higher, and the cold more intense. Wherever she looked there was white flurries making her snowblind. She kept flying up the mountain, even as frost covered her helmet and gathered in her lashes.
It was growing so dark that she could barely make out the landscape below her, save for the dark green of pines against a sea of white snow.
"There," Lethe said. "I'd recognize that stench anywhere."
On Lethe's guidance, Jill ducked down until she could see the faint line of black cutting through the grayish white snowy mountain. Snow rained down like a waterfall over her wyvern, and caught in Lethe's hair as they stepped in together.
The cave was surprisingly large and deep, yet the angle of the outcrop of stone made it so that the brunt of the wind and snow didn't come in.
She helped Lethe off, and began the difficult process of guiding her wyvern deeper into the cave. Even though they were natural cave dwellers, her mount pulled back and let out a panicked shriek.
"Whoa, whoa. Now come on in," she said in a soothing voice.
Her mount let out another cry and shook his head from side to side in agitation.
"What's wrong?" Jill said. She touched her mount's long neck and began to speak in a soft, gentle tone to pacify him.
"The beast can smell it," Lethe said. Her voice was flat and distant. Jill let loose the reins, and looked to her. Lethe didn't explain herself, and Jill knew that asking would be futile, especially when there was much unpacking to do.
She eventually managed to get her wyvern just inside the outcropping, but he would go in no further. She gave up trying to persuade him more. Wyverns were creatures of the mountains; he could take a little cold weather without any major harm.
She hadn't packed for a long scouting mission, or rescue mission, as it was. Her bag contained only a few pieces of flint, a small metal cup for drinking, one woolen blanket, a few vulneraries, and two sticks of jerky. If the storm didn't let up....well, she'd worry about that when it came to it. Right now, she had to focus on getting Lethe settled.
She tried to remember what to do with such a horrible wound. Was she supposed to elevate the leg or not? She was a soldier, not a cleric. About the most she knew how to do was apply vulneraries and calm an agitated wyvern.
She pulled off the saddle from her wyvern and placed it near the old campsite. Lethe reluctantly took her hand again as Jill helped move her to a sitting position.
"There is firewood on the far side of the cave," Lethe said.
Jill felt her way through the dark, kicking something that clattered down the cave with her boot. Glass? She couldn't quite tell. She felt the roughness of pine lumber all cut up in various sizes. She carried as much as she could and brought it back to the pit of ashes.
Jill struck the flint over and over to make a spark. As it shone, she blew on it, carefully trying to coax the fire spirit to life. Lethe pulled back, wary at the fire.
"Don't worry, it won't burn over, the ground wouldn't catch fire," Jill said.
"Speak for yourself," Lethe said.
Now that she could see the cave more clearly, she noticed that there were signs of an earlier inhabitant in the cave. The stack of firewood was far larger than she expected, the ashes of a dead fire, and a broken pair of reins. On the far side, something glittered. Broken glass? There were also rusty bloodstains across the back wall, near the shards.
Jill knew the reins right off as the sort only used for wyverns. She had a sinking feeling that whoever had been here had met with an ill fate.
She dug in her pack and tossed one of the pieces of jerky to Lethe, with caught it with ease. She didn't have much to make a bandage, as they needed every bit of clothing and blanket they had.
"Hold out your leg," Jill said.
Lethe said nothing. She didn't move an inch.
"Hold out—"
"I heard you the first time," Lethe said. Her chin was lifted, ever proud. Even in the face of death, she'd take pain rather than deal with Jill.
Two could play at that game. Jill got up and faced the storm, a small metal cup. She scooped out snow until the little cup was full and held it out over the fire. Soon enough, the snow had melted. She held it out to Lethe, who took it without reluctance, for once.
She repeated this several times, until she had given her mount a drink, and gotten one herself. Then she began to work on Lethe's leg. Simply putting salve on it was no good; the wound was too dirty. In too much pain to draw her leg back, Jill pulled apart what was left of the cloth and poured the warm water on it. Lethe let out a low hiss as her leg twitched.
Once the caked blood was cleared, Lethe poured out healing salve on the wound. It wasn't as good as a healing staff, but the injury had stopped bleeding, at least.
Lethe didn't offer thanks, or any less hostility. Instead she sat proud and immoveable. Even her silence was a rebuttal.
No matter. Jill took a bite of the jerky, idly pushing a stick into the fire over and over as she chewed. Oh, how she'd love to have some nice tea to warm up to, and a nice hot bath...but wishing would do nothing. She put another log on the fire and sat back at a safe distance from Lethe. She'd removed her breastplate, but left on her leather armor to try and keep what little heat she could. It left her more vulnerable to attack, but she was betting that Lethe wouldn't be attacking anyone in her condition. And that they were technically comrades, at least, both were in Ike's army.
A thousand questions had gone through her mind since she first saw Lethe, but there was one especially had been pressing at her mind ever since this all began. She watched Lethe out of the corner of her eye, unsure how to broach it.
"What?" Lethe said.
"Why were you out so far away from the camp?" Jill said.
Lethe gave her a suspicious glance. The minutes ticked by in silence. Finally, Lethe let out an agitated breath.
"If you must know, I was tracking something," Lethe said.
"But...you subhumans are good at hunting, it shouldn't have taken you nearly that long," Jill said.
Lethe hissed, and bared her sharp teeth. "You used that word–you are no ally of mine!"
In a second should could turn. Jill pulled away as if she'd been slapped.
"Like it or not, I'm all you've got," Jill said.
"Peh. I'd rather stake my chances with the cold than a human like you," Lethe said.
Jill narrowed her eyes. How ungrateful. But that was to be expected of a subhuman. It wasn't like they'd know anything about manners or other human things. Or at least that's what she thought. Everything Lethe did was a contradiction. Sitting right across from her was proof that her whole life may have been lived as a lie. As suddenly as it had flared up, her anger subsided back to confusion and sadness. She hadn't expected it to go like this. She'd wanted...what? Even now, she couldn't tell.
She tossed a pebble away down the cave. It disappeared into the dark corners where even the fire couldn't reach. She picked up another and chucked it even harder. What she really wanted was to take her spear and sink it deep into a practice dummy until her arms hurt.
No, what she wanted was to be back in Talrega in a warm place where thoughts weren't constantly clouding her mind. Where everything was simple and she could hear her father's voice again.
But she could only move forward. She tossed another pebble with all her might and it ricocheted across the cave.
"It was your kind that did this," Lethe said, her voice low. Above the crackling of the flames and the sound of the stones, Jill barely heard her.
"What?" Jill said. She turned back from the fire to face Lethe.
"I found one of my comrades turned into a Feral One. I tracked him for hours before I could catch up. His paws were bleeding from how long he had run without rest, but still he attacked me. I put him out of his misery and gave him an honorable death, instead of the endless horrors he was forced to endure," Lethe said.
A Feral one? Even the word seemed something out of a fairy tale.
"What are you talking about? Daein soldiers would never partner with a subhuman," Jill said. The mere thought was laughable.
"Don't speak about what you have no clue, you naive human girl," Lethe said, her eyes flashing in anger. "Think! Why else would I be this far from camp? If you need more proof, look to my leg."
Jill did so, catching sight of the partly healed wound.
"Not that one, the other leg," Lethe said.
She'd been distracted by the wound left by the trap, but she could see it clearly now: large claw marks which could only come from a giant cat. She'd fought with another cat recently, and they looked far too deep for just sparring.
Maybe a wildcat? But Lethe wouldn't leave that far simply for some wildcat....
"But...it makes no sense," Jill said.
"Really? It makes no sense that your kind would enslave us to use as warriors and beast of burden and slaves, then cast them aside? Because that sounds like exactly something a human would do," Lethe said.
"You don't get it—if somebody found you, they wouldn't do whatever you're claiming—they'd try and skin you. It's why I'm here. I didn't want that fate happening to you," Jill said. Her voice broke at the last part. Images filled her mind of a bloodied, lifeless Lethe being dragged through the square. She may have never taken part in the hunts, but there was no one in Daein who hadn't seen the consequences before.
"Why would it matter to you? You're from Daein. You've surely hunted my kind before," Lethe said.
"No. I've never been on any hunts," Jill said. She paused before she continued, an unsettled feeling within her as the words spilled out from her. "And, it mattered because....you were the one who made me think twice. In Daein, sub—you—are considered like monsters—"
Lethe's lip curled at this.
"—without the capability of kindness, or speech. I was always told that if I didn't kill them, they would attack me when I least expected it. That's how it is in Daein," Jill said.
"What foolishness. Few laguz live there any longer, unless they are enslaved," Lethe said.
Jill fell silent. She'd seen enough corpses to know that Lethe was mistaken, but didn't speak up. She never thought she'd be face to face with a beast like this. Lethe looked up. There was a proud, immovable fire within her which not pain or distance or persecution could quell. If anything, it only made her more fierce, more hostile, and filled with more of that strange beauty which compelled and confused her.
"The man in black robes is the one who imprisons them. I saw him, once," Lethe said. She bent her head, leaving a moment for the dead. Her face was cast in shadows, her expression indiscernible.
"I do not know his name, only that he bears the stench of death. He left before I could properly avenge my comrade."
"I couldn't tell based on that, but—" Jill broke off. But, what?
She couldn't have left well enough alone."You sub—"
"We are not subhumans, we are laguz. If you intend to try and pretend to be my ally, at least stop insulting me at every turn," Lethe said.
"Laguz," Jill said, testing the word.
If she said that in Daein, she'd be kicked off the wyvern riders. No, even worse, she'd be rejected by everyone she knew. Maybe even Haar and her father.
But far more than honor or duty was conscience. Could she lift her spear to someone who was so much like a beorc? Who had thoughts and dreams and names and a culture she'd never known about?
She knew in her gut that she couldn't. She may have been a soldier, but she had honor. It came to her, the repeated thought of you cannot go home after this. She could never simply stand aside and let the hunts continue. There was no home for her as surely as if she had set fire to it, burning the fortress to nothing.
She'd be the worst sort of coward if she just turned back to a comfortable life and stepped back into the role of a girl trying to live up to her father's command.
The fire had burned down, so she got up to get more firewood, grateful for the excuse not to talk any longer. The flames crackled through the lock, turning the wood black as it fed.
She was no mage, but she hoped this was enough of a gift for the fire spirit to stay with them. Their life would depend on it.
When she had tended the fire, Jill got up to her pack and pulled out the lone blanket.
"Like it or not, there's only one blanket. It's too cold for pride, so let's call a truce," Jill said. She looked down at Lethe with a grim expression. She half expected Lethe to try and scratch her eyes out in the process, but Lethe did not fight her. The woolen blanket was small, but huddled close enough together, it wrapped about both of them.
Jill was again astounded by how normal Lethe felt. Aside from her tail and ears, which were hardly threatening, she felt like just a normal beorc girl against her. A soldier, just like her.
Jill was full of a thousand more questions. What was training like for you? Have you been a warrior your whole life? Do you really eat children? Do you have a lover back home?
She didn't speak any of them aloud, however. It wouldn't do to have Lethe try and storm off during the night out of anger. Lethe's arm was against her own, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. The ground was hardly a comfort, but it wasn't as if she hadn't ever camped out before. She closed her eyes, the faint glow of the fire and the heat of Lethe against her warming her enough to keep the cold away.
She'd never have guessed she'd be stuck huddling for heat with who should have been her worst enemy. Through the dreamy haze of impending sleep, she let herself relax against Lethe. Soft fur, hard, lean muscles. The faint sound of breathing and fire crackling, the strange flutter inside her chest.
Outside the cave, the wind continued to howl.
*
The fire had gone out sometime during the night. Beside her, Lethe shuddered. Her eyes were unfocused, and her skin clammy. She tried to stand, but buckled under the pain, seemingly in a daze. Jill wasn't a healer, and couldn't tell what had happened during the night, or how to fix it.
She'd seen other soldiers fall like this. The story was that a woman made out of snow had kissed them in the night, sucking out their life force. It was only when warmed that their heart would begin to thaw.
The storm hadn't cleared up enough to make it an easy trip in any case.
Jill went through each possibility in her mind. One, she'd take the risk and go back, driving through the snow. Two, wait it out and hope Lethe's condition got better. There wasn't any food, but they had enough water and wood to last. Three, brave the mountain to try and look for food, then wait it out.
None of them were particularly smart or safe options, but they were all she had. Jill bit at her thumbnail as she thought. She'd always been a soldier who followed orders without thought. Her father always thought best. Even as she pushed for a higher position and craved the respect she so rightly deserved as a soldier, she still would bow out to his every order. Even ones which seemingly made no sense, like keeping her from the hunts.
You knew, didn't you, father? Then, why?
To stall for time in making her decision, Jill heated up more water. She cradled Lethe's head in her hands.
"Drink," she said.
Lethe didn't respond. Water trickled down her lips and down her neck, but some went between her cracked lips. Jill couldn't risk trying again, not with the chance of getting Lethe wetter than she already was. She built of the fire before she left and wrapped Lethe in the blanket as tightly as she could and laid her over her lap. For good measure, she smeared the rest of the bottle of vulnerary across Lethe's cracked lips. The gelatinous salve fell between her slightly parted lips. Her head lolled to the side, and Lethe tried to push herself up. The shivering hadn't stopped, even as the fire burned high, even as Jill held her tight in the blanket the best she could.
Jill wanted to pace, to get rid of nervous energy in whatever way possible, but she didn't dare leave Lethe's side. So instead she began to talk.
"There's a lot I haven't told you, isn't there? I've begun to change, and it's all because of you. I'm confused, but I think I'm starting to find the way out, but it's almost like I'm in the dark and I can barely see the path. But you lit the way. Does that make any sense? Can you even hear me? I—"
She clenched her fist so hard it began to tremble. If she were any closer, she'd lash out at anything. Even if her knuckles were bloodied, at least she'd be doing something.
She made her choice right then. She'd catch Lethe something and make a broth. Then, if she sky had cleared, she'd take them both home. She couldn't just stand there and watch Lethe die. Sitting still was never her strong point. In fact, it was why she'd joined up with Ike in the first place.
She lifted Lethe gentle off of her, amid quiet hisses and a dazed gaze she couldn't bear to meet.
"I'll be right back. I promise," Jill said.
Her wyvern began to unfurl his wings.
"No, you have to guard her, okay? I won't be gone long."
If she kept telling herself that, it might make it true.
*
She started off with the driven need to find an animal, no matter how hard it might be. Jill hefted her javelin with her over her shoulder and left the cave behind with nothing but the need to survive stuck in her mind. She and Lethe would get out of this. She couldn't bear to get this far and have Lethe die from cold. Rocks scattered beneath her feet, falling far down the steep cliff. Jill swallowed and took a step back. A wyvern rider could never be afraid of heights, but riding from the safety of a wyvern and stepping on a slippery cliff with nothing to catch her if she should fall were two very different things.
She had never even been very good at hunting, having not been old enough to join the hunts for the laguz and usually being assigned guard duty when others came up. Yet, she pushed onwards, with nothing but choices that could lead to disaster, she hoped she had picked the one most likely to leave them both alive.
She hadn't seen a single animal, though she'd heard the cry of wolves. There had to be something around here, or they wouldn't be able to survive. It was what pushed her through the cold, even as her legs grew tired.
It was less than two hours before she realized that the snow fell hard enough to cover her tracks. She'd left by foot in hopes to not get lost, but in her panic she hadn't thought it through well enough. Looking from side to side and back again she found only a wall of white snow coming down from every angle.
Any step could lead off a cliff. Even worse, the sound of wolves howling had grown stronger. She gripped her javelin tighter. They were tracking her. Hunting her more efficiently than she ever could hunt them.
"Fine then. I'll make a fur pelt out of your coats," she said. She didn't dare yell a battle cry, not this close to the mountains where any loud noise could cause an avalanche. But inside her, she felt the battle cry rising. She would see her father again. She would take meat back to Lethe, even if she had to tear every one of the wolf pack apart with her bare hands.
There was the sound of crunching snow. Footsteps and howls, the snapping of teeth. She whirled around as they began to circle around her. Snow gathered in their massive thick gray fur. One of them, maybe the leader, growled at her, and snapped its jaws.
These were no mere wolves, but their bigger, nastier relatives, the dire wolves. She'd never seen one face to face, but the king had pelts of many of them in the Keep. So many tales of them from her childhood came to mind that they blended together.
Stole a child right from his mother's arms—
—gutted a man alive and dragged his screaming body to the mountains—
–killed all the lambs and left nothing but bloodstains and body parts in the snow—
The leader licked its lips, showing a hint of yellowed teeth. She felt the familiar rush of battle as the first one charged in. Jill thrust her spear with all her might, but the wolf jumped back. Her spear stuck fast into the ground, as the dire wolves came closer and closer. With one mighty tug, she pulled it free, only to nearly fall over with the rebound.
With a snarl, one of the wolves jumped towards her back, trying to get at her neck. Its teeth clanked against her helmet. She whirled and caught it with her spear, making a deep gash across the wolf's chest.
More and more of them came closer, and she had to spin, catching each of them with the tip of her spear. She heard cries of pain, and yelps as she kicked one back. They were more vicious and determined than any wolves she'd ever seen.
She stepped back in shock, letting out a gasp of pain as one of them sunk its teeth into her arm. The force was so great that it went through leather and skin. She began to shake her arm and try and break free as they all closed in. In desperation, she dropped her spear and it sunk into the bloodstained, dirty snow.
Two cries broke through the air. One of a cat, and the other of a wyvern. She looked up to find herself no longer alone with the pack. A huge tawny cat stood before her, fur mottled with white snow. It walked with a severe limp, yet that did not stop the laguz.
Above her, her wyvern snapped its jaws and flew towards the wolves, catching one in its mouth. The wolf flailed, attempting to escape, but already the thick jaws were tight about its neck. She heard the snapping of bones as the wolf went still.
The wolf she had injured was slowed, and far too slow to escape Lethe. Even injured, she sprung upon it with unbridled ferocity, leaving red gashes in gray fur. Jill clutched her arm as she grabbed for her spear. Even injured, Lethe moved fast. She let out a wildcat's growl and bared her teeth, before lashing out with strong claws. Jill dug out the weapon as quickly as she could, the snow numbing her fingers as she gripped the spear.
Back to back, they faced on the dire wolves. She saw her wyvern swoop down, just barely missing one of the larger wolves. The wolves began to pull back, survival instinct winning over their natural aggression until all was left was gray fur, bodies and bloodied snow.
With a long, mournful howl, they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Maybe the stories of dire wolves being the embodiment of fell spirits was true after all.
Lethe shook her head, bells rattling as she turned back to human. Jill hefted the wolf over her shoulders. She climbed up on her wyvern, and waited for Lethe to join. She climbed up without a single reserve.
"You stupid girl," Lethe said. "What were you thinking going out alone? Especially in this weather!"
"You're better," Jill said, ignoring Lethe's prickliness.
"Your beast started screaming and I woke to the scent of fire," Lethe said. She wrinkled her nose at this. "The thing was all curled up around me and was breathing on me. Then I remember tasting something slimy on my lips."
Apparently, vulnerary did break the cold sickness which had taken hold of her. Or the wyvern had helped banish whatever ice spirits were afflicting her.
"He wanted to warm you up," Jill said fondly. She patted her wyvern's neck as they began to fly.
It was hard to talk at this height, where each breath felt like breathing in ice straight to her lungs. So, they fell quiet, with only the sound of her wyvern's beating wings and the wind so guide them back.
*
Lethe's limp had worsened. She winced as she got down from the wyvern, yet she refused Jill's offer of help. She was out of vulneraries to give to offer Lethe some relief.
"You really need a cleric," Jill said.
"I will survive," Lethe said evenly. She sat near the fire, and began to warm her hands.
They lacked any pans, save for her tiny cup, and cooking that would barely net a few bites.
She looked back to the far edge of the cave, where the broken reins lay discarded. It wasn't as if whoever had them last were going to need them any longer. She gathered two of the thinner pieces of firewood and rigged them up with the reins pulled taut between them.
While she worked, Lethe began to use the edge of Jill's spear to cut away the fur. The cave was too damp to be good for curing hides, but if they could get the fur to dry, there'd be less chance of either of them succumbing to the cold again.
"Do you always eat meat raw?" Jill said.
"What, do you think this makes me some kind of barbarian?" Lethe said defensively.
"No...our king eats his meat raw sometimes," she said.
"Fah, that's hardly an indication," Lethe said. "Sometimes we cook our meals. Meals would be terribly boring only eating one way forever."
The wyvern looked intently at Lethe as she worked. Lethe flipped a bone his way.
"There, now don't bother me," she said.
A rapport had formed between Lethe and her mount, although a reluctant one. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she was starting to think that Lethe was prickly even when she was showing kindness. Or her own hostile version of kindness, anyways.
"That was really amazing of you, you know? I don't think I could've come that far after having been sick and with a hurt leg."
Jill broke off before she could say the rest of what had been haunting her. You looked so fierce and beautiful. They were the words which had been stuck inside her for so long. Perhaps even the words which led her to be here, to reconsider everything she'd ever been taught.
Someone as beautiful and fascinating as you can't be a beast. You're nothing like the stories. Nothing like anyone I've ever met before.
"You beast wouldn't stop until I did," Lethe said. "Consider the debt paid. I hate owing things, especially to beorc."
Lethe pulled up another strip of meat, her expression grim
"Listen, Beorc girl—"
"Jill," she said. "My name is Jill."
"Jill, then. If the storm breaks enough, we can use my nose to guide us home. We'll have to stick as low to the ground as possible, though."
Lethe didn't look up from her work as she spoke.
"When you return, you must make a choice. Talrega is up next."
Jill closed her eyes. This wasn't how she imagined coming back to Talrega. In her plans, she would go beyond the youngest in the barracks, the one most likely to be sent to do grunt work or get stuck with guard duty.
She had thought that would be a soldier in her own right, mature and calm, enough to make her father truly proud of her. She'd become what she'd wanted, but at a terrible price. With maturity came the knowing of just how unjust the world was, and giving up her home.
"If you wish to leave now to join Daein, we part ways before going back to camp. If we meet again, we meet as enemies."
She'd never see Mist or Lethe again if she did that. If she stayed, she'd never see her father again. On each side was a choice. Family or justice? Home or honor? Neither choice would appease her conscience. No matter what path she took there would be a burden of guilt.
Lethe didn't offer up anymore conversation, and for that Jill was glad. There was far too much on her mind to talk.
*
With a full stomach, and a fully stoked fire, Jill settled in for the night. The fur had dried enough to form some barrier between the cold floor of the cave and them, but still smelled of wet dog and blood. Lethe's strong back was to hers, the strange softness of her tail twitching from time to time in her sleep. It was a small comfort, the nearness of a not quite enemy and not quite friend, someone who fell into the cracks of what she could explain and everything she had known.
Every time she closed her eyes, she'd only get to a point of almost drifting off before the cold truth would come back to her and jolt her awake. She thought she'd made the choice already, but doubts filled her. Her father before her, Lethe behind her. Hours ticked by, and with it, the numbing realization that she already knew what choice she would make, if only she had the courage to stick with it.
*
The snow had lessened to light flurries by morning. She got up and stocked the fire, full of that dizzying lack of clarity that came with little sleep. Lethe let out a big yawn and stretched, like the cats she'd seen on the barracks after a long nap. She flinched and held to her leg, but pushed herself up to limp out towards the mouth of the cave.
"Good morning," Jill said.
Lethe inclined her head, acknowledging her, but not offering up any conversation.
Jill had already put some water to boil, and begun the process of thawing out the remainder of the meat. She'd burned her fingers several times now, clumsy with lack of sleep, but at least there was cold snow close by to soothe the burn each and every time.
She didn't look up from her task as she began to speak. Hours of the night turned to dawn had led to this. She would not back down.
"The wind has calmed down. It's safe to fly again.... I hope Commander Ike hasn't moved on without us, though. Catching up in a Daein storm when they could be anywhere."
"Commander Ike does not simply leave people behind. He is admirable, for a beorc," Lethe said.
She'd never heard Lethe say that about anyone before, nor thought her capable of softening enough to have that much fondness in her voice. Maybe one day Lethe would talk about her like that, though that was probably just wishful thinking.
She cleared her throat. "The truth is, I've decided... I'm staying. I can't turn my back on this."
And the truth is, I can't turn my back on you.
Lethe leaned in, her face very close to Jill's. She sniffed the air, eying Jill with suspicion as she did. Despite the urge to back up, Jill held her ground.
"You aren't lying," Lethe said.
"What?" Jill said.
"If you were, I could've smelled it on you," she said.
"Really...you can smell emotions?" Jill said.
"Of course. You beorc can't?" Lethe said.
Jill shook her head. "No, we can't."
"Hardly a surprise, considering. I don't know how your kind even manages to connect to each other without being able to smell out lies," Lethe said.
"Given how many wars we've had, I don't think we've really succeeded," Jill said.
"Indeed..." Lethe said. "You haven't lied this whole time. Despite your naivety, there is a sincerity to you."
Jill had nothing to offer to that. Lethe continued on, without waiting for a reply.
"Jill...we have drawn blood together and saved each other's lives. That makes us comrades, even though we were already technically allies by both being in commander Ike's army."
Jill looked up from what she was doing. Comrades? Lethe wasn't ready to gut her any longer?
"Really?" Jill said.
Lethe nodded. "But it is a shaky truce. If you go back to your Daein ways, I'll personally avenge my honor on you. Do you understand?"
Even when forming a bond, Lethe couldn't help but be thorny. Jill smiled a bit.
"I understand," Jill said.
*
They left before noon. Furs draped around them for warmth, supplies packed away, and the rest left for any other unlucky travelers which might find their way to the cave. Lethe held tight about her waist as they flew down from the mountains, the one reminder that kept Jill strong to her resolve. Icy wind blew into her face, but she could count down the hours before she would return to base. Each second, no matter how cold and miserable it was, brought her a little closer.
She didn't have a home any longer. She'd have to build up a new one made from the ashes of her last one. Burn it down, everything she had been and was and had known. From the wreckage of that naive girl would come someone new.
Transformation was always painful, she reminded herself. When she wished for maturity and strength so hard that she left her country and team to find it, she never knew the price it would entail.
